Maria
by ahemyywe150
Summary: All human! Bella is aspiring towards her dream job but when a family crisis hits her, she has to adapt. This means getting a job as a babysitter for a cute little kid. Except there's one little snag: the kid's brother, Edward Cullen. BxE R
1. Thrown In A Blender

Centipedes are odd looking insects

**Disclaimer: Plot line mine. Twilight characters not mine. You get the idea.**

**A/N: Okay. This story is about Bella and Edward. And how they're human in my story. And how drama unfolds…well…dramatically. Enjoy!!**

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Chapter 1: Thrown In a Blender

Centipedes are odd looking insects. They're like tiny, squishy, trains that roll their many feet against the floor to move. I tilted my head to the side slightly, gazing at a brown, dried centipede on my bathroom floor. Another one lay not too far from it. I wondered what was going on when the centipedes began to dry up. Were they already dead when they began to dry up? I hoped so. How awful would it be to dry to death? I shook my head. If they only knew that they were going to fry that day maybe they wouldn't have inched out of their little shelters.

I realized that I was daydreaming about the centipedes and stepped out of the bathroom of my apartment before I began talking to myself or something. I shuffled into the kitchen to find my roommates, Rosalie and Alice, already awake and moving. Rosalie was sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over a magazine and cup of coffee. Alice was at the frying pan, her nimble hands cracking an egg over it. They both looked at me when they heard me coming in.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Rosalie snickered at the same time Alice chirped, "Happy Saturday!"

They glanced at each other and I laughed. They were my two closest and most faithful friends. They also both had steady jobs and they were done with school. I had neither of those things. The job I had dreamed about was coming, though. I was just about to begin my schooling in Columbia for graduate school. Exciting right? Well, the summer was winding down and Rosalie and Alice got to look forward to doing the jobs they loved…while I only looked forward to more school. Fun.

"Is that homework, Rosalie?" I teased, pointing at her gossip magazine. Rosalie stuck her tongue out at me and Alice snickered.

"I'm going down to Soho today," Rosalie announced, folding up the magazine. Alice's egg began to smell very inviting and I was reminded that I needed to eat. I walked over to our refrigerator and pulled out some milk.

"Feel free to give any sign that you heard me," Rosalie huffed. I gave her an apologetic smile and Alice turned from the pan to grin at her.

"I'll go with you," Alice said happily, "I finished my last project…finally."

"That only took forever. Why'd your boss give you so much to do over the summer? Are they crazy!?" Rosalie shook her head in disapproval.

Alice gave her a look that said, 'Hey! It's my job!' Rosalie then turned to me. I sighed, feeling the thing I was doing today was not very exciting. It was, actually, one of the reasons I was so hesitant to drag my sorry butt out of bed.

"I'm going to go help Renee down in the office," I said in a bored tone. My roommates didn't look surprised.

Renee was my mother and my childhood idol. She and my father had both paid for my schooling and were continuing to do so. Renee was living the life I wanted. Her office was one of the most successful in New York City.

She was a dentist. You wouldn't really match dentist to my personality, but something about being a dentist pulled me in. My parents, at one point in my life, were the only people who took me being a dentist seriously. I was incredibly grateful for everything they had done for me, and now that my dad had retired, my family's office was lacking help. I felt it my _duty_ to go and help my mother. Pathetic, right? A grown woman still under the control of her mother.

"Okay then," Rosalie sighed, "Why go to Soho with your best friends when you go _work _with your _mother_ in a _dentist's office_!?"

Alice bit back a smile as I rolled my eyes. I took a bite of my cereal before talking again.

"I owe her that much," I said simply. Now Rosalie rolled her eyes. I gave her an angelic smile and she got up.

"I'm going to go get ready. Feel free to change your mind, Bella," Rosalie called after me as she glided out of the room.

"You know I wish I could!!" I called after her. Alice looked at me with pity.

"What?" I demanded. She shrugged.

"You're selling your life to dentistry," she stated plainly. I was selling my life to it. I was selling my _soul_. I didn't know where Alice was going with this.

"Thank goodness for that. I wouldn't trust anything else with my life or soul."

"Okay good, I was just making sure you knew. You know, just in case you wake up tomorrow deciding you would rather sell your life to shopping or something drastic."

I laughed and Alice smiled. She got up, probably going to get ready, when I remembered something I wanted to tell her.

"Oh Alice," I said, causing her to stop moving and turn to me, "I forgot to tell you, but we have centipedes."

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I shrugged off my sweater and hung it on the coat rack inside the office. Renee's office had this warm, welcoming feel to it. I shut the door behind me and walked towards Renee's tiny, private office. The secretary, Angela, peeked up at me from her computer and smiled warmly at me. I smiled back, but didn't stop walking. I finally got to Renee's office door and gently tapped on it to let her know that I was coming in.

I leaned on the door a bit, opening it slowly. Renee was staring blankly at her computer. She looked withered and tired. Stress was painted all over her aging face and I felt pained and worried to see her like this.

"Mom?" I said cautiously. Renee didn't answer for a moment. She kept her eyes on the computer for a second before clearing her throat and looking at me. Then her eyes fell again and she fidgeted with her fingers.

"Thanks for coming down, dear," she said in a raspy, strangled voice. She still didn't look at me.

"I always do, Mom," I said quietly. I sat down in the chair opposite her desk, feeling compelled to comfort her, but not knowing what was bothering her.

"I…I have some…upsetting…news," Renee stuttered, looking at her window. She stood up to the window and pulled the blinds open. She stood there silently with her back towards me, gazing out at the street. I wished she would just hurry up and tell me already, but I didn't say so. I was dying of anticipation, however. My fingers were going to snap from how hard I was holding the edge of my chair.

"You remember your Uncle Phil? My brother?" she said, struggling to keep her voice level. She turned back to me, and had this look of shame cross her face.

"What? Why? Is he okay? Are his children okay? Di-" I had stood up from my chair, but Renee raised a hand to stop me. I half expected her to say something crazy like his children were eaten by a giant, man-eating chicken. Then she would say she was kidding and we would both laugh. She would send me off to work and I would be left thinking about what a great actor she was. How wrong I was. Instead she said:

"His house burned down last night, honey. He lost everything."

Renee looked like she was eroding away from all the sadness. She was always so brave. Despite this awful news, I couldn't help but feel that worse news was coming for _me_. Damnit. I was so hoping for the giant chicken.

"Oh," was the only thing I could utter. Renee nodded grimly and cleared her throat. She sat down at her chair and regained her perfect, business-only face.

"I need to help him, Bella. So…I'm going to have to make some…arrangements in the way I'm spending my money."

Inside I was screaming at her, throwing a tantrum, stomping my feet, but outside I was nodding professionally. I knew money was being taken out of my school-money and I was being selfish by not wanting to help Phil. I couldn't help it.

"You know what that means, I assume?"

"Yes, Renee."

"I know how hard it must be fo-"

"It's fine, Renee."

"Do you-"

"I'll be okay."

"I've found you a job."

I sat back down, stunned at those last words. A job? What type of job? Did she really expect me to help her and do a job as well? All that along with school!?

"You won't have to help me out anymore, but one of my colleagues has a job opening. He's really eager to meet you and I'm sure you'll love this job. The hours are definitely manageable, and of course, the pay is really good."

"What's the job?" I said, leaving as much emotion out of my voice as possible, though my brain was whirling with a million different feelings.

My mother immediately looked apologetic and that in itself was a bad sign.

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Stomping across the pavement fiercely, I made my way to my new job. Want to hear what it was? I sure as hell didn't want to hear it, but I heard it anyway. Maybe I should let _you_ try to understand my suffering by telling you. Maybe if I told you I have had bad experiences with this type of job would make you understand. Maybe my _mother_ is out of her mind!! Oh no wait, that one isn't a maybe. Nope. That one is a definite.

Well, I was going to be a _nanny_. Yes, nanny. For an eight year old girl. That and a tutor for her. Not only that, but this girl was extremely rich, as my mother had explained to me. Maybe that explains why my crazy mother has befriended the girl's father. Money. Why does money control every aspect in our pathetic lives!? Why did the fate of our happiness and livelihood circle around a piece of paper. Oh I'm sorry, that's right, the piece of paper is backed up by gold. Let me rephrase: Why did the fate of our happiness and livelihood circle around A SHINY YELLOW ROCK!? WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THAT!?

I realized that I was murmuring angrily to myself on the street. I was getting looks from people walking by. You know those pitiful looks you give someone who is handicapped or mentally retarded? Yeah, those were the looks people were giving me. But I was too infuriated to care.

My mother knew I had bad experiences babysitting (I won't go into details. It's too painful). Then why why WHY did she sign me up for a babysitting job? I have no idea. I never have any idea.

Finally, I reached my destination somewhere midtown. It was a ballet studio, and I was told to wait outside the building until the little girl came out from her ballet class. That was another thing: I hated ballet.

There were other people standing around, also waiting for their little girls (maybe boys) to come out. They were all dressed nicely like they were at a black tie event. Most looked like they were chauffeurs but some looked like rich grandparents. They all looked at me with pity. What is with the pity looks!? I did, however, feel left out like you would if you dressed casually to a fancy wedding. I was in my jean shorts, sandals, and college sweatshirt. I had my favorite sunglasses hooked at the collar of my sweatshirt and my hair was up in a casual ponytail. What? Don't give me that disapproving look! It was a Sunday! Casual dress is what I usually aim for!!

I crossed my arms and avoided the looks of the people around me. Then, as if to relieve me of my torture, the ballet studio door was opened by a chipper looking woman who I assumed to be the teacher. The girls paraded out, full of arrogance, and I felt like I should have had one of those signs the chauffeurs at airports had with the person's name on it. I peered around, hoping to catch one of the little girls' eyes.

Then I felt a small hand tug on mine. I looked down to find a girl looking at me with big, innocent, blue eyes. She had curly blond hair that hung from a tight ponytail. She was still wearing her pink leotard but had pulled jeans over her legs and a black sweater, unzipped, over her shoulders. Get this: the jeans had holes in them. I no longer felt that left out. I almost smiled with relief. Almost.

"You're Bella Swan, right?" she said with a cautious face.

"Yes I am," I said. An adorable grin grew on her face. Then something hit me.

"Uh," I said, "How did you know it was me? How did you know I'm not a kidnapper or something?"

"Well, my dad showed me a picture of you last night, so I would know what you looked like. And you looked too angry to be a kidnapper," she said with a shrug.

She laughed at my confused face and then explained, "A kidnapper would try to _not_ look angry, you know? To try to blend in. But you looked positively furious."

I raised my eyebrows, but felt myself smiling despite myself. Something about this girl's happiness was infectious.

We began walking to her house which was thankfully only a few blocks away.

"I'm sorry," I said, "About the death glares, I mean. I have some bad memories with uh…being a nanny."

"It's okay," the girl laughed, "I have some bad memories with nannies."

I felt myself smiling at the mysterious look on the girl's face.

"I'm assuming someone already told you my name, but I feel that we should be properly introduced," the girl continued, "I'm Maria Cullen."

"I'm Bella Swan," I said, sticking out my hand to shake hers. She giggled as she shook my hand.

And I guess that's where you could say my life was put in a blender to be chopped up. The moment I met Maria.

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Maria and I stepped out of the elevator and walked to the door of her apartment. She rested her palm against the doorknob, hesitating. Then she turned back to me, laughing.

"My room is really messy," she confessed, "But I'm not really a slob. The rest of the house is neat, though, I just…"

"I'm sure it can't be messier than my room," I laughed. Maria beamed up at me. Slowly, she opened the door and I was given a spectacular sight. The room was full of naked men!! No, I'm totally kidding. Sorry. But the apartment _was_ the most extravagant apartment I had ever seen. It felt like if I was to peek under the table clothes I'd find piles of gold or something. The yellow, shiny rock that everyone loved.

Maria pulled on my arm, and I was broken out of my ogling. She opened the door to her room. It was like one of the rooms every girl who dreamed of being a princess longed to have.

There was a light blue canopy bed in the room with a thin blue canopy hanging over it, decked with little pink jewels. There was soft white carpeting beneath my feet and light blue curtains that were waving from the wind that was blowing through the half opened window. There was a pretty white desk in one corner. A beautiful closet door in the other, which I assumed opened to a big closet full of beautiful clothes. There was a toy chest at the side of the room which had soft looking pillows resting on and around it.

"Am I supposed to be dressed in a pretty princess dress with a crown?" I said, letting all my awe leak into my voice.

"That was my mother's basic idea," Maria said, laughing. She threw her ballet bag in a corner and tossed her black sweater in another corner. Then she walked to her closet, pulling out a big blue t-shirt. She pulled it over her head and it went down mid-thigh. I assumed it was something she wore to bed. It had black letters that read, "Finish that sentence. I dare you."

If there was ever a shirt that totally did not give off the vibe that Maria's room was giving, that would be the shirt.

"You leave your stuff here," she said, pointing to a random corner next to her toy chest. I nodded, taking off my shoes and purse there. Maria walked to her door again and turned back to me.

"Hey, Bella?" she asked, "You know how to cook, right?"

I froze. I knew how to cook…barely. If she had those microwavable soup cans or whatever, then I would be set. Cereal! Yes, I would cook cereal. As I was contemplating what things to cook for her, Maria broke out in laughter.

"I'm kidding," she said, "We have a cook. Don't worry, Bella. The only thing you're going to have to do is usher me around and help me with homework."

A cook. Of course. I should have guessed.

She led me towards her beautiful kitchen in her beautiful apartment. She tapped on a door that was next to the kitchen and a tired looking woman came out. She was wearing a black apron and black pants. Not exactly what I expected to see as the cook. Really, you would expect a fat, French, man with a giant white hat and goatee. The cook smiled at Maria.

"What would you like to eat, honey?" she asked. Then, I guess she couldn't help it, she yawned.

"Oh, Kate, sorry! Did I wake you from your nap?" Maria asked sincerely.

"It's fine, honey," Kate said, patting Maria on her hair. Maria smiled and turned to me.

"Kate, this is Bella. She's my new nanny/tutor," Maria beamed. I smiled warmly at Kate, who smiled back.

"What would you like to eat, Bella?" Kate asked me sweetly. Wow. I hadn't heard that question in _such_ a long time. Usually my roommates and I just announced what we would be dining on every night. There was never and dispute. Now I felt like I had been given a giant power.

"Oh no thank you, I'm full," was the response I gave to my giant power. Kate looked understanding, but Maria wasn't fooled.

"She's being polite," Maria explained, "We'll have spaghetti with sparkling apple cider!!"

Kate grinned. I swear; Maria just had this unavoidable happiness vibe that was nearly impossible to not catch. Kate turned into the kitchen, disappearing from view. I hear pots and pans being taken out. Maria turned proudly to me.

"It's my favorite," she explained. I raised an eyebrow, but chuckled. I didn't know anything else I could say at that moment.

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Kate finished cooking the spaghetti and came out with two plates of it. Steam trailed off it, and I felt my mouth watering. Maria looked the same. Her eyes watched it hungrily as Kate place it in front of us on the marble counter we were sitting on. Shortly after, Kate came back with two glasses of sparkling apple cider. I realized that it was six and around the time I usually ate dinner. I wondered what Rosalie and Alice were eating without me. Chinese take out, I bet. I smiled to myself as I took a bite. One word could easily describe it: heavenly.

"Why are you smiling?" Maria asked, "Is it really good? Or do I have something in my teeth?"

She bared her teeth into her fork, to see if there was anything there. I shook my head.

"I was just thinking about what my roommates are eating right now," I explained, "But it _is_ the greatest spaghetti to ever have entered my mouth."

"Rommates. Gosh, that is _so_ cool! I wish I had roommates. The closest thing I get is my cook and maid. They're not even that fun. Why do adults always sleep? I'll never know. What are your roommates like?" Maria said, looking eager and excusing the fact I had just complimented the spaghetti. I guess roommates are cooler, in her mind. I smiled at her mini-rant.

"My roommates are my best friends. One is named Rosalie, and she is really pretty. She's a fashion magazine editor. The other is Alice, and she's just a tiny ball of energy. She loves shopping, and she works for a fashion designing company."

"Wow. That is amazing. Do you want to be a designer too?"

"Um…well…if you count designing teeth a designer…" I said hesitantly. I felt embarrassed that I my dream job was something Maria probably wouldn't be in awe of.

"They _are_ designers!" Maria insisted, "The best designers I know!!" I laughed.

"Seriously, being a dentist, or an orthodontist, is an awesome job. I want to be one when I grow up."

That shocked me.

"Really?" I asked, looking at Maria. Maria nodded sheepishly.

"I want to be just like my daddy," she said proudly, "He's the best orthodontist around."

The similarities between me and her aren't escaping me, thank you very much.

"That's good," I said, "It's always good to have a goal."

We talked for a little more before I suddenly remembered I had this little job of being a tutor that I had to do. It was six thirty now.

"Maria? Didn't your father give you summer homework to do?"

I remembered my mom telling me about how her colleague signed his daughter up for this summer school torture program sort of thing. Poor Maria.

Maria's face fell and I felt bad. Then she looked up hopefully at me.

"Finish dinner first?" she offered. I laughed and agreed to that, but before I could pick up my fork again, I heard a voice coming from the entry way.

"Maria? You here? Is the new nanny here?" a silky voice asked. I wondered if this was her father and immediately straightened up. Footsteps became louder and before a knew it, a figure was standing in the entry way of the kitchen. I looked up at what happened to be the most handsome man I had ever seen.

He was too young to be her father. He had beautiful green eyes and bronze colored hair. He was wearing a dress shirt with the tie loosened. A jacket was hooked on his finger and swung over his back and he leaned against the frame of the door. His face was cautious and gentle at first, but his eyes locked on me, and the expression became stern.

"Maria," he said in the silky voice, this time harsher, "I'm assuming this isn't one of your playdates."

Ouch. Didn't see that coming. Maria sighed and looked at me, giving me an apologetic look. Uh oh. Apologetic looks came with an apology…but what was she apologizing for?

I suddenly had the faintest idea that it had to do with the stern man in the doorway. Then I began to feel like a drying centipede. If I had only known I was going to be fried by this mysteriously angry man, maybe I wouldn't have crawled out of bed today…

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**Hate it? Love it? Want me to go die in a hole!? Review!! (well, if you want me to go die in a hole, I'd actually keep that bit of information to yourself. I don't want to sleep knowing someone wants me dead…)**


	2. Angels

As the man before me glared at me with those green eyes, I couldn't help but get angry

**Disclaimer: Really? Me? Owning Twilight? Psh yeah. And cows poop out calculators and fly with water-bottle-shaped wings. **

**A/N: Next chapter! Hurray! Ha. I had a lot of time on my hands, so forgive me if some parts of this chapter have a lot of rambling. I wish I had this type of time on my hands ALWAYS! But I don't. So I savor it. And I lock myself in my room so that I could write this story for you. **

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Chapter 2: Angels

As the man before me glared at me with those green eyes, I couldn't help but get angry. You see, I'm not the type of girl who just accepts a man's flaws just because they're beautiful. Granted, this man was beautiful (not to mention intimidating) but I wasn't about to go head over heels for him. If he was going to treat me badly, I was prepared to treat him badly. Because that's the way I roll.

Still, I couldn't do much at that point but glance helplessly at Maria in the silence. She looked sad, but definitely not intimidated or frightened.

"We're eating dinner, Edward," she sighed. I pecked up the courage to look up at the man who I'm guessing was Edward. He was giving me an accusing look and Maria let out a noise of frustration.

"Don't you get mad at _her_! I offered her dinner!! I'm being _hospitable_!!"

I guess she was angry now.

"We're not paying her to be a guest!" Edward nearly growled. Maria rolled her eyes and turned away from Edward so that she could mimic Edward's face to me. I had to hold back laughter at how she scrunched up her nose in exaggerated anger, pretending to be Edward. I immediately felt a bit safer with Maria there. It seemed Maria was braver against Edward than I was.

There was silence as I felt some sort of tension growing. And it was kind of awkward…

"While we're here," Maria said, sarcasm leaking a bit in her voice, "How bout an introduction?"

Edward's eyes narrowed at Maria but he said nothing.

"Bella Swan, meet Edward I-don't-have-a-life-so-I-pick-on-nannies Cullen," Maria said cheerfully. She glared pointedly at Edward at the end. I almost broke out in laughter, but I stayed strong, biting my lip instead. Oddly enough, Edward looked like he was about to smile too. Smile? Imagine that. I guess Maria had some mysterious power over him.

Edward finally shook his head at us and departed from view. I laughed now, letting out all the laughter I had built up. Maria looked happy and proud of herself. She also looked relieved to see I wasn't running towards the door.

"Sorry about my grumpy brother," she sighed with a small smile, "He doesn't like nannies. Don't take it personally."

Having a million different (and not too friendly) retorts in my mind, I only chose to laugh in response.

"It's okay," I smiled, "I don't blame him. I bet I look pretty ferocious."

I made a growling face and raised my hands, which I pretended to use as claws. I was a monster ready to pounce.

Maria thought I looked pretty hilarious.

"Oh that's _so_ scary," Maria said sarcastically between laughs. I laughed along with her.

"Well, before your brother comes to eat me alive," I began as Maria giggled, "How about we go get started on that homework?"

Maria agreed with a sigh and she got off her chair. I reached to put the plates in the sink, but Maria stopped me.

"Let Kate do that," she said. Of course. There are people here that actually do all that work. How silly of you, Bella. I nodded and we headed back to the princess room. As we walked by her living room, I saw Edward hunched over a piano. His expression showed concentration and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He was tapping his music sheet with a pencil, deep in thought.

As we walked by, he looked up. I, of course, turned away, but saw that his expression was unreadable.

"He should be doing _his_ homework," Maria muttered angrily as we got into her room. Homework? Was he in highschool?!

"Uh…your dad gave him homework too?" I wondered, trying not to sound to surprised. I swear, Edward didn't _look_ like a teenager!

"No. He's in medical school. Well, it's going to be his second year this fall, but he's supposed to be working on that instead of fooling around at the piano."

"Oh."

That's a relief. I was hoping I wasn't mentally ill or going blind to think Edward looked to be around my age. Thank goodness he was. I don't know what I would do if I had to pay for glasses…or eye surgery…or a mental institution for that matter.

"A piano teacher is what he works as half time right now. My dad er…thinks that he should be working. At least, that's what he says Edward should be doing."

Work!? But they have so much money! Surely more money isn't a necessity! Maybe Maria's father and mother are just workaholics and want to pass on their habits to Edward. Still…it seemed pretty odd…

As I was thinking about this, I must have had a puzzled look on my face because Maria looked at me with worry as she was searching through her desk.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"Oh. Sorry. No, nothing is wrong. Let's get started."

"When are you leaving tonight?"

"Eight…ish," I thought out loud. I hadn't really decided when to leave yet. Maybe if her brother verbally attacked me again, I might decide to leave uh…_earlier_.

"But I'll be here earlier tomorrow for more tutoring," I said. Eightish was a safe time period to leave. Maria nodded, and I realized how much her eyes resembled something out of a sappy Christmas special where Maria was the guardian angel bringing Christmas to some forsaken town. Except Maria's eyes were bright and innocent. More…_genuine._ A true angel? She wasn't even trying to look innocent…or was she? I don't think so. She wasn't trying to convince me of anything…

Angels are a funny thing. They're depicted as so innocent, except secretly strong and power-wielding. They always have some sort of mission. Doing the bidding of a larger power. Why? Who knows. They're not as big a power as God. God is so powerful that he sits up in the clouds, secretly directing everything. He reminded me of Charlie from Charlie's Angels. Coincidence? I think not. Those movie directors are clever little devils. So now the question was: What type of job did Angel Maria have? Would I ever find out?

Maria and I sat on the floor, where she said it was more comfortable for her. She pulled out her favorite first. It was a worn blue book with frayed pages. I tried not to look at it so skeptically because she held it so gently in her hands. It was a poetry book. Oh how angelic.

"Sorry," Maria apologized when she saw my surprised face, "Just read me one, I promise. Then I'll try to read one by myself…try."

She couldn't read well?

I chose a random one and began reading. The poem was _not_ actually a stupid child's poem that mimicked the old Dick and Jane books. It was quite beautiful, actually, and I wondered where Maria had gotten this book. Another thing to add to the enigma that was the Cullen family. There was so little I knew about them, and I wondered if I really needed (or wanted) to know more.

I finished the poem to find Maria's eyes smiling at me. Yes her eyes. They seemed a bit more hazy and distant, though. As if she wasn't quite operating on the same earth as me.

"Thank you," Maria said a little sheepishly. She blushed, and I smiled warmly at her. Suddenly, I heard piano in the background, and noticed it had been silent the whole time I was reading the poem… Had Edward been listening!?

"Shall we?" I asked, motioning to the book. Maria nodded and put on a determinedly brave face. She picked it up and began to read.

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Okay, so Maria's not the best reader. Or mathematician. But who cares? I'm supposed to make that better, right? Exactly. I didn't expect her to be a genius.

Time passed and soon it became 8:15. I glanced nervously at my watch, wondering if I would have to just get up and leave Maria. A part of me, to my surprise, didn't want to do that. And I had just met the girl! But there was something about her…

Maria noticed the time.

"You should probably get going," she said. I sensed sadness.

"I'll be here at noon tomorrow," I said, patting her small hand gently. She struggled a smile.

"To do more homework," she pointed out grimly. I laughed and shrugged.

I got off the floor and swept myself off. As I turned towards the door, I saw Edward gazing in with a blank expression. When I jumped in alarm, he saw me and his gaze transferred to me. Anger was evident in the corners of his eyes. I stiffened, ready to defend myself for a verbal attack.

Maria turned to what I was looking at and her eyes narrowed.

"Were you spying on us?" she said in a somewhat threatening way.

"Yes," he said so plainly that I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"You _really_ need to work on your math, Maria," he added with a smirk. An actual smile!! Sort of… Well, he had great teeth. And of course, I noticed, because I wanted to be a dentist and therefore I have this fetish for teeth.

"Shut up!" Maria laughed, "You should have seen me reading. I'm getting better right, Bella?"

I smiled at her and turned to Edward, bravely, might I add. His eyes were locked on mine. He definitely knew how intimidating and handsome his eyes were. He also knew that I have never seen anyone as handsome as him, and decided to use it against me. Yes. Because I know him so well and that is exactly what he's attempting, Bella. I over-think things…Really, I think I am mentally ill.

"Definitely not _digressing_," I said honestly with a shrug to Edward. His stare was once again unreadable as he looked at me for a moment. Then he turned to flash a toothy grin at Maria. I didn't even know him and yet I somehow felt that those types of grins were rare. I also surprised myself by hoping that he would smile at me. Pathetic? My thoughts exactly.

"Bella's got to get going though," Maria sighed, "Is daddy home yet?"

"Yeah," Edward said, "I was just about to take Bella to go meet him. Since she has never met him before, and yet she was still hired as the nanny."

This time I narrowed my eyes at Edward. He glared right back. Maria caught onto the tension and once again saved the awkwardness.

"Edward," she warned slowly, "I like her. Don't go scaring her off."

His glare didn't intensify less. Then he turned to look at Maria and they shared some sort of non-verbal communication. Kind of like my communications with Alice or Rosalie. Maria bounced up suddenly and hugged me, much to my alarm. I hugged her back, unable to resist an angel.

"See you tomorrow!!" Maria chirped with an adorable smile.

"I'll be looking forward to it!" I grinned. It took all my courage to walk towards the door and away from my little protector. Maria did seem to protect me from Edward's angriness. And now I was going to be alone with him…how lovely.

He stepped from the door so I could pass by him and we walked to what happened to be a staircase that I had not seen before in this beautiful apartment. I pretended not to look surprised.

"I hardly believe you'll be looking forward to it," Edward said flatly.

"Excuse me?" I said incredulously.

"A girl like you? Looking forward to spend the day teaching a little girl? A day in the summer!?"

"A girl like me?! Sorry, but you don't know squat about me!" I hissed back. Wow. I actually defended myself. I guess guys who judge before knowing me get on my nerves…not that I was much better about judging, but I least I kept it to myself!

"Oh you're right. I _don't_ know anything about you. Tell me again why we hired you?"

"Maybe it's because you're not the one doing the hiring, so you're input doesn't exactly matter."

We had both stopped now, in the middle of the staircase. Angrily glaring at each other. I could tell Edward was trying to keep his voice low as his chest heaved up and down in fury. It was a bad time for me to notice how chiseled his face and body was, but of course, I noticed anyway. Not that those facts happened to curb my anger, but I did feel like a slut and pervert who was only obsessed with looks.

"I might as well be Maria's father for the amount of times _I_ have had to step up instead of my own father," Edward said at last in a low, threatening voice.

"That's irrelevant. You're still not my boss."

I admit, I was a tad alarmed at this confession that had to do with the workings of the Cullen family.

"Do you know that for a fact? Do you really _know_ who your boss is?"

"Should I know?"

Edward looked taken aback for a second, probably because I answered so quickly, but seemed to be thinking about it.

"Maybe it'd be better for everyone if you didn't."

Okay. Time out. What the hell does that mean…!? What a pointless argument! Only for me to be left dumbfounded.

With that, Edward kept walking up the stairs until we reached what seemed to be another den. Edward visibly tensed at the sight of a man and woman sitting on the couch. They both had glasses of wine in their hand and were talking to each other. I could see where Edward and Maria got their beautiful looks.

Both people turned to face us as Edward cleared his throat. They greeted me with warm smiles and motioned for me to take a seat in one of the chairs. I took the armchair next to the man and Edward took the one across from me that was beside the woman. He looked stiff, as if preparing to go into battle.

"Bella Swan," the man said warmly, shaking my hand, "What a pleasure it is to meet you. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and this is my wife, Esme Cullen."

"Nice to meet you," I said as I shook Esme's hand. Esme grinned at me. She almost had the same angelic eyes as Maria, except they were more worn out and definitely not as innocent.

"I suppose you've met our rebellious son," Carlisle said with a chuckle. Edward forced a thin smile.

"Everyone in the family does something to do with teeth," Esme explained, "Except for Edward. He always seemed to want to avoid similarities with us." Edward stared at the wall behind my head and gave a weak smile. I guess he had no words for this moment.

I didn't know what to say either.

"How was Maria?" Carlisle said with sudden softness coming into his voice, "My baby being good?"

"Very," I said with a reassuring smile, "She's a wonderful little girl."

Esme beamed at me and Carlisle nodded.

"Your mother told me you would be great for the job," Carlisle explained, "I trusted her knowledge, of course. She and I have a very strong relationship. She always refers patients to me and me to her. She's told me such great things about you. One of them being that you are an aspiring dentist!"

"How wonderful," Esme gushed, "You're starting dentistry school this coming fall, correct?"

"Yes," I replied politely. I stole a glance at Edward who looked like he wanted to throw himself out the window. I don't know what his problem was. First he lashes out at an innocent nanny, and now he hates his parents. His really friendly parents. I would kill to have parents like this. Obviously, I really didn't know anything about this family.

"Well, I suppose you're on your way out?" Carlisle said. He stood up with his wife to see me out the door. Edward stood too.

"Oh. Yes, I'm going back home now. I'll be here around noon tomorrow?"

"That would be perfect," Carlisle smiled.

"It was wonderful meeting you," I said politely, feeling oddly uncomfortable suddenly. The parents seemed to have a high bar set for themselves, and obviously for their coworkers. I had sat in this really fancy room just to talk quickly and then leave? It seemed the kind of set up used for long, cocktail sort of conversations. I suddenly felt that no slip ups could be affordable at this job. Were these my bosses? Or was someone else my boss?

"The feeling is mutual," Carlisle said to me as Edward and I made our way to the door. Once on the stairs, Edward let out a breath.

"Holding that in the whole time?" I teased with a smirk. Edward rolled his eyes.

"I didn't want Maria being disappointed when they found out her parents didn't approve of her _new favorite nanny_," Edward said acidly. I didn't buy it.

"So you were worried about the well being of Maria rather than your own reasons?"

Edward winced before responding.

"She's my only sister."

"Mm hmm. Okay, so your tenseness wasn't a mix of Maria-reasons and you-reasons?"

No answer.

"But your parents aren't my bosses…"

No answer.

"Should I be working for this family that seems to have a mysterious past?"

The corners of Edward's mouth moved, struggling to keep in a smile. His eyes had a devilish glow in them. Did that answer my question? No. It added to the mystery of Edward.

Finally, we got to the door where Edward opened it for me. I stood in the doorway for a moment. I bit my lip. Edward wasn't pushing me out the door, so was there something he wanted to say?

I felt like I had been in this pretty house too shortly and had to fight myself to not push past Edward and just spin around in the big, pretty, living room. Then I noticed the piano!

"You play the piano…nice," I said, hopefully prompting Edward. Edward was unfazed by my compliment.

"You eat spaghetti…nice," he mimicked with a roll of his eyes. Okay so my prompt didn't work and now I feel like an idiot.

I was about to turn around when Edward cleared his throat.

"Bella?" he said, a little softer, but still trying to maintain his glare.

"Yes?"

"Just…I….." he was lost for words, and I was further puzzled.

"My sister is special to our whole family," Edward said at last with determination, "Please don't make me regret not trying to not scare you away. Maria is innocent and trusts too easily. Just…don't do anything…_dangerous_."

There was a moment of silence in which I was stunned, confused, and shocked at his words. Did _this_ add to the mystery? You bet as hell it did.

"Edward, I'm not marrying your little sister, but you have taken the role of father to a whole other level," I said with a little snicker, "I'll be careful with her, sir, I promise."

Edward laughed musically.

WOAH. WAIT. WHAT!? He laughed. Such a pretty noise… Goddamnit! Was the whole Cullen family made of angels with pretty laughter and beautiful, captivating eyes!?

Noticing my surprise, he returned to the serious face. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at his persistent anger.

"Tomorrow at noon, then," he said sternly.

"Mm hm. See you then."

"Good night, Bella."

I turned around, holding a wary shield against my raging thoughts that very much liked how my name sounded coming in Edward's velvet-smooth voice. Of course, the thoughts overwhelmed me and accidentally stubbed my toe on the wall across from the door. I just couldn't make it through _one day_ without hurting myself. ONE STUPID DAY IS ALL I AM ASKING OF!

Edward chuckled as he closed the door and I limped towards the elevator in pain. I leaned against the stupid wall (which I had now forgiven) and closed my eyes. Big mistake.

The first image in my head was Edward laughing. Pretty noise, pretty boy? Fits, doesn't it?

Then reality came crashing down on me like four elephants. I had just met Edward and I knew nothing about him. I felt stupid for liking him just for his looks, or the way he protected his sister…not to mention the way he argued with me and played the piano. Stupid. I didn't know anything about his personality or who he really was. Secondly, he definitely had no interest what so ever in me. There was no way I was going to go around getting my hopes up. _That_ is just asking for trouble. I mean, I don't even try to get my hopes up when I win the lottery, for Christ's sake! I'm not a hopeful kind of person (which is depressing, might I add).

Lastly, he hinted that he might have wanted to get rid of me as a nanny. If he cares about his sister, of which I could _definitely _deduce from today's events, he would do anything for her. Something devious. Something like pretending to like me, eventually getting me, and then dumping me so that I would be so upset that I would just leave on my own. Something awful like that.

Maybe I was thinking too much into this and Edward was just another man that I had to avoid (and would avoid me) in my life. Still, the thought made my fists clench angrily. And that's another thing:

Why didn't anyone ever warn me that angels were so tempting and devious?

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"An aspiring doctor?" Alice grinned.

Rosalie, Alice, and I were sitting in our favorite breakfast diner. We were all drinking tea and waiting for our breakfast to come. I had informed them of everything that happened at the Cullens' last night. And they, of course, were interested in the handsome man my age.

"That's kind of hot," Alice giggled devilishly, "In a hot nurse-hot doctor relationship way."

"Mm," Rosalie agreed, "And on the operating table…"

"Okay!" I interrupted, "Totally not my point."

"Well, it should be," Rosalie snickered, "You should start it off, 'Hey girls, I met this really hot guy last night at his house. He was soooo great. I met his parents.'"

Alice broke out in laughter and I blushed. I didn't realize that things that had happened to me in one day happen to couples in long periods of time. Apparently my friends found it amusing.

"Shut up," I tried halfheartedly, staring at my plate.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Rosalie shook her head in disapproval, "Why in hell aren't you going after this stud muffin?"

"He's not interested," I murmured. What I would do to get out of this conversation.

"Um…" Alice said as if I was missing something, "Then _make_ him interested. Pretty face like you can pull it off!"

"And don't give us this shit about not being pretty," Rosalie said strongly, "You know damn well how pretty you are."

"Well I can't flirt for the life of me," I blurted out, "Wait. No, I take that back. I don't need you coaching me on flirting, thanks."

"Flirting is simple, really," Alice explained, sipping her coffee and leaning back in her chair. Of course it's easy for her. She just _knows_ what makes men crazy.

"All you have to do is the little things _accidentally_," Rosalie said, a mischievous creeping on her face.

"Which then makes it not so little," Alice giggled, "Bella, it'll work for you. You're innocent enough to make it work."

"Oh like what? Accidentally brushing him as I walk by?" I laughed at the thought, "I don't think I could do it with a straight face, first of all. And secondly, Edward would think I was crazy."

My friends rolled their eyes and began to start again but I cut them off.

"I. Don't. Want. Him," I said, slapping both hands on the table and enunciating each word slowly. I hoped I made my point, because people in the restaurant turned to look curiously at the noise. I blushed.

"Not yet," Rosalie said knowingly after a pause. She wiggled her eyebrows. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Okay," I said, frustration in my tone, "I just _met_ him. And he is practically my boss."

"Um…" Alice said, looking down at her fidgeting fingers, "What do you guys think about Lower West Side…you know…to live in."

"WHAT!?" Rosalie and I exclaimed at the same time. We bombarded Alice with our shocked and confused faces.

Thank God that conversation was over, though.

"TO LIVE IN!? AS IN US LIVING…IN!?" Rosalie nearly shouted.

"Just putting it out there," Alice blushed. Blush…hm…blush. Wait!

"Jasper!!" I shouted with such happiness and surprise that Alice looked over her shoulder to see if he was behind her. She pouted at me when her longtime boyfriend actually wasn't standing beside her with a bouquet of flowers. And before you ask, yes, that _was_ how he usually greeted her. That and a couple million kisses.

"No," I laughed, "I mean, doesn't Jasper live in the Lower West Side??"

Alice didn't answer and Rosalie gasped in understanding.

"HE DOES!" Rosalie and I exclaimed at the same time. Alice sunk in her chair.

"No," Rosalie said sharply.

"Oh come on," Alice whined, "At least consider it?"

I gave Alice a disbelieving look. We all decided we would live in Midtown. Midtown was just…so exciting! I wasn't moving. Unless a meteor was really going to smash into Midtown alone.

When we didn't do anything but glare at Alice, she sat back in defeat and frustration.

"You guys are so adamant," she groaned. Rosalie smiled smugly and I laughed.

"This is a democracy," I explained with a shrug, "Majority has to rule."

Alice's eyes flickered briefly in understanding of something. That's when it hit me.

"Unless a country secedes," I said to Alice. She pretended not to know and I raised my eyebrow.

There was silence as I silently battled with Alice, trying to get her to admit that she didn't want to live with us anymore. A pang of sadness hit me that she was actually considering leaving us. I guess it was natural, though. Jasper was the love of her life. Who were we to hold her back? Maybe our time would come too…Rosalie's sooner than mine. Alice looked a little confused at my suddenly sad face. We sat for a moment as I ducked my eyes back down to my plate.

"What does secede mean?" Rosalie asked, breaking the silence.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Maria opened the door for me with a big smile on her face. I'm sure mine rivaled hers. Oddly enough, I had really been looking forward to seeing her. She was a really fun girl to hang around with. I wasn't, however, looking forward to the awkward, forced conversations between Edward and I.

"I like your shirt," I said with a smile. She beamed at me and I stepped inside. Her shirt was black and had a blood red cupcake with black sprinkles on it in the middle. Above it read in bloody writing, 'I Love Cupcakes.' I almost laughed out loud at it, because it was such a gloomy picture with such a happy title.

"My mom didn't want me to buy it. She said it was too dark and gothic. I dunno," Maria sighed with a shrug as we entered her room, "I like catching people's attention."

I laughed. She was too adorable. Then she looked at my shoes and her eyes got wide.

"OH MY GOD!" she exclaimed, "I love your shoes!!"

She leaned down a bit to examine them. They were white ballet flats with a black bow and black design around the whole shoe. I didn't really think they were anything special. Just extremely comfortable.

"Thanks," I chuckled, "Hey, maybe you and I could go shopping together sometime."

Was it normal for me to think that would be really, really fun? To go shopping with a ten year old?

"Really?!" Maria almost squeaked. I nodded but held my finger.

"First we have to do finish this pile of homework," I said, furrowing my brow together. There seemed to be a bigger pile today.

"Oh the torture devices?" Maria huffed, "Yeah, there's more today. Daddy brought it in this morning."

"Is he here?"

"No. He and my mommy are almost always gone. It's usually just Edward and I in the house. And then me with the babysitter, or cook, when Edward goes to work."

So _that's_ what Edward meant when he meant he had the role of the father.

"Oh. Is Edward here now?"

"Yeah. He's a lazy butt and still sleeping."

Why I was thinking about him in his bed and pajamas was beyond me.

"Don't worry, you'll hear him when he wakes up. He always goes straight to the piano to refresh himself."

"How…artistic," I said slowly.

"Other girls, I think, would like it too," Maria snickered at my probably dreamy expression, "But he never brings anyone home or anything. He _says_ that I'm the only girl who has ever gotten his full attention. I think it's just because he thinks he's too good for any girl out there."

Oh that's just great. Now I really have a chance…not that I ever wanted one! Psh. Noo…

"I hope you don't mind me asking…" I said tentatively, "But what ever happened with those… 'bad nannies'?"

Maria looked down and sighed.

"Well, there was one that tricked me into staying in the kitchen while she tried to go steal my mommy's jewelry. And there was another that was only interested in smuggling food out of the house. And another that was only interested in my father. Ew, I know. And finally, one that tried to kiss Edward…every chance she got."

No wonder Edward didn't like me. God, he had good reasons to be on his guard the second he heard, 'new nanny.'

"Jeez," I said, startled at their misfortunes, "Have you had a _good_ nanny?"

"I'm sitting right next to her," Maria said with a smile and a good look at me with those angel eyes.

"Aww," I said, ruffling her hair, "Thanks! But that compliment isn't going to convince me into stopping homework and going to go shopping instead."

"Finally," a velvet voice said from behind me, "Someone who actually is immune to Maria's charms."

I turned around to see Edward leaning against the door frame. His arms were crossed, hair messy (as he had just rolled out of bed), and he had blue pajama bottoms on with a grey t-shirt to top it off. He looked goooodddd….B-but that doesn't matter b-because I don't l-like him anyway!!

I wonder how long he'd been standing there…Damnit! Why didn't he go to the piano first?! I could have at least hidden in the bathroom for awhile so I could gather my thoughts or something. Like the coward I am.

Maria, the perfect little angel, promptly stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. Then he turned his gaze to me. His eyes held a mischievous glint and his smirk told me he was up to something.

But what!?

What on earth was _this_ angel up to…?

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**(Dramatic music here) Yeah. I don't know about you guys, but I like angels. Especially angels in the form of Edward Cullen. Yummm… REVIEW!**


	3. Platypus

No matter what I did, I couldn't get my blasted eyes away from his

No matter what I did, I couldn't get my blasted eyes away from his! It's like he had some magnetic attraction to them and now I couldn't get them away. I also think it's partially because if he was going to be staring at me, I had better made sure I watched his eyes just to make sure he wouldn't be staring at something embarrassing like how my underwear peeked out of my jeans when I sat down. Still, the fixation of his eyes was unbearably beautiful. I shifted slightly on the carpet and Edward finally dropped the gaze. I almost let out a sigh of relief.

"Are you going to leave us alone, Edward?" Maria said, flipping quietly through her math book with a concentrated expression. The expression was quite like the look I saw on Edward's face as he was playing the piano. Oh yeah, the beautiful looks definitely run in this family.

"No, I don't think I will," Edward said flatly, "Mind if I sit in?"

The question was directed towards me as his eyes moved to me, but I quickly looked down, waiting for brave Maria to answer for me and not wanting his eyes to catch mine again before I could save myself.

"I'm fine either way, really," Maria shrugged, "Do you mind, Bella?"

Shit.

"It'll be awfully boring," I said hopefully with a strangled smile. Edward raised a perfect eyebrow and gracefully walked over to the middle of the floor where Maria and I were seated. He swiftly folded himself into a sitting position on the floor so that our knees in crossed legged position were almost touching. He gave me a playful look that dared me to oppose him sitting in.

"It's my day off today," he said, "And I need to distract myself before I eat the whole fridge."

"You wouldn't be _that_ bored sitting on your own," Maria challenged.

"I'm a New Yorker," he explained with a smirk, "We don't like being truly alone for long periods of time. Without getting antsy, that is."

He winked at Maria and Maria rolled her eyes. Then he turned to give a smug smile to me, probably thinking he had won the argument.

I guess he wasn't so grumpy today? What could explain the sudden mood swing? Smiling? Winking? _Not_ being so opposed to everything I did?

"Okay," I said, "Enough talk. Let's get to work on that math."

I gave Edward a look that shouted, 'stop interrupting!' Edward struggled to not smile, but I could see it in his eyes. Stay focused, Bella. Stay focused.

Maria scooted next to me and pulled out her sheet of scrap paper. She sat silently for a moment, examining the problem in her math textbook.

"Umm…" she muttered, glancing from the book to her paper as she wrote down some numbers. Edward watched her carefully before glancing at me to see if I was approving of her work.

"4 times 5 equals 9?" I said, raising the question to Maria. She looked up from her work and furrowed her brow.

"Yes…? OH! Wait. No. It's 20?" Maria rambled, searching from my expression the page for an answer somewhere.

I nodded. Maria grinned and went back to working. She didn't seem to be having any problem. I leaned back on my arms and watched her carefully.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Edward watching me. Probably examining me for any of _my_ mistakes in tutoring. I fidgeted under his gaze and looked hesitantly at him. He wasn't smiling or anything, but his eyes caught mine again. They seemed to be searching for something. Slowly, a smile crept across his face.

He leaned closer to me and my heart pounded erratically. My first idea was to scoot away, but his eyes kept me glued to where I was.

"I'm surprised she's not nervous from the way you're watching her like a hawk," he said in a low voice to me.

I'm surprised I'm not dying from the way you've been watching me. Definitely not making it easy for me to avoid you.

"If being a hawk is what it takes for her to learn," I said with a shrug.

"Are hawks your favorite animal to model your teaching techniques from?"

Um. Is that a trick question? Am I being interrogated?

"No…" I said slowly.

"What is?" Edward pressed. I noticed he was still relatively close to me.

"Uhhh," I thought, looking up the ceiling, "Platypus."

Edward sat back. He looked shocked. Confused. And then amused.

He opened his mouth to talk again but Maria groaned in frustration.

"Shuuusssh," Maria whined, "I'm going to kick you out, Edward."

"What? It's partially my job to make sure she is doing _her_ job, isn't it?"

Edward raised his hands, pleading innocent. His eyes were doing that angel thing. The smirk on his face made them lose the effect, though.

Maria glowered at her brother.

"Maria, it's okay. Go back work. We'll be quiet," I said calmly. Maria looked apologetically at me before turning her attention back to her paper. I gave Edward another glare.

"I'm going to go get something to eat," Edward announced. He stood up and walked towards the door.

"Which is code for 'I'm bored and you two are uninteresting'," Maria muttered, not taking her eyes off the page.

"Hey," Edward chuckled, "It's obvious I'm not needed here, and I've got all the information I need…for now."

He laughed and walked out the door. I tried to refocus my attention. Maria was shaking her head at her brother's actions. I let myself smile a little.

I wonder what his favorite animal is.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Okay," Maria sighed, "It's now… two o' clock."

"Want to take a break?" I offered. I was getting exhausted.

"Well," Maria said, "I mean, I guess _you_ can. But my dad gave me this test I have to take. He says it will tell you what I need to work on. So…I'll just take that and you can go sit outside. Or…whatever works…"

"Oh," I said, "I guess that'll work. If it works for you, then I'm fine with it. Give me the test when you're done?"

"No problemo," Maria said, saluting me off. I laughed and pulled myself off the floor. As I walked out the door, I stretched my sore muscles a bit. Then I pulled one leg a little too hard and a sharp pang shot through my leg.

"Ow," I muttered involuntarily. I rubbed it with one hand when I heard shuffling of paper in front of me.

Edward was sitting at the couch in the living with the New York Times. His feet were propped up on the coffee table in front of him. He looked at ease.

"Sitting on the floor finally get to your legs?" he asked without turning his eyes from the paper.

"Well it didn't help their already bad condition," I muttered, limping a little as I walked over where he was sitting.

He looked up from his paper as I stood in front of him.

"How's Maria doing?" he inquired.

"Better," I sighed, "Always better. Can I sit?"

"Be my guest," Edward said, pulling his paper back over his eyes. I sat down on the armchair next to the couch, briefly relaxed by how comfortable it was.

"I thought you weren't paying for me to be a guest," I blurted it out in a mutter. Well that was my wonderful tact coming out again.

Edward put his paper down a little and peered at me from around the edge. He looked a little pained.

"It's more of a saying," Edward said slowly, eyeing me carefully to catch any reaction I had.

I shrugged halfheartedly and looked to my side at the window. I was so pathetic and this brief awkward silence was making me fidgety.

I dared myself to turn back to Edward. He was still watching me with cautious eyes.

"Bella," he said. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat like he was uncomfortable.

"Forgive me for my rude behavior yesterday," he said at last, "I judged you too quickly and I shouldn't have acted the way I did."

I blinked. I was momentarily shocked.

"It's fine," I said, "But what's with the sudden change of heart…?"

"I often act on impulse," Edward said with a smirk, "Which means, if I suddenly decide something I did was wrong, then I'll go in the other direction of my action. Promptly."

"Good to know," I said, looking for something to stare at other than him.

Brief silence.

"So why am I graced with your presence?" Edward asked, putting his paper down, "Aren't you supposed to be…uh…teaching?"

"Your father gave Maria a sort of placement test. Just for me to know where she's at in all her subjects."

Edward nodded. I looked at my feet. I always have something to say. Always something. So why couldn't I think of anything now? Stupid Edward leaving me tongue tied, that's why.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked, leaning towards me with his elbows resting on his knees.

"S-sure," I said oh so smoothly.

"Why are you at this job?"

"Is this a trick question..?"

"No, I mean, how come you're not working as something a little more…mature for your age?"

"Like a store clerk or something?"

"Right. Being a nanny is kind of teenager-ish."

"Well, I don't really know. I mean, the job was right there for me and I didn't have to go to an interview or anything. I didn't really have second thoughts on it because I thought of it as just another chore that I had to do…but I need the money to pay for dental school."

"Oh."

I wasn't about to spill my whole life story. That I knew my mom probably still knew what was best for me and that was a reason why I accepted the job so quickly. That I wouldn't even have to be working if it wasn't for Uncle Phil's crisis. That I was never in any way going to give up the dream I had been fighting for.

"So what about you?" I asked bravely. Edward looked up at me.

"Why are you still living with your parents?" I asked.

"It's cheaper than paying for a dorm room," Edward said with a smirk. He grinned at me and his eyes were smoldering me. W-what!? Was he trying to get out of the question by dazzling me? Stay focused, Bella.

I blinked.

"Really," I challenged, "Don't you…have some sort of grudge towards them?"

"Sort of," Edward frowned.

"So…why prolong the time living with them?"

Edward looked up the ceiling and sighed.

"Maria," he answered. He looked back at me and his eyes showed sincerity. Was Maria the answer for everything he did?

"She needs _some_ kind of adult support," Edward snarled, "I only noticed that a little too late…"

I didn't know how to answer to that. I just looked at Edward with a puzzled face and he sighed again.

"Maria's had to tough a lot of things out on her own," Edward admitted, "Her parents were never around and I never noticed how independent she was becoming. I didn't want her going in any wrong direction, so I sort of took a leadership role in her life. And since she's still growing up, I need to stay in this apartment to keep that role."

"She is kind of mature for her age…" I thought out loud. My brain was turning with the answers Edward was feeding me. Answers that were trying to fill in the mystery.

"She's seen one too many hard things in her life that no other girl her age could possibly understand."

I looked back into Maria's room. She was kneeling on the floor, busying herself over her placement test.

"Maria's…" I began, thinking of how to put it nicely, "Not the best at school?"

Edward shrugged and a smile began to emerge across his face.

"She's a daydreamer. Or a dreamer, really," he smiled, "School just doesn't happen to be a part of her dreams…"

I smiled too. I could definitely see that in Maria's personality. There was silence again as I was thinking and Edward was thinking too. Suddenly he turned to smile at me.

"I think you should know," Edward said as he leaned closer to me, "You're not such a bad nanny."

Edward leaned over the couch to my armchair so close I could feel his breathing. His breath was warm and sweet as it wafted across my skin. His sudden comment caught me off guard, along with his sudden proximity.

"That's nice," I smiled coyly, "I think _you_ should know…you're not such a jerk after all."

Edward laughed heartily. There's that noise again. It triggered my brain to remember that Edward was not mine for the taking (not that he'd let me have him anyway!).

Too out of my league. Probably not single. Too out of my league. I repeated the mantra over and over in my head.

"My jerky guard is still up, though," Edward said, "Just not so out in the open this time."

Thank goodness. He'd seem too good to be true if he trusted me already. I laughed this time and Edward grinned at me.

It wasn't _his_ guard I really had to worry about… It was my own guard opening stupidly again to another guy.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Edward and I sat talking for a while. I learned a lot about him. He really wanted to be a doctor, not just rebel against his family. He thought being a doctor was a really noble position. He also had really strong political views and loved watching a really good movie. On top of this, he was making me laugh until my sides hurt. His wit was just so funny that we spent a lot of our talking time laughing together.

We were laughing at something Edward experienced in medical school when a little voice cleared its throat. I turned toward the noise to find Maria standing there with a puzzled, yet happy, expression on her face.

She waved some papers around in her hand with a triumphant grin.

"I finished it," she beamed.

"Oh! Wonderful!" I smiled. She handed it to me before stepping back to examine Edward and me.

"Did I miss anything here…?" she asked with a suspicious look.

Edward and I shared a brief glance with each other, his eyes gleaming mischievously.

"Okay, whatever," Maria chuckled, "Don't get all flustered! But I'm stealing Bella back, Edward."

Edward turned to me and gave me a puppy-eyed pout. My heart skipped a beat, but I blushed with a shy smile.

"Can't we share, Maria?" Edward said, turning the pout to Maria. Maria gave Edward a stern look.

"No! You never shared any of _your_ toys with me when I was little!" Maria huffed. I broke out laughing at the thought of a younger Edward not sharing his _toys_.

Edward grinned at Maria. Maria grabbed my wrist and pulled me up. I stood up, but then felt Edward grab my other wrist. His hand was warm and soft around my wrist and I gasped out loud. Edward gave me a smug smile and then turned to give a challenging look at Maria.

He pulled me slowly down so that his lips were near my ear. Shit shit _shit_. My heart began beating so hard I thought it was going to break my rib cage.

"Promise to see me again before you leave," he whispered. His lips briefly brushed my earlobe as he pulled away and I had to hold in another gasp. His breath tickled my skin so wonderfully that it left me kind of dazed.

Maria let out a huff.

"Go play your piano, Edward," Maria hissed. She pulled me towards her room and I heard Edward chuckling. I turned around to give one last glance at Edward. His lips pulled up in a sexy crooked smile and he winked at me. I blushed, of course.

I wondered how long he was going to keep teasing me. A part of me wanted to believe that he was actually interested, but a more logical part of me knew that he was up to something that didn't involve him _actually_ being interested.

Oh how I wish I could just believe in the less logical side without having my heart squashed…again.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Finally, I had to leave. It was around six and I had spent a great day with Edward and Maria. During the day, Maria had decided to take a longer break where Edward came to play her favorite board game with us. We laughed at Maria's competitiveness and her happiness when she won. Edward kept sending me happy smiles and I kept blushing.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner…?" Maria asked hopefully as I gathered my stuff. Edward was leaning against the doorframe of her room.

"I really wish I could," I said, stroking Maria's hair, "But I promised my roommates that I'd go out to dinner with them tonight."

She sighed and nodded sadly.

"I'll be back here before you know it," I grinned at Maria. She nodded with a small smile and I hugged her goodbye.

Edward moved so I could walk by and he walked me to the door.

"I had fun today," Edward said with a smile. I had my hand on the doorknob of the door, my back against it so I was facing Edward. Edward had one hand pressed on the door behind me.

"Glad you didn't judge me this time?" I asked coyly. Secretly, I was hyperventilating at the fact that Edward could just close the distance between us by bending the arm that was resting on the door behind me. Then he could kiss me as I was pressed against the door…BAD THOUGHTS! Those thoughts were not allowed to be in my brain. NOT OKAY!

Edward gave me the crooked smile again and leaned in close to me. I tried to control my rapid breathing. With his other hand, the one that wasn't against the door, he rested it on top of mine which was on the doorknob. He gently turned my hand under his and the doorknob turned too, opening the door slightly. He looked at me from under his eyelashes, his smirk growing bigger at the sight of my blush.

He gently pulled the door open a little more so that I was moved closer to him because my back had been pressed against the door, and moved when it moved. Our faces were centimeters apart. This was closest I had ever been to him and I was holding my mouth shut nervously.

"Very glad," he whispered in my ear. I just knew my face was growing red. He slowly lifted his hand off the doorknob and pushed himself off the door so he wasn't leaning so close to me. I knew if I opened my mouth, something bad would come out like a stutter or a gasp or something awful like a moan.

Therefore, I just blushed and slipped through the almost open door. The last thing I saw was Edward smiling widely at me as I retreated. The door shut and I waited for the elevator like I had the night before.

My breathing was moving as fast as my thoughts. What on earth did he want from me? WHY DID I HAVE ALL THESE QUESTIONS!?

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I scurried past people on the streets of New York. I hardly thought I was even relatively noticed, as everyone in New York always has _somewhere_ to go. New Yorkers were good. They were so wrapped up in their lives they didn't need to notice me. Which is good, because if they did, I'd be afraid of them looking too closely.

Then my phone buzzed in my pocket.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Honey! How's your job working out?" Renee's voice cheerfully chimed.

"Great," I sighed happily.

"That's good! The office misses you, though. How's Edward?"

"What!?" Edward?! What did she know about Edward? How_ much_ did she know?

"Dr. Carlisle's son, right? I heard he's quite handsome." Isn't that the understatement of the century…

"Um…"

"Oh honey, you sound flustered! Are you two…together?"

"Edward? Me!? No!" I stuttered out. My feet were moving faster, due to my sudden adrenaline rush.

"Okay I understand, Bells. You don't want to tell your mother these certain things. It's normal, honey."

"Mother! I'm not a teenager! I know very well what's normal and not normal and I would probably tell you if I got together with someone!" Well…maybe.

"Okay, Bella," Renee sang in a cheery tone. I scowled.

"Good bye, mom," I hissed. Renee laughed and I hung up the phone.

As I was muttering angrily to myself again, my phone buzzed again. I picked it up angrily.

"I AM NOT TOGETHER WITH EDWARD CULLEN! JUST ACCEPT IT!" I shouted into the phone.

"Is that how girls these days greet people?" a velvet voice asked in an amused tone.

And my day was going so well before this.

"Funny. Whatever happened to a simple 'hello'?"

"Edward," I said, shocked and embarrassed and completely flustered now.

"I don't know, that greeting could work too, I guess," Edward said. He was enjoying this.

"I thought you were my mother," I explained with a nervous laugh.

"That doesn't _entirely_ explain your outburst," Edward laughed, "But I'll save you from the embarrassment." A little too late for that…

"Why are you calling me, Edward? And where did you get my phone number!?"

"Well, I thought it'd be kind of a given that I have your number. You are my family's employee, you know. And I have some unfinished business I wanted to attend to."

Uhh…uhh…UHHH…What…?

"A-and what business might that be?" my quip was lost to my stuttering.

"You never told me," Edward began with a chuckle. I could practically see him grinning over this.

"Why a platypus is your favorite teaching technique," he ended.

"Oh. That."

"Yes. Are you going to tell me?"

"Uhm…no."

"Why not!?" Edward seemed appalled but still slightly amused.

"I don't know…can you fire me for not telling you?"

"No…"

"Then there's no reason for me to tell you."

Actually I did have my reasons. He teased me with his mysteriousness, so I thought it'd only be fair that I do the same. How a platypus could make me mysteriously desirable had me puzzled, however.

"How about from friend to friend instead of from employee to employer?" Edward pressed. Persuasion was definitely tucked inside his tone.

"From friend to friend?" I paused for consideration, "No."

"Will you ever tell me?" he asked hopefully.

"We'll see," I said with a laugh.

"You're really intriguing, you know that?" Edward said and I could just see him shaking his head in disapproval.

"And I plan on finding out everything about you," he said in a certain way. I couldn't decide how to explain it. I know: seductively persuasive. That was definitely it, and it explained why my breathing began heavier.

With a final chuckle, Edward hung up the phone. I gaped at it for a minute.

Feeling pathetic doing so, but doing it anyway, I saved the number he called from into my phone.

I really hoped he wasn't calling from a gas station or something to throw me off. That would be just cruel.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I waltzed into my room with a goofy grin on my face as I recalled all the fun Maria, Edward, and I had that day. The grin felt foreign and strange on my face, and I realized I hadn't been this giddy in a long time. I walked into the bathroom and examined my face. The face would look the same unless you looked a little closer.

My eyes, for one thing, looked a lot less heavy and withered. I reached up to touch under my eyes. Surprisingly, the gruesome looking bags weren't there. I looked…different somehow. Maria was so sweet and something about her brightened up my day. And then there was Edward who was just so comfortable and fun to be around…despite the fact that he was so protective, but somehow that made him all the more comfortable to be with…Maybe it was them…

Despite all my embarrassment that day, the stupid grin didn't leave my face. Rosalie asked me if I had won some type of award for most obedient daughter and I actually took the joke with good nature. Usually I would defend how I treated my mother with a good long lecture about morality and obedience, but somehow this comment just made me laugh. Alice pretended to shield her eyes and tell me that the glow coming off me was blinding her. Was I really glowing? I very well could have been.

As happy as things were for me, even I had the slightest feeling that something was going to go terribly, terribly, wrong. Stupid, naïve, me, however, pushed that feeling to the back of my brain.

Stupid, naïve, me.


	4. My Couch Smells Like You

A week of tutoring and babysitting Maria had gone by, and we got to know each other really well

**A/N: Okey dokey, folks. Here's the chapter. It's pretty happy, actually. **

**Disclaimer: Actually, Stephanie didn't give me the rights to Twilight. Sorry to disappoint. **

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I sighed happily, walking briskly along the streets to my job. Well, now it wasn't a job really. Maria was just so fun to be around that I hardly found it a job anymore. It had been a two weeks and a few days since I had met her and Edward. Oh that's right. Edward. We had gotten to know each other really well, actually. But there were those points when I'd think he's flirting with me, but I'm not sure. And those times when he'd do something that'd drive me crazy, but I guess they could be classified as "by accident". He was so frustratingly mysterious! And I still hadn't told him about my platypus thing. I figured once he became less mysterious, so would I. I'm stubborn, if you haven't already noticed.

In short, the past two weeks and few days had been pretty fun. My roommates even told me I came home after "work" with a big goofy grin. One night when I came in, they even put on their sunglasses claiming that my smile gave a "bright glare" that apparently hurt their eyes. Still, it was the happiest I had been in awhile. I still have issues in my life, obviously. There's the fact that me being a dentist will be very difficult, because I'm a woman and most dentists are men. There's also the fact I'm going to have to juggle that along with jobs so that I could pay for my tuition. Then my mom's getting too old to work, and is waiting on me to take over, but I'm not even _sure_ if I want to take over her practice. But somehow, Maria made me realize that I don't have to take on these issues with a surly face. I don't think she even did it intentionally. Yeah, things were pretty mind boggling at this point.

Then there was that creeping fear that there was a secret the Cullens were hiding from me. And that this secret was going to pose as an issue. I pushed it farther in my mind, accepting the fact that if neither Maria nor Edward was too visibly bothered by it, then I shouldn't be bothered by it either.

I got up to their door, and found that it was half open. Puzzled, I walked inside quietly. I heard some piano notes being played. It was a pretty melody, and I slowly began walk towards the piano. I couldn't see who was playing yet, but I heard Maria's voice ring out in a beautiful singing voice.

"I've been living with a shadow overhead. I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I've been lonely for so long. Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on," her voice sang out. It was beautiful.

I walked another step forwards, and found her sitting next to Edward on the piano as he played.

"I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away, just in case I'll ever need them again someday. I've been setting aside time, to clear a little space in the corners of my mind," Edward sang. His voice was velvety and beautiful and he smiled at Maria. They began singing together:

"All I wanna do is find a way back into love. I can't make it through without a way back into love."

I grinned. They were in their own little bubble, singing sweetly. And the song was so melodic and wonderful. I doubt they even noticed me there as they kept singing. They looked so happy that I wanted to give them a moment of privacy.

I meant to walk away to give them a brother-sister moment, but my toe caught on the rug and I slipped, landing graciously on the couch. The music stopped abruptly.

"Ouch," I muttered as I shut my eyes tightly closed, but heard Maria and Edward laughing.

"How'd we sound, Bella?" Edward joked. I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

I opened my eyes and picked myself off the couch, adjusting my clothes. My oh so graceful movements always seem to come in at the best moments, don't you think?

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to intrude I just…You two sound really good!"

Maria grinned at me and Edward chuckled.

"It's my favorite song," Maria beamed. Edward smoothed out some of her hair affectionately.

"Well it was…wow," I said, racking my brain for a good description word, "That was just…wow."

Maria giggled and Edward gave me a crooked grin.

"Glad you liked it," he said modestly. He and Maria stood up.

"How was your evening without me last night?" I asked them. Edward shrugged.

"Boring, of course," he said with a grin. Maria nodded.

I blushed, but smiled. Maria pulled my arm.

"We'll see you later, Edward," she sang. I followed her into her room, but waved goodbye to Edward, who was chuckling.

Once in her room, she flopped onto the floor. She laid there, face down, with her limbs spread out.

"I have a doctor's appointment today," she mumbled into the carpet, "So my parents are coming to pick me up in two hours."

"Well," I protested, "Can't I take you? I am the nanny, you know."

"Ugh," she murmured, "No, my parents insisted they take me."

"Oh," I sighed, "Bummer."

"I think Edward still wants you to keep him company, though," she sighed as she turned onto her back, her eyes on the ceiling.

"Okay," I said, "I have nothing else to do anyway."

"Sorry," Maria apologized, "I guess we should have told you ahead of time…"

"Don't worry about it," I brushed off.

"You won't have too much fun with Edward without me, right?" she said with a weak smile. I smoothed out some of her hair and smiled.

"Of course not," I said, "How could I ever?"

Maria's angelic smile became more prominent and she sat up. That's when I realized I would be spending the rest of the day with Edward alone.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I waved goodbye to Maria, Esme, and Carlisle as they left through the door. Maria looked partially terrified and partially sad, but she tried to cover it with a smile. I shut it closed and let out a sigh. This weird butterfly feeling exploded in my stomach. The apartment was silent, and I half expected Edward to jump out and scare me. Then I saw his feet hanging off the edge of the couch, and I smiled.

I walked over to him and sat on the coffee table opposite the couch. He was laying down with one arm over is eyes. He noticed me sitting there and moved his arm slightly to glance at me before moving his arm back.

"They gone?" he said, his voice a little groggy.

"Yes. Did you have a nice nap, princess?" I asked jokingly. He smiled but didn't move his arm.

"I did, actually. I had the most wonderful dream about you."

The butterflies charged at the walls of my stomach. My thoughts went a little hazy.

"Oh?" I stuttered. Did I want to know what I was doing in his dream…?

"Mmmhmm," Edward sighed, a smile still on his lips, "I think it's because this couch smells like you."

I laughed when I noticed he was lying exactly where I fell earlier that day. He removed his arm and unleashed his smoldering eyes on me.

"And what do I smell like, exactly?" I teased, "Rotten fish?"

"You smell beautiful actually," Edward smiled with sincerity, "Floral. Like freesia."

He turned his head to the couch where his nose brushed the leather. He inhaled deeply with shut eyes.

"Mmm," he murmured huskily, "Definitely you."

My heart was pounding out of control. His actions, voice, position, body, face, _and everything_ at that moment was driving me crazy.

"H-how do you know that it's me and not air freshener or something?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level. Edward got a mischievous look and he sat up on the couch.

"I don't know," he said as he leaned towards me, "Let me check…"

He leaned his head towards mine, so that his nose was inches from the crook of my neck. He inhaled deeply again, and I remained frozen. When he let out the breath, it fanned across my neck, and I had to suppress a gasp. He looked up at me through his lashes, not moving his head.

"The smell on the couch is you, no doubt about it," he said softly, "I wouldn't mistake it for anything else."

It was _these_ types of actions that drove me CRAZY! I didn't know what on earth he wanted from me. And I didn't want to assume anything, either. Rejection from him would be just too painful.

Edward slowly moved his head away from me and then a smile grew on his face.

"I want to show you something," he said. I raised an eyebrow.

"What…?" I asked slowly. Edward laughed.

"It's not going to bite you, I promise," he snickered. With that, he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. He picked up his keys and opened the door for me. I gave him a questioning look and he just rolled his eyes.

"Don't be so stubbornly suspicious!" he insisted. I obeyed and walked through the door. He shut the door behind him and locked it. I was still giving him scrutinizing looks, but he ignored them as he kept a smile on his face.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Edward," I said firmly, "Where are you taking me!? I demand to know right now!"

Edward laughed heartily and pulled me outside their apartment building and towards a silver volvo parked outside. He did _not _take my demands seriously, apparently. He opened the door for me and gestured with his hands for me to get in. I scowled at him, but sat inside anyway. My curiosity got the better of me, and I was fairly certain Edward wasn't going to kidnap me. Not that I would have minded really…Gah! Why did I just think that!?

Edward hopped into the driver's side and pulled away from the curb. I sat with my arms crossed, staring straight ahead of me.

"Will you tell me now?" I asked hopefully. Edward sighed and shook his head.

"You are so impatient!"

"And you're so stubborn! C'mon. Tell me. Please…?"

"Nope."

"Is it a big surprise?"

"Yup."

"Does it move?"

"No…"

"Does it breathe…?"

"Bella, enough twenty questions, please. _I'm. Not. Telling_."

I huffed and sat back in my chair. Edward chuckled. Finally, he pulled his car into some garage and I got out. He led me outside and towards an apartment building with a green awning and gold numbering. There was a doorman outside and he tipped his hat to Edward.

"Does your wife live here?" I asked jokingly, "And am I here to see the baby?"

Edward stopped walking abruptly and furrowed his brows, staring at me.

"You can't seriously be wondering that, can you?" he said. I laughed and shook my head.

"Never hurts to check, Edward," I sang and he rolled his eyes, muttering something I couldn't hear. We stepped into the elevator and I looked at the columns of buttons. Edward reached from behind me and pressed the number 17. He slowly brought his hand back, brushing my upper arm while doing so. I bit back another gasp. My heart was doing a couple of back flips. It really had to stop that. It's supposed to be beating regularly, not practicing its gymnastics. Stupid thing.

The bell rung, and I stepped out of the elevator with Edward following. Then it finally hit me. I mean, it was so obvious I wondered how I missed it. Oh right. Edward. Yeah, he could definitely make me forget rather important things.

I spun around and faced Edward. He looked startled for a moment.

"You got an apartment!?" I asked, my voice higher than normal in excitement. Edward laughed.

"I was wondering when you'd catch on," he said as he reached for a key in his pants pocket.

"That's so great!" I squealed. Edward laughed again and we got to the door that was his. He put the key in, but turned to me before opening it.

"Before we go in, I'd like to remind you not to trip over any boxes, Bella, because I have not finished unpacking yet."

I rolled my eyes and my hand went for the doorknob.

"Bella…" he teased as he snatched my hand, "Patience is a virtue."

"I've been patient long enough," I whined.

"Complaining the whole time during the wait is not what I would consider patience," Edward said with a smirk.

"Well, I waited long enough then," I corrected. Edward smiled and slowly opened the door.

It was a big apartment, but not two floors like the one his parents had. It had huge windows that gave a great view of the city and I felt my jaw drop. Views in New York, as some of you might know, are very hard to come by. If they do come by, then they cost about ten trillion dollars. Edward chuckled at my awe and stood beside me.

"There isn't much furniture, I know," Edward sighed, "I didn't have that much stuff in the first place."

I couldn't answer. The view was too magnificent.

"Do you like it?"

"Oh, God. Edward, this is amazing! How did you get such a great view?!"

"I have my ways," Edward said mysteriously with a smug smile.

"Clearly," I muttered, "Can I have a tour?"

"Why, of course!" Edward chuckled, "I was just about to ask."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me around. There were the normal things an apartment should have. When we got to the end of the tour, I plopped down in the couch of his living room.

"There are no words to explain how amazing this apartment is," I gushed. Edward smiled and sat next to me on the couch.

"Want to watch some TV?" Edward offered.

"On your high definition, plasma screen TV?" I asked with a laugh, "How could I pass up the offer?"

Edward smiled and turned his TV on as I switched off the lights. He was so comfortable to be with. We'd comment together on how stupid a show is, or how funny one character is. We'd laugh together and things just felt so natural. The only setback was that every second I spent with him, the more I wanted to snuggle up in his lap. So, I found myself inching closer and closer to him inconspicuously. Soon we were only inches apart, and suddenly I felt an electric shock run through me, as if being this close to him in the dark was thrilling. I saw him glance down at me and I wondered if he got the same shock. I clenched my palms into fists.

The urge to run my fingers along his arms was too much. I stared at the screen, but the electricity was still pulsing through me. Edward cleared his throat and shifted on the couch, but somehow it ended up with him being even closer to me. I hitched a breath.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice a little raspy.

"Mmm?" he sounded a little distracted as he gazed at me.

"What time is it?"

"Uh…" he glanced at a watch, "Around seven."

He cleared his throat again.

"Want me to order take out?"

"Yeah, that'd be great, thanks," I said a little breathlessly. The talking wasn't helping much, as I had planned. His velvet voice only made me want him more.

He hopped up and I ran quickly to turn on the lights. I almost let out a sigh of relief. Edward went to call in the kitchen, and I tried desperately to restart my heart.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Mmm," I murmured, "This sushi _is_ good."

Edward had ordered sushi, but demanded that I try this exotic one that he apparently loved. Of course, I was stubborn, but the puppy eyed look he gave me just pushed me into tasting it.

"Geez. It took you long enough to decide I wasn't poisoning you!" Edward scoffed as she shook his head in disappointment. I laughed and shrugged. He finished his last piece of sushi and began to eye mine. I raised an eyebrow at him and shifted my box of sushi closer towards me.

We were sitting on the ground of his living room, our sushi boxes on the coffee table.

"Bella…?" Edward asked a little sheepishly, his eyes trained on my sushi.

"No."

"What? I didn't even-"

"You can't have a piece of my sushi. And I'm allowed to say that because I paid for half of our order. So don't even use that guilty, 'But I bought it' thing."

Edward clamped his mouth shut, a mischievous grin growing on his face.

Quick, before I could see, he snatched a piece of sushi between his chopsticks. I gaped at him.

"Well aren't we some Jackie Chan, Mr. Hot Chopsticks?" I huffed, putting my hands on my hips, "Now give it back."

He shook his head and aimed the chopsticks and sushi at his mouth. I glared at him.

"Edward I recently discovered that I loved that sushi, and I don't really appreciate you shoving it down your throat," I hissed. Edward smiled and brought the chopsticks closer to his mouth.

"Edward…" I warned. Then he popped the sushi into his mouth, chewing smugly. I scrunched my face up in anger at him.

He laughed and swallowed.

"Hey, Bella?"

"What," I snarled, crossly eating the rest of my sushi.

"Want some ice cream?"

I looked up at Edward, who was raising his eyebrows in anticipation of my answer. I couldn't resist ice cream…or Edward, for that matter. So I smiled.

"Fine, you're forgiven," I said, "Bring on the ice cream."

Edward hopped up and went into the kitchen. He came back with the box of ice cream and two spoons. He handed me one as he sat back down.

"Chocolate?" I asked hopefully. Edward nodded.

"Oh, then you really know how to please a woman," I laughed. Edward laughed too and dug his spoon in. I followed, reveling in the amazing taste of chocolate. My eyelids fluttered close.

"Mmmm," I sighed, "Yum."

I opened my eyes to see Edward staring at me. Or my lips, rather. Probably chocolate there or something. I licked around them, checking for chocolate.

I found none.

"You know," Edward began, his smoldering eyes flashing to my eyes where he held my gaze.

"You never told me about the whole platypus thing," he said in a near whisper, leaning towards me.

"Ha! Right. That," I sighed, "Well, I guess I can tell you. You _did_ give me chocolate."

"Is that always the key to unlocking your secrets?"

"Maybe," I said coyly, looking at him through my lashes.

I could have sworn I heard him hitch in a breath, but he was probably just coughing…or something.

"Well…I don't really know why I said platypus. They're just the only mammal to lay eggs, and I always liked it because it puzzled the scientists that were trying to classify it into some group."

"Why'd you like it for that?"

"It puzzled the 'smart people' and wasn't confined into being in one group. It's just…a pretty amazing animal, and because I connect my teaching styles to my own style, I like to think my style is not able to be put into a group."

I shrugged and looked down at the table, a blush creeping to my cheeks. Suddenly, I felt Edward's finger under my chin. He lifted my face so that I was looking at him.

"That…was a really good answer," he said softly, "And definitely not what I expected." I blushed further.

He leaned towards me, a little hesitant. And suddenly my heart started doing those stupid back flips again. My thoughts became hazier as his smell intoxicated my senses.

"You're so unpredictable, Bella," he said in a husky whisper as his lips were mere centimeters away from mine. So I did the only thing I could think of.

I kissed him.

When my lips met his, fireworks went off in my brain. His lips were so soft and inviting and they soon began moving against mine. Our lips moved in synch and he slowly, sensually, ran his tongue along my lip. I opened my mouth to his tongue, and as his tongue stroked mine, I moaned into his mouth. His strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me to him. It was the contact I had been longing all day. My hands wrapped around his neck and into his hair, where I pushed his head further into me. The kiss was making me dizzy with pleasure.

Finally, we broke the kiss, panting heavily. Edward's eyes were burning with desire.

"You know what?" I asked breathlessly, still centimeters away from Edward, "You taste like chocolate."

Edward grinned and leaned down for another mind blowing kiss.

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After that, we laid on the couch, talking as usual. It was getting late, but I didn't want to leave. Edward's arms were so comfortable and so…right. I didn't want to move an inch. Edward was playing with some of my hair and I was playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Bella?" he asked me softly.

"Yes?"

"You don't mind that I didn't take you out on a date before I kissed you, right?"

"Technically, I kissed you," I pointed out, "But I think our day can count as an unofficial date."

"So you're a 'kiss on the first date' kind of girl?" he asked and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Actually, I've been waiting to kiss you for a long time…so it wasn't that spontaneous."

"Well then that makes two of us."

My smile became bigger. I turned slightly so I could at least see is face a little better in the dark.

"When did you want to kiss me?" I asked coyly. Edward smiled and sighed.

"Probably the first time I watched you tutoring Maria," he chuckled, "I felt like a total pervert."

"You?! I was ogling at you every chance I got!" I exclaimed.

"I doubt those innocent looks can compare to my wild imagination," Edward said a little huskily. I swallowed nervously. He was making my heart pound again. Not that it really surprised me now…

"I didn't want to tell you, though," he admitted sadly, "My feelings, I mean. You were too much fun to be around, and I didn't want to scare you off. Plus, Maria would kill me if I did that."

"Is it normal for you to mess around with girls?" I asked, alarmed. Edward laughed but denied it immediately.

"Of course not," he exclaimed, "It's just…with relationships I often did something wrong due to my whole acting-on-impulse thing. Maria knew that and she didn't want me hurting you."

"And I found you were still fun to be around, even if I wasn't making out with you," Edward joked. I laughed.

"Well, you're pretty fun to be around too, I have to admit," I sighed, "Even if you wanted to get rid of me the second you saw me eating in your kitchen."

Edward rolled his eyes, but laughed.

"But I must say," I said in a lower voice, "Hanging out with you _and_ kissing you has got to have its quirks, right?"

"Of course," Edward grinned, "And now that I've tried that combination, I don't think I'm going to want to go back to just hanging out anymore."

With that, he pressed his lips to mine. Gently, he took my bottom lip between his teeth and sucked on it. My mind was exploding again. I wrapped my arms around Edward's head as I deepened the kiss. This time Edward moaned slightly into my mouth, and my heart rate picked up again.

"That never gets less amazing," he said a little breathlessly. I laughed and snuggled myself closer to him.

I sighed contentedly and moved my head so it was resting on Edward's chest. I could feel him breathing up and down. The steady beat of his heart and the pace of his breathing was slowly lulling me to sleep.

"Edward? Just so you know, I'm not moving and I'm sleeping right here tonight," I muttered, becoming drowsier.

"Good. There's no way I'd let you leave anyway."

I gently closed my eyes. It felt like I was floating on a cloud.

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My eyes fluttered open and I looked at my surroundings drowsily. Suddenly I realized: this was not my house. Then, I heard soft breathing next to me, and noticed Edward was still sleeping. His arm was around my waist and when I moved, he pulled me closer to him unconsciously. I sighed happily and snuggled closer to him.

I turned my head so I could ogle at him while he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. So content. I found myself smiling. Gently, I ran my fingers softly along the edge of his jaw. A smile grew on his face and he pulled me closer to him without opening his eyes.

Then, my phone rang loudly and I groaned. I reached behind me and picked up my phone on the coffee table.

"Hello?" I said groggily into the phone.

"Bella!? Oh thank Jesus! I got a hold of her, Rose!" I heard Alice shout at Rosalie.

"Where. Are. You," Alice fumed, "Rosalie and I almost called the freaking police!"

"Ughhh," I groaned, "Too loud, Alice. I'm with Edward at his apartment."

There was silence from Alice's end and realized I had accidentally said that out loud. I had meant to deliver that with more tact.

"You slept over there?" Alice asked slowly, "Holy shit. ROSALIE!!"

I heard loud footsteps and a 'SHE SLEPT WHERE!?' from Rosalie.

I smacked my hand to my forehead and I heard Edward move. I glanced over at him. He was awake now and was raising an eyebrow at me. I smiled at him apologetically.

"Can we discuss details later, please," I pleaded, "Nothing happened….really."

"What!? WHAT!?" Alice and Rosalie shouted into the phone at the same time.

"I'll call you later, okay?" I said again.

"Yeah, you better!" Alice demanded. I shut my phone and squeezed my eyes shut, a blush creeping into my face.

"Sorry," I said, turning to Edward, "I didn't mean to wake you. Alice was wondering where I was last night."

"It's fine," Edward grinned, "I was already awake…sort of. So, what details are you going to tell them, exactly?"

I blushed deeper. Partially because I felt up his face when he was awake, thus making me feel like an idiot, and partially because he just asked me what intimate details I was going to tell my friends.

"Um…" I thought, "That I kissed you and we fell asleep on the couch together?"

"That sounds pretty good to me," Edward laughed. I smiled. Then I noticed his hair was slightly messed up more from sleeping, and it looked really, really sexy.

Bravely, I ran one hand through his hair, reveling in the softness of it. When I glanced at Edward, I noticed his eyes were burning with desire again. He reached up and gently clutched my wrist.

"What are you doing, Bella?" he asked, his voice trembling a little.

"Your hair looks really sexy right now," I mumbled, blushing. Edward grinned.

"You better watch where your hands go, missy," Edward warned, "Or things will go elsewhere, no matter how innocent the action is."

I smiled proudly at Edward. He shook his head.

"And now my couch is going to smell like you," he said, his voice slightly strangled, "Are you trying to kill me, Bella?"

I giggled and Edward leaned down to plant the first kiss of the day on me.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Edward **(A/N: FIRST EDWARD POV! HURRAY!)**

Bella had gone back to her house to get changed, and I went back to my parents' apartment. I felt like I was on some sort of weird high. A giant grin was on my face, and I doubted anything would be able to wipe it off.

I walked into my apartment, shutting the door behind me. Shuffling into the kitchen to get some coffee, I noticed Maria sitting there reading her math textbook.

She glanced up at me and furrowed her eyebrows.

"You look really happy," she examined, "Where were you last night?"

"Oh," I muttered, remembering she had strictly told me to stay away from Bella, "At my apartment."

"Oh," she said, returning her attention back to her book.

"When is Bella coming?" she asked. The sound of her name sent a rush of emotions through me. I suddenly had a flashback of when she licked her lips right before she kissed me, followed by an amazing kiss. I remembered her running her soft hand on my face, thinking I was asleep, and then later running her hand through my hair, creating an amazing sensation. She was going to drive me off the edge. It was only a matter of time.

"Uh…" I choked out, "Soon, I think."

Maria nodded, thankfully not noticing my strangled tone. The doorbell rang and I jumped, startled. Maria furrowed her eyebrows again.

"Why are you so jumpy….?" she asked. I shrugged.

"I'll get it," I said, "It's probably Bella."

Before she could question me anymore, I bounded over to the front door. I opened it to find Bella smiling at me. She blushed as I scanned over her outfit. Beautiful as ever, of course.

I pulled her inside, closing the door behind her. She was closer to me now, and she smelled like strawberries and vanilla. Her scent was heavenly and tempting. Suddenly, I couldn't fight the urges anymore and I leaned down to kiss her. Her lips were so soft and she tasted so good. The kiss sent me pressing her into the door, and she moaned slightly into my mouth, her hands grasping around my neck and into my hair. I pulled away.

"Hi," I whispered against her lips.

"Hey," she whispered back. I captured her lips again, and that's when I heard a book fall on the floor. I jumped and pulled away from Bella. I turned around to see Maria standing there.

Her book was on the floor and her eyes were wide.

Oh crap. She was definitely going to murder me.

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**I'm really sorry that took so long! I was debating on plots and stuff like that, but decided to give you guys a happy chapter before the drama set in. Sorry**** (fair warning, though). Anyway, you'll find out Maria's reaction next chapter and hopefully it won't take too long to update, because I've basically got the plot all set out. Happy Reading!! **

**p.s. a little review will help the updating process, you know!**


	5. Psh What Fantasies?

Edward

**Disclaimer: When I get the rights to Twilight, I'll be sure to let you be the first to know.**

**A/N: Heeerrrreeeee it is! Bigger author's note at end of chapter.**

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Edward

Maria's shocked eyes narrowed at me, and she glanced suspiciously between Bella and I. Bella was blushing profusely, making her skin that lovely color that I…FOCUS, EDWARD. Anyway, Maria's expression was unreadable as she calmly picked her textbook off the floor.

"Edward? What are you doing exactly?" she said, her voice level, but her eyes deadly.

"Isn't it fairly obvious?" I laughed, trying to lighten up the mood. It didn't work.

"It kind of looks like you're messing with my nanny," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"It would seem that way…" I said, trying to play it off coolly, "But technically, if I'm dating her, I'm not exactly messing around…"

I gave a sly look to Bella, who blushed further and bit her lip to conceal a smile. Maria closed her eyes and shook her head in disappointment. She turned to Bella.

"Bella? Seriously? My brother?" Maria asked with doubt, "I really hope you know what you're doing."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Maria interrupted me.

"And on that topic, Edward, I will personally kill you if you mess Bella up in any way," she hissed.

"So you're okay with it then?" Bella asked hopefully but with surprise in her voice. Maria sighed and glanced at me.

"Can I have rules?" Maria asked, catching my gaze and raising an eyebrow, "For, you know, what I'd be rather uncomfortable seeing you two doing…"

"Certainly," I said quickly, eager to keep Maria from slaughtering me, "Within reason, of course."

"No kissing in front of me for more than ten seconds," Maria said sternly, "Anything I can't see is fine. And I'll try not to catch you two making out or something…"

My heart began to soar at the 'or something'. I couldn't help but imagine what the 'or something's Bella and I would be doing…

"That's reasonable," Bella said slowly, checking for my reaction. I gave a little nod.

"And not too many goo-goo eyes, please," Maria sighed. I grinned at her.

"We'll try to refrain from goo-goo eying," I laughed. Maria smiled.

"Oh! And Edward, no distracting Bella while she's teaching me. It _is_ still her job, you know."

"I'll keep it to a minimum," I said with a devilish smile. Maria rolled her eyes.

"Bella, I'll be waiting in my room. Go ahead and do whatever with Edward, but if you're not there in four minutes, I'm coming to get you, no matter how much it might burn my eyes," Maria said.

Bella saluted her playfully and Maria giggled as she retreated into her room. Bella turned to me with a wide grin once she was gone…

Bella

I couldn't help let out a hefty breath once Maria had walked away. Still, I kind of felt bad. I know she is younger than Edward and I, but I kind of felt like we were making her the third wheel. It was crazy, I know, but I guess that's how close I was to Maria.

I pushed the thoughts away, telling myself I'd make it up to Maria later…somehow. I turned and smiled at Edward, who smiled back.

"That went well," I said, "Better than I thought, at least. I didn't have to call the police on Maria for attacking you."

"Much better than I thought," Edward agreed with a laugh, "I think it's because Maria loves you. Maybe as much as she loves me."

"Psh," I scoffed playfully, "She loves me more."

I grinned at Edward, wrapping my arms around his neck again, pulling him into a kiss. His arms slowly slid around my waist as he pulled me closer to him. I was pressed up against his chest, so I could feel our hearts beating rhythmically in synch. I deepened the kiss, feeling Edward smile against my lips slightly. If I could, I'd probably spend most my time kissing Edward like this.

"Bella!" I heard Maria sing loudly, "I'm warning you! One more minute!"

Time just flew when I'm kissing Edward, I guess.

I pulled away from a frustrated looking Edward. I giggled at his expression, but gave him a quick peck on his lips before running off to Maria's room. I waved at him right before I entered Maria's room and he grinned at me.

Maria was sitting on the floor, her math book open. She raised an eyebrow at me, and I realized I was grinning goofily. I tried to not smile, but I only succeeded in making the grin a soft smile. Edward wasn't that easily erased from my thoughts.

"I told you not to," Maria sighed, a smile playing at her lips.

"Told me not to what?" I asked.

"Have too much fun without me."

"Oh. Well, I didn't think the type of fun Edward and I had is the type of fun you'd want to-"

"Okay, too much information. Forget I asked," Maria said quickly, laughing, "I don't want to know what you do with my brother when I'm not around."

I smiled at her, about to tell her that we were going to start our lesson.

"He looks really happy, too," Maria said somewhat quietly, "Not so stiff. Took him long enough to find the right girl, I guess."

The grin returned on my face, but I blushed nonetheless. I broke out of my daze when Maria giggled at my expression, and I quickly cleared my throat.

I'm glad I make him happy, because it'd be kind of weird for him to be expressionless while I'm standing next to him, grinning like an idiot.

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I opened the door to my apartment that night, and couldn't help but wish I had gone to Edward's apartment. Just as the thought popped into my head, Alice and Rosalie came running towards me. They started talking all at once, their words rushing out quickly and incoherently as Alice grabbed my arm and Rosalie clutched my shoulder.

"Woah," I said loudly over their chatter, "How about _not_ all at the same time, hm?"

"Sit. Couch. Now. Tell us everything," Alice commanded. She and Rosalie pushed me towards our couch. I sat down as Alice and Rosalie nestled on either sides of me. I could practically feel their eagerness vibrating on my skin. Taking a deep breath, I began slowly.

I finished telling them the part about Edward kissing me and me falling asleep in his arms, when Rosalie interrupted.

"Wait! A kiss? Like…a _kiss_, kiss?" Rosalie asked, her eyes wide with excitement, "Like…with _tongue_?!"

I laughed, then blushed, then nodded meekly. Rosalie and Alice squealed.

"Ohmygod!" Alice gushed, "Was he a good kisser!?"

I blushed again and this sent them into another fit of squeals.

"HE WAS!" Rosalie gasped, "Oh God almighty, Bella's found herself a man! And the man can kiss!"

Alice and I laughed as Rosalie rambled on about good kissers.

"Rosalie doubts your Edward can be as good as Emmett, though, right-" Alice said, but I jumped in.

"Emmett…?" I asked suspiciously, "Who is Emmett?"

"Thanks, Alice," Rosalie groaned, "I was going to tell her a little more _gracefully_."

"Well, it's not like I was lying! Jeez, it's not my fault I can't help what comes out of my mouth," Alice said with a pout.

"Obviously. Next time I'll just-"

"WHO. IS. EMMETT?" I commanded. Rosalie shifted in her seat, looking up at the ceiling instead of at me. I swore I saw a blush creeping on her cheeks.

"My new boyfriend," she said, her voice gentler than before. My mouth dropped. Rosalie had been a free-soul, before. You know, someone who didn't believe in dating, but rather being single and testing the waters.

"Boyfriend!? Isn't that…?" I gaped.

"I know," Alice giggled, "Against her values. Our little slut has been tamed! She no longer just wants to 'play the fields'!"

Rosalie took a pillow from the couch and sailed it into Alice's face, who laughed.

"Shut up, Alice!" Rosalie snickered, then her eyes went dreamy, "He's just so…amazing. And completely worth not being single."

She sighed dreamily and looked at the ceiling again. I couldn't help that I broke out in laughter, and Rosalie brought the pillow smack into my face.

"I don't make fun of you when we talk about Edward!" she hissed.

"Yes you do," I pointed out. She grinned at me and shrugged.

"Okay, I do. We should alternate. How about tonight we talk about _your_ relationship, Alice."

We broke into laughter again, but then my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Bella?"

It was Edward, and just his silky voice sent a slight thrill through my body. I felt myself smiling.

"Hi," I said meekly, and Edward chuckled.

Then Alice and Rosalie squealed.

"IT'S HIM! IT'S HIM!" they shouted together. I motioned at them to be quiet.

"Sorry, Edward," I explained, "My roommates are a little wasted tonight."

That got me another smack of a pillow, more squeals, and I laughed, clutching the phone tighter to my ear.

"Did something just get thrown at you?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I giggled, "A pillow."

Edward laughed heartily. I smiled at the sound of his laughter, but blushed when I realized Alice and Rosalie were leaning in to hear the conversation.

"Um…Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you hold on for just one second?"

"Sure…"

I quickly jumped off the couch, running towards my room. Rosalie and Alice followed, of course, but I shut the door before they could come in. I sighed with relief.

"Sorry," I giggled into the phone, "I'm in my room now, it's okay."

"Those were your roommates that Maria's obsessed with?"

"Yeah. Aren't they something?"

Edward chuckled.

"So, was there a reason you called?" I asked as I hopped onto my bed.

"I can't just call to hear the sound of your voice?" he asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice. My heart went soaring.

"I guess you can. I'm not complaining."

"Good," he sighed.

"You're at your apartment?"

"Yup. It's very lonely here without you."

"Aw. You miss me?"

"More than you know," Edward laughed, "It's kind of pathetic actually."

"Why?"

"Because I'm on my couch, which smells like you, if you recall, and thus ensuring that I'm going to dream of you tonight."

I blushed and smiled. The thought of Edward dreaming of me sent butterflies in my stomach again.

"How is that pathetic? I dream of you all the time," I giggled.

"Really? Well, then I guess that makes me feel like less of a pervert if you're dreaming of me too."

Edward and I talked like this for a few hours, before I finally said goodnight to him. I probably fell asleep with that smile plastered on my face. The smile that only Edward seemed to be able to place on me.

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"So, Bella, when do you we get to meet him?" Rosalie asked at breakfast the next morning. I shrugged and took another bite of my cereal. I really hadn't given it much thought…

"Whenever I meet Emmett," I quipped. Rosalie grinned when Alice let out a noise of excitement.

"We should have one big dinner-date thing!" Alice exclaimed, "Like double dating, except with three of us! Me with Jasper, Rosalie with Emmett, and Bella with Edward!"

"Okay," I sighed, "But you have to promise not to scare him away."

"No promising, Bella," Alice sang. Rosalie and I laughed.

Later that day, I practically floated over to Maria' house. Floated because I really did feel like I was floating, and I actually suspected someone put something in my coffee. Still, I got to Maria's house, and Edward answered the door. His gorgeous face lit up at the sight of me. I pushed myself inside, happily throwing my arms around his neck. He beamed at me before gently putting his arms around my waist and pulling me into him.

"How'd you sleep last night?" I teased with a smile.

"Restlessly, actually," Edward laughed, "The couch smells so much like you that I actually thought you were next to, and I'd reach my arm out to hold you, and then find that…well…you weren't next to me."

"Poor baby," I cooed with a giggle. Edward chuckled and rested his forehead against mine. Some of his hair tickled against my cheek and he gazed at me intensely. His eyes burned into mine, and I felt woozy again.

"You're making me woozy," I pointed out breathlessly. Edward grinned again.

"Oh really? I wonder…" he trailed off with curiosity. He brought his lips down to mine, slowly and sensually. His warm lips pressed against mine gently at first, but soon he was deepening the kiss and my hands were knotted in his hair. His hands clutched the sides of my shirt, pushing me towards him further. I broke away slowly, my mind reeling as his lips left mine, making them immediately colder.

"A little faint, actually," I breathed, "But never any less ecstatic."

Edward grinned smugly.

"Where's Maria?" I asked.

"In her room," he chuckled, "As I was running to go get the door, she told me not to take too long with you."

"Then I guess you should obey her, right?" I said, gently extracting myself from Edward's arms. But he wasn't having that, and he pulled me right back to him.

"I mean, she is my little sister. I don't _have_ to," he said, rolling his eyes. Another mischievous grin grew on his face. I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but he looked really sexy with that grin. Hm…I feel like I've mentioned it…

"You don't want me to lose my job, now do you?" I snickered. Edward sighed and I tried again to get out of his grasp, but he held me tighter.

"Edward!" I exclaimed. He chuckled again and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I actually have to go to work now," he explained, "Meet me at my apartment when you're finished?"

My heart was soaring happily. The thought of being with Edward made me do that. So, instead of saying something witty, I just bit my lip and blushed.

"'Kay," I said meekly. Edward grinned, kissed me again, and then let me out of his arms. I waved goodbye to him as he left through the door. Then I let out a breathy sigh before walking over to Maria's room.

Once I got in, I saw Maria on her bed with her iPod. I skipped inside, hopping onto her bed. She glanced up at me, surprised, but grinned at me nonetheless.

"I hope you're not going to make that a habit," she scolded as she took one headphone out of her ear.

"What habit?"

"Making out with my brother in the doorway," she giggled, "I know he's handsome and stuff, but don't you think it's a bit…frisky?"

"Would you rather us on your couch, Miss Maria?" I teased with a playful frown, but still blushing, "I mean, I'd kiss him on his piano or-"

"I didn't think you'd get _that_ imaginative with him!" Maria squealed with a giggle. I blushed deeper, picking up one of her pillows and hitting her with it playfully. She pushed the pillow away and laughed.

"Keep teasing me like that and I'll make you do extra work," I warned. Maria covered her mouth, trying to hide her laugh.

"I'm going to tell Edward those fantasies involving his piano, then," she fired back, a devilish smile on her face, "I'm pretty sure he'd _love_ those."

My mouth opened, mortified by the thought of Edward knowing what I fantasized him and I doing together. He'd probably be terrified of my perverted-ness. I mean, _I'm _terrified of my perverted-ness.

"You wouldn't," I pleaded. Maria raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

"I dunno," she said, "I very well might."

"You're _evil_."

She giggled again, and I could swear it could be misinterpreted as maniacal laughter. She hopped off her bed and skipped to her desk.

"Let's get started!" she said, remains of her evil smile still plastered on her face. I eyed her suspiciously, but found myself smiling. Just her smiling, evil or not, made me happy. Man, those Cullens really had me giddy these days.

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After I hugged Maria goodbye, I ran off to Edward's apartment. On my way over there, I called him, just to make sure he was there first.

"Hello?" his velvet voice answered, and even _that_ was enough to make me smile a bit.

"Hey, are you at your apartment?"

"Yeah, did Maria just let you out of her evil clutches?" he teased. Evil? Oh no, she didn't tell him about today did she…!?

"Why!?" I asked quickly, "What'd she tell you!?"

"Um…nothing…?" Edward said slowly, but then he chuckled, "Something you want to tell me, Bella?"

"Nope. I…umm…I'll be at your apartment in five minutes," I stammered, "Bye!"

I hung up quickly, but could hear Edward laughing as I hung up. Why did everything awkward between us always have to happen on the phone?

Finally, I got to his apartment, and knocked on the door. He opened it, a devious smile on his face. I walked in and set my stuff on the floor before running over and settling in his couch.

"Hello to you too," he teased, plopping down next me. I laughed and reached my head up to give him a peck on the lips.

"Hi," I giggled, "Sorry, but Maria reminded me of something."

"What?" Edward asked.

"That we always greet each other by kissing in the doorway."

"Huh? Oh…" Edward laughed, "Did that bother you in any way?"

"Not really, actually. I could care less where you kiss me," I admitted, blushing, "But I thought I'd like to switch it up a little to keep you interested."

"I'll _always _be interested, Bella," Edward said, rolling his eyes, "But how about couches?"

His voice dropped a little, making it huskier. My skin felt tingly and my heartbeat sped up.

"What about them?"

"Do you mind me _greeting_ you on a couch?" he whispered seductively in my ear. I shivered, and Edward grinned smugly at me.

"I wouldn't mind," I said in a breathless, near-whisper. Edward smiled and slid one arm around my waist, turning me towards him. He dipped his head down slowly, anticipating the kiss. My heart hammered again, and I leaned towards him. Then my phone rang, and my shoulders slumped.

"Hold on," I said apologetically to Edward. I dug into my purse and found my phone.

"Hello?" I said harshly and quickly.

"Bella?" it was Maria and she was giggling, "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"Actually," I laughed, "You did. So, what do you need?"

"Wanna hand the phone to Edward?" she asked, mischievousness in her voice. I blushed immediately.

"No," I said quickly. I glanced at Edward, and he was watching me with curiosity and amusement.

"Bella, I'm not GOING TO TELL HIM YOUR FANTASIES," she said, screaming the last part. I wondered why she did, and then I saw Edward's eyes bug out. Damnit! He heard her!

"What?" he chuckled, his eyes very amused now. I blushed and shook my head vigorously.

"Thanks a lot, Maria," I muttered and she only giggled.

"Sorry, but it's a lot of fun being devious," she snickered. Edward was grinning. He reached and arm towards my phone.

"Give me the phone," he said with a laugh. I smacked his hand away.

"No! Are you crazy!?" I exclaimed to Edward, blushing. I was beet red. He laughed again.

"I wouldn't mind talking to him," Maria sang with a giggle.

"Bye, Maria," I said, "Your fun is over."

"Bye, bye! I love you, Bella! You can't blame me for wanting to have a little fun!" she snickered. I hung up and turned to Edward, who was very much amused.

"What fantasies?" Edward asked, leaning towards me with a smug grin. And my brain took that lovely moment to notice how good he smelled. Marvelous. Now I won't be able to focus.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, looking away at the ceiling. Then I felt his warm hand on the crook of my neck, turning my face towards his. I was putty under his touch.

"Bella," he said, raising an eyebrow, "Am I going to have to pull it out of you?"

I gulped and my eyes went wide.

"It's not that big of a deal, really," I pleaded, smartly avoiding his eyes, because I knew for sure that they would be the death of me.

"Oh?" he chuckled, "Then why won't you tell me?"

I shrugged, looking down. Sadly, 'down' was the collar of his shirt. The first two buttons, I noticed, were open, giving me a view of his chest. And what a view it was…

"Do these fantasies have to do with my shirt collar?" Edward asked with amusement, jarring me from my thoughts.

"No," I said quickly. Blushing, and then dropping my gaze to the black leather of the couch. Well, they actually didn't. My fantasies involved him _without_ the shirt collar, and any shirt at all, actually…

Then I felt is finger under my chin, lifting my face up to look at him. There was humor in his eyes and he grinned before leaning down and placing a chaste kiss on my lips. I thought I'd be strong enough to resist if that's all he did, but then he moved his lips under my jaw. My head involuntarily tipped backwards, and Edward brought his hand back up to the crook of my neck, supporting me while he placed kisses down to the base of my throat. I felt dizzy again, and my senses became keenly aware of where he kissed me. The spots were tingling, in fact.

"Bella," he murmured in a husky voice against my skin. As he talked, vibrations ran through my throat, and then travelled through my whole body, causing me to shiver. He smiled against my skin, sensing he was winning the battle.

"If you don't tell me, I'm going to resort to tickling you senseless," he said flatly.

"Fine," I whined breathlessly, "But it's all your sister's fault, really."

Edward grinned.

"Well," I began with a big sigh, "Your sister was telling me how it was very frisky to be kissing in the doorway, and so I might have let slip some of my unconscious fantasies…"

"Go on," Edward prompted, running his hand down from my neck and resting it on my upper arm. For encouragement, probably.

"I really don't see why you need to know," I pleaded again. Edward raised an eyebrow at me.

"Bella…" he warned. His hands left my arms and he poised them above my sides.

"Don't make me, Bella," he warned again with a grin.

"Edwar-"

I couldn't make it through my sentence because his hands began flying over my sides, tickling me mercilessly. I fell back onto the couch, and Edward was on top of me, still tickling.

"S-s-stop! E-E-Edward!" I stuttered through my laughter.

"You going to tell me, now?" Edward said, not ceasing his tickling.

I didn't answer, only continued my crazy laughter. And now I was getting frustrated and angry.

"F-Fine!" I shouted, stuttering again between laughs. Edward stopped, still hovering over me. He was grinning, but I glared at him.

"All I did was accidentally told Maria that I fantasized about kissing you on your piano!" I blurted out, exasperated and fed up with all the tickling, "You happy, now, Mr. Nosey!?"

Edward let out a loud laugh, his face amused.

"Hmph!" I scoffed, "I'm glad you find my fantasies so amusing."

Edward leaned down and placed a hard kiss on my lips. His body was pressing into mine, making me a little dizzy. Then he pulled away, his eyes burning with desire.

"We can try that sometime, if you want," Edward said seductively, only a centimeter away from my face, "I was just alarmed that you were that creative."

"Why were you so interested, anyway?" I said, rolling my eyes.

"Bella, like I said: I'm _always_ interested. You never cease to intrigue or amaze me. And besides, I always like hearing about your fantasies so I don't feel like a creep for fantasizing too."

"Don't worry, I don't think it's weird," I laughed.

"Good," Edward said. Then he leaned down to kiss me again.

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"Bella," Edward's sweet voice called out to me. I turned on to my side, reaching my arm out. It landed on what felt like Edward's waist, so I pulled myself towards him, sighing happily. I kept my eyes shut, holding Edward and trying to go back to sleep.

Then I felt warm lips under my ear. They moved gently down my neck before down to my collar bone. It felt so heavenly. My eyes fluttered slightly, but the lips moved towards my shoulder, pushing my shirt over a little. I felt myself shiver, but then the lips placed a lingering kiss on my bra strap, and my eyes sprung open.

Edward slowly moved his lips from my bra strap and rested his head in the crook of my neck, inhaling slowly. His eyes were closed, and he had a small smile on his face.

"Edward?" I said a little groggily, "Taking advantage of a girl while she's sleeping?"

I felt Edward shake a little with laughter and he pulled away, wrapping his hands around my waist. He smiled at me.

"Sorry," he said, actually _blushing_, "In my defense, you woke me up first. And then you were so adorable when you were sleeping I just couldn't help it."

"How'd I wake you-"

Then I stopped. Remembering my old sleep-talking habit. Edward smirked at me.

"Oh no," I said, my eyes wide.

"You talk, you know."

"No!" I exclaimed, blushing, "Tell me what I said, right now!"

"You want to know?" Edward said, raising an eyebrow.

"That bad!?" I gaped.

"Not really, actually," Edward chuckled, "Just my name a couple times. But you said 'pineapple' more. I almost was hurt that you said that more than my name."

I rolled my eyes and Edward laughed again. Then I jumped, realizing we were in a bed.

"How'd we get here!? I thought we fell asleep on the couch!"

"You did, and then I carried you over here. Sorry, I thought it'd be more comfortable than the bed."

"Oh," I said, smiling, "It's okay, Edward. No need to make excuses. I know you only moved me because you wanted your bed to smell like me too."

Edward laughed loudly, grinning at me.

"You've discovered my secret plan," Edward said, rolling his eyes. I giggled and then sighed.

"What time is it?"

"Eleven-ish, I think."

"Okay, good. I have to meet Alice for a shopping date at 12:30."

"Right. It's _your_ day off today."

"You have to work?"

"Unfortunately."

"Poor thing," I cooed with a smile. Edward grinned at me, kissing me on the top of my nose.

How I ended up with this amazing man was beyond me.

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After getting ready, Edward and I walked downstairs. He had given me a key to his apartment, and I was elated. I was hoping he was going to ask me to move in with him, but I figured that would all come in good time. I'm such a freaking optimist.

As we walked out the door, I saw Alice leaning against her yellow Porsche outside. She was wearing her sunglasses, and dressed as she would for our usual shopping dates: fashionably. She beamed at me as I walked out the door with Edward's hand in mine.

"Same clothes you wore yesterday?" Alice said, as we got close to her, "Scandalous, Bella."

"Good morning to you too, Alice," I said, rolling my eyes and blushing. Edward glanced at me, raising his eyebrow. I smiled softly at him.

"Edward, meet my best friend, Alice," I said, "Alice, Edward."

Edward stuck his hand out, the one that wasn't holding mine, and Alice shook it.

"Nice to finally meet you," Alice grinned, "Bella's been saying so much about you. When she's not sleeping, too!"

"Alice!" I hissed. Edward laughed.

"Oh come on, Bella," Alice giggled, "I'm sure he's found out by now."

"I actually discovered that this morning," Edward smirked. I blushed again.

"I thought I was going to meet you at our apartment, Alice," I said, changing the subject.

"Oh. Yeah, well I decided to come and meet you. Edward's address was in your planner. And I brought a change of clothes, so don't fret, Bella."

Edward chuckled, glancing down at me, flashing a crooked grin at me. Well, I'm glad he liked her, at least, but it was a shame that I was going to murder her. I rolled my eyes and Alice.

"You have ulterior motives, Alice," I accused, "Spill."

"Fine, Bella, you know me too well," Alice sighed, "Remember that triple-date thing I was talking about? Well, I was hoping I'd ask you and Edward to come tonight to dinner. So, you up to it?"

"Sounds fun," Edward said with a shrug, glancing down at me for a moment. I sighed melodramatically.

"Fine, Alice," I said. Alice giggled again as Edward smirked at me.

After Alice gave Edward all the information (where and when, etc), I kissed Edward goodbye, hopping into Alice's car. Alice began driving, turning to me with a knowing smile. I gave her a suspicious look.

"What?" I asked.

"You guys are so cute together," Alice beamed.

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**Sorry if you were hoping for a drama-filled chapter, but I was thinking about it, and I thought it might be a little too fast to set in the drama because some of you wanted me to make this story long. So, yeah, it's going to be long! ((HURRAY)) But, there will be drama, I promise, I'm just not sure where I'm going to put it, yet!**

**Thank you for all your amazing reviews! I send my love to all those who reviewed! If you have any suggestions for the next chapter, feel free to drop me a review or PM. Please, please review though! You know how it fuels a quicker update! **


	6. Spaghetti Spasm

Disclaimer: Miss Stephanie will slap me in the face if I claim that Twilight is mine

**Disclaimer: Miss Stephanie will slap me in the face if I claim that Twilight is mine. Because it is not.**

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! And it is dedicated to mollycullen for her joyful review that made my day! But thank you all for your amazing reviews too! I seriously can't explain how happy you guys make me!**

**Kind of short, I know. But, I promise there is an introduction to the drama in this chapter!**

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"Bella, just get in the freakin' dress!"

Alice was chasing me around with a midnight blue, casual-formal looking dress. We had exactly half an hour before our triple date. The dress went mid thigh, and Alice expected I wear it with black skinny jeans. I expected that she would, kindly, let me dress myself. Rosalie was just sitting on the couch, dressed in a hot red dress with gold jewelry, not listening to Alice's whining and watching the TV.

"Alice!" I shouted again, "Look at that neck line! I _don't_ have cleavage enough to pull it off!"

"Bella. Don't make me hurt you. I _will_ force it over your whiny little head. Now, hurry, or we're going to be late!"

She stuffed the dress, jeans, and "special bra" into my arms before shoving me into the bathroom. She slammed the door, and pressed herself against it so I couldn't get out. I pushed as hard as I could to get out, before letting out a noise of frustration. Alice was freaking _strong_.

"You're being so childish!" I shouted, smacking one fist against the door. Alice let out a musical laugh.

"Who's being childish? Me? Or you who won't listen to mommy when she tells you that you look good in something?"

"Fine! I'll be a toddler, then: I'm not going to come out of here!" I said with an 'hmph'

"Bella," Alice groaned, "Please? For me! You'll look amazing I promise. Have a little faith in your old best friend?"

I sighed, not answering. Then I heard Rosalie's muffled shout say, "Just put the damn dress on so we could go, Bella!"

I let out a giant, "UGGH!!"

Honestly, both my friends were against me. Life was incredibly cruel. If there is a God out there, I'd like to know why he put such horrible fate against me.

Yes, I was being melodramatic, but I was always stubborn when I became Alice's dress up doll.

I pulled the bra on, which I found was actually a push up bra, then the jeans, and finally the dress. As I looked in our bathroom vanity, I realized it didn't look too bad. I wasn't going to admit that weakness to Alice, though. I opened the door with a scowl on my face, but Alice squealed happily.

"Bella!" she shouted, jumping up and down and clapping, "You look hot!"

"Hey, you actually have some curves! That's where they were hiding!" Rosalie laughed, "Behind those old jeans and baggy sweatshirts!"

I stuck my tongue out at her and Alice's hands went to my hair. I knew I wasn't going to get away from Alice's clutches _that_ quickly.

Finally, when Alice was satisfied with my rebellious hair (which she had magically tamed), we stepped out into the streets, walking towards the restaurant.

"Why are you always so against me dressing you, Bella!?" Alice asked as we walked, "You do realize that I have some experience in fashion."

"Yeah, Alice, you've told me a few times," I said, rolling my eyes, "I just don't like being your Barbie doll, Miss Fashionista! Besides, when it comes to dating people, I want them to like me for who I am, and that includes the way I dress."

"But this _is_ who you are, Bella!" Alice said, "This hot, feisty, and sexy vixen! Rosalie, back me up on this!"

"She's right, Bells," Rosalie nodded, smirking at me, "You really don't see yourself too clearly. When you're completely yourself, your personality screams, 'sexy' while your clothes scream, 'I'm really self conscious.'"

"Thanks, Rosalie," I said with a sarcastic nod.

"We want your personality to reflect your clothing, Bella," Alice said, pouting and giving me the puppy-eyed look, "Please be a little more flexible?"

"Fine," I sighed, "From now on, I'll be a little more cooperative. Happy?"

"That's my good daughter!" Alice giggled, reaching up to pat me on my head.

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We got to the restaurant, and Jasper and Emmett were already there. Emmett was really muscular! Damn, I always knew Rosalie liked the beefy, but this guy had the looks to pull them off, too! I was worried he was going to be a jerk because he's probably noticed how his muscles attract women, which consequently makes it go to men's heads, normally, but he was actually pretty lovable!

And I learned this through five minutes of sitting with them at our table. Edward wasn't there yet.

"So, where's your date, Bella?" Emmett asked, "If you don't have one, I'd gladly take you too!"

The table laughed as Rosalie smacked him on his head.

"We're not cattle, Emmett," Rosalie said, struggling to hide a smile, "You can't just trade us as you go along!"

"Only kidding, Bella," Emmett laughed, "My girlfriend's a bit of a stickler."

Rosalie rolled her eyes as Emmett grinned at her.

"Actually, he should be coming soon," I said, stifling a giggle. Somehow, he seemed perfect for Rosalie.

"He better not stand us up," Alice said, "All five of us!"

"Don't worry, Alice, I'll slap him if he does," I said with a wink, "But I'm going to go call him. Be right back!"

I grabbed my phone from my purse and walked outside the restaurant. I dialed Edward's cell phone.

"Hey, Bella," he answered after the first ring, "I'm a block away, sorry! I got held up at work."

"No problem, I was just checking to see where you were," I said, "Alice wanted to make sure you weren't standing us up."

"Ha! Tell Alice that-"

He trailed off. I still heard street noises around him, but he wasn't saying anything. It would be really awful if he got hit by a truck or something.

"Edward?"

I glanced around, and saw him standing across the street. He was grinning so big that I was afraid his teeth were going to fall out. His eyes scanned over me from far away, before he came bounding over to me.

He finally got to me, and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my hair before pulling away to inspect me further.

"You look beautiful," he said sweetly, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. I didn't care that people were around, because it felt like it was only Edward and I. Besides, we were in New York. Everyone was walking to their own agenda, anyway, barely paying attention to the lives of others.

"Not you too!" I said, once he pulled away.

"What? Who else told you that you were beautiful?" he asked, his expression suddenly filled with worry and jealousy.

"Just Alice," I laughed, "She arranged the whole outfit against my will, actually."

"Should I be jealous?" Edward asked, his face back to teasing-mode.

"Definitely," I laughed, "Now, c'mon, I want you to meet everyone!"

I grasped his warm hand and pulled him into the restaurant. I got close to our table, and everyone turned to Edward and me.

"Everyone," I said, "This is Edward."

Rosalie and Alice turned to me with wide, happy expressions. I introduced him to everyone individually before we sat down. I glanced at my menu, trying to find something that looked good, and also avoiding looking at Edward because he looked so scrumptious. And you know what happens if your perfect boyfriend sitting next to you looks scrumptious? Dangerous things happen, that's what.

"Trying to burn a hole in the menu?" Alice asked in a whisper from my left side. I quickly tore my eyes away to glare at her.

"I'm looking for food, thanks," I said half-heartedly. Alice giggled softly.

"It's okay, Jasper looks really good tonight too," Alice said with a smirk. Of course, she knew everything. I sighed and resumed my staring contest with the menu.

"So, Edward," Emmett said, putting his menu down, "You're going to med school this year?"

"Yeah," Edward said, "Second year. Next year I'll start practicing on actual patients."

"Oh God," Alice said, "I feel bad for the volunteers. No offense, Edward."

We all laughed, and Edward grinned.

"We don't cut them open or anything," Edward said, "Because then they'd have to pay us. Anyway, what do you do, Emmett?"

"I'm a mechanic," Emmett said proudly with a boyish grin.

"It's how they met," Alice chimed in with a smile.

"Alice! Stop sharing about our love life!" Rosalie chided.

"How'd you... what?" I asked, confused. Everyone at the table laughed at my bafflement.

"My car's engine got messed up," Rosalie explained with a giggle, "In the middle of the highway…so, I went to the side of the road and tried to fix it. But…"

"It wasn't working," Emmett laughed, filling in, "So I was driving along, and I pulled up behind her."

"And I nearly unleashed my self defense skills on him for sneaking up on me," Rosalie snickered, "But then we just…"

"Awww," Alice and I cooed when Rosalie trailed off, looking at Emmett adoringly. Rosalie glared at us and we laughed again.

"Fine, you two!" Rosalie said, "Don't be jealous that the 'first met' with my boyfriend was probably more romantic than _yours_."

"Oh yeah, hunched over the smoking engine of a car," I said, rolling my eyes, "How freakin' romantic."

Rosalie threw a piece of bread at me and I laughed.

We continued talking, our easy banter and conversation made me all happy inside. Edward was also sending me little glances out of the corner of his eye…which also made me pretty happy.

Then, as Edward was telling the table something, his hand casually moved to rest on my knee. My breath caught in my throat, as I realized he was touching me. And that the touching felt good. Edward kept talking, though, as if his action was completely innocent and normal…which it was for other people…except Edward. Any touching from him was dangerous.

Thankfully, no one else at the table seemed to notice his action. Alice, however, gave me a slightly confused look, but I gave her a quick, wide-eyed look that told her I would tell her later.

And then his hand gently slid higher up my thigh, and that's when I jumped. Literally, actually. I jumped in my seat, and my hand hit my sauce-covered spoon, making it land on my lap.

Hm. Lovely.

Everyone at the table gave me a shocked look, except for Edward, who was possibly struggling not to smile. I'd get him back for that later.

"Oh, shit," I muttered. Then everyone laughed, making the situation more at ease instead of wondering _what_ made me jump (thankfully).

"Bella!" Alice whined, "That's a nice dress! Do you always have to explode your klutziness everywhere?"

"Yes, Alice, because I do it on purpose," I snapped sarcastically, "Can you pass me a napkin please?"

"Bella, no," Alice said, grabbing my hand, "We're going to the bathroom. Napkins and water won't get that stain out."

"Fine," I groaned. She pulled me out of my seat as we told the table we'd be right back.

In the bathroom, she pulled out her Tide-To-Go. Pulling a piece of toilet paper from one of the stalls, she ordered me to sit on the counter like a little girl and I obliged. Wielding her weapon, she started rubbing the stain out.

"So," she said, "Want to explain what that little spasm-attack was about?"

"No, not really, actually," I sighed.

"Edward?"

I was silent, biting the inside of my lip.

"Oh, God," Alice said, realization in her tone, "He was playing footsy with you?"

"Not footsy…exactly…" I mumbled, "Because that would involve feet…"

"Hands!?"

"Alice, shut up," I groaned, "You make it sound so scandalous and dirty!"

Then Rosalie walked in, peeking her head through the door.

"Scandalous and dirty?" Rosalie laughed, "Those are the adjectives for the things that made you spasm?"

"Everyone is out to get me today," I sighed, resting my head against the bathroom mirror. Rosalie laughed.

"I'm just checking on you guys," she said, "The table isn't actually talking about your little accident, Bella. Their attention span has moved to sports."

"Good," Alice said, "Tell them we'll be out in a second."

Rosalie nodded and closed the door behind her.

Once the stain was out, due to Alice's magic, we walked back to the table. I was already blushing.

"Tada!" Alice chirped, "All clean."

I posed halfheartedly and the table laughed. Edward glanced at me appreciatively, and I narrowed my eyes at him. I sat back down, bracing myself for the teasing.

"Bella's always been prone to danger," Rosalie said snidely, "And accidents."

"And apparently spaghetti sauce," I muttered.

"We all have our fair share of sauce incidents," Jasper laughed calmly. I smiled at him in thanks.

"Not as much as Bella," Alice snickered. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Yeah, yeah," I coughed, "I'm a klutz. How about we change the topic?"

The table laughed again at my hopeful tone. I dared myself to look at Edward, who was very much amused. I was going to kick him. That seemed the only worthy punishment, at this point, but lucky for him no one asked what he did to make me jump. Lucky for me too, I guess.

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After we finished the rest of our dinner date, which was actually really fun and less embarrassing for me, Alice and Jasper bid goodbye to us, returning to Jasper's apartment. Rosalie went too, taking Emmett to our apartment. Not after we all promised to hang out again sometime, though.

Edward and I walked outside. It was late now, and the city lights looked amplified and beautiful in the dark.

I was silently brooding, hoping he'd ask for forgiveness so I could grant him a kiss. We were walking back to his apartment, in silent agreement that neither of us wanted to see what Rosalie and Emmett were doing in my apartment. We stood, waiting for the light to change as cars whizzed by us in the darkness.

"Bella," Edward sang playfully, "Why are you so silent?"

"You're being punished," I huffed childishly, "It was either this, or me kicking you."

I stared straight forwards, focusing on not cracking. Then I felt Edward's warm hand wrap around my waist, pulling me towards him. His lips were at my ear.

"Have I been a bad boy?" he whispered seductively in my ear. I repressed a shiver, but all I could do was nod meekly. I could feel Edward smiling against my ear, probably sensing I was cracking.

"Is it because I felt you up at the table?" he whispered again, "And it caused you to make a fool of yourself?"

"Your curious hands are at fault here, Mr. Cullen," I muttered, desperately trying to keep my reasons for being angry.

"This hand?" he said in the same tone. He demonstrated for me. His hand that was on my waist slowly rubbed a path from my hip to my waist. The sensation was unbearably wonderful.

"They're innocent, Bella, I swear."

"I beg to differ."

Edward chuckled, because my last statement came out pretty strangled. The light had changed now, but my feet were glued and my legs were probably trembling. Edward was too good at this game, and I was losing…badly.

"Forgive me?" Edward chuckled, holding in a bigger laughter. I rolled my eyes, still refusing to look at his face, which probably looked tantalizing in this darkness. Looking up, I focused my eyes on a window on a building. Edward's lips were at my neck, this time actually causing a small shiver to ripple through me.

"If you angle your head like that, Bella, you'll get my curious _lips_," Edward murmured against my neck, "Forgive me, please?"

I couldn't take this anymore. The begging, kissing, touching. Everything was too overwhelmingly wonderful. I turned towards Edward, finally looking at his face. His eyes were burning in the darkness, lights from cars and windows glinting on them. I was right; his face looked even more delicious in the darkness.

"Fine," I sighed, "You're forgiven. Just don't do it again…"

I thought about it, and I really did actually want him to do it again….

"In public," I corrected, "Don't do it again in public."

Edward chuckled and nodded. He brought his lips slowly (and teasingly) to mine, and I gently wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer before our lips finally met.

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Maria **(A/N: first MariaPOV!)**

I sat in my bed, hugging my soft pillow. The city was becoming darker, and the energy was coming to life. But here I was, sitting in bed, while everyone was feeding off the energy. Even my brother and babysitter.

I sighed. I wasn't angry at them for getting together. How could I be? They made each other happy. Besides, I saw it coming.

My dad always told me that I didn't think like other girls. He told me that I understood things that girls my age could never understand. So, he fed me these books. This…education, in hopes that I'd "become even smarter". I knew it was because I didn't do well in school. I knew it because I "didn't think like other girls".

Bella wasn't like anyone I've met before, either. She was truly happy and full of life. Not chipper in an annoying way, though. I….I feel like she's my big sister, even if that might seem odd or out of place. You can't hide what you feel forever, though, right?

Obviously, Edward never saw her as a sister. It'd be creepy if he did.

I fiddled with the corner of the pillow, trying to lull my thoughts to sleep.

Edward was going back to his apartment with Bella.

I sighed again. Okay, so I was a little jealous of Edward that _he_ got to spend all the time with Bella. No, I didn't want to do the things he was doing to Bella, because _that_ is extremely creepy and wrong. But, I did want to hang out with her. For fun, you know? Not learning math and numbers.

Okay, so I was already feeling a bit like the third wheel, but could I really do anything about it?

I was being selfish. I'm a kid, they're adults. I guess I was also being stupid and hopeful.

There was no possible way I could convey this to Bella. "Hey, hang out with me instead of Edward"?! No way. Not doing _that_.

I was about to get up and get my iPod, when I heard my door creep open. My dad walked in, holding the phone in his hand.

He didn't turn on the light as he walked in.

His eyes were cautious as they sat next to me on the bed. His face was filled with remorse, and I felt my heart take a nose dive into my feet.

"Can't sleep?" he whispered. I nodded slightly, burying my nose into my pillow. Here it comes….

"I got the results back," he said even softer. He was waiting for me to answer. For me to cry or scream or shout. Any of the things I had done before.

I was silent.

"Nothing's changed, Maria," he said gently, obviously trying to hide any emotion.

I nodded weakly again, wanting to cry, but feeling the tears hold back inside my eyes. They didn't want to come out again.

Nothing's changed, Maria.

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**DRAMA! Oh yes, there it was. Maria's feeling a tad left out and there's a hint of the Cullen secret! What hasn't changed? What is the Cullen secret and why is it being hidden? Find out next chapter (hopefully)!**

**Next chapter will be longer but only if you…**

…**Bring on the reviews! Maria's not suicidal I swear, even though I made her a bit angsty. But, she has all reason to be angsty, and you will find out why pretty dang soon. Want it to be sooner? Review!**


	7. Secret's Out

Maria was really quiet that day

**Disclaimer: don't even think its mine. Just…don't even go there. **

**A/N: Quick (ish) update! Yay! Because I love you all so much! And I kinda already wrote this chapter when I posted chapter 6. Anywayy….the secret is unfoldinggg! **

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Maria was really quiet that day. Her smiles were forced, and her eyes were worn and tired.

We were sitting on the ground as usual, her books splayed out before us. Edward was at work, but he was texting me between each of his lessons. Maria's eyes weren't shining that day.

Something was up.

"Maria?"

She glanced up at me, giving me a little smile.

"I'm thinking," she said, "I think the answer-"

"Is something wrong?"

"Um…I don't know? Did I do something wrong in the problem..?"

"I'm not talking about the problem…is there…something wrong, you know, with you personally?"

Maria stiffened. She looked sadder now.

"Did something happen?" I asked, "What can I do to help? Are you-"

"It's stupid, Bella, really," Maria insisted, "I'm sure by tomorrow everything will be….fine."

"But there _is_ something wrong."

She didn't answer. She didn't meet my gaze.

"And I'm pretty sure it's not too little. Maria, _please_. Please tell me? I want to-"

"Help?" Maria laughed grimly. I was taken aback by the bitterness. It also broke my heart to see Maria like this.

"I'm sorry," Maria stuttered, after noticing my shock, "I'm…"

All of a sudden, I stood. Maria looked at me, as if she expected me to leave or something.

"Let's go," I said, "We're going to go do something."

"Do-"

"It's fun, I promise," I laughed. Maria raised an eyebrow at me, and almost perfectly mimicked Edward's doubtful look.

"C'mon," I said, sticking my hand out to her to pull her up, "You've been working too hard this summer. It's time to let loose."

Maria's face let a little smile grow on her face. Small, but still the most genuine smile I'd seen from her all day.

"Won't Edward get…mad?" she asked.

"Mad?" I laughed, "Jealous is more like it. We'll have enough fun to make him green with envy."

She giggled, and brought her hand to mine. I pulled her up.

"All right," I said as I walked over to get my purse, "I'm just going to call Alice and Rosalie."

"Your roommates?" Maria asked.

"Mmhmm," I said with a smile, "They know the best places to shop, you know."

Realization hit Maria's face and she smiled bigger this time. Then it dimmed down a bit as she seemed to realize something else.

"You don't need to do this," Maria sighed, "I'm…just a kid. You don't need to incorporate me into your plans just because you feel guilty."

"Maria," I said sternly, "Listen to me: I want to do this. Friends do things with friends. Especially when friends seem a little down."

Maria looked up at me hopefully, with big angel eyes.

"Really?" she asked.

"Duhhhh," I said, drawling out the word playfully. She smiled and I took her hand.

We walked out the door.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

We walked to 58th and 5th among the bustling streets of New York. Alice and Rosalie were going to meet us there. Maria was beaming as she walked by my side, glancing up at me happily every so often.

The streets were steaming, hot dog stands sizzling, and music was sounding from a guitarist who was sitting on the sidewalk, playing for the enjoyment of everyone. Maria looked at him with awe, as if she's never seen one before.

"Wanna go give him money?" I asked. She nodded enthusiastically, and I gave her a dollar bill.

We walked over to the scruffy, young man. His guitar case was open in front of him, money from other people inside. He smiled warmly at us, still strumming the guitar. I held Maria's hand as she watched him happily. Maria glanced up at me cautiously, and I nodded encouragingly. She reached out, slowly dropping the bill into the guitar case. The guitarist grinned at her, tipping his grey, cloth hat.

"Thanks little lady," he said happily, "What's your name, sweetheart?"

Maria glanced up at me again, and I nodded again. It's a good thing I was with her, because if he asked her for her name when I _wasn't_ there, then we'd have a problem on our hands. But I held her hand tightly, and I doubted the guitarist would try anything in broad daylight.

"Maria," she said softly. The guitarist beamed up at her.

"This one's for you, Maria," he said. His fingers began strumming again. I immediately knew the song and grinned. The guitarist winked playfully at Maria.

"The most beautiful sound I've ever heard," he sang sweetly, "Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria…"

Maria giggled slightly, and a smile grew on her face.

"All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word…" he continued, "Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria…

"Maria! I've just met a girl named Maria, and suddenly that name, will never be the same to me…"

He winked at Maria again as he kept singing. We waved goodbye, and he kept strumming, nodding a goodbye to us.

"Where's that song from?" Maria asked excitedly, "I've heard it before, I think!"

"West Side Story," I laughed, "One of my favorite musicals back in high school, you know."

Maria grinned at me. And now, her eyes were shining. And now, she was practically skipping across the street.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Finally, I saw Alice and Rosalie. They were sitting on the steps outside F.A.O. Schwartz, one of the biggest and most famous toy stores in New York.

How could I not think of that? My friends were brilliant.

They saw us too, and stood up, waving us over. Maria looked at me nervously.

"They'll love you," I ensured truthfully. She smiled appreciatively at me.

We walked to the steps, and Alice came bounding down, with Rosalie right behind her.

"Bella! You never told me Maria was so cute!" she chirped. She clapped her hands excitedly.

"Hey!" Rosalie laughed, "She's a blonde just like me!"

I smiled at Maria, who was blushing slightly.

"Don't attack her," I chided playfully, "And Alice, she's not your new Barbie doll."

Maria giggled as Alice stuck her tongue out at me.

"I'm sure she'd be more cooperative than my _current_ Barbie doll," Alice quipped with a grin.

"Maria, this is Alice," I said with a laugh, gesturing to Alice, who waved happily, "And this is Rosalie," I gestured to Rosalie, who mimicked Alice's wave.

"Hi," Maria giggled. Alice clapped her hands again, obviously excited for our shopping extravaganza.

"So, have you been to F.A.O. Schwartz, Maria?" Rosalie asked.

"When I was little, I think," Maria said, "I don't remember much…" Rosalie let out a fake gasp of horror as Alice and I shook our heads in fake disappointment.

"We have to take you, then!" I said, grabbing Maria's hand. We skipped over to the door, where a man dressed in a nutcracker costume tipped his hat to us. He opened the door for us.

We pulled Maria around the whole store, showing her everything. I bet we were just as excited as she was. She especially loved the giant piano keyboard. Basically, it was a dance floor shaped as the keys of a piano, and when you danced on a specific key, it gave the note's sound, just like a normal piano.

All four of us danced on it together, laughing happily. Alice danced an awful version of Mary Had A Little Lamb, falling less-than gracefully across the giant keyboard.

"Shut up, you guys," she said with a pout after finishing her rendition, "I'm tiny. I can't hop across the keyboard too well."

We ran around the whole store, taking pictures with the life-size figures made of Legos. Rosalie tried to fit in the tiny, plastic, electronic Mercedes car made for two year olds. She crouched inside, her knees poking out the doors, zooming around with a look of concentration. She insisted that Maria hopped on the back, so she did, and was clinging for life onto Rosalie's back. Alice and I were in stitches from laughing so hard. The store clerk looked confused, but I think he didn't feel like running after Rosalie. Maria was laughing too, screaming whenever Rosalie made a fast turn.

Finally, we stumbled out the store, laughing so hard that tears were in our eyes. We got a hold of ourselves, and Alice clapped her hands excitedly.

"Oh my God!" she said excitedly, "Let's go to H&M!"

We all agreed, running down the streets to H&M. I don't think I've had so much fun shopping in a long time.

Inside H&M, we ran around too, picking out different things to try. The real fun was at the sunglasses and jewelry area, where we tried on all the crazy jewelry and sunglasses, laughing at each other's expressions.

Maria really hit it off with Alice and Rosalie. She was having fun, and that made me happy.

Then, we all tried on different sunglasses, posing. We only left when the clerk said we were making too much noise. As we walked away, the clerk turned his back, and we all made faces at him, Rosalie even going so far as to giving him the finger.

"Rosalie!" Alice and I laughed. Rosalie looked puzzled, and then jumped when she saw Maria giggling.

"Oh…whoops," she chuckled, "I forgot she was only ten."

Maria actually looked proud and smug at that.

We ran up to the next floor, grabbing some clothes to try on in the dressing room. We got some clothes from the kid's section for Maria.

I stepped out in a sexy, green dress with giant gold jewelry on me. I would probably not wear something like this, but that was the fun of it. I was feeling really happy, and feeling extremely spontaneous. Music was blasting in the background, and the song "21" by The Starting Line came out.

Alice stepped out in a little, fluffy pink dress with bright red fishnets and black Converses. Rosalie stepped out in giant, baggy men's jeans with a tight blue tank-top and the giant pink sunglasses. Maria came out in neon blue skinny jeans with a billowy, purple and green, flower print dress and flip flops.

We all looked completely eccentric and out there, and we burst into laughter at ourselves in the mirror.

"I look crazy!" Alice said tugging on her pink dress with a laugh. Rosalie was still gasping for breath at her appearances and Maria was covering her own mouth to contain her laughter.

"I don't know, you guys," I laughed, "If we wanted to, we could definitely pull this off."

"Hell yeah!" Rosalie agreed, "But Bella, your boobs are falling out and you look like a whore."

"Why, thank you!" I said, fluttering my eyelashes flirtatiously. We all broke into laughter.

The same store clerk from before walked by, giving us a strange look, and once he passed, we all broke into laughter again.

Then, we shed out of our crazy clothes, and ran out of H&M.

We went to tons of different stores, Alice leading the way and all of us running around her like crazy. Alice had a lot of fun dressing Maria up in clothes.

In Abercrombie and Fitch, Alice had a field day. While Rosalie, Maria, and I were standing by a rack of t-shirts, looking for stuff for Maria, Alice came sauntering over with a giant pile of clothes in her hand.

"Oh God," Rosalie and I muttered in unison. Maria looked at us questionably.

"Maria!" Alice sang, "Look at all these cute clothes!"

Maria's eyes popped open, and Alice dragged her into the dressing room. Rosalie and I followed, watching as Maria came out in different outfits. She looked adorable!

"Ooooh! Maria!" Rosalie laughed, "You'll have all the boys going crazzzyy!"

"Poor Edward's going to have to fight of the horde of boy-fans," I teased with a laugh. Maria giggled and blushed.

"Boys are stupid," she said, shaking her head, "Especially at _my_ age."

"Amen to that," Alice sighed.

"And they never change," Rosalie said, shaking her head dramatically.

We all laughed, nodding.

Too soon, it became 6, and I had to take Maria home.

"No!" Maria whined, "Can't I come with you guys to a club or something?"

"Aw!" Alice said, giving Maria a hug around her head, "Can we, Bella?"

Alice and Maria gave me the puppy-eyed look, but I stayed strong.

"As much as I think that would be fun," I laughed, "Your brother will probably murder me."

"But he's _your_ boyfriend!" Maria insisted, "Convince him!"

"I don't think so, sweetie," I said, patting Maria's hair. She sighed.

"We've had a whole lot of fun today," Rosalie said, "Now that we've met you, Bella's not allowed to keep you all to herself."

"We should all hang out again sometime!" Alice chirped. Maria was smiling happily.

After a couple of hugs and goodbyes, Maria and I walked back to her apartment. She was rambling her favorite parts of the day, and I was laughing at the funny ones.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

We skipped down her hall, singing "Maria" from West Side Story at the top of our lungs. Our shopping bags were flailing around in the air as we skipped. Maria was in a fit of giggles and I was laughing pretty hard too.

We opened the door, still singing. Then I stopped abruptly, my smile wiped off, when I saw Edward standing there.

He was not happy.

His arms were crossed, and his expression was deadly. I expected flames to be coming out of his fists.

"Um…" I said, not knowing what to say. Frankly, I was a bit scared, but also very puzzled.

"Maria, go to your room," Edward said, but with his deadly eyes fixed on me.

"You're not my father," Maria muttered weakly. Edward turned his wild gaze on her.

"To your room, Maria. NOW," he said sternly. Maria glared at him, but stomped off into her room.

"Edward-" I began.

"Where have you been?" he interrupted.

"Shopping…?"

"Why? Why the hell are you not home? Why the hell didn't you call!?"

He was shouting already, and I was getting a little ticked off.

"Woah, Edward. Sorry I didn't call, okay? But, does this little situation need all this anger?" I said, getting a bit angry that he'd explode at me like this for something so trivial.

"Its. Not. _Little_," he spat angrily.

"Something wrong?" I asked, anger in my tone, "Someone drop a piano on your foot?"

"I'm not kidding, Bella."

"I realized that, thanks," I hissed sarcastically. Edward's eyes looked stung for a moment, but he regained the angry-look.

"Now _you're_ angry at me?"

"I'm not angry, Edward! I'm just defending myself! God! All I did was take her shopping! She was working too goddamn hard!"

"It's not your job to make sure she has fun, Isabella."

Now I felt stung.

"Not my job, huh? Well, maybe you should find a _girlfriend_ you can trust with your little sister, then!" I said, angry tears forming in the back of my eyes.

My voice wavered a bit at the end, and Edward noticed. His eyes softened ever so slightly, and his shoulders became less stiff.

"What's the real reason Edward!" I demanded, still angry, "Why did you suddenly explode like this, huh!?"

Edward didn't look at me.

"Maria was upset about something today, Edward," I said in a lighter tone. Edward's head sprung up, looking at me wide eyed.

"I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to….I don't know. I wanted to make her feel better," I muttered. I looked down.

More silence.

"I trust you Bella," Edward said with a sigh, "Really, I do. Just….sometimes I get…."

I didn't look up, but I saw Edward's feet walk towards me until they were right under me. I felt his hand gently lift my head up to look at him.

"I get really…scared, sometimes," Edward admitted, "And I just….I let it get the better of me this time."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Edward talked instead.

"I shouldn't have blown all my anger on you like that," Edward sighed, "I'm really sorry, Bella."

I blinked.

"Edward," I said. Edward looked at me expectantly, his eyes filled with sadness.

"What's wrong," I begged, "Please tell me. Something is going on in. And….it seems to be affecting you and Maria. More than you're admitting. Please tell me?"

"You're right," Edward said slowly, "There is something…that made me both scared and angry today."

"I'm just…" Edward muttered, looking down, "I don't know if-"

He looked up at me, and then looked back down.

"Bella," he said at last, letting my name come out in one big breath, "Bella…."

He looked up at me, his eyes looking like they were about to be brimmed with tears.

"Maria has leukemia."

I couldn't believe the words, even as they tumbled from his lips. It felt like someone stabbed a knife in my gut, and wrapped their hand around my neck to cut off my breathing.

Maria, the girl who was sunshine, all bottled up into human form. Maria, the girl whom everyone loved, even my own friends. Maria, the girl I skipped down the halls singing with.

I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it.

"W-What?" I stuttered, stumbling back on my feet a little. Edward looked remorseful. Absolutely dead. I've never seen him so pale and grieving before.

Then I heard a stifled sob behind me.

I turned around. It was Maria. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, her sparkly blue eyes wet with sadness. She stiffened, dropping her head wiping her tears hastily with the back of her hand.

"You...you told her…" she muttered sadly.

She looked up at me, her chin quivering, but her eyes trying to keep control.

"I guess now the secret's out," she said, her voice cracking.

With a last sob, she turned and ran into her room, not taking a second glance back.

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**Gah! You guys are such good guessers! Haha, it's okay though, I wanted it to be fairly obvious. I think only one of you guessed leukemia (and I applaud you!) but a lot of you guessed cancer/terminal illness. **

**Find out why the Cullens even **_**kept**_** it a secret in the next chapter! I have the next chapter already, I just need go over it. Butyour reviews helped a fast review last time! (cough cough hint hint)**


	8. Another Phone Mishap

Disclaimer: All things Twilight are not mine

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight are not mine. **

**A/N: Okay, here's the chapter. And yes, I did get some of my inspiration from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants…I apologize if you hate that book/movie, but I see nothing wrong with it. And Edward talks about the relationship between him and Bella for those of you who think they were going too fast. I tried to explain my reasoning as best as possible. If you need more clarification, feel free to tell me. **

_Previously on __Maria__: _

"_You...you told her…" she muttered sadly. _

_She looked up at me, her chin quivering, but her eyes trying to keep control._

"_I guess now the secret's out," she said, her voice cracking. _

_With a last sob, she turned and ran into her room, not taking a second glance back._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Edward made a move to run after her, but I grabbed his shoulder, looking at him meaningfully.

"Let me," I said softly. Edward nodded mutely and I walked over to Maria's room softly. The door was open slightly, and I could hear sniffling from inside. I knocked gently. The sniffling stopped abruptly, but no answer came from Maria. I sighed, pushing the door open.

"Maria?" I asked in a quiet voice. Maria was lying, face down in her bed, her face buried in her pillow. She didn't answer, but she didn't repel my presence either.

"I understand you don't really want to talk about it," I sighed.

She still didn't answer, so I settled myself at the end of her bed. I waited before talking again, to see if she minded me on her bed or not. She didn't say anything.

"If you won't talk," I said, taking in a deep breath, "Then let me."

I took another deep breath.

"Maria, there are so many things I still don't understand about this whole thing, and that's pretty obvious. But pieces are…falling into place," I said, still waiting for her to talk.

"And I really wish you would have told me this sooner, but I'm assuming you have your reasons for not telling me," I continued, "But you have to listen to me Maria."

"Maria, you are the closest thing I have to a sister, and this news plunges deep into my heart. I…"

I stopped talking, choking up a bit with emotion. I swallowed the lump in my throat, taking an unsteady breath.

"You're not going to die, Maria," I said, my voice cracking and tears forming in my eyes now, "I won't let you."

"I-It's not going to happen," I said, trying to assure myself more than her at this point, tears rolling down my cheeks.

I shut my eyes, willing the tears to go away and I heard Maria sit up. I opened my eyes.

"I never wanted you to find out," Maria said, "At least…I wished I would have told you."

She looked down before continuing.

"Edward has been trying to get me to tell you, but I was too stubborn. I guess…he took matters into his own hands. I should have told you sooner, I guess. But I just…"

"Everyone treats little girls with cancer differently," Maria said with a sigh and shrug, "And you were fun to be with and I thought…I-"

"You thought I'd treat you differently too?" I asked. Maria nodded, searching my face for a reaction.

There was a silence.

"I think I would have treated you differently too," I admitted softly, "If someone told me I was going to babysit a girl with cancer."

Maria looked at me, grief in her eyes. I reached out and gently placed my hand on hers.

"I'm telling the truth," I said, "I probably would have. But now….Now, I think I know differently. Maria, you're much to fun to be around. There is no way I'll treat you differently now, because I know it's much better to be natural around you."

"You mean it?" Maria said hopefully. I nodded, giving her a watery smile. She sobbed slightly, smiling at me too before giving me a hug.

I held her tightly and we cried together.

I'm not sure if you know, but this little girl in my arms is suffering from leukemia. But guess what? This little girl is _not_ going to die, because the woman holding her believed in miracles.

I heard shuffling of feet and looked up to see Edward standing in the doorway, smiling slightly.

Edward

I let Bella go talk to Maria. I had to tell Bella about Maria, though. It wasn't great timing, I know, but Maria wasn't giving any signs of telling her, and Bella had to know. Because Bella was more than a babysitter. More than a girlfriend, too. She meant something to Maria and I, something more than was explanatory.

At this point, I really didn't know how I felt about Bella romantically. Before, all I really thought was that I was dating a girl. A girl that I actually got along with, and a girl that I knew was different. I don't know, I guess I thought it was a summer fling. Something that would be nice while it lasted.

I'll be honest, I didn't really take it too seriously, and I don't think Bella was either. We had only known each other for a few weeks before we started dating, so it wasn't anything miraculous or magical. It was….average, I'll admit. Not everything comes straight out of romance novels.

Bella and I were testing the waters. Just trying out this romance stuff, and we both didn't really know what was going on. Actually, I thought I was letting down my guard a little, and that Bella would just be the start of me dating more. Except…now I was more confused.

As is stood in the doorway, watching Bella hold Maria, I felt my heart throb. Self consciously, I think I knew Bella was much more than I let myself admit. Much more than just some girl I dated during the summer. And it scared the crap out of me. That I had become attached to her in a way that I bet no one expected from grumpy old Edward. Love? God, I have no idea.

I wasn't going to think about that. I was going to take it slow. Try to find out my feelings before I let Bella get away, that was for sure. I couldn't let her get away. We had jumped into this whole dating thing, probably not taking ourselves too seriously. But I now know that there had been something secretly binding us together that we never acknowledged too much. And as I watched Bella look up at me, giving me a watery smile, I knew that I didn't want her out of my life. And if I wanted her (the way that I think I subconsciously did) I was going to have to take things slow and steady.

Because not all things come out of romance novels. And obviously, not everything was perfect.

Bella

Edward looked contemplative and a bit sad standing at the doorway. He smiled at me softly when I looked at him. Maria turned her head, looking at Edward. She let out a little sob/laugh and waved him over. He walked over, sitting on Maria's other side. Maria wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him into the group hug. He laughed slightly, and I saw his eyes become teary eyed too.

"We should have told her sooner, Edward," Maria said, "I should have known that she would understand."

"Yeah, you should have listened to me, silly girl," Edward said, nudging Maria slightly. Maria giggled, and Edward quietly wiped some tears off her cheeks.

"We're all so teary today," Edward muttered, teasing and smiling softly at Maria and I. Maria and I laughed and Edward reached his hand up to my face. He seemed hesitant, but he gently brought his thumb onto my cheek and wiped some of my tears away. I smiled at him in thanks, and saw something different in his eyes.

It looked like understanding. It looked like epiphany. It looked…different.

"You should probably get to bed, Maria," Edward said, turning his eyes to Maria. Maria sighed, nodding slightly.

I untangled myself, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes.

"I'll be outside," I said, clearing my throat. Maria smiled at me and I gave her another tight hug and a kiss on her cheek.

"Please," Maria whispered in my ear as I held her, "Don't give it too much thought. Pretend I never told you."

I nodded silently and walked outside.

I went and sat down on the couch, looking across at the piano where Maria sang to Edward playing. Now, as I remembered watching them, something about the action and silent communication they had with each other made me tear up again.

Why Maria? Why, why, why!?

I heard Edward coming, his footsteps followed by a long sigh. He collapsed next to me, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

I looked up at him, and he looked back expectantly, as if he knew what I was going to ask.

"How bad is it, Edward?" I asked, knowing he'd understand.

"She's….pretty stable right now," Edward said, choosing his words carefully, "But the doctors aren't sure whether she'll get better…or worse at this point…"

"Oh," I said quietly. Edward nodded, and I leaned my head into him. He wrapped his arm around me, and I closed my eyes.

All I wanted was for him to just hold me. I wanted to pretend that everything was going to work out, but mostly I didn't want to think about it.

Maria didn't want me to dwell on it so much, and neither did I. I tried my best to push it into the back of my mind. Normally, I would probably worry about her day and night, but Maria didn't need my worry. She just wanted my friendship, and that's what I would give her. I sighed, listening to Edward's steady heartbeat and slow breathing.

"Bella? Can I tell you something?" he said cautiously. I leaned back to look at him.

"What?" I asked, immediately worried.

"I'm perfectly healthy, Bella, don't worry," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh. Then what's wrong then?"

"Nothing's wrong, really. I just…feel like I need to tell you something."

"Okay…"

"Bella, I don't think I've been taking our relationship as serious as….well…what I'm starting to feel right now. Honestly, I think what we did was just see someone we liked and then dated them. It wasn't too magical, and we didn't give it much thought. And I thought that was normal….I mean, I never expected to…I never was waiting for a romantic, straight-from-the-fairytale meeting with someone."

I looked up at him as he paused. He glanced at me, his eyes comforting and soft as his thumb ran along my cheek again.

"But now…I'm feeling something…strange. Not in a bad way. It's exhilarating…and…"

He trailed off, looking at my face, searching for something.

"I sound stupid. This isn't making any sense, huh?"

"No, no," I said, shaking my head, "I think I get what you're saying."

Honestly, I hadn't treated the relationship like it was too serious either. A summer fling. Something cute and short. And I didn't give it too much thought either. But now…I could see what Edward was saying. As I sat in his arms, something felt…right. And if it felt right before, now it felt like I was built to stay in his arms forever. But, I wasn't sure I could call it love. I would call it a little flame burning a lot brighter. And Edward was right…something about this was…exhilarating.

"I….I think I feel it too," I said softly, "But, I never really thought about…you know, _us_ that much either. You're right, Edward. Something feels a bit…different."

"So I'm not a complete nutcase?" Edward teased, his grin plastered goofily on his face. I laughed.

"No, you're not _that_ crazy," I said.

"Good. And I'm sorry for all these confessions we're having tonight. I felt a lot lighter now that you know now, and I guess felt like finishing up the secrets while we're at it."

"Mmm," I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his neck tighter and inhaling his sweet smell.

Our breathing became in synch, and I could feel our hearts beating together in contentedness.

It got darker, and I don't know how long we sat there in comfortable silence.

"I should probably go," I whispered.

"We could always just sleep here on the couch…or bring blankets into my old bedroom," Edward mumbled into my hair.

"I don't think so, slick," I laughed. I turned slightly in his arms so I could reach my head up for a kiss.

He brought his lips down to mine, and it felt like fireworks going off in my head. It was shattering, how amazing it felt. Like he was really kissing me for the first time. Gentle, sweet, and mind blowing. The kiss wasn't that deep, but enough to make me dizzy. I pulled back, staring into his eyes. I could tell that he felt the fireworks too.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I whispered, my voice trembling slightly. Edward nodded mutely and I got out of his arms. Then I felt him grab my wrist and pull me back down to him. His lips were inches from mine again, but he was smirking.

"Call me?" he said seductively. I shook my wrist free and turned on my heel, feeling his eyes watch me.

"If you're lucky," I said over my shoulder, giving him what I hoped was a seductive wink. I giggled slightly when I heard his breath leave in a 'woosh' and I exited the house.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Telling Rosalie and Alice the news wasn't as bad as I had expected. A day after I heard the news, Maria told me that she wanted Rosalie and Alice to know. They took the news solemnly, holding me as I cried a little. It was pathetic that _they_ were the ones supposed to be sad. And they were, but not as much as me, because they only knew Maria for a little. Regardless, the news of someone you knew, no matter how long the length of time you knew them for, getting cancer is heart wrenching.

I didn't cry that much and I finished telling them everything. We sat on the couch, my head in Rosalie's lap and Alice stroking my hair gently.

And then I remembered that Maria didn't want us to think too much on it, so I tried to push it to the back of my mind again.

The day after that, I was sitting with my roommates at the breakfast table, like I had about a month ago, but that was before Maria.

"I was thinking…" I said slowly, spinning my cereal bowl around. Both my friends glanced up from what they were reading.

"That's good," Rosalie said sarcastically, "It'll help you sometimes."

I rolled my eyes.

"I was thinking that maybe we could so something with Maria all together," I said, my mind churning with ideas, "Like, with our men too."

"Like Jasper, Emmett, and Edward?" Alice clarified. I nodded and she placed her finger to her chin, tapping it lightly as she thought. Her face brightened.

"I like the way you think, Swan," she giggled.

"Any ideas to what we should do?" Rosalie asked, leaning forwards now, the excitement clear on her face.

"I got it!" Alice said, jumping up in her seat. Rosalie and I both jerked at the suddenness of the movement.

"Not shopping," Rosalie said immediately, "We want to drag the guys along, not murder them."

"To the beach!" Alice said, ignoring Rosalie's comment. Rosalie and I were silent as we considered the possibilities of the beach. I smiled, and saw Rosalie smiling too.

And so, our devious plan was hatched.

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"The beach?" Edward and Maria asked at the same time, incredulous. I nodded eagerly. They shared a nervous glance with each other and I rolled my eyes.

We were sitting at their kitchen table, eating a delicious chicken-pasta salad that Kate made for us for dinner. Edward's eyes inspected mine, narrowing as if searching for the real reason, but drew back when he found none. He sat back in his chair, his arms around his head as he contemplated. I waited expectantly, glancing between him and Maria.

"Oh come on," I groaned, "It's a good idea!"

"And," Maria said softly, "You're not just doing this because I'm…"

"Maria, I've had this plan to do something all together in the back of my mind for a long time," I interrupted truthfully.

She creased her brow, inspecting me before relaxing and looking at Edward/

"I don't see anything wrong with it," she said to Edward, "I'll have to dig my drawers for my bathing suit…"

I looked at Edward, and nearly jumped when I saw that he was staring at me, probably for the entire time. His face was expressionless, and Maria grew silent. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he looked down, sighing.

"We're going to have to pass it by Carlisle and Esme," he sighed, "_Then_ we'll see what they say."

"But you're not against it?" I asked, hope in my tone.

"No," Edward laughed, "It's a little random…"

"Random!?" I exclaimed, "It's the summer! Beach and summer go together like….like…"

"Peanut butter and jelly?" Maria offered.

"Yes! Like that," I said, "Please tell me you have gone to a beach before."

"Of course we have," Edward scoffed, "We're not _deprived_."

"It's settled then," Maria said, "We'll ask our parents and then see."

"Great!" I said, truly excited, "I'll tell Alice right now!"

Edward shook his head, muttering something under his breath and then going back to eating. Maria scooted her chair next to me, her eyes lighting up as I pulled out my cell phone.

I called Alice, and it rung twice before she picked up.

"Bella!" she exclaimed, "Did they say yes? I knew they'd say yes!"

Maria giggled a little as I rolled my eyes and Edward looked up to watch as well.

"Yes they-"

"YAY! Put me on speaker!" Alice demanded. No. Knowing Alice, she'd say something completely embarrassing.

"Do it Bella or I'm just going to scream so they can hear me," Alice threatened. I winced and reluctantly pressed the speaker button, putting the phone down on the table.

Out of the phone came out a very loud, very high pitched scream of excitement from Alice. So she was screaming anyway….figures. Maria jumped, and Edward nearly fell off his chair.

"I'm so excited I-" Alice began again.

"Oh really?" I said sarcastically, "Couldn't tell. But listen, Alice, they have to ask the parents first. You know, because Maria's coming along this time and she is still under their control."

"Minor details," Alice said, and I could practically see her waving her hand dismissively, "This is going to be so great!"

Edward was smirking at me, amused by my crazy friend, while Maria was just trying not to break her face from smiling so much.

"And Edward?" Alice said, "Make sure you help Bella pick out a bikini to wear. She likes 'em skimpy and I know you would just love-"

I cut her off, scrambling to get my phone back and pressing the talk button. I was blushing so much I must have been blood red. Maria was laughing hysterically, bless her soul, but Edward was looking smug and devious. He was eyeing me, hair falling a little bit over his face and his green eyes smoldering.

"Alice!" I squealed, "You were on speaker, damnit!"

"Oh really? Couldn't tell," she laughed, mocking my words before, "Anyway, what was Edward's face like?"

I glanced up at Edward, who was still grinning.

"Positively smug," I murmured into the phone. Alice laughed again.

"And yours?"

"Don't even go there, Alice Brandon," I snapped, "And I _don't_ like them skimpy!"

Edward and Maria broke into laughter at this.

"You would if Edward did," Alice sang. I buried my face in one hand, shaking my head.

"Good bye, Alice," I said. Her laugh was sounding in the phone as I hung up. I put my phone away, still feeling the color in my cheeks.

"So," Edward said deviously, "Any one in particular you'd like to show me first?"

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**Okay, so I realize some of this might be confusing. If you need clarification, drop it in a review and I'll clarify next chapter. And, I thought I'd give you some happier stuff to make up for the drama. Even though there wasn't that much Bella/Edward fluffy goodness. **

**But you can bet your life that there **_**will**_** be next chapter. They're going to the beach! How romantic and flirty! And sorry this chapter took longer than I expected. Review!**

_**And all of you! Go check out yupXimXmuchXcooler's story called "Another Day, Another Destiny." If you love Les Miserable/Musicals/Music you will LOVE that story! It's in my favorites and her page link is in my profile!**_


	9. Beach Bums Part I

Edward

**Disclaimer: If you've mistaken me for Stephenie…then…well, you're mistaken. Twilight ain't mine, folks. **

**A/N: Okay, here's the next chapter! I hope after Breaking Dawn you guys are still with me, because personally, I feel that Breaking Dawn left me unsatisfied Edward-wise. It was good (like, everything I wanted to happen, happened) but there was not enough Edward luvin! I hope I can fix my needs in these fanfictions!**

Edward

My rear hurt. A lot. Does that ever happen to you after you sit down for a really long time? Well, it hurts like nothing else. The worst part was that I couldn't explain this issue to my girlfriend or younger sister. I mean, I could tell them, but would they really take it seriously? Probably not. Yeah, they'd probably just laugh at me and then tell me to suck it up. Such loving ladies I have in my life.

Anyway, Carlisle and Esme had said yes to the idea of the beach. I had a feeling they didn't really care as long as Maria was having fun and we were home with her by at least ten. So, here we were, in Maria's room, trying out Maria's different options for bathing suits. She'd go into her closet (in this case, her dressing room) and come out to show us each bathing suit. Music was blaring from Maria's speakers, and I was sitting on the floor, with my butt aching.

Why was I here then? Well, because as a big brother, I had to make sure Maria wasn't wearing anything too scandalous or revealing. Secondly, I was here because, frankly, Bella was here. Everyday, it felt easier and easier to be around her, and I longed time with her all the more. Though, I was still slightly disappointed when she disagreed in me helping pick out her bikini. She said she was going to kill Alice for getting my hopes up, and that she didn't trust any guy's (not even her boyfriend's) judgment on a suitable bikini to wear in public. Well, I had to slightly agree on that. We guys weren't exactly trustworthy in that department.

Bella was going through bathing suits scattered over Maria's bed. She was swaying slightly to the songs, mouthing the words casually as she held different bathing suits up to Maria. When she would hand one to Maria, Maria would run into the closet, and Bella would finally catch me staring.

She'd blush and I grin at her. And that was usually enough to keep me planted on my spot on the floor.

But now the pain in my rear was too much to go unnoticed.

Maria came out smiling and twirling around in her flower-printed, blue one piece bathing suit when I voiced my problem.

"My butt is really killing me," I groaned. Maria and Bella both turned to me, their expressions disbelieving. Then they broke out in to giggles. Bella rolled her eyes playfully at me. See? Giggling. What had I predicted? Exactly that.

"We've only been sorting bathing suits for an hour, Edward," Maria giggled, "You can't be in _that_ much pain."

"Oh yeah?" I challenged.

"Well, it's not really an injury we could kiss and make better," Maria laughed, "Not _me_ at least…"

She looked at Bella meaningfully, who immediately blushed, throwing the bathing suit she was holding at Maria playfully. Maria broke out into giggles again. A sly smirk curled its way across my lips, and Bella blushed further, attempting to narrow her eyes menacingly.

"Not happening, slick," Bella said, rolling her eyes at me, "Get an icepack." Maria laughed again, running back into the closet.

Silently, I raised my eyebrow at Bella, patting the spot on the floor next to me. She sighed, crossing her arms and giving me a warning look. I bit back a laugh, raising my eyebrows higher. Her resolve quivered slightly, and I smelt a victory. Because Bella always made winning so much sweeter…

"I'm not going to ask you to kiss my butt, Bella," I snickered. She sighed reluctantly, and walked towards me slowly. A mischievous smile grew on her face, and my heart thudded in my chest. She sat down next to me, leaning towards me and looking at me expectantly, her sweet scent taking over all of my senses.

"So…then where do you want me to kiss?" she asked coyly, biting her lip and blushing slightly.

My heart spluttered, thumping erratically. I tried to keep a calm smirk. I slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her soft body closer to me. I could feel her heart beating faster against my chest and I looked at her soft brown eyelashes brush against her cheeks as she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked up at me again.

I felt my grin growing, and tried to hide it as I brought my face closer to hers. My lips nearly were nearly touching hers and I looked up at her through my lashes. I'm pretty sure she could hear _my_ heartbeat now.

"Where do _you_ want to kiss me, Bella?" I responded slyly, feeling her breath leave her slowly, caressing my face with its sweet scent.

Her hand slid up my chest, finally wrapping around the back of my head. Her fingers tangled sensually in my hair. She pushed against my head, pulling me down for a kiss so that our lips finally touched in sweet bliss. I slid my eyes shut, letting our mouths enjoy each other. Bella's soft, full lips felt amazing against mine, and I wondered how I had gone all day without a kiss like this.

"Um…?"

Maria's muffled voice from inside the closet shook Bella and I from our little heaven. I pulled away slightly from Bella, frowning and Bella giggled at my expression.

"I heard the talking stop…." she said, trailing off from inside the closet, "I just wanted to warn you that I'm coming out now."

I let out a very frustrated sigh, detangling myself from Bella, and my body immediately screamed at me to grab her back. Bella sat a few inches from me, eyeing me with a very amused expression. Maria walked out of the closet, one hand over her eyes. She peeked through two fingers at Bella and me on the floor. She laughed, dropping her hand.

"Oh good," she snickered, "I thought you two were still making out."

Yeah. I wish.

Bella

"Where. Are. They!?"

Alice was seething, her big, round, pink-rimmed sunglasses looking oddly menacing as she stood on the sidewalk. She was holding her giant straw beach bag around her shoulder, fuming at Rosalie and me. Rosalie stood on her tip toes, straining her neck to see around the block.

"You know Emmett, of course," Rosalie explained, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

Alice was wearing a strapless, white cover up that went just above her knee. Rosalie was in shorts. Actually, a more accurate term would be: booty shorts. You know, shorts that just covered your ass. Well, Rosalie was wearing dark red booty shorts, and a tight black tank top. I was wearing cute brown, cotton shorts with a light green and billowy spaghetti-strap top. Sun seemed to bounce off the hot sidewalks, wrapping us all in suffocating heat. My sunglasses were perched on top of my head, and we all smelt like suntan lotion, waiting for Emmett to come around with his Jeep so we could drive to the beach.

And because it was New York City, we were impatient as we waited….and we were getting funny looks from passer-bys. Especially the sketchy men who were looking Rosalie up and down.

"Rosalie, you could have worn less scandalous shorts," I said through my teeth as another man passed by, his eyes glued to Rosalie's ass.

Rosalie laughed, flicking the guy off. The guy looked startled, but he kept walking, slightly faster now.

"Don't be jealous of my hot bod, Bella," Rosalie laughed, flicking a piece of her blonde hair behind her shoulder, "If you got it, flaunt it."

"If you got it, flaunt it, and then regret it when the rapists come and get you," I corrected slyly. Rosalie laughed again and then Alice squealed.

"They're here!" she chirped, pointing to the big red Jeep that was pulling up towards the sidewalk.

"Finally," Rosalie and I both mumbled together. We picked up our beach bags, which were resting at our feet, and the door of the Jeep opened.

Inside the backseat was Jasper by the window, Edward in the middle, and Maria by the other window. I leaned over Rosalie as she climbed into the front seat next to Emmett. I raised a suspicious eyebrow at Emmett.

"Have you been nice to Maria, Emmett?" I asked, "Eased up on the teasing?"

"What teasing?" Emmett quipped back, innocently smiling. I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"Nah, Bella, I've been a perfect gentleman," he laughed, "Right Maria?"

"Right Emmett," Maria laughed, sharing a knowing glance with each other, as if sharing some sort of inside joke. My anxiety relaxed slightly at their communication.

Maria giggled, beaming at me. Well, at least I was glad they were getting along. Even Jasper was grinning. Maria just had this loveable quality, I guess. And before you ask, they already knew she had cancer. And yes, Maria knew they knew. And no, they weren't going to treat her any differently.

Alice was smiling now that Emmett had finally come. Which was weird…because I would guess she'd be weeding them out for being late. She must have been really excited for the beach.

"Okay," Alice said, putting her hands out as she was about to step into the van, "I'm climbing over all of your feet to get into Jazzy's lap, so don't trip me or anything."

We all laughed, but of course, Alice got into Jasper's arms with no trouble at all. And now it was my turn. I grabbed the headrest of Rosalie's seat, pulling myself forwards and miraculously into the car. I snuggled into Edward's lap, who was nothing but willing. Once we were ready to go, Emmett let out an excited whoop and we drove off.

After getting onto the highway, Rosalie turned up the radio. Jasper and Alice began chatting lightly, and Rosalie and Emmett began their teasing bantering.

"Are you okay?" Edward murmured in a whisper only I could hear, "Comfortable?"

"Mmm," I replied as his breath tickled my neck. He chuckled slightly, the vibration sending tingles rippling through my senses.

I turned slightly to look at Maria. Of course, never without her music, she had one headphone of her iPod in, looking out the window. When she turned slightly, I could see her smiling at the scene around her. And that smile was enough to make my smile grow.

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At last, we got to the beach and parked outside. There were other cars there too, surfers unloading surf boards and families with little kids swinging their brightly colored buckets around. Sun was shining above us as we got out of our car and Maria was looking up at it, squinting and smiling. She was wearing blue basketball shorts that swung just above her knees, a yellow tank top, and a black baseball cap. Her sandals were worn, brown leather and I saw she still wore the red nail polish I had painted on her toes one day.

"All righty," Emmett said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together, "Let's get this party started!"

"Last one to the beach is a douchebag!" Rosalie called. Before we could scold her for her language, she and Emmett broke out into a run down to the beach. Edward grabbed my hand and laughed, breaking out into a run. I grasped Maria's hand too, and we all ran towards the beach.

There were people all around, chatting, laughing, swimming, and cheering. All the noises you could possibly hear at a beach.

Rosalie and Emmett were standing in the sand, setting up the towels and umbrellas. We got to them and I took out my towel. Alice and Jasper came behind us, Alice skipping towards the umbrella and swinging out her own pink, fluffy towel.

Edward drew a plastic Frisbee from his bag and the guys started to toss it around behind our umbrella. Maria was squatting above the sand, her eyes scanning casually for shells. Rosalie let out a sigh, putting on her sunglasses and lying on her towel. Alice threw a bottle of suntan lotion at her.

"Hey!" Rosalie exclaimed, rubbing the spot on her stomach where the bottle hit her, "What the hell was that for!?"

"For being a lazy butt," Alice quipped, sweeping sand off her knees as she stood up, "We're going swimming first, tanning later."

"I'm going to keep looking for shells first," Maria said, shuffling across the sand with her eyes on the prowl.

"Okay," Alice said, "We'll go in first, then."

Rosalie murmured something under her breath but stood anyway. She started to pull her shirt off and Alice and I did the same. Once my shirt was over my head, I checked to make sure my bikini top wasn't revealing anything and I lifted my arms up to pull my hair back into a ponytail. I was wearing a midnight blue bikini, the rim of the bottom and 'V' of the top trimmed with a gold line. It was my favorite bathing suit from La Perla. That's when I noticed the guys had stopped their game of catch.

All the guys had frozen. Emmett's eyes were planted on Rosalie as she put some last minute sunscreen on neck, Jasper's eyes glued on Alice as she adjusted the strap of her bikini. Edward's burning green eyes were closely examining my bikini top.

You'd think they'd never seen a girl in a swimsuit before.

Blushing, I lowered my arms and Edward's eyes flashed to mine. They showed no apology, just unashamed desire. I cleared my throat to signal to my friends that we had an audience. Alice and Rosalie looked at me and I nodded my head slightly to the guys as I unbuttoned my shorts. Both Alice and Rosalie's faces broke out in wide smirks, giggling a little. We pulled off the rest of our clothes before Alice gave us a meaningful look. Nodding, we all broke off into a run towards the water.

I was so tempted to look back and see the guys' expressions, but I kept running and laughing until we got into the water. I let the waves wash around my ankles for a moment.

"Shit!" I exclaimed as I felt the iciness of the water, "It's cold!"

Rosalie stepped in next to me.

"Really?" she asked, moving her foot around in the water. I nodded and she suddenly put her hands on my back, pushing me into the waves. I yelped as I fell and submerged into the sandy, cold water. When I resurfaced, Rosalie and Alice were wading in the water, laughing hysterically. I glared at them, shaking some sand out of my hair. I noticed that _their _hair was still dry.

I walked up to Rosalie, who stopped laughing immediately.

"Bella-"

She couldn't even finish her sentence because I wrapped my arms around her neck, falling back into the water and dragging her with me. I hopped back to the surface and Rosalie followed, gasping for breath. Her wet blonde hair was matted against her face and she pushed it out of the way, glaring at me.

"Bella!" she exclaimed angrily. Alice and I laughed this time, before Rosalie turned to Alice.

"Oh _you_ think it's so funny?" Rosalie sneered, splashing a lot of water on Alice at her last word. Alice squealed, putting her arms in front of her face.

Before a large water-fight could ensue, we heard some hollering and whooping getting louder. We turned slightly and saw Emmett, Jasper, and Edward sprinting towards the water. They had taken their shirts off.

I bit my lip to repress the gasp that was about to come out when I saw Edward's sculpted body. I never noticed how shaped his arms were, or how chiseled his chest was. I watched the muscles move as he pumped his arms back in forth in his run towards the water. I'm pretty sure I was drooling, but was broken out of it when Emmett entered the water with a large splash. The girls yelped, covering our faces with our arms. I heard Edward's laughter from in front of me and I lowered my arms. He was wading in the water, the water coming to his hips as it came to my upper waist.

"We thought we'd join you," he said, eying me appreciatively again.

"Couldn't stay away, huh?" I teased, stepping closer to him.

"Our self control isn't _that _strong, you know," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Funny, I wasn't aware you had any self control."

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain the fact that we're still breathing?"

"What?" I squeaked, my heart thudding at Edward's lustful expression. His wet hands grabbed me around my bare waist, pulling me towards his bare stomach. I gasped at the new contact. Skin against skin. Tingles throbbed through me and I could barely stand. Then his lips were on mine, his hungry kisses devouring me. He pulled away much too soon, gazing down at me as we both gasped for breath.

"Kissing you makes me breathless," he said, his voice rasping with huskiness and lack of air, "I thought you knew."

I was dizzy. He never kissed so hungrily me like that. His eyes never looked so desirous. And I felt my gut pull inside me. It felt weird, as if I was intoxicated with teenage lust again. Except now, I _wanted_ Edward. So badly. I've never wanted _anyone_ so bad before.

Do you know how scary that feeling is? I was scared shitless. And the look in Edward's eyes clarified that he was feeling the same thing: want and fear. This was new territory for us.

Someone cleared their throat and I turned to see our friends crossing their arms, smirking and raising their eyebrows at us.

"Spare us the PDA, please," Jasper laughed, making a disgusted look. I was shaken from my daze and I blushed.

"Ha! That was just Edward making up for lost time in the car," Emmett jeered, "You should have seen how stiff he got when Bella fidgeted around on his lap in her sleep-"

Edward sent a big splash at Emmett who just laughed. I blushed again.

Thankfully, though, they were finished with their teasing for a bit and we played around in the water. We played some chicken, marco-polo, but mostly waded around, chatting lightly. It was hilarious when Jasper teased Emmett about something, and Emmett pounced on him. But when he did, he accidentally collided into Edward, who didn't like that too much and it became one big wrestling match in the water before Rosalie broke it up. The guys just laughed at it afterwards, and Edward's cheeks were a lovely flushed shade of red that I thought was really sexy.

Then, Jasper and Alice decided to take a walk down the beach and Rosalie and Emmett went back to the umbrella for a drink.

That left just Edward and I. He had his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me to him in silence. That's when I realized I couldn't see Maria anywhere.

"Edward, where's Maria?" I asked, panicky.

Then I found her. A big smile broke out on my face. Edward's brow furrowed, turning to where I was staring.

Maria was standing in the sand, now clad in her red bikini. She didn't have many curves to enhance it, but it hugged her body perfectly. And next to her was a boy in green and black swim trunks. From where I was standing, I could see that he had blonde hair, a few almost white-looking highlights in it. He had some freckles and cute blue eyes. His body was lanky and not too muscular, but not chubby either. He looked to be around Maria's age.

Maria was chatting lightly and when the boy smiled at her, I could see a little red tinge in her cheeks. I wanted to scream with excitement.

But apparently, Edward wasn't too happy. A low growl rumbled out of him and I couldn't help but giggle slightly.

"They're only ten, Edward," I laughed, nudging him playfully in the side with my elbow, "They're not going to run off to Vegas together."

"Boys that age are stupid," Edward said through clenched teeth, "He's going to hurt her…"

"I'm pretty sure Maria is smart enough to decide what boy is good enough for her," I said, scoffing. Edward gave me an incredulous look.

I rolled my eyes and pulled Edward's hand, walking towards the shore.

"I'm thirsty, let's go get a soda from the cooler," I said.

We walked hand in hand back towards the umbrella, but we saw two surfers walking towards the shore. They're eyes raked me up and down and I felt slightly uncomfortable. Edward growled again, stiffening.

"Why come to the beach when all the women in my life are getting hit on by stupid beach bums?" Edward hissed. I laughed, leaning up to peck him on the cheek. He turned his head to give me a small smile.

Once we were at the towels, Edward tossed me his shirt, his eyes still glaring at something behind me. I didn't dare to see if the surfers were still looking at me. I threw his shirt over me, washed over with the sweet smell of Edward mixed lightly with suntan lotion. I lifted the collar up to my nose, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. It was like a pleasure trip for my senses. When I opened my eyes again, Edward was smirking at me, lying on the towel next to the one I was sitting on. I blushed a million shades of red.

"I think you've discouraged most of the beach bums," he said, laughing with his eyes lighting up with humor.

"Are you sure it was me? Or was it the death glares you were shooting their way?" I teased. Edward rolled his eyes, not even my sarcastic comments wiping the triumphant look off his face.

I grabbed a soda from the cooler, tossing one to Edward. I watched Maria talk with the blonde boy and saw _him_ blush. Then he turned his head towards someone calling him. He quickly murmured something to Maria apologetically before running away. He came back swiftly, the sheepish apology still in his expression. He withdrew a pen from behind his back.

I felt my smile widen and saw Maria blush as she stuck out his arm for him. He wrote something on it and handed the pen to Maria, who did the same to his arm. They gave each other shy little waves before he turned and walked away. Maria was beaming as she looked at her arm. Then turned and smiled at me. She skipped towards me, a blush still slightly present on her cheeks. I _rarely_ see Maria blush.

"Who was that?" I asked suggestively, raising my eyebrow at her. She giggled and Edward growled so only I could hear it.

"His name was Ryan and he lives in New Jersey, but goes to a private school in the city," she said, a blush growing further on her cheeks.

"How old is he?" Edward blurted out. Maria rolled her eyes at him.

"He's only 11. One year older than me," she said before turning back to me, "Anyway, he-"

"A year older!?" Edward exclaimed, his voice trembling with anger.

"It's not like I'm dating him, Edward!" Maria said in exasperation. Clearly, she only wanted to tell me the story of how they met, but all poor, protective Edward wanted to do was shoot the boy.

"Dating who?" Emmett asked, walking up to us with Rosalie next to him.

"No one!" Maria blurted out quickly.

"Some boy gave her his number and Edward's worried that they're exchanging rings," I explained. Rosalie and Emmett laughed and Edward growled.

"She's too young to be dating anyone," he said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not dating anyone!" Maria exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

"Dating?" Alice asked, her eyes lighting up with excitement as she popped up on my other side with Jasper.

"Argggghhh!" Maria shouted, covering her eyes with her hands and shaking her head.

"What'd I say?" Alice asked, looking at me confusedly.

"You didn't do anything. Maria just got a boy's number," I explained, "Edward launched in to protective-brother-mode."

"Aww!" Alice cooed playfully, pinching Edward's cheek, "She'll be sure to invite you to the wedding."

"She's not dating him!" Edward shouted the same time Maria shouted, "I'm not dating him!"

There was a brief silence and then we all broke out into laughter. Maria's expression softened a bit but Edward just shook his head in aggravation.

I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in for a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Relax," I whispered in his ear, "Overreacting never helps anything."

Edward sighed in acceptance and defeat.

"Hey, Maria!" Emmett said suddenly, "How about we make that sand castle like I promised, huh?"

"Okay!" Maria squealed, pepping up immediately. Jasper followed Emmett and Maria down to the shore, grabbing the plastic shovel Emmett had brought along.

I watched Maria plop down into the sand; hands on her knees as she watched Emmett and Jasper begin to dig.

Edward was still pouting, and he looked so adorable. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes away from me. Rosalie and Alice sat on their towels drinking their sodas and chatting about something. I heard 'botox' and 'fake bikini body' in the mix, and I immediately knew they were gossiping about the stupid beach goers they had seen on their walks around the beach.

"You're not that upset are you?" I asked, snuggling closer into him. He sighed again, his bare chest rising and falling as he breathed.

"You know how I overreact…" he said, shrugging like it was nothing, "Instinctual I guess…"

But I saw in his eyes some true hurt. Little, maybe, but something was bothering him and I don't think it really was Ryan's fault.

"But you overreact for a true reason," I insisted. I made sure my eyes told him to tell me what's wrong, and I think he understood because he shook his head in disbelief, chuckling.

"I can't keep anything from you, huh?" he sighed. I smiled encouragingly at him and he became serious again.

"I did overreact, though, Bella. I don't know, but sometimes I just worry about what's going to happen to Maria as she gets older. It's just…boys get scared away easily. And if Maria doesn't get cured completely for a while, then she'll have to either keep the leukemia a secret or she'll tell the boy and he'll run away. And both ways ruin her relationship somehow. I don't want her to get hurt… but there's always that risk…and I guess I let that worry seep out when I saw her talking to that boy."

He smiled sheepishly at me.

"Her talking to boys wasn't something I had expected for a while," he continued, "She only has a few close friends her age who know about the leukemia, but other ones who found out treat her differently or just don't talk to her anymore."

Then he nudged me playfully, the teasing back in his eyes.

"But you brought on all this flirting prematurely," he laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"You and Maria are enjoying yourselves, admit it," I accused, laughing lightly. Edward laughed in response.

"Remarkably so, actually," he remarked, smirking at me in his t-shirt.

But Maria's future…I hadn't given it much thought. I know she told us not to give much thought on her leukemia, and we did, but only because when she was around it was really easy to completely forget. Obviously, Edward still had a lot of worries about this. And I could tell that it was eating at him constantly, but he was always trying to stay strong.

"Edward?" I asked gently, "You know you can tell me these things."

I only saw his inner struggle in moments like this, where something triggers his anxieties and he gets protective.

Edward smiled gratefully at me, his eyes looking at me with….adoration?

"What did I do to deserve a girlfriend like you," he sighed. I looked up at his green eyes, framed by a few pieces of half-wet copper hair. They were…undoubtedly affectionate.

"Somehow," he mused, "You seem to know exactly how to make me relax. And you actually get me to _share my feelings_."

He said the last part with a disgusted face.

"Oooh, so scary!" I teased with a laugh.

"It _is_ slightly disconcerting," Edward laughed with me, "I feel exposed. Completely."

"Hmm," I said, pretending to think, "We must have something special."

"I agree," Edward said with a smirk, "Very special."

I was all tingly. Because I felt the same things Edward was saying. He made me feel bolder, stronger, and whole. And when I talked to him like this, I felt…well, tingly. It's hard to explain, I know, and I must sound like an idiot. There's just…_aggghh_.

There's just something about this Cullen family, you know?

And this type of relationship with Edward was not what I had expected at all when he kissed me. No, I think the true…connection we had began to sink in a bit later. And this type of summer was not at all what I had expected when my mother told me I was going to babysit a ten year old girl.

"Edward!" Maria called from the growing sand castle mounds, "Come here!"

Edward turned to me and grinned.

"They need my expert sand castle making advice," he laughed. I rolled my eyes and pulled his head down with one hand. I planted my lips on his unexpected lips and he gasped into my mouth. I made this kiss short and sweet, but definitely not chaste. When I pulled away, he looked liked a kicked puppy and I had to laugh.

"Go on, expert sand castle maker," I mocked. Edward scowled playfully and stood up. I laughed as he stomped towards Maria.

Rosalie and Alice were smirking at me when he left. I gave them a confused look.

"Why should the sun be out when we have Bella here to brighten up the whole beach with her smile?" Rosalie teased with a smirk.

"Am I?" I asked with a laugh, but even as I did I could feel the involuntary sides of my goofy smile pull up.

"Yeah, you are," Rosalie and Alice said at the same time.

"Oh…" I said, blushing.

"Why do you think we've left you two alone for most of the day?" Alice snickered, "You're a sexual explosion just waiting to happen."

"Well, gee," I said sarcastically, "Here I thought my best friends were just giving me and my boyfriend some privacy."

"Hmm," Rosalie said, smiling, "That's what _normal_ best friends would do…"

"But we're not exactly normal, now are we?" Alice filled in with a laugh.

"Lucky me," I sighed.

Edward

I had a very hard time leaving Bella. Well, each time I do, it always gets harder, so I should have expected that. Do you know how good she looked in my t shirt? Almost as good as in that swim suit. Dear God, I almost had a heart attack when she took off her shirt and lifted her arms above her head. That girl does not know how poisonous she really is.

I've noticed before, but now it's becoming more prominent. People, listen…I think I'm falling for her. To think! Edward Cullen falling for his little sister's nanny! I never expected it from me. But I'm falling, that's for sure. I've just opened my eyes and realized I'm heading straight towards the ground.

What's at the ground is what I'm anxious about the most.

But, like my other anxieties, I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I remained in the present, a smile on my face as I sauntered towards Emmett, Jasper, and Maria working busily over the sand. Jasper was tossing sand over his shoulder, Emmett was digging with his hands around the mote of the castle, and Maria was patting down the different towers.

"Edward!" Maria exclaimed, her face lighting up, "I need you to make that special tower!"

"All right, boss," I said, saluting her playfully. She giggled, going back to patting down the towers and drawing little squares where the windows would be.

After a few moments of working, Jasper let out a growl and I looked up.

"Sand crab pinch you in the butt?" I teased. Jasper shook his head, his murderous eyes behind me. Emmett and I looked to see Jasper's eyes on the girls under the umbrella.

There was a man there. And he was in a black speedo. I couldn't see his face, but it didn't matter because it looked like either Emmett, Jasper, or I was going to break it in a few seconds.

Honestly, what type of guy wears tiny speedos anymore besides professional swimmers?

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**Who is the asshole in the black speedo? Maybe you can guess, maybe you can't. Also, I apologize for the lack of updates recently. I really had wanted this chapter up two days after my last update, but things got in the way (nothing new there, of course). Anyway, I'm also sorry if you had expected a fluffy beach scene with nothing but fun, but the plot has to go on, and Edward's worries don't go away that quickly!**

**More to come in the beach-scene part II! Yayyyyyyy! And that one might be a bit more…steamy (HINT HINT) Review please!**


	10. Beach Bums Part II

Disclaimer: Twilight characters/places/anything amazing that Stephenie thought of is (sadly) not mine

**Disclaimer: Twilight characters/places/anything amazing that Stephenie thought of is (sadly) not mine. **

**A/N: Guess what!? It's that time of week again! Yup, I have updated with the new chapter! And thank you all SO SO SOOOOOOO much for your reviews. Agh! **

_Previously:_

_There was a man there. And he was in a black speedo. I couldn't see his face, but it didn't matter because it looked like either Emmett, Jasper, or I was going to break it in a few seconds. _

_Honestly, what type of guy wears tiny speedos anymore besides professional swimmers?_

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"Ew," Maria muttered, wrinkling her nose at the asshole in the speedo. We still couldn't see his face, but we all stood from our castle-making. I felt anger rumbling through me, and I didn't even _know_ the guy.

"Let's go," Emmett said, his voice menacing and dangerous. Jasper and I nodded and I grabbed Maria's hand. She was looking at me, trying to decipher my expression. I gave her a very tight, weak smile and she rolled her eyes at me.

We marched over to the guy, and the girls' eyes flew to us. I was ecstatic to see Bella's face flood with relief, but cautious when Alice and Rosalie's eyes grew amused. The guy, noticing he no longer had the attention of the pretty, beach girls, turned to us. And you know what? He actually gave us the up down. That's right. He checked _us_ out.

I gaped at Emmett and Jasper, seeing if they saw it too. From their wide eyes, I could see that they did. We stopped right next to him, and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. His eyes were looking a little too appreciatively at me.

"Hey ladies," Jasper addressed, his eyes looking cautiously at speedo-guy, "Who's your friend..?"

Bella

Who would have guessed that some random guy in a speedo would come up to you and your friends, saying they had the same beach umbrella as you? I wouldn't have, trust me, but I was _not_ getting a kick out of it like Rosalie and Alice. I felt bad, actually, because he was pretty handsome. Though, I definitely didn't agree with his bathing suit choice…ew. I was getting uncomfortable, and that's when I saw the guys marching angrily towards us. I almost let out a sigh of relief, but the guy in the speedo turned around.

He checked them out. He _literally_ eyed them like they were a piece of meat. Alice and Rosalie bit back laughs, as if they were expecting that to happen. Of course. They knew he was gay, and they didn't try to drop any hints to me. Such great friends, really.

The guys' faces immediately turned from fuming to shocked. I was sympathetic towards Maria, who didn't understand any of this, holding Edward's hand. She was glancing between Edward, the guy in the speedo, and me.

"Hey ladies," Jasper murmured hesitantly, "Who's your friend...?"

"Jazzy," Alice giggled, "This is Rick. He's from Queens."

Rick smiled widely at the guys, and I could have sworn I saw Edward cringe.

"Rick has the same beach umbrella as us," Rosalie filled in, grinning, "Don't you, Rick?"

"I was just pointing out to them what great taste your girls have," Rick said coolly, flipping his sleek, blonde-almost-white hair from his eyes with one hand. Good, he wasn't an idiot and could tell that these guys were _ours_. No taking away my man, Ricky.

"And we were about to tell him that Edward actually picked out the umbrella, right Edward?" Alice said mischievously. Rick's eyes flashed to Edward excitedly. I was going to smack Alice. Was she trying to sell my man off to this guy? Gr…I'll kill that little pixie.

"Really?" Rick asked, suddenly flirty and seductive. Edward looked shocked and terrified.

"I-I," Edward stuttered. He glanced to me, silently begging me to save him.

"Wow," Rick continued, "That's very…very interesting." He ogled at Edward, who shifted his feet and looked away.

"Anyway," Rick sighed, looking back at us, "I have to get going now, but it was nice chatting with you. Peace out!"

"Bye," Alice and Rosalie chorused together with a giggle. I smiled politely at him, and then he gave one last look to Edward before waving goodbye. He trotted off and I glared at Alice.

"Alice!" Edward and I exclaimed at the same time. Jasper and Emmett hollered with laughter, their anger gone.

"What?" Alice giggled innocently, "He was pretty handsome, Edward, I think I did you a favor."

I threw the bottle cap of my soda onto her and scowled. She chucked it back at me. Edward looked like he was about to gag. Or throw up. Or murder Alice. Emmett chuckled and let out a big sigh of relief.

"I'm glad you don't go for gay guys in speedos, Rosie," Emmett grinned at Rosalie, "Unlike Edward, of course."

Edward smacked Emmett on the back of his head as we all broke out into laughter. Maria was grinning, finally getting it.

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Someone once said that the roar of the ocean's waves was nature's lullaby. That there was nothing more beautiful than the rolling blue waves crashing onto the sand, leaving shadows of white foam. Obviously, that someone has not lain on a beach blanket with Edward Cullen, the sun setting and him humming melodies softly in your ear. The wind was cooler than during the day, and tasted like salt as I breathed.

We had partied on the beach all day, eating ice cream, hamburgers, and finishing sand castles. We'd gone in the ocean a few more times, saying hi to Rick, who was floating in the water next to us. Until, of course, the guys would pull us away quickly. Rosalie, Alice, Maria, and I had gotten into a sun tan lotion fight. We flung it at each other until we all smelled like Alice's tropical-scented sun tan lotion, white globs peppered on every inch of our skin, and Alice was pouting at her empty bottle.

And now, everyone on the beach was sitting on their beach blankets, waiting for the sun to set over the glassy, blue ocean. The air was cold, but as I hugged myself closer to Edward, I could feel nothing but content. His heart was beating slowly and calmly. He smelled like ocean and sun tan lotion, his shirt was soft as I laid my head on it. The sky was an orange color, tinting our skin colors, and making this moment feel even more surreal.

"What are you humming?" I asked softly. He stopped, and the vibration from the humming stopped in his chest.

"A song I wrote…" he said, his eyes thinking and dreamy. Then he turned his head down to grin at me. His hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me towards him, and I wrapped my arm around his warm neck.

"Did you have fun today?" he asked, his fingers playing gently with locks of my hair.

"More than should be legal," I giggled, "I don't want this summer to end."

"Me neither."

The wind rustled through his hair as his burning gaze pierced mine. What was this feeling? Deep in my gut? I had this hunch, but you know how you can never be sure. Was it love? My brain was telling me no, but my body was telling me that it never _ever_ wanted to be out of Edward's arms.

How does love happen? How can this feeling twist inside me, and more importantly, how can I tell if it _is_ love?

Everyone says that the best love grows. That over time, fondness and deep selflessness grows in you for one person. But then, there have been countless times where love happens for _more_ than one person, sometimes one stronger than the other. Is it ever perfect? Does it ever work out? Love is turbulent, and no one can ever toss a net over it to examine or understand it. Look at me; I never thought about love too much. I never thought about _relationships_ too much, and all I did was date people based on basic attraction.

Except, with Edward, there was _more_. And I didn't know what that _more_ was or how it even got there.

And then there was Rick. Love bloomed for him in a way that a lot of people thought to be 'unnatural'. And some of these people were the same ones who said that best love grows. And yet, Rick still has his shot at a chance for love, 'unnatural' or not, right? So, what do we _really_ know about love?

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, brushing his thumb over my cheek lightly. I shivered, and it wasn't because I was cold.

"You, of course," I grinned cheekily. Edward rolled his eyes.

"And more specifically…" he trailed off, his eyes searching mine curiously.

I couldn't tell him. Not yet. Our relationship had just progressed further, and I was probably just getting ahead of myself. Aren't guys afraid of commitment? I didn't want to say those three words and have Edward feel bound and uncomfortable. Or worse, I didn't want him running off on me.

"How much I like laying here with you," I said truthfully. Edward's face broke out into that marvelous crooked grin.

"I think I might like it more," he teased with a chuckle.

"I highly doubt it."

"Oh really?"

"Yup," I said curtly. Then I reached my hands up, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him down for a kiss. He eagerly ran his tongue over my bottom lip, and I gladly opened my mouth to him. We deepened the kiss, our tongues dancing together hungrily. Then, I pulled away softly and slowly.

Edward grinned again.

He kissed the bottom of my jaw before settling me back into my place in his arms. I looked over at Maria. She was sitting on a beach towel with Ryan, that boy from New Jersey. She had let her hair down, now, and her knees were bent, wrapping her arms around them. Ryan was next to her, leaning back on his hands to support himself as they talked. Every so often, she would giggle, and Ryan's eyes would light up in excitement.

Then, his hand went up hesitantly and brushed a piece of hair from Maria's face. Maria remained perfectly still, and then smiled at Ryan, who looked relieved and ecstatic. Ah, ten year old love.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"Do you remember your crushes when you were ten?" I asked. Edward looked confused, but then looked over at Maria and Ryan, and understanding crossed his face.

"Not really," he said, shrugging, "I didn't get interested in dating girls until I was thirteen or fourteen."

"Really?" I said, "Well, I remember my ten year old romances."

"Romances? Plural?" Edward asked, amused. I rolled my eyes.

"I got my first kiss when I was ten," I said lightly. Edward smiled adoringly at me.

"Lucky guy," he teased, "And it wasn't a dare?"

"I don't think so," I laughed, "Why? You think a guy would only kiss me if dared?"

"At that age, yes," Edward said, "But now, I think guys would pay money to kiss you."

"Yeah, _okay_," I brushed off sarcastically, "When was your first kiss?"

"Eh… seventeen or sixteen, I don't remember really. This girl in my grade just kissed me after a school dance or something."

Oddly, I felt insanely jealous. I bet Edward was gorgeous even as a gawky teenager.

"Do you remember her name?" I asked, trying to keep the envy out of my voice.

"No," Edward sighed, looking down, "And I probably should…"

I smiled and Edward laughed.

"You're happy about that, aren't you?" he smirked. I shrugged, but didn't deny it.

Then, someone on the beach put some music on from their speakers. People slowly rolled off their blankets and began dancing. The music was soft and gentle, loving and sweet. More and more people began dancing, including Rosalie and Emmett. Jasper and Alice joined too. I was happy with just _listening_ to the music, but you know how Edward has different ideas.

"Want to dance?" he asked casually, tugging at my wrist.

"If you enjoy me stomping all over your feet or tripping over everything," I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You think I mind any type of contact with you at all?" he asked, smirking boldly. I blushed so deeply and he chuckled.

"Come on, I won't let you trip, I promise," he said standing up. He stuck his hand out to me to help me up. I looked at it as if it was poison.

"Bella," he insisted, "It's all the leading, I promise."

Reluctantly, I took his hand and he pulled me up to my feet with ease. I stood their awkwardly, looking at my feet, but he gently pulled me towards him. I looked up into his eyes, which were nothing but caring. He placed my arms around his neck, smiling encouragingly, and wrapped his own arms around my waist. We danced slowly to the music, in synch with all the other dancers on the beach.

I watched my feet, making sure not to step on his feet. I felt his hand under my chin, urging my face upwards again.

"You're dancing fine, Bella," he insisted, "Don't think about it too much."

I nodded, closing my eyes and letting the soft music lead me. When I was much more at ease, I opened my eyes into Edward's green ones. I felt myself getting lost, and then his lips were on mine again, bubbling with adoration. I poured myself into the kiss, letting all my worries go and letting all my senses fill with Edward.

And his kiss mirrored mine. Surely he didn't…wait…did he?

Edward

I pulled away from Bella, peppering kisses along her jaw carefully. Her breathing picked up, and when I pulled back, she looked at me with her wide, endless, brown eyes. I smiled at her and she smiled back. She rested her head on my chest as we swayed to the music.

I let out a contented sigh and felt the soft sand tickle the sides of my bare feet as I danced with Bella.

Maybe it was supposed to feel like this, but I couldn't tell. How could someone who's never been in love before tell the difference between love and infatuation? All I knew was that it had never felt this way before with any of the girls I dated. It's like all this time I'd been running around the world with a blank map, and suddenly I knew where I was. Suddenly, the picture on my blank map was one of Bella's smiling face.

But was that love? Or was that me going crazy?

I never understood how you could place a name on love. And who placed all these rules on it? Who said that love was not lasting if it was at first sight? Who said that moving too fast was a bad thing? If love was a locomotive, was I just supposed to stand in the middle of the track, sticking my arms out and hoping I could stop the damn thing? If I stopped it, would you be content and tell me I was now moving at a speed normal for love?

The heart is one of the strongest muscles in your body. Imagine squeezing a tennis ball. Now imagine squeezing it as many times as your heart beats a day. Over and over, your heart does that much work. And you don't even control your heart. It's an involuntary muscle, and does its work so you don't have to tell it to beat like you have to tell your legs to move.

And the heart keeps you living.

It was such a crazy thought. If the heart was the source of love, then does love keep you living? Can you control love or is it involuntary like your heart?

It was terrifying, thinking of giving my heart to someone to take care of. It was like saying, 'I trust you with the very thing that keeps me living.' Now, I could see why someone picked the heart to be the symbol of love. It was a pretty accurate comparison.

And, as I looked at Bella in my arms, I could see myself giving her my heart to take care of. Maybe that was dangerous, and maybe I wasn't strong enough to stop the locomotive. Maybe all the elders who made the rules of love were going to scold upon me for rushing things. And I bet you're wondering how it happened so fast. How I went from being attracted to her to giving her my heart. But guess what? I'm wondering the same thing.

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Bella

Once it almost completely dark, we all went back to the car, all of us still slightly in the surreal daze the beach had threw on us. Maria was looking remorsefully back at the beach and climbed into the car, her nose basically pressed up against the window.

I placed my hand on her shoulder, and she turned towards me, eyes full of sadness.

"You two will keep in touch, I promise," I said, smiling warmly at her. Her lips turned up slightly, a weak attempt at a smile that didn't reach her eyes. I was going to press her on it, but I decided against it. She didn't seem like she wanted to talk.

We drove off to the city. Alice, Jasper, and Maria all fell asleep. Emmett dropped us off at our places, and Edward carried Maria, sleeping, in his arms up to their apartment. He put her bag next to her bed, and I pulled down the covers. Edward slipped her into the bed, and she snuggled up to her pillow, letting out a sigh. Her blonde curls hung over her face, and Edward gently brushed them back. I turned off the lights and Edward glanced back at Maria, shutting the door behind him.

We went to Edward's house, and as we were walking down his block to his apartment building, chatting casually in the darkness, my phone rang and I cringed. I haven't had the best experience with phones when Edward was around.

"Hello?" I asked cautiously, bracing myself. I saw Edward grinning out of the corner of my eye, probably at my tenseness.

"Bella? How are you, honey?" Renee's happy voice flooded from the phone.

"Oh," I said, a bit relieved it wasn't Alice or Rosalie waiting to embarrass me, "Fine."

"I miss you here at work, did I tell you that?"

"A few times."

"How are things at the Cullens'?"

"Good…"

I always have the strangest sense of déjà vu when I talk to her over the phone. She was a proud recycler of words. You know, going green and all that.

"That's great," she mused.

"How's dad?" I asked conversationally. I only wanted to chat so she didn't think I was on a date or something. She would go ballistic. I smiled apologetically at Edward, and he just smirked at me.

"Ah, you know," she sighed, "Went on a fishing trip this weekend."

"Oh? With who?"

"Billy Black. You remember him don't you?"

"Of course."

"Where are you, honey?" she asked, "Do you want to come over and-"

"Oh. I'm just err…out with…"

"Out? Really? Who with?"

I swallowed, squeezing my eyes shut before taking a deep breath.

"Edward Cullen," I said in the lowest voice possible.

"Who?" she asked again, clearly not hearing my super-low voice.

"Edward Cullen," I said a bit louder, gritting my teeth. I heard a car rush by, and realized she was walking down a busy street.

"What?" she asked again, "Sorry, hun, I can't hear you. Can you speak up?"

"EDWARD CULLEN," I shouted. Edward broke out into laughter, but quickly clamped his lips shut to muffle them. I gave him a dirty glare, but blushed anyway.

"Edward…?" she asked with doubt, "Wow. That's so…"

"Mom, I really have to go now," I said quickly.

"Edward….really? Oh wow that's just-"

"Bye, mom," I stuttered quickly. I snapped my phone shut and looked straight forwards, avoiding the teasing about to come from Edward.

I felt his arm wrap around my waist, chuckling and pulling me towards him. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my red cheeks.

"I love when you get all flustered," Edward whispered into my ear. I shivered and he grinned impishly.

"Well, that's good then because it's always _your_ fault I get flustered," I accused, pointing a finger at him.

"Me!?" he gaped.

"Yes _you_. You're like a curse or something whenever I talk on the phone around you or to you."

"Oh really?" he laughed, "And maybe you could explain that further?"

"You're presence makes me…" I cut off quickly, noticing where the conversation was turning. It was zooming into Embarrassed Street, Flustered Bella Avenue.

"What?" Edward insisted, looking at me with his green eyes. There was when I was supposed to look away, but I didn't, and I was going to crash right into the street sign on Putty In His Hands Boulevard.

"Nothing," I stuttered quickly.

"My presence makes you…flustered?"

I ignored the amusement in his tone and was relieved to see the door to the apartment building. I picked up my speed and pushed the door open, marching towards the elevator. I heard Edward's fast footsteps behind me, but I kept calm and collected, besides my burning cheeks.

Edward leaned behind me, pushing the button which, in my flustered state, I wasn't smart enough to push. Then he pulled back and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He placed a kiss right under my ear.

"You never answered my question," he said in a low voice. The elevator door opened and I stepped in silently, blushing and staring at the buttons. Edward followed, pressing the floor for his apartment. The doors closed and he turned on me.

"Isabella Swan," he said, looking at me intensely, "Am I going have to force the answer out of you?"

Oh please don't. The second you so much as kiss me, I'm going to be a puddle of nothingness.

In one step, he was standing right in front of me and he grabbed the back of my head with two hands, bringing me an inch away from his perfect face. My heart was beating in tempos not normally healthy for a weak girl with only so much blood.

He looked at me from through his lashes, running one finger over my lips. I closed my eyes…

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**Okay, so I might have changed my mind on the whole steaminess for THIS chapter. You see, I think I might just do a one chapter lemon so people who don't want to read it can skip it. But yeah, I also know that where I dropped you guys off in this chapter wasn't the kindest place…**

**Not THAT much of a cliffie, though, because I'm not putting anyone in danger. Except Bella's heart, of course. Oh, and speaking of hearts (teehee) sorry that I barfed up all my philosophies about love onto you. Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts about it. mollycullen, you know all about that. **

**If you don't understand what the hell I mean about all these love philosophies, you can PM me or drop a review about it. And if you think I'm getting too fluffy and should get back to the drama soon, I apologize. I want to drag this story on longer than I planned, so I think I'll let the happiness grow before introducing the drama again. **

**Anywayyyyyyyy. Review? Please? I'll love you like I love Edward! (okay, not quite so passionate, but you get the idea)**


	11. Bon Jovi and Brownie Lovin'

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie..blahdy blahdy blah….**

**A/N: Okay, people, listen up**_**. THIS IS NOT THE LEMON CHAPTER**_**! If you thought I was going to make this the lemon chapter, then I apologize for the confusion. It's coming….but not for a while. Story development, my friends, story development. **

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Once my eyes were shut, I could hear Edward's quickened breathing. The warmth of his breath fanned across my face and I completely forgot we were in an elevator. His hand slithered up my waist and I wanted him to pull me closer.

Then the elevator 'dinged' and my eyes sprung open. Edward's face was close to mine but a frustrated scowl grew on his face. I laughed and grabbed his hand before walking out the elevator doors. Edward was still staring at me even as we got to his door. He pulled the keys from his pocket and stuck them in the key hole.

"So are you going to tell me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I am pretty tired of you pulling things out of me with your seductive persuasion," I remarked. Edward laughed.

"I wouldn't call it seductive…" he said.

"Yeah, I'd call it unfair."

"So just tell me then."

"But you already _know_ what you do to me," I whined. Edward smirked.

"It's only because you do the same to me," he quipped back, "Fair is fair, you know."

"I _highly_ doubt I can affect you the same way you do to me."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"And here I thought you usually made good observations," Edward sighed. He pushed the door open and I followed.

"What does-"

I was cut off my Edward's eager lips crashing onto mine. He held either sides of my face and shut his door with one foot, never breaking the kiss. When he pulled away, he nipped by bottom lip and I was breathing heavily.

"Was that just a way to get me to shut up?" I said breathlessly, "Or are you just terribly impatient?"

A big grin broke out onto Edward's face and I felt myself to begin to smile as well. He pulled my face to his again, but stopped right before our lips touched. He eyed my lips before looking up at me through his lashes. My heart began to beat erratically, but surely I should be used to that by now.

"A little bit of both," Edward murmured with a smirk. His lips brushed against mine as he spoke and I felt _myself_ become terribly impatient.

"You're too tempting for your own good," he mused against my lips again. His hands slid up my arms before stopping at the crook of my neck. I held back a gasp of pleasure. He crashed his lips to mine again.

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I pushed the shopping cart along the slick floors of Staples. Maria was running next to it, her eyes scanning the aisles of school supplies. I was humming along to the song playing overhead and watching little boys and girls hold up colorful school supplies to their parents. The parents would either shake their heads vehemently or sigh into defeat and toss the colorful school supplies into their shopping cart.

Much to my dismay, Maria was basically doing the same thing. She ran up to the cart, flashing this neon green, mirror in my face.

"What on earth would you use that for?" I asked in awe.

"My locker, of course!" Maria exclaimed as if it was completely obvious.

"They don't have mirrors in your school…?"

"Ugh, never mind," Maria sighed. She put the mirror back on the shelf and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Am I acting like the frustrating, non-understanding parent?" I laughed.

"Yes," Maria said immediately. I laughed again and she grinned.

"Except, you could just buy whatever you want, you know," I pointed out, "You're parents gave you that credit card…"

"Yeah, well I'll take the normal, frustrating school shopping over the boring, credit card one."

The normal one. Makes sense, I guess…

"Oh," I said blankly. Maria didn't say anything. She tossed a box of pencils into the shopping cart.

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"When are you going to get your school supplies?" Maria asked, looking up at me.

We were sitting on her bedroom floor. I was helping to organize her binder and she was putting stuff inside her pencil case and backpack.

"Soon, I guess," I said with a shrug, "It's not such a big thing for me."

"Oh. When you get to grad school, school supplies just becomes like grocery shopping?"

"Something like that," I laughed, "Mostly, I just don't want to think about school…"

"Don't you like going to school?"

"Oh yeah, I love school, it's just that…I don't want the summer to end really."

"Oh. Is grad school hard?"

"I've heard it could be, but it all depends," I said with a laugh.

Maria nodded and went back to sharpening pencils and putting them in her pencil case. I snapped the binder shut, and accidentally snapped it against my thumb. A sharp pain burst through my pain.

"Ouch!" I shouted. I brought my thumb to my mouth and sucked on it. Maria looked up, wide eyed.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I snapped the binder rings closed on my thumb," I whimpered. Maria was silent for a moment. Then she broke out into giggles.

"Hey, it _hurts_," I snapped, but couldn't help the smile that grew on my face.

"Were you always so clumsy?" Maria asked, still giggling.

"As long as I can remember," I sighed. Maria stood up.

"Do you want me to get you some ice?" she asked, trying to hold back a smile.

"No, I think I'll live," I said with another laugh. Maria nodded and sat back down. Then their home phone rang and Maria picked it up.

"Hello?" she said, "Oh, hey Edward."

My attention was immediately caught. Obviously.

"No, they're not home," Maria said, her brow furrowing in confusion. Then she glanced up at me.

"She's helping with organizing my school supplies," she continued, "See you in ten minutes, then."

"Edward will be home in ten minutes," she clarified after she hung up the phone, "He just left work."

"Oh," I said.

We worked for a little longer. I remembered my first days of school, and how the new school supplies were always the redeeming quality. I asked Maria if she was excited for school, and all she did was shrug. I didn't want to press her on the topic, and I knew she'd tell me if she needed or wanted to. She asked me if I was excited for school.

All I did was shrug.

Maybe her reasons for shrugging were just as complex as mine.

Then I heard the front door open and I felt my face light up with excitement. I heard Edward's silky voice call Maria and mine's names. We hopped from the ground and walked out the door, me in front of Maria, of course. Edward's face broke out into a grin. He engulfed me in his arms and placed a short, sweet kiss on my lips. Maria made a gagging noise and we both laughed. Edward let me out of his arms and bent down to give Maria a hug too.

"Mom and Dad are coming home early tonight," he said to Maria as he shrugged out of his jacket.

I watched as his muscles flexed under his white button down shirt. His hands went up to loosen the tie around his neck and he unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. I couldn't breathe. He was practically stripping right in front of me. Okay, so I was exaggerating, but it was still pretty mesmerizing.

There is a word for my ogling and mindless drooling: pathetic.

"For party preparations?" Maria asked. Edward nodded, and turned at me to smirk mischievously. So he caught me being pathetic. Well, that's just wonderful.

"Yeah," Edward said, flashing his twinkling green eyes at me again.

"Party?" I asked, "What party?"

"End of summer party," Maria clarified, "We have one every year."

"Oh…that's nice," I said weakly, watching Edward un-tuck the ends of his white shirt from his pants. Such a tease. He was definitely doing this on purpose.

"You know, I've had this strange urge all day," Edward began with a slight laugh.

"To do what?" I asked.

"Make brownies," Edward said, chuckling and watching Maria's face light up.

"YAY!" she exclaimed, all but sprinting towards the kitchen.

Edward and I began walking slowly towards the kitchen. He was smirking at me and I was blushing.

"Enjoy the show?" he asked seductively. My heart jerked, slamming into my ribcage.

"You're evil," I muttered, blushing. He laughed.

"Hey, it's not my fault you're such a _good observer_."

We got to the kitchen, where Maria was already chatting with Kate, sitting on the counter with her legs swinging over the edge. Kate grinned at me, and then turned to scowl at Edward.

"You're going to mess up my clean kitchen with your brownie making again, Mr. Cullen?" she said, teasingly scowling at Edward. Edward grinned sheepishly.

"That's the fun of making them ourselves!" Maria squealed.

"They always do this," Kate said, clicking her tongue and I looked at her sympathetically.

"We always clean up our mess, Kate!" Edward called after Kate as she walked out the kitchen. I heard her laugh as she retreated.

"Let's get started!" Maria shouted impatiently.

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I couldn't help but enjoy myself. Brownies were chocolate, and chocolate was my weakness. Not only that, but un-baked brownie batter was _amazing_. Have you ever tasted it? It'll probably give me health problems when I'm older, but it tastes like heaven, if heaven tasted like deliciousness.

That being said, I was still trying to get a fingertip of brownie batter as Edward was mixing it. He kept moving the bowl away from me, glaring at me teasingly.

"Bella," he said in his threatening voice, "Patience is a virtue."

"But it tastes so much better now than it does once it's cooked," I said, pretty much groveling now. I dipped my hand in to take some batter when he wasn't looking, but he moved the bowl again.

"Edward," I whined. I pouted but Edward just rolled his eyes.

"Are you being mean, Edward?" Maria asked, coming back into the kitchen with her radio.

"Yes!" I said immediately.

"Bella's just being greedy and impatient," Edward said, defending himself. Maria sighed, and placed the radio on the counter.

"I just want to one scoop!" I said, pouting again and holding up one finger. Maria giggled.

"You've had _more_ than one scoop," Edward said, "There's going to be no more batter left if I give in to you like this!"

"Oh shoot," Maria murmured, "I forgot the cord. Hold on."

She left the kitchen again. I still wanted that batter. And I was going to get it. I was on the prowl.

I put my back against the counter and leaned back. Edward was facing the counter, his eyes glued protectively on the batter he was stirring. I slid one hand up his arm and he tensed. He didn't meet my gaze and stared more determinedly at the batter.

"That's not going to work, Bella," he said, but his voice broke at the end and I knew he was lying. He shouldn't have told me I affected him too. I almost let out an evil laugh at this discovery.

"Can I have a little _please_?" I cooed, sliding the arm up to the back of his neck. I played with the hairs there and Edward shut his eyes tightly. He stopped stirring. I bit my lip to stop my giggle and I leaned up on my tip toes. I placed a kiss under his jaw and, quickly, pulled the bowl of brownie batter from his grasp.

His eyes sprung open and he glared. I stepped away and took a big glop of batter on my finger. I put it in my mouth and Edward advanced towards me. I spun around so that he couldn't get the bowl.

"It's not my fault your defenses crumble so quickly," I teased. I saw Edward's cheeks tinge a slight pink color and marveled at it. I made him blush!

"Found it!" Maria said, marching back into the kitchen with a black cord in her hands. She plugged in the radio, turned it on, and then noticed I was holding the bowl.

"Oh Edward," she sighed in mock disappointment, "You're such a softie."

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"OOOHHH! WE'RE HALFWAY THERE! OHH! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!"

We all belted the Bon Jovi song that was playing from the radio. Maria was sitting on the counter again, Edward was washing the dishes, and I was wiping some of our mess off of the walls and counter. I was swaying my hips slightly to the beat, Maria was swaying her legs back and forth off the counter, and Edward was bobbing his head. I scrubbed at a little bit of brownie on the counter.

The brownies were delicious, and Edward hadn't yet forgiven me for stealing the batter away, but I think I was silently forgiven. Hopefully.

"TAKE MY HAND, WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR! OOOHH! LIVIN ON A PRAYER!"

We were belting at the top of our lungs, and I threw my head back as I shouted the lyrics. It was so fun hearing Edward's voice sing a classic song. He looked like he was enjoying himself. That now all-too-familiar feeling erupted in my gut as he too threw his head back to sing. And that all-too-familiar grin broke out on my face. I kept scrubbing, letting the music send my senses into somewhere surreal. Somewhere where Edward was belting Bon Jovi….

Suddenly, when my back was turned, I felt something wet hit me on the back of my shirt. I gasped and spun around. Maria was laughing hysterically and Edward was fighting a laugh, meeting my eyes bravely.

"Payback, sweetheart," Edward crooned in a low voice. I glared at him and reached my hand up to feel what hit me on my back. It was soapy water.

"That's so mature, Edward," I hissed. He laughed and I advanced towards him. I got to the sink and dipped my sponge in the water, absorbing the soapy water. Edward wiped off his smile, looking cautiously at me.

"Ooooh," Maria mocked with a laugh, "You're going to get it, Edward."

"Bella, sweetheart, darling, no," Edward said, laughing nervously and putting his hands up in defense and surrender.

I wasn't going to give up, but I definitely liked his terms of endearment for me.

"Why not?" I asked coyly.

"Because we're even now, and-"

I cut him off, throwing the wet sponge at him. It hit him smack in the middle of his white shirt. It slid off, leaving a trail of white suds. The wetness seeped throughout his whole shirt, and he wiped his face from where the suds splashed up there. Maria and I laughed again. Maria hopped off the counter and stood by me. She clutched her sides as she laughed and I leaned against the counter for support as I did the same.

"You should have seen your face!" Maria said brokenly through her laughter.

"You think this is funny?" Edward asked, his expression deadly. We nodded, tears forming in our eyes from all the laughter.

The next thing we knew, water from the sink was being splashed at us. Maria squealed and I gasped again.

A large water fight ensued, one which ended in me completely soaked from waist up. My pants, thankfully, only had a few splashes on it and seemed like they would be drying quickly. Maria and Edward were pretty wet too. There was a good thing out of this, of course. Edward's wet clothes clung to him in a yummy way, and his wet shirt gave me a delicious view of his chest. His wet hair hung over his eyes in a tempting way as he smiled crookedly at me.

"That was fun," he remarked, rolling up his wet sleeves.

"I'm freezing!" Maria said, her teeth chattering.

"M-me too!" I stuttered, "Turn down the A.C."

Maria went to turn it off and walked back.

"Well, this is just great," Maria huffed, "Now the whole kitchen is wet and Bella's clothes are all wet. How on earth is she going to talk to our parents like that, Edward?"

Edward's eyes flashed towards me, and did a quick one over. His eyes lingered on my chest. Oh shit…

I looked down. I wasn't wearing a white t-shirt, but it was soaking and thin. It was very obvious that I was freezing cold. I quickly crossed my arms.

"Here, you go change, Maria, and I'll get Bella one of my shirts," Edward said, tearing his eyes away from me, "Meet back in the kitchen to clean up."

Edward

_Agh._ It had to be a water fight. And Bella's shirt had to be so thin. I used all my strength to tear my eyes away from her chest.

Bella followed me to my old room, where I thankfully kept some clothes and other belongings there. I could hear her teeth chattering as I went through my closet. I came out with a dark green button down shirt. She still had her arms crossed and looked at the shirt like a thirsty man looks at water in a desert.

"Thank you," she said, reaching out and taking the shirt. I grinned at her. Her eyes linger on my shirt.

"Are you going to change too?" she asked in a small voice. I smirked at her and reached up to unbutton my shirt.

"Do you want me to?" I asked seductively, undoing one button.

"Edward!" she exclaimed, hitting me on my shoulder playfully, "You're such a tease!"

I kissed her on her lips quickly and laughed.

"Go get changed," I said, grinning. She stuck her tongue out at me and walked into my bathroom.

I peeled off my wet shirt and quickly pulled on a new, blue button down shirt. Bella stepped out of the bathroom right as I was doing the last three buttons. She never looked so tempting….

She rolled up the sleeves and tied her wet hair in a messy bun. It looked better on her than it did on me. She walked towards me cautiously. My eyes scanned over her body shamelessly.

"How do I look?" she asked tentatively. As if she didn't know.

"Painfully gorgeous," I said slightly incoherently.

"Painfully?" she asked, her eyes lighting up with humor.

"Yeah, it kind of hurts," I teased.

"Well then, if I'm painful, then you're stabbing me over and over," she said, laughing.

"Wow, such a compliment," I said, rolling my eyes.

"It is!" she insisted with a giggle.

"Come on, let's go clean up our mess," I said, wrapping my arm around her waist and leading her out the door.

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Bella

We were wiping down the kitchen, everyone in fresh new clothes. Kate came in, opened her mouth as if she was about to ask something, but then just shook her head and walked away. We all had a good laugh about that.

Edward's shirt smelled amazing. It smelled like him, but with the fresh scent of fabric softener. I just wanted to cuddle in it and never let go.

And suddenly, I was very jealous of the shirt. The shirt got to cling on to all the time, rubbing against his skin every second of the day. Was it all that crazy to want to be touching Edward Cullen's skin all the time? Mmmhmm. Yeah, I didn't think you'd disagree with my logic.

Once we were finished, we settled on the couch. Edward's arm was over my shoulder casually and Maria was laying down, her feet propped up on my lap. She looked tired as she played with the ends of the couch pillow. Her eyelids were drooping lazily. I glanced at the clock. Seven. _This_ was early for Carlisle and Esme?

"So, I take it Maria didn't buy anything too crazy?" Edward asked in a low voice, probably noticing Maria was falling asleep.

"No, she wanted her experience to be normal," I said in the same volume of Edward's voice.

"Ah," Edward sighed in understanding, "She's always been a bit obsessed with that."

"We all went through phases where we were obsessed with being 'normal'," I mused.

"Well, Maria doesn't want to fit in…she just wants to be normal…"

"Whatever that means."

"Exactly."

I sighed and rested my head against Edward's shoulder.

"Do your parents know we're dating?" I asked. I was actually just checking, because if figured Edward had told them.

"No," Edward said plainly. My eyes sprung open wide and I looked at him. He gave me an apologetic look and I felt a sudden anxiety overcome me.

"What?" I said in a shocked voice, "Why didn't you tell them?"

"Firstly, they never have the time. Secondly, because I didn't think they'd really mind."

"Mind!? Edward, they could fire me or…or…tell me to stay away from you!" I exclaimed. Edward shushed me and I clamped my mouth shut, remembering that Maria was trying to sleep.

"Edward, you do realize how _bad_ this is, don't you?" I asked in a quieter voice.

"No, Bella, it's not a big issue, I promise," Edward said, sighing in exasperation. I bit my lip and tried to believe his words.

"What are your parents like? Are they the protective type, or the babysitter-hating type, or…or…"

Edward raised an eyebrow at me and I shut up again, stopping my rant. He sighed and pulled me closer to him.

"They're not the babysitter-hating type," he said slowly, "More like the…distant type."

"In a…good way?" I asked, watching Edward's blank face stare forwards.

"Depends," he answered simply, "But I promise they won't fire you. They can't, because they hardly know you like Maria and I do."

"Oh."

Edward gave me a small smile and bent down to kiss me on my forehead. There had been tension between him and his parents before, something that I hadn't given much thought too. Now, I could see Edward's tense eyes, even though his body was completely relaxed. I didn't really know much about why Edward was stiff around his parents, and I noticed that he didn't talk about them much.

Edward turned to me again, rubbing one thumb across my furrowed brow.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.

"Nothing of importance."

"I've told you Bella, and I'll tell you again: I'm _always_ interested."

"Well, I was just thinking about your parents…"

His expression froze and his body stiffened.

"And how little I know about them," I continued. I watched Edward's face try to fight the contorting pain on his face.

This was not the Edward belting Bon Jovi in the kitchen, or the Edward teasing me with the buttons on his shirt, or the Edward making sand castles with Maria on the sand. This Edward was protected and guarded. The Edward that I met the day I found out about Maria's cancer, the Edward that greeted me my first day of work here, and the Edward that was mute when I met his parents…

This Edward and trouble went hand in hand.

I leaned up to kiss him reassuringly under his jaw. For now, I was going to forget my worries about what'd they think of me. I was going to focus on comforting Edward, because a comforted Edward usually led to a comforted Bella.

Isn't that what relationships were about? Selflessness?

Of course, I had forgotten that I was still dressed in his shirt….

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**Teehee. You know, I'm pretty jealous of Edward's shirt too. Damn lucky thing…**

**Anyway, I bet you guys thought I forgot about updating this weekend! Well…you were wrong.**

**Next chapter will be the long awaited confrontation between Edward and the parents! I decided to be merciful and not leave too much of a cliffie. And maybe they'll be more shopping next chapter. You'll just have to wait and see!**

**Review! (you know, just in case you forgot)**


	12. Italian or Sushi?

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**Disclaimer: No. Just…no.**

**A/N: I'm truly truly TRULY sorry for the long wait. I was on vacation this week and this is like the speediest chapter I've ever written. Trust me, I know what it's like to be the patient reader and I feel awful for being the infuriating author.**

**I hope you enjoy this one!**

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You know those moments that are so awkward you're afraid you're going to explode? Where you _know_ there is some tension going on between the people in the room, but you have nothing to do with it? Those moments suck. I hate those. But here I was, sitting on the couch with a very stiff Edward. His parents were sitting across from us, casually drinking some champagne that I kindly declined.

Edward was having this little stare down with his father. It was almost humorous to watch, but I didn't dare laugh. I tucked Maria into bed after Carlisle and Esme came one "early" so her comforting presence wasn't present. Apparently, for this family, getting home at 8:30 is early. I hope this silence wasn't "normal" for an interaction between Edward and his parents. Somehow, I think it is.

"You made brownies?" Esme said, clearing her throat and glancing awkwardly at her fuming son and calm husband locked in a stare-off. I supposed the question was for me considering she was eyeing my shirt. Or rather…_Edward_'s shirt.

"Yes," I replied in my well-mannered voice, "It was Edward and Maria's idea. My shirt got um…indecent during the process and Edward offered me one of his."

"Ah," Esme replied, bringing the thin champagne glass to her lips, "I wish I could have been there to help."

"I'm sure Maria missed your presence," Edward said calmly, finally tearing his eyes away. They were filled with anger.

Cue brief awkward moment of silence.

"We'll be here all of tomorrow to make preparations for the party," Carlisle said, "Maria will love to help with that."

"Edward, dear, who do you plan on bringing as a date this year?" Esme asked calmly, but her knowing eyes glanced at me.

"I actually planned on bringing Bella," Edward said boldly as he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me towards him, "We're dating."

Carlisle and Esme's eyes grew wide and I bit my lip in nervousness. They glanced at each other before Carlisle looked at me.

"Does Renee know?" he asked me. I nodded like a mute idiot. Esme glanced at Carlisle again.

"And Maria?" Esme asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She's approved," Edward said calmly.

"Why are we the last to know?" Carlisle teased with a smile.

"You haven't been around," Edward said immediately. Carlisle immediately looked guilty.

I felt the tension kick up a notch and Esme looked at me apologetically. I pressed myself closer to Edward to try to calm him down.

"Now, son-" Carlisle began.

"Why should I discuss with my nearly non-existent parents about who I date?" Edward interrupted, getting angrier.

"Edward," Esme said sternly. Edward quavered, his eyes on the table. I felt my heartbreaking for him. His eyes looked like they were undergoing the worst kind of torture.

"I'm sorry," Edward murmured gruffly, glancing at his parents and me.

"We aren't against you two dating," Esme said, "I was just curious as to why it took so long for you to tell us."

"We respect your judgment, son," Carlisle said in a fatherly tone. Edward tensed.

His parents didn't seem so bad. Why did I feel like he was going to burst with anger and angst? Huh. Must be something about this family.

"You're free to go, Bella," Carlisle said with a smile, "Thank you for today."

"We'll be expecting you at our party, dear," Esme said with a smile as well. Edward and I stood. I said goodbye to them, and Edward walked with me towards the door. He let out a big breath, but still looked pretty tense.

I cupped his cheek with one hand and he closed his eyes, melting into my hand. I wanted to make the hurt go away. To lift the torture device off his heart. He took another deep breath.

"That wasn't so bad," I whispered comfortingly. Edward opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Not so bad?" he qualified, "Not so bad _for you_."

I took my hand off his cheek and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him towards me. I looked up at him and smiled encouragingly.

"It wouldn't have been so bad for you either if you chillaxed and stopped having an eye-battle with your father," I said.

"Chillaxed?" he teased, humor in his eyes now.

"A mix of 'chill' and 'relax'," I said as if it was obvious, "Duh, Edward."

"Oh right, _of course_," Edward said, rolling his eyes. He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away quickly and opened the door. I stepped one foot out the door before poking my head out and looking at Edward's flabbergasted expression.

"No making out in doorways, remember?" I said with a giggle. I shut the door behind me and ran towards the elevator, still smirking at Edward's expression.

I waited for the elevator before I saw Edward poke his own head out the door. He looked down the hallway and once he eyed me, he smirked. He stepped out and locked the door behind him. Then he stalked towards me as I blinked at him innocently.

"You're not staying the night with your parents?" I asked innocently, blinking with doe eyes for dramatic affect.

"You're such a tease," Edward said, shaking his head and pulling me towards him. I let out a little squeak when he did and he smirked triumphantly.

I leaned up on my tip toes and gave him a chaste kiss. He basically growled when I pulled away. I laughed again.

"I think from all the excitement of today, I deserve a reward for not collapsing," he said slyly.

The elevator rung and we walked in. I put my hands on Edward's shoulders and pulled myself up to his ear. I made sure my lips brushed his earlobe.

"You have my drying shirt," I whispered, "That's reward enough, _darling_."

"And _you_ have m_y_ shirt," Edward pointed out. I stuck my tongue out at him and grabbed his hand as we walked out onto the street.

"I mean, at least you can wear my shirt," Edward continued, "How much of a fag would I look like if I wore yourshirt?"

I broke out into fits of giggles at the image of Edward trying to fit into my tiny shirt. He's much too masculine to try and pull that one off.

"You can always cuddle it when you sleep," I teased.

"Why cuddle a shirt when I can hold the real thing?"

"Because that particular shirt reminds you of the wonderful view you got of me when it was wet," I replied bluntly. Edward blinked for a second, but then his eyes darkened and his smirk returned.

"Just looking at _you_ can make me do that," he said, laughing and pulling me to his side.

He seemed happier now, and I was glad. Of course, being the concerned girlfriend that I am, I would probably confront him about his little parental showdown later. Right now, I was just glad to see I broke him out of his tenseness.

Edward Cullen's angst was just too noticeable sometimes.

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"Edward! I'm being serious!"

I was stomping around his apartment, chasing him while he played with a stupid yo-yo. He was completely absorbed, and smirking at my anger. He just couldn't take me seriously, and all I wanted was to take the yo-yo and smack him with it. Or strangle him. God, he can be so infuriating.

I grabbed his shirt collar and shook him, but he kept his eyes on his spinning red yo-yo. I growled and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me. His sparkling eyes were filled with humor and amusement. I tried to take this topic lightly, trust me, I did, but all he did was ignore my inquiries about his family. I scowled at him.

"You can't honestly think I believe that there isn't some tension between you and your parents," I said in a threatening voice, "How stupid do you think I am?"

"Not stupid," Edward said, fighting a laugh, "But it's not important, I promise."

He spun out of my grasp and I groaned in frustration. How I wished for a baseball bat at times like this. I was angry because he didn't want to listen to me, but I was worried that he didn't want me to care about his issues. I cared a whole lot, and this ignorance of my pleading only heightened my worries. Edward was just a bucketful of headache and worry.

"What do you want to order for dinner?" Edward asked casually, grabbing the phone while still playing with the yo-yo.

"You're unbelievable," I muttered angrily.

"Italian? I was thinking pizza, but maybe you-"

I cut him off by snatching the phone from his hands and chucking it at the couch. Edward smirked in response, leaning against the counter. He crossed his arms and sighed.

"Bella, I was using that," he said calmly with a smile.

"I was _talking_."

"So was I."

"Why are you avoiding this topic?"

"What topic?"

"Edward…"

"Bella, it's not a big deal, I promise. It hardly bothers me at all."

"That's so believable."

Edward smirked again and spun his yo-yo again. I cracked. I put on my death glare and pulled the string of the yo-yo. This brought Edward nose to nose with me and I made sure my eyes didn't waver in their anger. He looked shocked, but his lips curled into that sinful crooked smile.

"Put. The. Yo-yo. _Down_," I hissed menacingly.

"You're cutting off my circulation to that finger."

"Good."

Edward laughed and I let go of the yo-yo. He didn't drop it, though.

"You're sexy when you're mad," Edward crooned, looking at me from under his lashes. I took a deep breath and reminded myself not to be swayed by the charming ways of Edward Cullen.

He brushed his knuckles softly over my cheek as I took deep breaths. He pushed my hair away from my ear with those same knuckles and bent down to whisper in my ear.

"Maybe I should infuriate you more often," he murmured huskily into my ear. I was becoming a puddle of mush again. All because I can't control the way my body reacts when he talks to me like that. Hell, I can't even control my body when I _look_ at him.

"Edward," I warned, pushing away from him shakily.

He gave me a smoldering look with his eyes, and the silence was so intense with lust that I felt my skin itching. Then a grin broke out on his cocky face.

"So…pizza?" he asked cheekily.

I shook my head out of my daze and glared at him. I really was pretty pissed. I didn't understand why he kept hiding stuff from me. Of course, he was doing a very good job of making me forget everything.

Wait…what's my name again?

Kidding. I'm not that bendable…yet.

"Why won't you tell me, Edward," I pleaded in a softer tone. Edward looked up from the menu to peer at me.

"Bella, I appreciate your concern, really," he said, "But it honestly is just normal family tension. I'm used to it, honest to God. It's not something I really feel like discussing."

"It's _bothering_ you," I insisted.

"No it's not."

"Well, now you're just a fucking explosion of happiness, but before you looked like someone stuck a hot iron up your butt. And then turned it sideways."

Edward laughed.

"You make me happier, Bella. Is that so hard to comprehend?"

"Edward."

"Bella."

"Is it always like this?"

"What?"

"Do always have this inner melt down whenever your parents are around?"

"No! I do _not_ have an inner melt down. Jeez, I just don't like my parents that much."

Silence. I looked at the floor and saw Edward's feet walk towards me. I looked up and he put his hand on my back, pushing me towards him lightly. Before he could reach my lips, however, I spoke.

"Do you trust me?" I asked in a small voice.

"What? Bella, of course I trust you," Edward said, slightly appalled.

More silence.

"But I just don't want to discuss my family tonight, okay?" Edward sighed at last, "I'll tell you the full story sometimes. Trust me…it's a long one."

I nodded weakly. Then, fear hit me suddenly. I just acted like the clingiest, most annoying girlfriend ever. He probably thinks I'm some insecure freak who can't go a day without knowing every single thing about her boyfriend. Oh great…

"I'm sorry for uh…being so pushy," I said, looking into his eyes fearfully.

"Pushy?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Annoying," I corrected, "By…badgering you like that."

"Bella," he said, laughing incredulously, "You acting like that can never be annoying to me in any way."

"Really?"

"It was adorable, actually. And I'm touched that you're so concerned."

"Concerned being a nicer word for nosy?"

"No," Edward said, laughing again, "You really are too cute for your own good."

I blushed and Edward kissed my cheek. Then he moved his kisses downwards towards my lips. He hovered above them before pressing them to mine. My lips reacted immediately and I pulled him closer to me. Then, he pulled away too quickly. Probably to punish me for teasing him in the elevator when we were leaving his parents' apartment.

He spun the yo-yo again, flashing his devilish grin at me. He picked up the menu with his other hand, returning to it as if he had not left me hot and bothered. He turned to me mischievously again.

"Italian, right?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I was getting attacked by a flurry of pillows. My assaulters were dressed in colorful pajamas and smelled like alcohol. I was lying helplessly on the couch as my drunk friends smashed pillow after pillow into my head.

"You. Are. Such. A. Pushover!" Rosalie shouted, punching each word with a slap of the pillow.

"Stop! Stop!" I shouted, laughing and covering my head from flying pillows. The attack finally stopped and I glared at my two friends. Alice giggled suddenly and picked up her digital camera. She snapped a picture of me before I could protest.

"What are we? Twelve years old?" I demanded, "Pillow fights and camera obsessing?"

"Your hair looks amazing, Bella," Alice said, giggling. My hands flew up to my now-tangle-filled brown hair. I scowled at my friends. Alice clicked another picture.

"Stop that!" I snapped.

"You deserved the pillows," Rosalie said, "How can you let your man keep a secret from you?"

"Do you _want_ me to the bitchy, pushy, girlfriend?" I retorted.

"If you let him get away with this one, then he'll think all it takes is a yo-yo and a hell of a kiss to persuade you," Rosalie explained, "You don't want to lose this man."

Oh. Hadn't thought of that one.

"You have to put your foot down, Bella," Alice continued with a nod.

"I _did_ but he didn't take it seriously," I whined.

"Threaten to take away sex then," Alice said bluntly. I blushed a million shades of red.

"Oh no," Rosalie said incredulously, "You haven't….oh my God."

"I don't take sex lightly like you guys do," I murmured embarrassedly.

"You mean you don't anymore," Alice added, "After the Tyler incident."

"Fine, well, there was that," I admitted.

"I don't see why you changed your ways after _that_ sleaze ball," Rosalie said, "You slept with worse before him."

"I just had an epiphany after my very short thing with Tyler," I sighed, "The relationship lasted like three days."

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Still…does Edward mind?" Rosalie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully, "We haven't really…well, talked about it."

"Oh," Rosalie and Alice said at the same time.

They were looking at me with pity. When I told them I wasn't going for casual sex anymore after my short fling with Tyler, they thought I was throwing myself into hell. Of course, they began to make _their_ relationships more serious. Except they didn't take out the sex.

I mean, if Edward was up to it…I don't know. I hadn't really given it much thought. But I had this fairy-tale idea that sex was for people who loved each other. Truly truly _truly_ loved each other. And I didn't know my feelings for Edward yet. Once I did…then maybe I could decide which way I was going.

Great. Now I have to worry about sex _and_ being too pushy or too lax.

Relationships are tough. Jesus Christ, it'd be so much easier if someone just told us who we loved. It'd be even easier if that someone was right. But, there is no one like that. Oh how I wish. Then we could just throw ourselves fully to that person, because we'd know we belonged to them and only them. I'm wishing for too much these days.

Alice, Rosalie and I talked some more. We caught up with each other, having not had some good talking time in awhile. We played some video games on Rosalie's Xbox, blasted our radio, and watched movies until we fell asleep on the couch. I bet anything no one turned off the TV set. As usual….

Edward

I will tell Bella the full story some day. Really. And it will be soon. But I just didn't feel up to going through that emotional breakdown. That usually happens when I revisit my past. I had a feeling it'd be different with Bella. Lately, I realized that a lot of things are quite different with Bella.

I was lying on my couch, listening to my music on my stereo system. Bella promised her friends to hang out with them tonight, so after a quick dinner with her, she left. I was alone with my thoughts now. I was also getting pretty tired.

Then, I heard a knock on my door. Crinkling my brow, I got up from the couch. I hadn't been expecting anyone. Once I opened my door however, Emmett came barreling. Jasper followed after, grinning at me and playfully saluting me as he paraded in.

"DUDE!" Emmett shouted, pointing at my stereo system, "This is _sick_!"

Jasper, meanwhile, plopped himself down on my couch. What the hell were they doing here?

"Um…" I said, crossing my arms, "Why are you two in my apartment?"

"Because our girlfriends are all banding together for one girly night of chick stuff," Emmett explained, not tearing his eyes off my stereo system, "Hey, you got any Smashing Pumpkins?"

"Don't you guys have your own apartment to trash?" I asked.

"Sure we do," Jasper replied, "But we wanted to check out yours, you know?"

"_How_ did you find my address?" I said, frowning as Emmett fiddled with the dials of my system.

"In Bella's address book, of course," Emmett said with a wide grin.

"We also figured you're the type of guy who keeps his refrigerator stocked," Jasper replied cheekily.

Emmett, on cue, bolted towards my refrigerator. He let out an enthusiastic, "DUDDDDEEE." I rolled my eyes and Jasper laughed. He walked over and looked over Emmett's shoulder. Oh God. These guys are shameless.

Emmett reappeared with the remainders of Bella and mine's pizzas. Jasper pulled out three beers. He tossed one to me, and I caught it. I looked at it briefly. The bottle was cold in my hands and it looked really inviting. Ah, what the hell. Bella's probably drinking and I probably need this beer after all the chaos of today.

Emmett stretched out on my couch, Jasper sitting on the floor with his back against it. I sat on my arm chair, considering Emmett's bulky form took up my whole couch. Emmett grinned at me, waving the remote control of my TV in his hands. I laughed.

Jasper took a swig of his beer and looked up at Emmett.

I had a feeling we wouldn't be leaving the couch until we were all completely wasted. I went up to lock my door, knowing I'd probably pass out some time during the night. Emmett was flipping through channels, and I got some more beer bottles from the refrigerator. Jasper and Emmett grinned at me when I set them on the coffee table. I popped open my beer and took a deep long drink.

Looked like a guy's night in. We were all totally whipped and infatuated with our girlfriends, so when they have something to do, we don't. It's how things worked for the average guy in a relationship. There will be beer, TV watching, lounging, shouting, slurring, stuffing our faces and basically doing nothing.

Bring it on.

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Bella

It was morning, and I didn't have that bad of a hangover. I couldn't say the same for my alcohol-happy friends. Well, they weren't too happy now. They were so stupid. I didn't even drink that much, and I wasn't even going to work today. They were already starting their jobs again. I had a few days left of summer before school started, and I planned on enjoying them.

But they left the house completely cranky and in pain from their massive hangovers. I tried to soothe it the best I could, but they were just going to have to tough it out themselves. I insisted ginger ale and saltines, so hopefully it'll be a quick remedy for the working woman.

As for me? Well, I was enjoying the openness of the empty apartment. I would call Edward later, but right now I was making Choco Chip Marshmallow Pancakes. Yes, it tastes as sugary as it sounds. It would probably go straight to my thighs, but I didn't really care.

Music was blaring on my radio as sun pooled onto the floor of the kitchen. I was in Edward's shirt and grey pajama shorts. It was pretty warm in the apartment, and Alice would kill me if I turned on the air conditioner. She was our Environmental Nazi. I didn't mind, but I just left Edward's shirt completely unbuttoned, revealing my black bra underneath.

The pancakes were smelling good, and I flipped one over with my spatula. I was smiling and humming along to the music. Ah the joys of summer mornings.

I rolled up the sleeves to Edward's shirt up to my elbows and tied my hair up in a messy bun on the top of my head.

My music was playing so loudly that I couldn't hear it when my front door opened. I was humming along actually, flipping some pancakes onto my plate. When I turned around, Edward was standing there with wide eyes.

I screamed in surprise.

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**AHHH! I'm sooooo sooo SOOOO sorry. My updating (I realize) has and will be pretty erratic. I truly apologize. I had to rewrite some stuff, but I think I'll update pretty soon. It just won't be every weekend as I have usually been doing. **

**ARRGGGGHHH! That makes me mad that I can't, but real-world duties call. I really hate those. Can't I just live in my own world forever?**

**I really hope I'll update soon, especially because I have the whole rest of the plot laid out. But, things come up. I also apologize for the cliffie :) **

**REVIEW PLEASE. IT'LL MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE. **


	13. I Think I Really Really Like You

.

**Disclaimer: Guess what? Twilight is not mine. Surprised? I'm not. **

**A/N: **_**STILL NOT THE LEMON CHAPTER!**_** I promise to warn you guys ahead of time, but the last chapter left Bella in a bra…with Edward standing there. Trust me **_**NO LEMON YET!**_

**Also…I'm really sorry this took so long. I really hope you stick with this story even though updates will be erratic (sometimes fast updates, sometimes slow). My mind works in funny ways.**

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"Edward!" I shouted.

I put my hand over my fast-beating heart, taking a deep breath before meeting Edward's silky green eyes.

"Are you _trying_ to make me go old prematurely?" I demanded, "People don't just burst into people's apartments when they're making pancakes, Edward!"

Edward blinked, taking in my appearance again. He was adorable when he was flustered. Of course, the adorableness went away when he met my eyes again with a smirk. Cocky ass.

"Girls also don't just stand around wearing their boyfriend's shirt _wide open_," he replied, running a hand through his hair, "Are you trying to give me a _heart attack_?"

"I didn't expect company," I murmured, blushing and turning back to my pancakes. Edward said something raspy under his breath, and the next thing I knew, he was standing next to me.

He wrapped a hand around my waist, pulling me close to him so he could plant a quick kiss on the side of my neck.

"Alice and Rosalie called me," he admitted, "They told me you were making pancakes and….told me to go to you for a surprise."

I gaped. Oh well that explains a lot. I shouldn't have been chiding them for drinking. They must've been pretty pissed off. Ha! I also shouldn't have flaunted around my freedom. Of course, they saw me in Edward's shirt and…

"Wait!" I exclaimed, "How the hell did they get your number?"

Edward was staring at my chest again. Oh please. This boy has become too cocky and shameless for his own good. He's seen me in a bikini before. Of course, we were on a public beach and not in the closed quarters of this comfy apartment…

"Hm?" Edward asked, looking up at me with a sheepish smile.

"How did the she-devils get your number?" I rephrased, rolling my eyes.

"The same way Emmett and Jasper got my address," Edward said, half laughing, "Do you just leave all your personal information lying around for the taking?"

"Wha-!? How- They went to your apartment?" I stuttered, "Why?"

"What else do men do when their amazing girlfriends are busy? They came over to get wasted and trash my apartment."

"Oh great. How bad is your hangover?"

"Not too bad. Throbbing a little, but my attention seems to have been taken…elsewhere."

His eyes glued to the open shirt…once again. I rolled my eyes and began buttoning it up. I calmly waited for Edward's reaction to this.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Edward exclaimed, looking up at me as if I had just committed a capital crime.

"Buttoning up so you can have a conversation with my face instead of my chest," I snapped back coyly.

Out of nowhere, Edward grabbed my face and kissed me hard on the lips. I was shocked at first, but then his lips moved in a way that the only thing I could do was respond feverishly. I wrapped my arms around his waist as his hands pulled my face to his. He stepped forwards, and I stumbled back a bit. I was feeling very, very, VERY hot now.

Edward pulled away, breathing heavily.

"I wouldn't exactly consider that a conversation," I said, taking my own deep breaths, "But I'll take it." Edward didn't let go of my face, and I didn't let go of his waist.

"I thought maybe your face wanted more attention," Edward said, a smile growing on his lips.

"You thought correctly," I said before removing my hands from his waist and pushing his head down to kiss me again. This time _he _was shocked at first. Of course, he soon kissed me back. We stumbled out of the kitchen, Edward breaking off the kiss and cursing when his foot accidentally hit the corner of a chair. I was giggling when he grabbed my face again.

His hands glided down to my waist, the sensation making me dizzy. Edward's hands held firmly on my waist and lifted me, silently telling me to wrap my legs around his waist. I did so before I could even think about what I was doing. Edward was still kissing me hungrily, one hand supporting me around his waist and the other hand tangled in my hair. We got over to my couch where Edward lowered both of us down so that he was hovering over me, resting between my legs.

He dragged his lips from mine, running them across my jaw and to the skin right beneath my ear. His tongue flicked out and I let out a gasp. He trailed hot kisses down my neck and my bent knees pressed into his sides, pushing him closer to me as I grasped his hair.

He let out a soft moan against my neck.

That was the single most yummy sound I have ever heard in my entire life. I wanted to hear it again. And again. And again. Edward continued to kiss along my collar bone, trailing closer and closer to the buttons of the shirt. I inhaled his scent. It was engulfing me, driving me crazy. I inhaled again and I smelled something different. Something that smelt like burnt chocolate chips…

Oh shit.

"The pancakes!" I said breathlessly, pushing against Edward's shoulders lightly. He looked puzzled, but I scrambled out from under him, running towards the kitchen. I quickly turned off the stove, scraping burnt pancake into the trash can. I was still breathing heavily and I ran a hand through my probably disastrous hair.

I turned around, placing my hands on my hips and glaring at Edward. He distracted me from my pancake making.

"My pancake got burnt," I said, pouting at Edward. He was biting back a grin.

"I apologize," Edward said, not looking the least bit sorry, "I'm sure you have more pancake mix."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't have to make more if you didn't jump on me like that."

"It's your fault, sweetheart," Edward said smugly, "You're the one looking so tempting in my shirt."

"And you just had to be so goddamned irresistible," I said with a sigh. Edward grinned, standing from the couch and walking towards me. I noticed he looked little more disheveled. His hair was messier…did I do that? I had this odd sense of pride surge through me when I looked what I could do to Edward. I bit my lip to hold in my laughter. It was happy laughter. Almost hysterically happy…

"Isabella Swan," Edward said, standing in front of me, "Are you laughing at how I look right now?"

"No," I said, but my giggling betrayed me. Edward scowled at me and I reached up on my tip toes, running a hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and groaned.

"Bella, you know what that does to me," his voice trembling, grabbing my wrist out of his hair.

"I don't care," I said, shrugging, "I like playing with your hair."

Edward shook his head, rolling his eyes and muttering, "Women."

I laughed and Edward smiled. He was making me feel so…so…happy?

Where did I find this amazing boyfriend?

He was making my heart soar. Did he know? Probably. Like I said: sex on legs.

But he was also perfect-boyfriend on legs.

Jesus, he's just so amazing.

"You're crazy," I said, giggling. Edward shrugged, still smiling. He ran a hand through my hair as he held me in his arms.

"Do you still want breakfast?" I asked coyly.

"Who needs food? Not when nothing looks more appetizing than the image in front of me," Edward said, nipping gently at my neck. I squealed and scrambled out of his grasp and ran from the kitchen. Edward laughed and chased me around the apartment and I shrieked again as he did. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me, picking me up and spinning me around. We both laughed, our joy mingling in the air together.

"Hands off, slick, or there will be no pancakes for you," I said, biting back my giggles and prodding him in the chest with one finger. Edward raised his eyebrow, completely amused. But he let go of me and sat on the kitchen counter, watching me as I worked my way around the kitchen.

He was swinging his legs back and forth like a little child. He looked so adorable. I wanted to run up and hug him and never let go. And his grin was cute too. It wasn't cocky or seductive, even though I didn't mind those either. It was full of enjoyment and pure happiness. Innocent, almost.

I wanted to tell him then that I loved him. I knew I did. I just knew it. There was no way I could run from it anymore. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. There wasn't even a word for what I was feeling right now. He could do everything to me. Make me laugh, make me blush, make me irritable, make me angry, make me lustful, make me smile, make me swoon.

I'd take all those feelings. Every single one of them.

_Because I love him_.

Edward

I could have told her. She was bustling around the kitchen, a soft smile still on her lips. She kept glancing back at me and every time she did, her smile would grow slightly. She looked perfect. Rational, smart, coy, playful, wonderful, adorable, funny. She was amazing. She was everything. My everything.

I could have told her that I loved her.

Because I did.

Why didn't I tell her? Oh right, because I'm chicken shit.

What would I do if she didn't love me back? Or if I scared her away? If I made her run away from me, that would just kill me. That would rip out my insides. I couldn't do that. I need to keep her with me. Because I'm such a selfish bastard.

If there was a different word for how I was feeling right now, I would use it. I'd use every word known to man to explain to Bella how much I loved her, and it still wouldn't be enough.

_Because I love her_.

She drove me crazy. She made me laugh. She made me grin. She made me feel…so…so…happy? Wondering if she feels the same way is driving me insane. I don't know how much of this mystery I can take. Bella is just…God, I just want her to be mine. All mine. But how the hell do I tell her?

Hey Bella, did you know that when I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything?

Hey Bella, did you know that when you smile, my senses feel electrified with happiness?

Hey Bella, can I tell you something?

….Bella, I think I love you.

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Tanya Denali **(yeah, that's right. Rolling in the drama)**

I turned the crisp white letter over in my hands. Just seeing it brought a giddy smile on my face. I was alone, of course, sitting on my couch and shifting through my mail. I was in my satin, white robe and soft white slippers. Soy-milk and pineapples for breakfast. My stomach was just begging for more food.

But I discovered if I did and activity that doesn't involve me thinking about food, I don't think about food. Then my stomach finally shuts up. I was smarter than those other bimbos who went on diets. I actually had stamina and endurance.

The print on the letter was gold and the gold lettering was smoother than the paper of the letter. It was, in my opinion, the perfect ending to a summer. Summer of turmoil and heartbreak ending with the Cullen Cocktail Summer Party. Beautiful. With Viktor out of the way, I could finally make Edward Cullen mine. How stupid of me to choose that bastard over Edward. I do stupid things, but I make up for them of course.

Daddy was clueless. He didn't know I was going to use his status to get my man. He didn't know that he being the most famous surgeon in the city was going to bring Edward crawling towards me.

I know what Edward wants. To make a name for himself, he was going to have to join Daddy's hospital. To do that, he was going to have to please Daddy.

Everyone knows that Tanya Denali was the only girl who could make Dr. Denali do whatever she pleased. Edward knows. In fact, it's almost too easy to get Edward. You see, Edward will try to impress me, to impress Daddy of course. Once he gets that close, he'll see what I perfect match I am for him.

I almost laughed at this perfect plan. How could he not love me? I'm beautiful, rich, and damn near irresistible.

What could possibly get in my way?

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Maria

I sighed and rested my chin on top of my fist, elbow propped up against the arm of the couch. My mom was directing all of our helpers to move things around in our apartment. The preparations for the big party. I let out another big sigh. There was going to be a bar, new set of speakers, and tables put in here. Mom turned to grin at me.

"Having fun, darling?" she asked, walking towards me. I shrugged, having no idea what to say.

"I'll be right back, okay? I just need to go discuss with the mechanic about the speakers," she said, pecking a kiss on my forehead.

She walked over to the mechanic and began talking again. I threw my head over the side of the arm of the couch so that my head was dangling over. I lolled my tongue out so I looked like I was dead, even though I knew no one was watching me. Then my phone vibrated in the pocket of my jeans. I sat up. The only people who texted me were Edward, Bella, and-

Ryan?!

I opened the text message:

_Hey Maria. Answer your door. –Ryan_

Ryan and I had been holding conversations over instant messaging and sometimes over the phone. Was today the day he said he was coming to the city?

I glanced at my mom, making sure she didn't notice when I ran towards the door. I yanked the door open, revealing Ryan standing there with a shy smile. I smiled, opening my mouth to say something, but thinking better of it and motioning with my hand for him to come in. He opened his mouth, but I put a finger over my mouth urgently. He nodded. We ran towards my room.

I shut the door behind me and stared at him, feeling nervous and scared. There was a boy in my room.

He looked a little nervous too, and I guessed maybe he'd never been in a girl's room either. He pushed his almost-white blonde hair out of his eyes and sat down at my desk chair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked nervously with a shaky smile.

"Um…well…my babysitter dropped me off at 63rd street, thinking I was going to my friend's house but I…I walked here instead," he said, looking up at me innocently, "Am I er…intruding anything?"

"No, no," I said quickly, sitting on my bed and running a hand through my hair quickly, "Preparations for a party…"

Ryan looked understanding and slightly disappointed.

"I'm not invited to it," I said, "It's a cocktail party."

"Oh," he said, his face lighting up a bit. I smiled at him and then looked away awkwardly. There was an awkward silence where I glanced up at Ryan, noticed he was looking at me, and then I looked away. He cleared his throat and walked over to sit next to me on the bed.

I was worried if my mom was going to run in here, or if she just thought I went to the bathroom. What would she say if she saw a boy in here with me? More importantly, what would she do?

"Er…when do you start school again?" he asked, looking at me with his grey, hazel eyes.

"September 3rd. You?"

"The fourth."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

I looked down, swinging my feet slightly and gnawing at the inside of my cheek.

"Maria?" he asked softly, his pale cheeks blushing a light pink color.

"Hm?"

"I…I think I really like you…more than…a friend."

I paused, my heart beating fast and my mind whirling out of control. What do I say? What do I do? I felt my hands get slightly clammy, but I looked up at Ryan's expecting and nervous face. I realized I had to say something.

I think I like him too…but…I don't know. I can't tell the difference between friendship like and well…the _other_ type of like. I think I did like him like that, though. He was cute, funny, shy, sweet…

"I think I really like you too," I said, my voice trembling and my own cheeks blushing. Ryan's face broke out into a grin and I smiled back. What do we do now?

"Can I...-have you ever-" Ryan stuttered, looking cautiously at me, "Can I…kiss you?"

My heart flipped and slammed into my stomach. I felt myself never blushing so much in my life.

"Okay," I said in a tiny voice. Ryan leaned towards me slowly. He pressed his soft lips into mine and I felt my heart jolt again. The kiss lasted about five seconds, and when we pulled away, we both had grins and blushes.

I looked down and noticed a black folder sticking out from under my bed. The stupid little reminder. The stupid thing that I had to tell Ryan. The one and only thing he didn't know about me.

"Ryan," I said, looking up at him this time with nervousness. Ryan's grin sobered up.

"There's something I need to tell you," I said, taking a big breath.

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Bella

We really should have naptime. Siestas or something like they have in Italy. I mean, I probably had the best nap of my life just now. Edward and I. On my couch. Sleeping soundly like little children during their own naptimes. I wouldn't mind taking one of these in the middle of the day everyday.

I sat up, stretching my shoulder muscles and glancing at Edward who was still sleeping. Adorably, might I add. When I sat up, the arm that was loosely around my waist tightened, his brow furrowing in the cutest frustration. Giggling silently, I picked up a pillow and slowly slid it where I was once lying. Edward accepted it, clenching it towards his body. I grinned and stepped off the couch. I did I full body stretch, my arms stretching high above my head.

I glanced back and Edward was still sleeping. I smiled and backed up from the couch a bit, fully intended on waking him up. I ran towards him once I decided I was far enough away, and I jumped onto his waist.

"WAKEEE UPPP!" I shouted, hopping up and down on him. Edward groaned and threw an arm over his eyes.

"Just nudging me or whispering my name would have sufficed, you know," Edward murmured.

I giggled. I leaned towards him, _nudging_ his ear lobe with my nose before _whispering_, "But my other way was so much more fun."

Edward shivered a bit and peeked at me from under his arm.

"No, I most definitely like the second way better," Edward said with a sigh, "Not that I object to you being on top of me."

I slapped his arm playfully and he laughed. I climbed off him and he followed, standing to his feet and yawning. He stretched his arms over his head, just as I had. His shirt rose up as he did, showing a bit of his hip bone. My mouth began to water and I began thinking about rubbing my hand over the skin on his hip, down the 'V' shape that led into his…

"Bella?" Edward asked, amused. He looked at me expectantly, cocking an eyebrow. He pulled his shirt straight so I could no longer see his yummy 'V' shape.

"Now who's having the conversations with body parts," Edward accused teasingly.

"Technically I wasn't talking."

"I asked you a question."

"Oh…?"

"I asked you what time it was," Edward said, laughing.

"Time for you to get a watch and for me to check my cell phone," I said playfully, sticking my tongue out and marching away.

"Mature!" Edward called after me as I went to my purse which was on the kitchen counter.

I found my phone, still smiling giddily at the fact Edward was with me. Yes, even that little fact can make me grin. I checked it, noticing there was one text message from Maria. Huh. I'll check that later. Edward called my name.

That moment was the moment. I decided I had to tell Edward soon. He had the right to know…right? I was going to tell him. I had to. But maybe not right now…

Oh Jesus, when _is_ the right time?

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**Okay so I know a lot of you are going to send me reviews like: Maria's too young to kiss a boy! Or: Ryan's too young to walk on the streets of New York alone!**

**Listen up, people. I got my first kiss when I was eleven, **_**and**_** I could walk around the city all by myself when I was ten (yes, I do live in New York). My first kiss also involved all that awkwardness between Maria and Ryan, if you were wondering. **

**Secondly, I know that I really should have updated sooner. I really really really really really should have. I send my deepest apologies. It's been a tough week for me, so I'll just leave it at that and hope that you can stick to this story even though my updates might be erratic sometimes. **

**Lastly, I know I left a lot of things gaping open. You **_**will**_** find out the story behind Edward's parents and him. You w**_**ill**_** find out what Ryan thinks about Maria's disease. You **_**will**_** find out who the hell Viktor is and what he did to Tanya. You **_**will**_** find out what had happened between Bella and Tyler. **

**All in good time, lovies!**

**REVIEW!**


	14. Of Toys and Flood Gates

**.**

**Disclaimer: Tvilight iz not MINE! (that was a disclaimer in a German accent)**

**A/N: Okay so this chapter has some drama because the last few chapters have basically been me driving this story down Fluff Road. I don't want to take it down Fluff Road, so I made a quick U-Turn and now we're back on track! **

**Oh, and speaking of cars, you're going to want to hit Tanya with one after this chapter.**

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Bella

There was a big giant grin on my face. Why, might you ask, is there a Whopper sized grin on my face? Oh please, you probably know the answer. Don't play dumb with me. It was Edward, of course. Who else can make such a toothy grin erupt onto my face? Edward, that's who, and I was about to explode with giddiness.

One of his hands was on the steering wheel; the other was laced with my own hand.

Cue crazy giggles of girl in love.

He stroked the top of my thumb with his own, shooting side glances at me and smiling. His giant smile looked great on him, of course, while mine probably border-lined hysterical. I tried to sober it up a bit by taking a deep breath.

We were driving to the party. The Cullen End of Summer Cocktail Party, to be exact. Alice and Rosalie had taken to calling it the CESCP when we were out dress-shopping for the party. Edward learned about the nickname and laughed.

He thought it was cute. I think he's cute. It's an equal mix of adorableness.

I was wearing a silky, midnight blue cocktail dress. It went to the middle of my calf, cinched by a black satin ribbon around my waist. It was flowing and rippled smoothly around my legs when I walked. It was strapless and I wore a simple diamond necklace that Rosalie let me borrow. Alice let me borrow her silver clutch-purse that matched my silver high heels.

Edward said I looked scrumptious. I said he looked delicious. It's an equal mix of tastiness.

I had been a bit nervous coming to the party. I knew how these rich people loved to gossip their brains out, and by Edward bringing me as a date, we were practically announcing to his family and friends that we were together. And that in itself was just going to wire these people's brains into a giant time bomb. Edward convinced me otherwise. Or at least, he tried to.

Edward glanced at me one more time before halting at a red light. He leaned over and surprised me with a kiss on my mouth. I let out a quick gasp and when Edward pulled away, he looked smug. I smirked at him.

"Pay attention to the road, Edward," I chastised playfully.

"You like it," Edward said slyly.

"I wouldn't like it if we got into a car crash."

"I'm an excellent driver. And we're at a red light."

"Yeah…well…you're getting distracted."

Edward grinned at me before roaring the engine of his Volvo and taking off once the light was green. I yelped at the sudden speed and Edward laughed. Men and their cars….

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Tanya 

I swirled the contents of my drink, trying to distract myself. I took a sip from the thin champagne glass, eyeing the party. Still no sign of him. Rumor has it, he was bringing a girl. I almost laughed out loud at the thought.

Did these people seriously think that she could last with me around?

She couldn't. I have news for you, Edward's mystery girl: I've been around Edward longer than you, honey. Long enough to know he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants.

If he wants to work for my Daddy, he's going to have to pass through me first. Once he did, I would grab him and never let go. We'd be a power couple, him and I. Tanya Denali and Edward Cullen. Tanya Cullen….I quite liked the sound of that. Actually, I love the sound of that. I _want_ that.

I turned my head slightly and saw a familiar blonde head looking at me. I rolled my eyes and faced the man.

"I'm not for sale, James," I said sharply, scowling at his devious smile.

"Oh, I know. I'm just window shopping," he said smoothly, his eyes roaming up and down my body.

I rolled my eyes again, bringing the glass to my lips. I was going to need another one soon. Especially if James was pestering me.

"Why don't you buy something you can afford instead of gaping at the pricey jewelry? Did Victoria dump you that quickly?" I said, channeling my bitch-attitude.

"Ouch," James said, feigning hurt as he clutched his heart, "That hurts, baby. You know I got over that bitch a long time ago."

"Don't lie to me. She just didn't wanted you as much as you wanted to bang her."

"Damn, Tanya what's got you all pissy tonight? Breaking in some new shoes?"

"You make my skin crawl."

"Oh yeah? I'll bet money that your death glare has something to do with Edward's new sex toy."

I flinched. James hit a nerve. He knew it too, because he smirked at me as I regained my composure.

"So I'm right, then?" he laughed, "Tanya Denali wanting Edward Cullen. Oh gee, what a shocker there."

"He won't be hers for long," I said through gritted teeth.

"Pretty positive about your men-stealing skills and Edward's lady-switching abilities. Don't you think _something_ might get in the way?"

"Who do you think is going to stop me?" I threatened, glowering dangerously at James. James was the only guy I knew who _smiled_ when I glared like that. He's such an asshole.

"Let's see, there is the off chance that Edward is more committed than you think, or that his sex toy is stronger than you think," James laughed, "Though, I would love to see a cat fight between you and her. I'd bet you'd get all hot and sweaty and fired up."

"You're not going to get in my way, then?" I asked, ignoring his last comment.

"Of course not, baby," he laughed, "If you take Edward, you leave his hot chick up for the taking."

I couldn't help but laugh at this. James would obviously be thinking like this. He's a dickhead, but I wouldn't mind him taking Edward's slut away from him.

Then I heard raised voices of excitement and saw some familiar bronze hair over the crowd of people. Yum…he was here. Game on, Tanya.

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Bella

My hand was going to break from all the hand shakes and greetings I made with Edward today. So far so good. No brains had exploded yet. Things were pretty at ease, but I still felt jittery. Edward noticed, but I told him it was nothing. It really was nothing. Just Bella being nervous Bella.

…right?

Okay, so we'd been here for almost an hour, but there was this one woman who kept looking over at Edward and me. Sometimes her face looked amused, but other times it just looked plain angry. Her eyes caught mine at one point, and the cruelest smile curled across her blood red lips. It was so painful that if it weren't for the little bit of giddiness I had been riding earlier today, I would have been reduced to a puddle of tears. Edward didn't seem to notice.

I didn't want to tell him either, because she was beautiful. I wasn't going to bring Edward's attention to a drop dead gorgeous woman, because that would just be stupid. I still felt paranoid and uncomfortable, especially if Edward wasn't standing next to me. I tried taking deep breaths.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped in surprise. Jesus, I am so high strung tonight.

Thank goodness it was only Edward. And he brought me a drink! That man is a savior. Uh oh…he also brought his worried look. The worried look of Edward Cullen can quickly turn into the protective look. I haven't done a good job of keeping my paranoia off my face. That and the fact I just jumped when he touched my shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay, Bella?" he asked soothingly, handing the drink to me. I just nodded mutely and took a grateful sip from the champagne glass.

"You seem a bit…ansty," Edward continued, searching my eyes with his own, "Is something bothering you?"

Let me see...is something bothering me? Well, there's the fact that my feet are killing me from these stupid shoes. And the fact that everyone seems to be looking at me as if I'm some zoo animal. Oh! And to top it off, some woman is turning me into stone from her death stare!

"I'm fine," I said with a shaky smile.

Yeah. Totally fine. No worries here.

"Bella," Edward sighed, "I can tell when something is bothering you. And you seem to think it makes me feel better if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I ducked my head slightly, but Edward lifted my chin up with his finger. He was smiling softly at me and my heart skipped a beat when I met his eyes.

"I really want to kiss you right now, but I'm not sure how the guests would take that," he said with an impish grin.

I giggled. He always had a way to make me feel better. But that feeling would go away the second he took his eyes off mine.

"I-" I began to talk, but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. I turned and saw the girl. She was linking arms with some old geezer in a suit.

Ew. Please don't tell me she's one of those whores who date old guys for money.

"Edward!" she exclaimed, oozing seductiveness, "It's been a long time!"

Edward smiled politely at her, embracing her and shaking hands with the old guy. Edward turned to me, putting his arm around my waist.

"Dr. Denali, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Bella," Edward said to the old guy, "Bella this is Dr. Denali. And this is his daughter, Tanya."

I shook hands with both of them, noting how Tanya's grip was stiff. I smiled politely at them.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"Pleasure is ours," Tanya oozed, "I'm surprised Edward hasn't told me anything about you. Nothing to hide, is there?"

I laughed nervously and Edward smiled stiffly, his eyes darting over to Dr. Denali.

"Now, now, Tanya darling," Dr. Denali laughed, "Edward can have his secrets. Even if that secret is a beautiful girl."

He grinned good naturedly at me and I blushed. Tanya let out a little laugh, smiling- no, _grimacing_- at me. I felt sick to my stomach. Tanya's eyes flashed to Edward. I needed to go the bathroom.

"If you'll excuse me for a second," I said politely, detaching myself from Edward. He looked confused, but Dr. Denali and Tanya nodded at me.

I walked into the bathroom, taking a deep breath. How could I let one pretty girl get to me like that? I know how. It was that knowing smile of hers. Those blood red lips. That perfect lipstick that didn't rub off onto her teeth.

Gah! And I left her with Edward alone! God, Bella, you're such an idiot! I wanted to rip my hair out. Edward was mine. Not hers. Mine. I felt like a toddler throwing a fit, but I didn't care.

MINE.

I nearly sprinted out of the bathroom, but I collided into some guy. I quickly pulled back from the arms that caught me. I shouted an apology, my mind only thinking about Edward, but a hand caught my wrist.

"Whoa, whoa," the man said, laughing, "What's the rush?"

The rush? I'll tell you the rush. My boyfriend is about to get snatched by some man-eating ice queen!

"Sorry," I murmured, blushing. The guy had blonde hair, combed back so it tucked behind his ears. He looked dangerous, as if he was planning something. He smiled at me.

"You're Cullen's girl, right?" he said, raising an eyebrow, "The guy's got good taste, I'll give him that."

"Thanks," I mumbled, smiling weakly and pulling my wrist out of his grasp.

"I'm James, by the way," the man said with a charming smile. His eyes showed everything but charm.

"Bella," I said, shaking his hand. I craned my neck to see if I could find him.

"If you're looking for him, he's over there schmoozing Dr. Denali into letting him be his staff."

I saw him. He was standing by Dr. Denali. And Tanya. He was using his charming smile as he talked to Dr. Denali, but I don't think he meant it to look like a panty-dropper smile. Edward's effortlessly scrumptious like that. And I don't think he was trying to turn poor Dr. Denali gay.

"Schmoozing?" I asked James, curious. He nodded, looking at me with wonderment.

"Don't you know that Dr. Denali is one of the most famous surgeons in New York?" he said, slightly awed, "Your boyfriend is obviously an aspiring doctor. Who better to start your career with than Dr. Denali?"

Oh no…Tanya-

"Have you met Tanya?" James asked, slightly amused, "She's Dr. Denali's little princess. He'll do anything she wants. You can bet Edward knows that. He's going to use little Tanya to get to her Daddy. But that's just exactly what Tanya wants."

"No-"

"I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Tanya Denali's going to…"

"Stop," I said a little forcefully, "I'm not going to believe it."

James smirked at me. Amused by my complete naivety, I'm sure.

"Not going to believe it? Well, fine. But the facts are right in front of you."

I looked over at Tanya and I felt my stomach lurch again. The way she looked at Edward was heart wrenching. My eyes felt dry, my palms felt brittle, and it was like something was crawling up the back of my throat. Her blonde hair tumbled across her back as she threw her head back to laugh. Prettier than me. More shapely than me. Richer than me. More lively than me. Blonder than me. She was godly. Just like Edward. Perfect match…

Maybe he doesn't love me. Maybe not like I love him.

If he did love me…then why was he letting her act like this? He knew what she was doing, right? How oblivious can he be?

"How do you know all this," I murmured, my voice a trembling.

"I've been in this net of gossip for a few years now to know that Tanya's a conniving bitch who can get any man she wants," James said, sighing.

Tanya whispered something into Dr. Denali's ear. He smiled and shook hands with Edward. Then he walked away towards the bar. I saw him chatting with Esme and Carlisle. I saw Edward's eyes trained on him. And then I saw Tanya place a hand on his cheek, turning him to face her.

Why didn't he stop her?

James stood silently next to me, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. He probably thought I was such a coward. Not going after my man. I bet he knew Tanya would go after _her_ man if she had on like Edward. Maybe…maybe he thinks Tanya is better for Edward. Maybe….she is. I swallowed a sob, taking a deep breath.

I saw Edward removed Tanya's hand from his cheek, but that didn't seem to stop her. Her arm snaked up around his neck, massaging it lightly with her hand. Edward cringed and tried to advert his eyes. I was frozen, disbelieving of this moment. I wanted Edward to push Tanya away, find me, and then kiss the daylights out of me. I wished I could run over and slap Tanya. I wished I was braver.

More than anything, I wanted an answer:

Is Edward really going to use Tanya to get to Dr. Denali?

Everything was happening so fast. I felt myself dying inside. Partly because of insane jealousy and anger, and partly because I'd come to a realization that Edward didn't…have that strong of a feeling towards me. When did it go away? How come I didn't notice?

Things flashed before my eyes. Moments of my summer with Edward. Him kissing my neck, him rubbing my arms, him rubbing his lips against mine…

Oh God, I really am dying.

I blinked a few times, noticing that James was looking slightly concerned. He opened his mouth to say something, but I took one step forward. I didn't know what I was doing, but for some reason my foot moved forwards. Did the foot want to run? Or did the foot want to throw Tanya into the next century?

I think it wanted to do both. I glanced up at Tanya and Edward. Tanya was cooing into Edward's ear with a lazy smile as Edward tried to push her off without being too rough. Maybe he was just uncomfortable with doing this in public…in front of his girlfriend, perhaps.

Then I felt everything in my collapse. She grabbed his collar and pulled him down for a kiss.

My heart broke. Shattered into pieces the second their lips met. James let out a low noise that sounded like, "oh shit". He was talking to me, but I couldn't hear him. I watched everything in mute. Edward pushed Tanya off him, but I could only see the back of his head. Tanya was smiling. That sick smile…

I felt a sob threatening to break free. James was saying my name, but it sounded like a different language. I'm a coward. I'm a coward. I'm a coward. I couldn't do anything to stop Tanya.

And Edward doesn't love me. How could he? If he loved me as much as I loved him then…then he wouldn't let Tanya near him if he knew what she was doing. Or maybe I don't love him as much as I think I do. If I loved him…then would I have stopped her? No, I was frozen. But I do what cowards do best.

I run.

I ran towards the bathroom, dodging people and picking myself up when I stumbled slightly. I got into the bathroom, slammed the door and slid myself down the door until I was sitting on the floor. I let the tears come. Hysterical, heartbroken tears. I just cried and cried, not even bothering to control my sobs.

Everything just went far too fast. Wasn't it just hours ago when Edward was being all sweet in the car?

I've just been a toy then, right? A toy for his summer, while he was preparing for his big move to get with Tanya. It all made so much sense in my mind…then why couldn't I believe it?

A few minutes passed and I began to feel worse. I felt pathetic, miserable, and wrecked. You know those moments where you step back to look at your life and you realize..you realize how many times you've messed it up and how awful it really is? I feel worse than that now. Worse because I thought I had this whole love thing almost figured out. I guess…I guess I'm not so smart after all.

More time passed and I didn't even bother to fix my make up. I had stopped crying, but I felt disgusting and awful, as if someone sucked the life right out of me. I sniffled a few times, hearing it echo in the lonely bathroom. I could still hear the talking from the party, having not dimmed yet. I was at rock bottom when I heard a knock on the door.

"Occupied," I croaked weakly.

"Bella, it's Maria," I heard the voice say softly from the other side, "I want to talk to you."

I was silent, feeling even worse that I was acting like a coward in front of the girl I'm supposed to be a role model for.

"It's just me, I promise," Maria continued, "Can you open the door a little…please?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my wrist and sniffled. Then I got to my feet shakily, opening the door quickly to let Maria in. She was in her pajamas and she shut the door behind her as I plopped myself onto the closed-lid toilet seat. I buried my face in my hands, feeling the tears coming back.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this," I said miserably. Maria was sitting on the floor, her back to the door. She looked disbelieving.

"You're sorry that I have to see you look real?" she said.

"…real?" I said, half-laughing and half-sobbing, "If by real you mean stupid and cowardly."

Maria gave me a sad look. I cleared my throat, trying to compose myself.

"I should have stepped up and taken Edward away from Tanya," I continued, "But what good would that do? It would just save me from embarrassment publicly, but not the heartache that would come from me finding out he doesn't…that he doesn't…"

I couldn't even finish the sentence. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I don't really…I don't really know anything about relationships or love," Maria began, "And I'm still not quite sure who really does. But I know that….that pushing someone away after they've made a mistake is…it's not good."

She paused, looking up blankly at the ceiling. I waited for her to continue.

"Edward and I are easily scared," she began again, "We try to hide it, but we're…we're terrified of a lot of things. Sometimes that makes us do stupid things like being quick to anger or…sometimes going in the wrong direction. I can't really…I don't honestly know how to fix this, Bella. I can't show Edward what love is because…"

She gave me a weak smile, shrugging and said, "Because I'm just the little girl with leukemia. Who's to say if I have a future, let alone a future in love?"

I opened my mouth but Maria wasn't done.

"But I make mistakes too. And watching Edward make another one is just…frustrating for me. But please, Bella, for Edward and I both….can you find a way to give him another chance to fix things?"

"Maria, how can you be so sure he wants another chance? What if…What if he-"

"Please, Bella? You're the best thing that's ever happened to him. To both of us. I can't let you run out of his life when he's just realizing how much he needs you."

"I don't know, Maria," I said miserably, "I don't know _anything_ anymore."

There was a knock on the door and I wiped my eyes again, brought back into the reality that I was going to have to get out of this bathroom sometime.

"Occupied," I said.

"Bella?"

Maria's eye's shot to me. So she noticed the voice too. It was Edward, and it was bringing a whole new round of tears. How can I face him after that?

"Bella, I'm so sorry. So so sorry. I can't even-There aren't even words for how much I wish I didn't…"

I looked down at my hands, listening as he took a deep breath. I heard a thud against the door and suspected he had rested his forehead against it.

"Please open up? I can't do this talking to a door."

"Edward, is the party over?" Maria asked, standing up.

"Maria? What are you- the party's just about over, almost everyone is gone. What are you doing in there?"

I stood up, feeling some new found confidence in Maria being with me. There _was_ just something about her, wasn't there?

I opened the door, faced with Edward's confused face. When he saw me, however, genuine, heart wrenching pain morphed across his face and eyes.

"Maria was talking with me," I said as clearly as I could. I looked around him and saw from the windows that it was pitch black outside and the only people in the apartment was the cleaning crew.

"Bella," Edward said, piercing pain in his voice too, "Bella, I am so sorry that I let Tanya…do that to me. Whatever James told you is a complete lie, I swear-"

"I don't know, Edward," I sighed, "I just feel conflicted and there are so many different reasons for me to run away right now."

I noticed Maria slip out from behind me, trotting quietly to her room. She glanced over her shoulder and gave me a meaningful, remorseful look. I was on my own.

"Let's not do this here," Edward said quickly, "Come on, lets go to the car…"

Before I could protest, he was leading me out the door. We stood in the elevator in silence. I felt tears coming back, me being in my emotional state of being. We got into the car and Edward looked at me.

"Bella you _can't_ leave me," he said urgently, looking so much in pain that I couldn't bare to keep my eyes on him for more than two seconds. So I looked at my hands instead.

"Truthfully, I don't think I can," I sighed, shifting myself so my eyes were glued to the streets passing by me as he drove.

"You have to believe me when I tell you that I had no intentions to be with Tanya _at all_. I know James told you I wanted to be employed by Dr. Denali, and I do, but I'm not going to stoop so low as to date his daughter for it!" Edward said, blurred out in an angry rush, "I don't want…to be with anyone else but you."

"As of now," I sighed, "There's always another pretty girl tomorrow." Edward looked at me sadly, as if he knew what I was doing, what I was thinking about. He opened and shut his mouth, but I spoke instead.

"What did Tanya do after you rejected her…if you rejected her," I mumbled.

"That's completely absurd, of course I rejected her!" Edward said, looking at me in disbelief, "And all Tanya did was laugh. Then she flippantly walked away towards James. And that's when I began looking for you. I spent nearly an hour doing that, you know, before I got James to tell me."

An hour?! Time must fly when I'm wallowing in self pity.

"Nearly wrung his neck for not telling me sooner," Edward sighed in frustration, "And now you're thinking about...about leaving and-"

"I won't," I said sternly, "I promised Maria that I wouldn't."

Edward opened his mouth. Then he sighed sadly this time, looking straight forwards and slumping in his seat.

"You promised Maria," he repeated quietly.

"I need some time to figure stuff out, Edward. I thought I had everything all set out for me but I realized I really don't."

"How can I express to you that-"

"I know that you made a mistake, and I forgive you," I said. I made an attempt at a smile. It passed, but not enough to convince Edward.

"But this….thing has put some stuff in perspective for me," I said sadly.

As in, I have no idea how you really feel about me. As in, I don't know what to do anymore.

Edward's hands were shaking but I couldn't bring myself to look at them.

"Bella-" he said, his voice cracking with sadness. He pulled up to the curb in front of my apartment.

"I need to figure this out on my own, Edward," I said, unlocking the door and grabbing my purse.

"I can help you," Edward pleaded, his eyes finding mine. I looked away, afraid he would see into my soul. I shook my head.

"Don't, Edward. I'm not officially leaving you but….let's not tell Maria about this, okay?" I said, closing my eyes to prevent the tears.

"Right," he said, laughing grimly and bitterly, "We'll just pretend everything is just peachy."

I gave him my worst attempt at a smile yet, but I felt tears coming closer and closer. I had to get out of the car. I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Edward's cheek. His eyes slid shut, and they shut tighter once I pulled away, as if he couldn't bare to see me do this. I whispered a good bye, opening the door and walking as bravely as I could to my apartment building.

Alone. Without Edward's arm around my waist.

Once I was up in my apartment and in the comfort of my own room, I cried some more.

I cried a lot.

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**covering arms over head and wincing**

**Please don't throw pointy objects at me for not updating/ inflicting pain on Bella…and Edward…and Maria too, now that you think about it. **

**Bring on the reviews. Angry or sad. **


	15. Without The Fairy Dust

** . **

**Disclaimer: Errrr….not mine.**

**A/N: What's this!? An update!? Yeaaahhhhh.**

**OKAYTIMETOREAD.**

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Retrospect. Something I hate to see these days. It's painful, like looking at a dying person. Like watching some get kicked when they're writhing on the ground in pain. Like looking at my own reflection.

Purple bruises under my eyes from lack of sleep. Flat, lifeless eyes. Tear-stained cheeks. You can't see cold, but if you looked at my reflection, you can probably know what cold looks like. I was a walking zombie, and it was unbelievably pathetic.

It's amazing how long I've lasted so far. Three days. And apparently, being away from him wasn't helping at all. But what was I supposed to do? Would holding him give me my answer? Would kissing him help me see what I've been looking for?

The more wishful part of me said yes, but the new me, the heartbroken me, told me to be reasonable. Reasonable. Something else I hate to hear. Because is love supposed to be reasonable?

I learn lessons the hard way. I always have. There haven't been too many life-turning events in my life, up to this point. At least, not until now, when I found a new retrospect and took a step back to look at my life. Another lesson learned:

Take steps back before you fall on your face.

When is the time for a girl to grow up? For her to finally decide it was time to be serious about…everything? I didn't know when it happened for me. I didn't know if it has even happened yet. Or maybe if it was happening now. Parts of us never want to grow up, because we know growing up means heartbreak and distress. Some might argue that heartbreak comes with growing up, but I think that heartbreak _makes_ you grow up.

So here I was, growing up. I guess you could call it that. Growing up with my face planted in my wet pillow. Growing up with my throbbing migraines keeping me awake. Growing up by crying myself to sleep. It's so glamorous to be me.

I knew this serious stuff was coming. There are two eras in my life: the Tyler Era and Post-Tyler Era. The Tyler Era existed and ended in college. We had a little fling, one basically based on lust and sex. He said he loved me. None of my friends _ever_ talked about love, so hearing it from him was…finding a new retrospect. Tyler was growing up. Tyler was becoming serious. And I? I was afraid of that.

So I ran.

In this new retrospect of mine, I'm beginning to see patterns. Ones where I usually end up running away in times of distress. It's not like I'm guarding my emotions or that I'm afraid to grow up…it's just that…running away to Neverland always seems easier.

I'm no Peter Pan, and so why the hell haven't I gotten myself out of this apartment?

Because things are easier in my mind. Standing up for myself is easier in my mind. And I haven't figured things out yet. Well, besides the fact that I realized how much of a coward I am and how pathetic things have turned out for me. But…Edward…

Yeah, I definitely don't know anything. I'll keep sobbing into my pillow and wishing things were different. It's sad. And pathetic. And God, I wish I never got this retrospect, because that would mean I never got the heartbreak.

….Depression's a bitch.

Maria

"HOW COULD YOU EVEN LET YOURSELF NEAR THAT WOMAN!?"

I was shouting. I was throwing things. I was trying to kill Edward with my eyes.

More importantly, I was angry. Very, very angry. Bella had kept to her word by not breaking up with him, but she basically did. She blocked him out of her life. And it was all Edward's fault.

"You realize you've pushed her out of your life, don't you," I said through gritted teeth, throwing a paperback novel at Edward, who was sitting on his couch and wallowing in self pity.

He didn't even flinch when the book made contact with his head. He looked like a mess, and I almost wished I hadn't been screaming. But I had to get my anger out somehow. I barely got this angry. I had a right to let out pent up anger.

"AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING!" I shouted, stomping so I was standing in front of him, hands on my hips.

"She still loves _you_, Maria, don't worry," he sighed, his eyes glued to the paperback novel in his lap, "She needed time to…figure things out."

I kicked his shin and he flinched a little this time. Good. A reaction.

"You've _told_ me that. I know she needs time, but it's because she needs to figure things out," I said with the angriest scowl I've ever used, "And you can _help_ her figure things out."

"I…can't."

"YES. YOU. CAN."

"Maria…I-"

I grabbed his shirt collar and looked him in the eye. Sibling arguments. Necessary, but completely unbearable when the sibling you're fighting with is being passive and uncaring. All I wanted was for some kind of emotion to cross his face.

"Just tell me why you let Tanya get near you," I said menacingly.

"She's Dr. Denali's daughter. How was I supposed to know that she was going to jump me?"

"When did you find out that was coming? When she kissed you?!"

"Well, when I figured it out, what did you want me to do? Toss her out the window?"

I glared at him, letting his collar drop. He sighed and looked at the ceiling.

"I messed up, Maria. Pretty damn bad, too."

"Yeah, I'll say. But you can't just stare at the dropped vase, hoping its broken pieces don't cut you. Edward, you have _got_ to do something to clean it up. Anything!"

"I. Can't," Edward said, more pronounced and forceful, "I've already caused enough confusion and pain on Bella, don't you think?"

"What are you talking about-"

"Maria, I love her," Edward said, his voice becoming so quiet I almost didn't hear it. A little sob came out of his throat and he buried his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.

I stood, slightly stunned. I guessed it, but to hear it come out of his mouth was shocking. Edward, my brother Edward, never _ever_ loves a girl. Or at least, he's never tried. And Bella. God, I knew it had to be her.

"You love her?" I repeated softly.

"Yes," he said, his voice muffled by his hands, "I can't bring myself to cause her anymore pain. Just because I need her doesn't…it doesn't give me the right to be selfish and take her back when she needs time to recover. I messed up. Time for consequences."

I gaped at him. The only other time I'd seen my brother cry, or even be close to tears, was when we found out I had leukemia. And now he was a complete wreck, his voice cracking with the most emotion I'd heard from him in a while.

Then I got angry. Again. I slapped him across his face and he looked at me, completely shocked.

"Then what are you doing sitting here!?" I exclaimed, glaring at his complete stupidity.

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Bella

Had a dream about Peter Pan last night. Funny how Peter had bronze colored hair and shiny green eyes. Or how Hook had strawberry blonde hair and blood red lips. Crazy dream, huh?

I was in my bed, trying to sort my life out mentally before getting up and actually fixing it. God only knows how long that would take. Then I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I shifted myself in my bed, making no move to answer the door.

"Come in," I croaked weakly.

I heard the door _slam_ open, probably leaving a mark on the wall it hit. I flinched, feeling my migraine pulse angrily. I heard stilettos. Two pairs of stilettos. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying for Peter Pan to fly me up in the sky with him, smothering ourselves in pixie dust. Then I felt the covers being wrenched off me and I groaned, covering my arms over my head.

"Guess what, Weepy? It's time to get off your ass, and back into the world," I heard Rosalie snarl, slapping me on the back of my leg.

My sensitive friends. So loving. So kind.

I turned over on my back, glaring at Alice and Rosalie. They were fully dressed for the day and looking gorgeous, while I was in my ratty pajamas. I wanted them out of my room as fast as possible.

Alice walked over to my radio, slapping down on the button so some depressing song shut off abruptly. She looked disgustedly at my music taste.

"Thanks for the moral support in my time of need," I said bitterly, feeling miserable.

"Damnit, Bella, this is not okay!" Alice said forcefully, "We hate seeing you like this."

"And now is high time for you to do something," Rosalie said, "If there is anything a woman should not do it is to cry over a man. A _man_, Bella. Just one guy!"

"Not just one guy," I mumbled half-heartedly, "He meant everything to me!"

Alice pulled out a water bottle from behind her back. Then she proceeded to pour some of its contents all over my face. I squealed and sputtered, thrashing my legs to get her to stop. She finally did, and now I was a pissed as a wet cat would be.

"What the fuck!?" I exclaimed, wiping water off my face so I could open my eyes clearly.

"Listen, Bella, if you won't get your sorry ass out of this apartment, then we're just going to put you through training," Alice said matter-of-factly.

"Excuse me!? Training!?" I squeaked, "I'm not some disobedient dog!"

Alice poured some water on me again and I sputtered…again. I glared at her, whipping some wet hair from out of my face.

"You're no dog, Bella, but you are in what we call 'Post Heartbreak Mode'," Rosalie explained, "As best friends, it is our duty to bring you out of it."

"Whatever happened to comforting me and gently pushing me back into the world?" I groaned.

More water on me and more sputtering. I was considering getting out of this bed just to kick there pretty selves out the windows.

"Overrated. Insufficient. And not nearly as fun," Alice said, waving her water bottle around with a grin, "Besides, the way you were going at it was all wrong. Listening to that depressing shit, Bella? Come on, try to keep some dignity at least."

"Fact is, you're never going to get stronger if we keep treating you like a baby," Rosalie said, rummaging through my closet for clothes, "You're no dog. You're no baby. Damnit, Bella, you're a woman, okay? Try and act like a real one."

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Edward

I spun my cell phone around in my hand, looking at the daunting number keys. I took a deep breath and raised a hand to begin typing. It fell back down on my lap.

I couldn't do it.

I took another frustrated inhale and rubbed my eyes with one hand. Maria insisted that I talked to her. Called her. Went out with her. Maria wanted me to do anything I could.

But why should I call her when she clearly wanted to be alone? Being around me…causes pain for her. Who am I to be selfishly needy?

Mistakes are love wreckers. They're just so goddamn inevitable that all we can do is cower in fear of them. And once that happens, we ruin the relationship. It's a no-win situation. Unless the mistakes are overlooked.

But if a dagger is stabbed in your heart, you can't just _overlook_ the blood or the pain. Bella can't. I can't. So why am I putting in this feeble attempt to call her?

Suddenly, I heard my apartment door slam open. I jumped, dropping my phone on the floor. I swiveled my head and saw Alice and Rosalie standing there with their hands on their hips. Oh great.

Rosalie had a sleek black briefcase in her hands and Alice was holding a spray bottle like it was a gun, pointing it at my face. I raised my palms up in surrender.

"To what do I owe the honor?" I asked. Not gonna lie: I was a little scared for my life.

"Where is your closet?" Rosalie demanded. I pointed one hand to my room.

"Alice, you take care of his face, I'll get the clothes," Rosalie ordered, pushing the briefcase into Alice's arms.

Alice nodded, slamming the briefcase down on my kitchen counter. She put the spray bottle next to it and glanced at me before popping the briefcase open, revealing many different tools, only _some_ of which I could identify as scissors and lip stick. The rest were either torture devices, or girl make up tools. If I was scared before, now I was terrified.

"What's going on?" I asked tentatively.

"You know, you really shouldn't be saying anything, considering that you broke our best friend's heart. If I were you, I'd shut up and do as we say," Alice said sharply, whipping out a comb and scissors.

I glanced nervously over at my room where I heard some crashing and cursing from Rosalie. From the open door, I saw my clothes being tossed carelessly on the floor beside. What the hell were they up to?

Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her. She then proceeded to comb and snip at my hair before I could protest.

"When is the last time you got a haircut?" Alice mumbled angrily.

"I think the question is, 'Why are you cutting my hair against my will,'" I growled back, watching some hair fall to the floor beside my feet.

"The best way to get out of Post Heartbreak Mode is to glue the heart together," Alice said, pulling forcefully with the comb on my hair, "And I thought I told you to shut up."

I clamped my mouth shut, not even bothering to ask what Post Heartbreak Mode was. Rosalie came marching out of my room, holding some clothes over her right arm triumphantly. I raised an eyebrow at them. She shoved them into my arms as Alice swept some hair out of my face.

"Now," Rosalie said, "You're going to follow my exact instructions…"

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Maria

I clicked the remote mindlessly, watching the screen change, but not really looking at any of the events on it. I glanced down at my cell phone which was sitting on the couch to my left. I let out a big sigh and changed the channel again, watching some explosion flash across the screen.

No calls. No text messages. No voicemails.

Not that I expected any of those after the way I had been acting.

He told me once, over video chat, that I was advanced for my age. That I was the smartest person he'd ever met. I scoffed at that, of course, showing him my recent math grades. But he told me that I was a genius in a different way that he couldn't explain. That somehow I had this big capacity to understand things that other people my age couldn't comprehend. I told him he was sweet, but that I didn't believe it.

I wonder what he thinks now of my understanding-capacity.

Things are looking down for us. Edward is losing Bella. Bella doesn't know where she is going or what she is doing. And me?

I'm eleven years old and I have leukemia. When I told Ryan this, he accepted it. Somehow, it seemed like he would. He believed I was going to live anyway.

Irrational and scared, my temper flared for very obvious reasons, actually. That there was a chance of me dying. I knew it…but knowing that Ryan, my first kiss, knew that there was that chance…it made me angry at myself. Angry at the world. Angry and scared out of my mind.

But after I had told him, I began to get mad at him for little things. Not furiously mad…just, pissed off I guess. He was acting normal, though, and that's what kills me. I honestly didn't know what to expect out of his reaction, but somehow it seemed like he was overlooking the leukemia.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this. But I guess seeing Bella and Edward not together…well, it doesn't give me much hope for myself. Ryan was wrong. I _don't_ understand anything.

I don't understand why bad things seem to happen for no reason. I don't understand why I can't have happiness last for too long in my life. I don't understand why Ryan…

Okay, so at first I was worried he was going to push me away once I told him I had leukemia. But now I think I wanted him to be scared. To be just as scared as I was.

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Bella

For the first time in three days, I felt a genuine smile stretching itself on my face. Granted, it wasn't too big, but it was definitely a start. Rosalie and Alice had made me a playlist in place of my 'depressing shit' music, and the songs were actually making me smile when I heard them come on.

Music really was my savior. It was the control center for my emotions, a part of me I couldn't live without. I really do think I would die if I didn't have music.

I was running my newly manicured hands through my new hair cut and looking at myself in the mirror. The Killers were playing on the playlist, "I've Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier" bouncing around the walls of my otherwise silent room.

Alice and Rosalie had cleaned me up the whole day. I almost looked healthy again. I didn't look as sullen, and the smile on my lips definitely reminded me of how I used to look. Rosalie told me earlier today, "Either get over that man, or do something to get him back."

I sighed, rubbing my temples. Why was I out of bed? Why wasn't I crying my eyes out? Why was I listening to empowering music?

Because Bella Swan can't stay in Neverland forever. No, this Bella was learning to fly without the fairy dust.

A determined look crossed my face in the mirror. I didn't want to fly alone. I wanted to fly with Edward. Why oh why did I let him go?

I shut my eyes. It's easy to do things and then regret them. It's easy to run away and pretend you're not looking back. It's easy to make believe that everything will be better tomorrow. But the things that are worthwhile, they aren't so easy.

I missed Edward. A lot. I missed the way he ran his fingers across my cheek before he kissed me. I missed the way he watched me when I was teaching Maria. I missed the way he held me in his arms when we fell asleep on the couch. I missed the buzz that zapped through my body the first time he kissed me.

These days, it seems like the only thing I really know is that I miss him. Nothing else seems to make sense. Nothing else seems to matter.

I shuffled out of my room, looking around my empty apartment. The pillows were placed neatly on the couch, the remote control on top of the magazines on the coffee table. The marble counter was sleek and spotless and the dim orange light from the sky outside lit up the wooden floors of the apartment.

The rain splattered against the glass windows and the only sound I could hear now was the muffled sound of the playlist from my room. Everything was clean in this apartment. Even I was clean. But my life…my life was a mess.

Suddenly I heard the front door creep open, the sound breaking me from my misty thoughts. I turned around quickly, thinking it was Alice with her spray bottle again.

Edward was standing there, one hand on the doorknob, drenched in rainwater. There was blood on the side of his face and blood stains on his white shirt.

"Bella," he said in a whisper.

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**Yes, I am heartless for leaving it there. Yes, this was an angsty chapter. **

**So, what the hell happened to Edward? Why is he all bloody and stuff? You'll find out next chapptterrr! Update coming soon, I swear! **

**Oh, and trust me, the next chapter will make up for this chapter's relative-shortness. Hey, it's better than waiting until next Saturday for a chapter maybe a few words longer. Teehee, yeah, I wanted to get this chapter up quickly, so that explains the shortness. **

**But seriously those of you who reviewed I have a message for you, **

**YOU. ROCK. MY. WORLD.**

**: Updates are on the way. **


	16. PETER PAN!

**.**

**Disclaimer: NOT. MINE. JESUS, PEOPLE, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!**

**A/N: Actually, everyone, I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth. Sorry for the scare, it was actually just some….stuff. Computer issues too. **

**But I only have one thing to say for this chapter…**

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

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It was like seeing an angel from my dreams. _The_ angel from my dreams. My own Peter Pan in the flesh. Seeing him pulled my heart of my chest and threw it on the ground. Seeing him made me dizzy. And good God, he was bleeding. Was my Peter Pan thrown into a wood chipper?

"Edward!?" I exclaimed, looking at his bloody face and shirt, "Jesus, what happened to you!?"

"Doesn't matter," he said, closing the door behind him, "Look Bella, all I need to do is talk to you and-"

"Talk to me!? Edward you are _bleeding_!"

"I-"

"Let me get the first aid kid," I interrupted, grabbing his wet sleeve and hauling him into the kitchen with me.

He snatched his arm away, wiping his cut with the back of his sleeve. I opened my mouth to be disgusted, but he grabbed my shoulders with his hands, pulling me towards him.

"Trust me, Bella, it doesn't hurt," he said, looking me in the eyes, "Will you just listen to me!?"

"Why are you getting angry?!" I scowled back, "You march in here looking like hell and you expect me to-"

"Bella, I know I'm doing everything wrong. I know I've been _doing_ everything wrong for a long time. I know I have absolutely no right to be here after what I put you through, but now I just need to get the facts out," Edward said, looking at my sadly.

He took a deep breath, bowing his head exasperatedly.

"It's just been a mess these last few days. I wish I could just-that _we_ could just forget everything that's happened and just move on, but I know it's not that easy. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't even breathe without you on my mind. And it just _kills_ me that everything happened the way it did."

"Tell me," I said hesitantly. Edward picked his head up, cocking an eyebrow.

"Tell you what?" he asked.

Tell me that you don't care about my mistakes either. Tell me that it doesn't matter that I make bigger mistakes than you. Tell me that….tell me that you love me…

"Tell me what happened to you first," I said, clearing my throat, "Why you're bleeding, to be more exact."

Edward furrowed his eyebrows, bringing two fingers to where his cut was. He wiped off a little blood and brought his fingers down. His eyebrows rose when he saw the blood on them.

"Oh," Edward said, perplexed, "Huh, that's weird. I thought the bleeding had stopped by now. Guess the glass was sharper than I thought…"

"_Glass_!?"

"I couldn't come here without settling some stuff first," Edward continued, "So uh…I guess I underestimated Tanya's temper."

"Tanya did this to you!?" I gaped, fuming at that stupid bitch.

"Well, yeah, I probably should have been a bit gentler to her…but, I was pretty pissed off, you know," Edward said, laughing grimly, "I basically told her to stay the hell away from me and to go fuck up someone else's life…and well, she threw a champagne glass at the wall behind my head. Some glass must have caught the side of my face…"

"And then you ran here," I said, raising an eyebrow, "In the rain. Without an umbrella."

"Doing everything wrong, remember?" Edward explained with a sad smile and a dreary laugh.

"I-" I began, looking for the words, "You-"

"Bella, look, I didn't come here just to make this big dramatic scene. I'm supposed to be dry and fresh, cleaned up and nice, but I'm obviously not. But you know what? That just doesn't seem to matter to me right now, because…well, because of everything," Edward said, grabbing my shoulders again.

"Every time I look at you my heart just…explodes. And, the weird part is that it feels good. It feels exhilarating and scary and amazing all at once, and I don't even know how to explain it. And every time I see a couple on the street, I just think about you and it literally feels like I'm flying. God, I don't even know if maybe something's wrong with me or if I've finally lost my mind…but…"

Edward cupped his wet, cold hands on my cheeks and I felt my heart thumping, and I knew he could probably feel it too.

"Bella, I love you," he whispered, his voice trembling slightly.

"What?" I gasped, forgetting everything I had been thinking about the last few days. Forgetting my insecurities, forgetting my heart break, forgetting everything that didn't have to do with Edward. Hell, I know forgetting is dangerous, but what are you going to do when Edward Cullen makes you feel that way?

"I love you," Edward said, stronger this time, "There, I said it. I love you. I love you. I. LOVE. YOU. And I'll say it a million times over, because I don't care if you don't love me back and I don't care if doing this is just another giant mistake to add to my lists, but I'm following my gut this time. I. LOVE. YOU."

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling tears swell in the corners. I felt my heart soaring. My body felt detached from this earth. My fingers felt like they were tingling. My soul was on fire, and I was too moved for words.

Edward pressed his wet forehead against mine, breathing heavily.

"Just…just don't ask me to leave," he whispered, "Please…just-"

I let out a little noise that was a mix between a sob and a hysterical laugh. I shook my forehead against his, feeling like…God, if there were words to explain it, I'd tell you but you know what? There just really weren't any words.

"I-" I sobbed, looking up at Edward's beautiful, loving eyes, "There must be something wrong with me too because…because I can't remember why I ever let you away from me for so long. I can't remember why I hided my love for you for as long as I did, and I honestly don't remember how. I feel everything now and…and is that wrong?"

Edward pulled my face towards his, pressing our lips together and kissing me dizzy. I grasped his shoulders, feeling like I had finally reached heaven.

"You love me," Edward whispered in awe, pulling away, "You…you love me?"

"I do," I laughed/sobbed, "Too, too much."

"Never," Edward growled, attacking my lips again. His shirt was cold and wet, but I honestly didn't care. I was probably going to get a cold, but who really gives a damn.

Edward Cullen is in love with me.

"Say it," Edward said breathlessly, breaking the kiss again.

"I love you," I whispered just as breathlessly, feeling the exact exhilaration Edward was talking about.

Edward pressed a kiss against my lips again.

"Again," he said mischievously and seductively.

"I love you," I said, giggling. Edward grabbed my waist, spinning me around as I squealed. He grabbed the back of my head, pulling my lips to his and kissing me.

"I love you more," he growled playfully.

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"So wait, why did you even let me near you again?" Edward asked playfully, grinning adorably.

We were sitting on the couch, his head on my lap as I sat with my legs propped up on the coffee table. I was drinking hot chocolate, Edward already having finished two full cups of it.

"You were bleeding!" I exclaimed. Edward laughed, his green eyes finding mine as I looked down at him. They were playful, just the way I loved.

"So….if I was perfectly healthy…then you wouldn't let me in?" Edward smirked, "And I don't recall you doing anything to fix the bleeding."

"No, but I certainly did make you forget all about it," I giggled, bending down to kiss his forehead.

"Ah, that you did," Edward sighed, closing his eyes and smiling contentedly. I smiled, sipping my hot chocolate and listening to the rain pattering against the windows. I closed my eyes too, smiling. When I opened them, I found Edward's eyes looking at me. I blushed at the intensity of his gaze.

"What?" I asked bashfully. A smirk grew across Edward's face.

"Chocolate mustaches suit you," he said with a laugh.

"Oh yeah?" I said, reaching up to wipe it off, but Edward grabbed my hand.

"No, no," he said, "Allow me, sweetheart."

He pulled my head down and kissed me, gliding his tongue over my top lip. He pulled away, wiping my lips with his thumb. Then he grinned at his suaveness. That egotistical man…whom I love, of course.

"Thank you," I said, rolling my eyes, "That was definitely necessary."

"It was," Edward laughed, settling his head on my lap again.

"So you're not…perplexed about why suddenly I'm no longer insecure or questioning or anything I was when I 'broke up' with you?"

"Well, does it matter?" Edward said, shrugging, "You love me and I love you back. Everything else is just excess."

"Excess? You're crazy," I laughed, "Most guys would run away from undecided girls like me."

"I'm not like most guys then. And besides, you're decided now."

"Well, what about tomorrow?"

"Well, then I guess I'll have to charm my way back to you."

I rolled my eyes as Edward laughed again.

"You can't resist me, darling," Edward said slyly.

"No I can't," I laughed, "But don't let that get to your head."

"I'll keep it in check."

I sighed happily. Being in love.....so this is what it feels like, huh?

"When are Alice and Rosalie coming home?" Edward asked, straining his head to see the clock on the wall.

"Seven…wait, it's nine thirty now. Where are they?" I said, perplexed. Edward sat up, running his hands through his unruly hair as I grabbed my cell phone. I punched in Rosalie's number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked suspiciously, "Watcha up to…?"

"What am _I_ up to?" I said, scowling as I sensed some trickiness from my two crazy best friends.

"You've gotten out of bed? Went for…um…a walk?"

"Rosalie…" I said warningly, "What are you doing? Or rather, what have you already done?"

"Oh Bella, why are you so untrusting of us?" I heard Alice's voice giggle from next to Rosalie.

"Hm… I don't know. Maybe it's because you were supposed to be home two and a half hours ago?"

"Hm…. maybe you're not our mother, Miss Bella Swan," Rosalie quipped back.

"Fine but you do realize that I will find out what you-"

I was cut off by the sound of a dead end. I scowled at the phone and turned towards Edward, who was smirking.

"They hung up on me," I said with a pout.

"Good. I don't want them to find out I didn't follow their orders," Edward sighed.

"Orders?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to run straight here with a bouquet of flowers and a nice suit to take you out to dinner…but, I changed the plans and got cut by psycho bitch Tanya, and then splashed with dirty water from a puddle by an inconsiderate taxi driver. Aren't I just so romantic?"

"You're brave," I giggled, "If I was you, I would never go against anything Rosalie and Alice say."

"Oh that's wonderful," Edward said sarcastically, "Now I need to worry about being castrated by your two best friends."

"Hm…don't worry, I don't think I'd let them do that."

"Don't think!?"

"It depends if you let any other bimbo near you."

"Actually, I'm in love with some other girl. She's beautiful and amazing and way better than any bimbo. And her name happens to be Bella Swan."

"Lucky girl," I grinned. Edward laughed and tangled his fingers in my hair before kissing me. I sighed into the kiss, feeling like a giant weight had been lifted off me. That I finally found someone I loved.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Edward murmured against my lips.

"What?" I murmured back, kissing him again.

"Mm…our first kiss," Edward sighed, "Because you taste like chocolate…"

I giggled as Edward deepened the kiss.

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"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I covered my ears and laughed as Maria ran towards me. She jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you two!" Maria gushed, "I thought I was never going to see you again after seeing Edward look so defeated."

Edward rolled his eyes as he stood with his hands in his pockets, leaning on Maria's doorframe. Maria hopped down from my arms and smiled up at me.

"And you got rid of Tanya, right?" Maria said, glancing at Edward. Edward nodded.

"Good," Maria beamed, "I never liked her."

"Me neither," Edward and I said in unison. He smirked at me and I stuck my tongue out at him childishly. Maria giggled.

"So, I was thinking we'd spend one of our last days of summer at Central Park," I said, "What do you think?"

"Yay! Let's go!" Maria squealed, grabbing my arm and Edward's as she yanked us to the door. Edward looked at me helplessly at the sight of an over-excited Maria, but I just laughed.

We walked along the streets, past Union Square and all the street performers. Past FAO Schwartz and the toy-soldier-guards. Past the horse carriages and hot dog stands. It was sunny and bright, despite the rain from last night. The city was alive, and Edward's arm was draped over my shoulder. Our footsteps were in unison as Maria skipped slightly ahead of us, chattering to us about random things.

"Who knew she'd ever be this happy for us," I whispered to Edward, "I mean, it's not like we got married or anything."

"Yet," Edward said, "Not married _yet_." I rolled my eyes at this.

"Well, it's better than her setting up boundary rules for PDA," Edward said, "Hey, do you think the whole 10-second kiss thing still applies?"

Before I could respond, Edward grabbed my face and gave me a long, hot kiss on the lips. This boy has serious humility issues. Has he no shame?

Maria's chattering stopped and she made a few gagging noises.

"Ew, you guys, that's still disgusting whether or not you're in love," Maria said, scrunching up her nose adorably.

"Guess it still does," I laughed. Edward looked disappointed.

"Damn," he muttered.

We got inside the park and walked along the dirt path. Maria was plucking up little yellow flowers and smooth green leaves. She showed them to us excitedly as she ran ahead to get more. Seeing her happy, being in love with Edward, and walking in the park together just made me so…giddy. It's gushy and romantic, and I don't even care.

I rested my head against Edward's shoulder, watching Maria balance herself as she walked along the stones on the side of the road. I looked up at Edward and noticed he looked a little sad.

"Something wrong?" I asked. Edward looked at me.

"The doctors decided that now is the time for the surgery," Edward said, "She's healthy now and…well, they want to take action before anything can go wrong."

"Surgery?" I asked, now knowing why watching Maria would make him sad about this.

"Bone marrow surgery," Edward said, nodding, "It's complicated, but basically it'll stop the leukemia before it turns into full blown cancer. But…because the surgery involves killing all the bone marrow cells… it can also kill her."

"When is it?"

"A few weeks from now. We wanted her to go to school first."

"Oh…"

"She's going to live," Edward said, clearing her throat and standing a bit taller, "I promise."

I looked up at Edward sadly. It was tough for him to be this strong all the time.

"Hey, listen," I said softly, putting my hand on the side of Edward's cheek where he put a band-aid on to cover up his cut, "It's going to be hard to go through this, I know. But you'll always have me with you. I love you and Maria too much to let anything happen to you two."

"I know," Edward said, smiling at me in thanks, "I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you. One of many, of course."

"It's my charming wit, of course," I giggled playfully as Edward laughed.

"Yeah, we'll be just fine," he said, sighing contentedly and watching Maria skip over to us with a small, yellow-ish leaf.

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Edward's lips were hungry against mine as he walked us towards his couch. I was smirking slightly at his eagerness, but didn't protest as we landed on his couch, him hovering over me. He placed kisses against my neck and I was giggling softly, the sound of his kisses beautifully tingling in my ear.

His hot breath was heavy over my neck as he slid his hands up my sides. I shivered in anticipation and he pressed his lips seductively against mine. I gripped his hair and he groaned slightly in response.

"Mmmm," I mumbled as he massaged the side of my neck with his thumb, pressing his hips against mine, "Edward…?"

"Yes, love?" Edward said, his voice thick with lust as he kissed across my collarbone.

"What are…what are we doing?" I gasped breathlessly, feeling myself in a haze.

"Mmm… I don't really know," he murmured as he glided his nose down my jaw, placing a kiss on the hollow of my neck, "And I don't really want to stop…"

"Neither do I," I breathed out, feeling dizzier now.

"Good," Edward said as he attacked my lips once again. He glided his hands down my sides and played with the hem of my shirt. Then, suddenly, he slipped them under and I gasped. His hands rubbed my torso, sliding upwards. He groaned against my lips once his fingers reached the bottom of my bra.

I felt my eyes roll back slightly as his fingers hesitantly went under the material of my bra. I grabbed his shoulders, breathing heavily. I wanted him so badly.

He pulled his fingers out and I almost protested, but he pushed my shirt up so that my stomach was bare. He bent his head, placing hot kisses on my waist, moving upwards. I couldn't think or move, all that I needed was Edward's touch. He kissed me again and I let out a little moan, urging him to go back to what he was doing so wonderfully on my stomach.

And the then the door slammed open. I let out a little yelp, quickly yanking down my shirt.

"Hey, Edward do you- oh shit, sorry!" I heard a masculine voice say. Then I heard familiar, feminine giggling. I felt a hot blush rising in my cheeks.

"I guess you don't want to go to dinner with us then," Alice's voice said slyly with a giggle.

Edward climbed off me, laughing nervously. Once I could see past his head, I saw Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice all standing with giant grins. Wonderful.

"I hope you two were saving room for Jesus," Jasper said with a laugh.

"They obviously weren't," Emmett said, "You couldn't fit a flat dime through those two sex animals. And I know, because my eyes are still burning from that image."

"Way to cock block poor Edward, Emmett," Rosalie teased. Edward sighed, looking apologetically at me.

"Okay, stop embarrassing Bella," Alice giggled again, "We'll just um…leave you two to uh…."

"Don't forget to use a condom!" Jasper blurted out.

"I think _you're_ forgetting the Seven S's, Jaz," Emmett said with a bellowing laugh.

"Safe Sex Sucks So Screw Someone Special!" Rosalie continued, laughing, "Edward's special enough, Bella, but maybe you don't quite yet want to have his babies."

Um…I definitely want to have his babies. But I was thinking, you know, _after_ we got married.

"Okay, get out," Edward said, pointing at the door. They laughed but obeyed, Emmett calling something about not waking the neighbors as he walked out the door.

"Well, _that_ ruined the moment," I sighed, crossing my arms.

"Moments come and go," Edward said with a smirk, "We can make it come back."

Oh yes. Yes we can.

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**You know who also said "Yes we can"? OBAMA! Ha ha! You gotta love that genius-man.**

**And, about this super duper big delay on the update….well, I guess I don't really have an excuse except "shit happens". Blech…a bit of irrelevant yet unfortunate stuff happened, some including my computer basically breaking. I apologize and I really hope you haven't lost interest in this story by now. **

**I send my love in return for a review that I probably don't deserve for prolonging your torture for this long.**


	17. Answers

**.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight characters and such = not mine.**

**A/N: Had some trouble thinking about what would come next for this one. I didn't want to throw the drama back on you quite so fast.**

**Anyway, I hope this works.**

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Maria

I spun my pencil around on my desk, blankly staring at the teacher in the front of the room. She was pointing to the map of Africa and talking, but I wasn't really paying attention. I had been thinking a lot. Too much for a girl my age, but the right amount for someone who could die in a few days.

I know who I am. I've accepted who I am. I don't try to be anything else.

But I don't…

I don't want to die. And I don't know when I will be, or if when I do die, I will actually be ready.

I told Bella about all this and she said it was ridiculous for me to be thinking about dying. She insisted that I was going to stay alive. Edward does the same. Mom and Dad do the same. No one wants to think I might die.

"So, we have a special guest today," the teacher said, smiling at us, "Class, please welcome Mr. Satis."

We all looked to the door and saw a guy in a wheel chair roll in. He had grey hairs in his head of brown hair, dark blue eyes, and a serene smile on his face. There was a laptop on his lap and he rolled to the center of the room.

"Good morning," a robotic voice spoke from the computer. Mr. Satis' lips didn't move at all from his serene smile.

Bella

The Central Park leaves were beginning to change color. I noticed them on my way to school this morning. Now, of course, I wasn't near Central Park, but I thought about the trees. I was sitting on a bench on Columbia's campus, watching everyone spill by me.

It was almost the end of the day and I was reading material for my classes. I ran a hand through my hair, my thoughts shifting to Edward. The wind blew and moved my hair from the position I just put it in. I smiled a little, remembering the time Edward told me my hair looked best when I woke up in the morning.

At first I had thought he was making fun of me, but I realized he meant it.

Edward was crazy like that.

"Bella!"

I turned my head and saw Jessica Stanley waving at me. I waved back hesitantly. She was friendly enough, but something was a little off about her. Whatever, it was nice to have a friend.

"Hey Jess," I said with a smile.

"Hey, you live in Midtown, right?" she asked, swinging her backpack over her shoulder.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Oh, well I was just heading down there today and thought maybe we could take the subway together."

"Sounds good," I said, closing my notebook and smiling at her, "So, are you ready to go?"

"Yup."

We walked out of the campus. Jessica was jabbering about some gossip about some guy in our class. I mentally wondered why she hadn't outgrown the high-school-style gossiping. It was pretty harmless, though, so I didn't say anything about it.

We were about to cross the street when I saw a familiar car parked outside. I saw a familiar pair of legs leaning against the familiar car.

Was it ridiculous that my heart still hammered out of control?

Edward had his arms crossed and his chin was raised, looking at the sky. He was in a pale green button down shirt, the sleeves rolled to his elbows. One side of his shirt was un-tucked, hanging loosely over the waistband of his jeans. His legs crossed over each other and he looked at ease.

His head moved, scanning the people who were walking out of campus. I'm pretty sure some of them (the women, probably) scanned right back. Suddenly his eyes caught mine and a wide grin spread across his face.

"Bella!" he called out, waving me over. I ran over to him, forgetting about my companion, and he engulfed me in a hug. I giggled when he pulled back and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Hey gorgeous," he said, kissing my temple.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not even bothering to hide my excitement.

"I thought I'd pick you up today," he said, grinning at me.

Then I remembered.

"Oh! Jessica!" I said, waving her over. She was a few feet behind me, looking in awe at Edward.

"Is she a classmate?" Edward whispered in my ear as she walked over, trying to put on an easy smile. She looked as nervous as hell.

"Yes," I whispered back.

"Is she okay? She looks kind of…"

"Be nice," I giggled back. Jessica finally got to us, smiling and glancing between Edward and me.

"Jessica, this is my boyfriend Edward," I said, "Edward, this is my friend Jessica."

"Hey," Edward said, smiling amiably at her. I don't think he meant for it to stop her heart, but I'm pretty sure it did.

"Hi," she stuttered back.

"You don't mind me stealing Bella today, do you?" Edward asked, oozing charm.

"No, that's fine," Jessica said, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Thanks," Edward said, smiling and walking over to open the door for me. Jessica stood as still as a statue as she watched us. Then Edward walked over to the driver's side.

"Sorry I can't take the subway with you today, Jess," I said apologetically, "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah," Jessica said, trying to snap out of it. I almost smiled. I climbed into the car and waved at Jessica through the window. Then Edward peeled away from the curb.

Once we were away from Jessica, I started laughing. Edward glanced at me, a smile playing on his lips.

"What?" he asked.

"I've never seen Jessica so lost for words in the past few weeks I've had class with her."

"Oh? That's weird…"

"No," I laughed again, "She was struck over the head by the Edward Smile. Who can blame her?"

"The 'Edward Smile'?"

"I guess it's not your fault that you're so attractive," I giggled, smacking a kiss on his cheek.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Anyway," he said, drawling out the word dramatically, "How was your day?"

"Fine. Average. Boring," I sighed, "And yours?"

"Lousy. Uneventful. Long," he said, mimicking my sigh, "It's better now, of course."

He smirked at me and I laughed.

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Maria

"Mr. Satis is a writer," the teacher continued, "A few years ago, he got in a car accident that paralyzed his legs and made him loose his speaking abilities. He talks by typing words into this computer."

The class broke into a few murmurs. I kept my stare on the man. His eyes shifted across the classroom until they found mine. He smiled at me. I kept staring.

"For our unit on poetry, I thought Mr. Satis could tell us a little about his writing process. He's a very famous poet and he's even published two books," the teacher said with a smile to Mr. Satis, "Take it away, Mr. Satis."

She sat down at her desk and Mr. Satis rolled up closer to our desks.

"Morning, everyone. Can anyone tell me what their favorite poem is?" Mr. Satis's robotic computer voice asked, pausing a little between each word because Mr. Satis was typing it instead of saying it.

Someone raised their hand and said poems about flowers. Someone else said poems about the ocean. Mr. Satis' grin grew wider and he nodded with each type of poem said.

He talked to us about sensatory writing and how we should use our five senses when writing. He read his poem about lamp shades and fire places, and I actually really liked it. I wondered what it would sound like if his real voice read it.

After we wrote a poem together as a class, Mr. Satis asked if we had any questions. Someone asked what his favorite type of poem was. Someone asked what the name of his books were.

Mostly, though, my class was interested in his car accident. How he got better and how it actually happened. How he hit his head and how the concussion caused his legs to not move and his speech to go away

Mr. Satis told us about how the surgery the doctors proposed would be surgery on his brain and it would possibly fatal. His leg movement would be fixed and so would his speech, but he would loose the ability to write and the ability to play the violin. We asked him how he decided and he told us that he retreated away from his family in friends for awhile, just so he could think about what he wanted. When he came back, he decided to not do the surgery.

I wondered if his family and friends always told him he would survive that surgery. I wondered if he was dying after his car accident. I wondered if he would die if he didn't do the surgery.

I hesitantly raised my hand. Mr. Satis looked at me with his dark blue eyes and smiled. He called on me and I lowered my hand.

"Um…" I stuttered, "After the car accident, did you…what were you praying for?"

"I was praying for an answer," Mr. Satis' computer said after a moment, "I don't think I was afraid of dying, but I was afraid of living with the wrong choice or the concept of dying without any purpose. So, all I really wanted was an answer. I wanted to know which choice to make."

I nodded and he smiled kindly at me, as if he knew exactly who I was and what I was going through.

"Good question," the robotic voice said. It almost sounded kind. But maybe I was imagining things.

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Bella

The car ride was great. These past few weeks have been great. I'm great. More than great, actually. I don't remember ever being so happy and content with my life. Edward and I spent most nights sitting on the couch together, doing our homework. If we finished our homework, we sometimes indulged ourselves by watching a movie together.

We fell asleep on the couch normally, and I usually woke up snuggled in Edward's arms. Sometimes Edward was awake long enough to carry me to his bed, but I had nothing against the couch. Edward warned (him being a doctor-in-training and all) that we were going to get bad necks from sleeping on the couch. But we still did it anyway.

Tonight, I was taking notes on how to bend wires for braces. I was sitting on the couch and Edward was lying on my lap, typing on his computer. I still thought it was funny that we both needed glasses for reading. Edward looked cute in his and I couldn't help but smile as I watched him type.

He caught me, though, and grinned up at me.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing homework?" he laughed, raising his eyebrow.

"You look cute in your glasses," I giggled. He laughed again.

"So do you," he replied, grinning.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Edward groaned and got up. He shuffled over to the door as I peered over the couch to watch who was at the door. He opened it and Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were all standing there with their hands over their eyes.

"Are you two decent?" Emmett asked.

"I'm going to slam the door in your faces now, just so you know," Edward replied.

"Okay, it's all clear, you guys," Emmett said after peeking through his fingers at me, "They're just being nerds and doing homework."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

Alice giggled as she flounced into the room. Everyone followed, Emmett plopping down on the arm chair, Jasper going towards the refrigerator, Alice hopping next to me, and Rosalie sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Hey guys, feel free to come on in," Edward said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, Edward, we're not interrupting anything important," Alice said, waving her hand dismissively.

"Whoa Alice, don't go there," Rosalie said, dramatically widening her eyes, "They're nourishing their brains!"

Rosalie yelped when I threw my pencil at her face and Alice laughed.

"What's today?" Emmett asked suddenly.

"Um…Thursday?" Jasper laughed, looking up from the fridge.

"Damn. If it was Friday, I'd say we all go to a bar or something," Emmett sighed.

"Dude, why do you have mini-pizzas in here, Edward?" Jasper asked, his head inside the refrigerator.

"What are you all even doing here?" Edward asked, ignoring Jasper's question.

"We're bored," Rosalie said.

"And we miss you guys!" Alice whined, pouting.

"We hang out every weekend," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, well, you guys always have school these days," Alice said, scrunching her nose at the word 'school'.

"God forbid they actually learn something," Emmett pointed out with a grin.

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Maria

It was rash and it wasn't smart. I was in a totally different situation than Mr. Satis, and I shouldn't have done it.

But I did anyway, because I just needed to get away from my family and friends. Just to see what I want.

I stared at my notebook, sitting on my bed next to a bag of Ritz crackers and my phone. It wasn't turned on. I clicked my pen again, thinking about what I would say to them. How could I make them understand? I rubbed my eyes tiredly and tried to think about what Mr. Satis would do. Finally I wrote on my notebook:

_The Five Senses _

_I see: my bedroom ceiling. _

_I hear: nothing. Everything is hollow._

_I smell: that new air freshener mom sprayed on the carpet._

_I taste:_ _one last cracker before I go._

_I feel: empty._

I ripped out the sheet, tears flowing out of my eyes. Bella would tell me that a girl my age shouldn't be feeling this hurt. A girl my age shouldn't be thinking like this. But thinking isn't one of the five senses.

I wiped my eyes and put my sheet on my bed. My hands were still shaking as I began to walk out the door. They would understand. They had to understand that I can't just sit in my room, strangled by my thoughts that a girl my age shouldn't think. Girls my age that shouldn't have leukemia and that shouldn't think about dying. They will understand. And then they'll come find me.

I just wanted some answers.

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Bella

When I woke up, it was dark outside and I was on the floor. The lights were out in the apartment. There were empty beer bottles on the coffee table, illuminated by the city lights outside. I heard some light snoring. Alice was draped over Jasper on the couch, Emmett was sitting on the floor, leaning his head against the couch with Rosalie laying her head in his lap, her legs propped up on the coffee table.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Where was Edward?

I sat up, looking for Edward. Suddenly, I saw a figure perched on the kitchen counter. It was Edward. What was he doing up?

"Edward?" I whispered in the darkness. His head turned to me and as a car passed outside, a shadow of light passed by and lit up Edward's tired face.

"Bella," he breathed, "Why are you awake?"

"I don't know…did we get drunk?"

"You didn't have it as bad as they did," Edward said with a quiet chuckle. I smiled, watching Alice snuggle closer to Jasper.

I stood up, feeling all the blood rush to my head in a painful hangover-headache. I squeezed my eyes shut until it went away. Then I tip toed over the sleeping bodies over to Edward. I was still in the clothes I wore to school, whereas I saw Edward had changed into a t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

I hopped onto the kitchen counter with him, inching towards him. He wrapped and arm around me, kissing my forehead. I sighed contentedly and swung my feet back and forth. Unfortunately, my feet were the same temperature as the North Pole and when they brushed Edward's warm ankles, he let out a little yelp.

"Jesus, Bella, your feet are freezing," he whispered fiercely.

"Oh? How are my hands?" I teased, placing my equally as cold hands on his neck. He let out another yelp and I giggled quietly.

"You're going to make me wake them up," he whispered. I rolled my eyes.

"C'mon, let's get you some socks. Or a heater. Or a bonfire," Edward muttered, hopping off the counter. He helped me down and guided me through the darkness to his room.

"Don't turn on the light," I whispered as Edward's hand went for the light switch.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because you're going to blind me!"

"How am I going to find you a pair of socks in the darkness?"

"I don't need a pair of socks."

Edward paused for a second and though it was dark, I could practically feel the incredulous expression on his face.

"Bella, your feet could put out a house fire," he said after a moment.

I put my hands on his shoulders, pulling him down gently so I could kiss him.

"I can stay warm other ways," I whispered against his lips. He sighed, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tightly.

He kissed me for a few moments before pulling away and kissing under my jaw.

"Your lips are cold too," he grumbled against my skin. I turned my head to reclaim his lips and he took my lower lip between his teeth, sucking gently. It was my turn to sigh.

Edward's hands snaked up into my hair as he kissed me deeply. Then he pulled away with one lingering kiss on my lips. I was too flustered to form a sentence, but Edward silenced me with another kiss anyway.

"Mmm," Edward groaned a little against my lips, "Bella, we should get some sleep."

"Why?" I asked, kissing him again. He returned it before sighing, but not out of contentment.

"We have school tomorrow," he explained apologetically.

Damn schooling.

I broke apart from him, deciding that if I couldn't kiss him, I was going to tease him.

"Your right," I sighed, "Let's go to bed."

I pulled back the blanket, got inside, and snuggled up against the farthest corner of the pillow. I slowed my breathing and shut my eyes. I felt the bed shift as Edward got inside too. He moved around for a moment before letting out a sigh. I tried to keep from smiling. There was a long moment of silence.

"Okay, Bella, this is ridiculous. Can't I at least hold you?" Edward said. I turned over to him, sleepily opening one eye.

"But we need our rest for tomorrow," I said, pretending to yawn for dramatic effect.

"You are cruel," he said, narrowing his eyes. I feigned an innocent look and Edward rolled his eyes.

"My bed, my rules," he growled, "Rule # 1, I get to hold you."

He wrapped an arm around me, dragging me to him so I was tightly against him. He rested his head on top of mine and rested against the crook of his neck. Another smile made its way to my face as I brought my freezing foot closer to his, slipping it under the hem of his pajama pants. He yelped again.

He glared at me as I broke into silent fits of laughter. He grabbed my ankle, hitching it around his waist.

"Rule # 2, No touching me with feet that are bellow 0 degrees Celsius," Edward said.

"Goodnight, Edward," I giggled, kissing under his jaw.

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Maria

I shoved my hands in my pockets, walking down the dark sidewalks. No one glanced at me. No one seemed to notice the little girl out of place.

I looked straight forwards at where I was going. Only thing was that I didn't know where that was. All I knew was that is was…forward. I looked up at the buildings, watching some lights flicker off, shades pull over the windows. The store lights turned off, its owners locking the door and walking home or pulling out their cell phones to tell their family they were on their way home.

Hey, answers?

Wherever you are…I kind of need you.

I sighed and kept walking, watching the cars roll by slowly as they stilted at a red light. I strained my neck around to see if the answers were in the driver's seat or if the answers were on the pool of light cast by the headlights.

Nothing.

Hide and seek used to be fun…

But I always hated being the seeker.

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**All right. Yeah. There it was. And yeah, I think I know where I'm going with this one, so before you ask; I'm not crazy. **

**Satis means 'enough' in Latin, and I thought it sort of fit. Maybe you'll see why. Or maybe I actually am crazy.**

**God only knows.**

**REVIEW IF YOU VALUE MY MENTAL HEALTH!**

…**mental health is needed for writing more chapters, by the way…**


	18. These Evils

**.**

**Disclaimer: Really? Really?! Honestly!? Come on, people. Not mine, all right? Okay. Let's try to keep that cleared up. **

**A/N: It was snowing when I wrote this. And you're lucky it didn't stick, because then I'd leave my computer to go frolicking in the snow. **

**Thanks a lot, global warming. **

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It is New York City. _New York City_. God, Maria, how could you be so…so rash?

You better have a reason for this. For Esme's grief, Carlisle's worry, Bella's lack of understanding, and my jumble of emotions.

Maria, I- I just wish you were here to explain things to me. To us. To everyone who would listen. This just doesn't make sense to me. You could've given us a warning. You could've shown at least some sort of _explanation _for why you abandoned us like this. We need you. Everyone does. I'm close to tears, stricken with grief and worry and every other terrified emotion I can think of. If anything has happened to you, so help me God, I will-

"Edward."

I closed my eyes and sighed, wiping the terrified expression off my face at the sound of Bella saying my name. Her voice interrupted my silent prayer and her warm hand held mine, my other hand on the wheel of my car as we whizzed through the dark streets at night. We'd been searching for almost 5 hours now.

Bella's anxious eyes looked up at me and our eyes locked. We spoke silently for a moment, but I don't really know what we said. We weren't telling each other that everything was going to be okay. We weren't looking at each other hopefully. We just…needed to know we were holding out. Together. We weren't going to give up.

I got the news of Maria's runaway over a teary phone call with Esme right after I got out of school. She'd been trying to reach me all day after she found Maria's cell phone and a note on her bed this morning. Maria wasn't in the house. She wasn't in the building. She wasn't on the block. She wasn't in the school.

She ran away.

A young little girl running around the streets of New York. Without an adult. Without a cell phone. Without food.

I picked up Bella again and we contacted Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice. Emmett and Rosalie searched around her school. Jasper and Alice searched around our neighborhood. Esme and Carlisle searched around where Bella had taken her shopping. Bella and I were just ripping through the streets, desperately trying to find her.

After five hours, Maria still hasn't been found.

"I-" I began, my voice breaking off. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, stopping at a red light.

Bella squeezed my hand and I squeezed back, maybe a little too roughly. Bella didn't seem to care as she held my gaze again.

"I'm," I began again, "Terrified." I said the last word in a whisper.

"Me too," Bella whispered back, "We all are."

"For all we know, she could be-" I cut myself off again, daring not to even say the word.

"I know," Bella said anyway, her voice cracking. I looked over at her, seeing tears brimming on her eyes. I brought my hand up, reaching to wipe them away with my thumb. She closed her eyes to my touch and held my palm against her cheek with her own.

We needed each other. Now more than ever. We couldn't struggle through this anxiety on our own. Bella knew this, I knew this, and it made this situation more bearable. Not better, but bearable.

There were no words we could really say. Nothing even Bella could say that would stop the images of Maria, gagged in an alley, from flowing into my head. The images were tormenting me, partially with guilt, because I hadn't picked up my phone all day.

When Esme told me Maria ran away, my first reaction was shock. Then came terror. Then came…a mix of different desperate emotions.

I am not ready to let Maria out of my life. Figuratively, her runaway is like a dagger stabbing my back, instead of my chest, where I expected it to be.

I expected it to be my chest because…well, because Maria has leukemia.

It's awful, the way I have to look at things. I don't want to think about what I would do if I lost my little sister, knowing that a possibility like that is very real. I don't want to think about what I would say to her on her dying bed. I don't want to think about any of this. But it's human nature to brace yourself for the pain. I don't want a lot of things, but I can't help brace myself for the dagger coming to my chest.

It's terrible that every time I see a needle in class, every time I see surgeon masks, and every goddamn time I even see the _word _'blood' in my readings, I think about Maria's hauntingly close surgery.

Am I an awful person? Preparing for someone to die so that _I _won't feel any pain?

I can't keep doing this. I can't prepare for hurt. It'll make me crazy.

I just…I just need to find Maria.

Maria's surgery has been glaring me in the face, stomping on my toes, and smacking my face. It's been painful for me, and it hasn't even happened.

I'm not even the one with leukemia.

Suddenly, as if an actual light bulb blinked on in my head, I stomped on the brakes and made a quick turn into a side street. Bella yelped and squeezed my hand out of instinct. I parked the car in an open spot, yanking the key out of the ignition and smacking my fist on the steering wheel.

"_How_ _could I be so stupid_," I ground out, furious at myself. Bella looked at me with wide eyes.

"How can you tolerate me, Bella? I am the most selfish monster in this entire world. I can't believe I- God, why am I so thickheaded. How did I miss it? How am I so heartless? _I'm not the one with leukemia_."

Bella was still staring at me with even wider eyes.

"She's worried, of course," I mused, partly to myself, "Of course she would be nervous, it's her life that's on the line here! God, why am I so _dense_?! How could I not-"

"Edward!" Bella interrupted. I froze and looked over at her. She glanced at my tightened fists and I unclenched them, trying to keep my head.

Sometimes I wonder if when I think too hard and open my mouth at the same time, then too many different thoughts come running out at once. I would bookmark this little incident for my own personal research on the unknowns of my brain.

"This is all my fault," I mumbled angrily, despite the fact I knew she was going to talk, "If I had just been considerate enough to think about _her_ feelings- I'm such a freakin' _idiot_!"

"She didn't run away because she felt neglected by you," Bella said in a small voice, probably terrified of my torrent of thoughts.

"No. She ran away because she's dying. She's dying and there was no one there to help her figure things out. And she-"

"She's not dying," Bella said sternly, pulling away from me as her face turned stubborn and hard.

"Bella," I sighed, knowing she was trying to rationalize with herself to feel better. I know, because I did it all the time.

"She's not," Bella said again. She glanced out the window as understanding and sadness softened her expression.

"But she's afraid of it," Bella whispered, her eyes still out the window.

I was silent as I thought about this. Bella was right.

"How could I not _see_ this," I whispered in awe and fury, half to myself again, "If I had just been there for her-"

Bella suddenly grabbed my face, yanking it towards her. Her eyes were gentle with understanding.

"Edward Cullen," she said firmly, "Don't you _dare_ blame yourself for this."

I laughed a short, grim and miserable laugh.

"I'm her _brother_, Bella. I should have been there for her if she was terrified over all this."

"And do what? Tell her everything was going to be fine?"

I opened my mouth, and then shut it.

"Maybe she's already heard everything we had to offer for help," Bella continued, "Maybe it was time for her to find something for herself. I think she knows that she is the only one who can figure this out. You can't carry her all the way."

"She's so young," I protested but Bella cut me off.

"But she's strong," Bella said, a smile almost coming to her lips, "And brave. And the most wonderful girl I have ever met."

I felt my throat constricting with emotion. I couldn't bear to lose Maria. Not now. Not ever.

Bella held my face gently as she began to cry a little, tears falling down her cheeks.

"And maybe it wasn't safe or smart for her to run away," Bella said with a sob, "But she- we can- because…because-"

Bella couldn't finish her last sentence, and I felt the tears almost spilling over my eyes too. She wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me and crying softly into my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes to keep the tears away and wrapped my arms around Bella, holding her to me. Bella and I needed each other. Just like Maria needed us to find her…

I caught a tear on Bella's cheek with my lips and pulled back to wipe the rest off with my thumbs.

"We're going to find her," I managed to say, my voice still thick with emotion. I cleared my throat.

"We _are_ going to find her," I said again, stern and strong. Not try to find her, not attempt to find her, but _actually_ find her. It was the first time I had said this all day. It wasn't a hopeful statement, it was a fact of truth.

Bella sobbed once, nodding. I got out of the car, walking over to open Bella's door. She stumbled out and I caught her with my arm, balancing her upright again. We walked down the street, my arm around her shoulder and her sobs gentling until they disappeared. Her expression turned into something determined.

"What did her poem say?" she asked suddenly, looking up at me. I blinked, a bit surprised.

"Her note?"

"It was a poem."

"Oh. Um…"

I pulled it out of my jacket pocket, handing it to Bella and watching her eyes as she unfolded it and read it.

"It doesn't really make sense, though-" I began, but Bella shushed me. I snapped my mouth shut.

She murmured the words under her breath and I watched as they spun around in her thoughts. She was thinking this over.

"Empty," she said at last, sighing and looking down at the paper. I raised my eyebrows.

"I can't…figure it out," she admitted, "I don't think she was trying to drop any hints."

"She was trying to say goodbye for good?" I asked nervously, running a hand through my hair.

"I don't know," Bella said, her brow furrowing. She looked up at me.

"I don't think so," she said, "She was just…writing. Writing to fill the-"

She broke off, staring blankly as her eyes dawned in understanding.

"What?" I said urgently, "What was she-"

"-emptiness," Bella said in a whisper. She looked up at me again.

"I think I know where she is," Bella whispered to me.

Bella

"What?! How!?" Edward demanded, his eyes in shock.

I didn't listen to him, sprinting down the block. Edward called after me and I heard his footsteps catch up to mine. I stumbled a little, but was determined not to fall as I ran.

"Bella," Edward said, his voice still even despite our running, "What are you talking about?"

"The one place we haven't looked," I said, breathing hard and half laughing in relief, "She wasn't _trying_ to drop us any hints."

Edward raised his eyebrows.

I looked up at the street signs. One more avenue to go. I played back Maria's conversation with me in my head.

"_The trees always look so pretty this time of year," Maria said, gazing out the window._

"_You like going to Central Park a lot?" I asked her as we sipped lemonade in her kitchen._

"_It's different than the rest of the city," Maria said with a sheepish grin, "New York always seems so one-sided. So…city-like. I dunno, Central Park is just fun, I guess. It makes me feel more like a normal person instead of like a New Yorker."_

"_Because New Yorkers aren't normal," I said with a grin. Maria giggled._

I had thought the conversation was trivial. Just small talk and nothing too memorable. Of course Maria wasn't consciously trying to drop us hints, but poetry taps into the subconscious. Subconsciously, she knew how to fill the emptiness. And in her poem, she told us. And now I knew exactly how she would do it.

"Fifth Avenue?" Edward scoffed, looking up at where we were, "Bella, we looked here."

I stopped and looked for the entrance to the park. I grabbed his hand.

"We did," I sighed, "But not close enough."

I yanked him into the park entrance, cringing when I noticed the dark shadows beside all the trees. She could be anywhere, and so could any sketchy man who wanted to kidnap her. I almost shivered.

"Central Park?" Edward asked, his voice trembling with fury and fright, "Does she know how _dangerous_ that is?"

"Let's go," I said, swallowing and running down one of the pathways. My heart was racing every time I saw something move in the bushes. I looked for blonde hair, small frame, radiant sunshine…

I felt Edward beside me, knowing he was thinking the same thing. His eyes darted back and forth wildly.

"Bella, the park is huge," he said, looking at me with desperation in his eyes.

"I know," I said weakly.

"We're never going to find her this way."

"We have to try. I'm almost _positive_ she's here."

Edward caught my eyes, trying to read them. He looked away and nodded.

"Let's hurry," he said, his voice trembling again. He grabbed my hand and clenched his jaw. We started walking, but then broke into a light jog as we grew more anxious. We ran around for a little. We called Alice and Jasper, Esme and Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie, all telling them where we were. They had no luck either. We had stripped down the whole city, and still there was no sign of Maria. Finally, the despair hit me.

What if we couldn't find her? What if she got kidnapped? What if she is already-

I clutched Edward's shirt and he slowed down a little. My throat was constricting and my eyesight was going a bit blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a staggering breath in. I saw Maria in my head. Writing a math problem, making a sand castle, hugging the giant dog in FAO Schwartz, smiling when I walked into her room…

I felt the sobs coming again. My legs were weak from running. But I had to keep going. I had to-

A sob ripped through me and Edward slowed down once again. The fatigue, the grief, the worry. Everything hit my legs all at once and I felt my body collapsing. Edward was calling my name worriedly, holding me up.

Calling my name.

"Maria," I sobbed weakly, holding on to Edward. I looked into the dark park again and despair took another sharp blow to my knees and, more painfully, to my heart.

"Maria!" I called louder this time. I called her name again and again, trying to break off from Edward and run. She was too young for this. Too innocent. The world can't take her away. These evils can't take her away. No. No, no, no, no, no. She's-she's-sh-no, she can't.

My mind was numbing and spinning and hurting. It was as if I'd never felt sadness before.

Edward shushed me gently, cradling my head to his chest. I sobbed there, repeating Maria's name. I knew she couldn't hear me, and the thought made the despair strangle me again. I clutched Edward's shirt tightly, never letting him go. He kissed my hair.

"We-we can't f-find her, Edward," I sobbed weakly into his chest. He held me tighter to him.

"Bella," he soothed, running a hand down my hair comfortingly.

"No, Edward, we couldn't do it. I couldn't-"

"Esme's calling the police now," Edward said calmly, glancing at his watch, "She said that if we couldn't find her by 11 tonight, she was going to go to extremes. It's almost 11 now."

"So we're done?" I gaped, pulling back from him, "That's it? No more trying?"

"Bella, we've done all we can. You're exhausted and I can't bear seeing you like this. It's time to let the professionals handle things from here."

I couldn't argue. I didn't know how. I'd convinced myself that we couldn't find her on our own. Edward was right. We needed help.

Edward cradled my face and pressed a slow kiss to my forehead. I shut my eyes and let him try to sooth me. He leaned me against him, wrapping an arm around my waist. We walked slowly down the park. He let my sobs subside once again, rubbing my back soothingly. I didn't let go of my grasp on his shirt.

"Has she ever done this before?" I asked in a small voice, looking up at Edward's hard face. He softened a little as he looked down at me.

"Once," he admitted, "I was in my third year of college, I think. She had just gotten into a fight with Esme over something trivial. I guess it must have been not so trivial to her."

Edward sighed, looking forward again.

"Anyway, the next day, Carlisle and Esme tried to drag me to some famous dentist, trying to convince me to- well, they left Maria unattended for a while, so set on changing my mind. And then she ran away. She didn't get too far, actually. Only down the block where she had to stop because she knew she couldn't cross the street by herself."

A sad smile grew on Edward's face.

"She was a good kid. Obedient, even when running away. She waited on that block for half an hour or so before we found her. I guess I've always wondered what took her so long to decide to just cross the street."

"But she's older now," Edward continued, "And is learning to make decisions for herself."

I nodded sadly, understanding. We walked for a while longer, still not-so-secretly scanning the park for signs of Maria. We found none, but the grief wasn't hitting me as strong as before.

"Did she always like Central Park?" I asked after a brief silence.

"She liked nature," Edward said with a slight grin, "I think she was afraid of spiders, though."

"That's understandable."

"It is," Edward said, his grin growing a little, "But she always tried to climb the trees whenever I took her here."

"Isn't that…"

"Yeah, it's a felony."

"Oh."

"I promised to take her to a jungle one day."

"Did you ever?"

"Well, we went to Busch Gardens in Florida…"

"That counts, I guess."

"I guess it does."

I tried to imagine Maria's smile as she took the Safari ride. It made me sad. I wanted her to see a jungle for herself. Do something real like that one day. I wanted her to not be bogged down by her age or her disease. She deserved more.

I found myself clutching Edward's arm tightly. He noticed and rubbed my hand. I loosened my grip.

"Sorry," I murmured.

"Don't be. I miss her too."

I felt the tears again. They weren't going to stop tonight. The odds were so against her. This was New York City. I wanted to cry again, but I didn't let myself.

"We're almost home," Edward whispered. I noticed we were taking the long route home. I knew why, too. And I wasn't against it.

"We're going to find her," I mumbled against Edward's chest, "Somehow."

"I know."

Things always seemed to turn out cruelly. I enjoyed happiness for a few days and then…suddenly, it's snatched right out from under me. The snatching made me trip, and fall, and scrape my elbows. Why couldn't things be simple for once? Happy continuously?

Because someone somewhere decided that everyone's lives were going to take turns with happiness. One day, I'll have it, and the next day, it'll be yours. Why isn't there enough to go around? Did we bring this upon ourselves?

Edward and I walked in silence. Our footsteps padded against the quiet floor of the park as the sky above us looked a pale black color. Lights from the apartment buildings flickered off, people finally going to bed. TV screens made the windows glow blue, greens, and other colors; people unwinding before they sleep. Cars honked, tires squealed, and a low hum of voices could be heard outside the park. The park seemed lonely when the city woke up at night.

Then I could hear the park move, shifting as if it was rolling around in its sheets.

The tree branches rustled. I heard a low thud, as if something had just landed on the ground. Edward and I both froze.

"I loved Busch Gardens."

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**This was one of my FAVORITE cliff hangers. I hoped you liked it too (though it'd be understandable if you didn't, because normally people don't really like **_**reading**_** cliffhangers as much as they like **_**writing**_** them).**

**Anyway, sorry this chapter was so miserable. It's a miserable time for the characters, I guess. Sorry. Next chapter will be more cheery! At least, I hope so. The next chapter I have a more free range of what I could do with it, so I'm excited for that.**

**Um….not much else to say. **

**So lovies, it's back to the old grind: REVIEW! (last time it really helped with my brain. It was like Advil for my brain-cramps)**


	19. Outlooking

**.**

**Disclaimer: Noooooooootttttttt miiinneeeeeeeee.**

**A/N: Here you go. An early holiday gift.**

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Onlooker (aka complete stranger) 

I stumbled over the bench with the broken beer bottle in my hand, glancing back and forth in the dark park. I loosened my tie and took staggered breaths in, feeling my face heat up. I wiped sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand and stumbled forwards into the dark park.

My breath was coming out in wheezes, but at least there was nothing on my mind except to focus on not falling down.

Which I did shortly after. My breath came out in a woosh as I got a mouthful of grass. I crawled with my elbows towards a tree and leaned against it, catching my breath.

Drunk again. Alone again. I felt the familiar, lulling tingles that swept through my body and felt all my muscles relax. Too bad I was all out of beer.

I rested my head against the bark, squeezing my eyes shut. Why did I always do this to myself? I rubbed one of my sore cheeks where my girlfriend punched me. I remembered why I got drunk in the first place.

I laughed a little to myself at how pathetic I was. Wait, I mean: how pathetic I AM. No past tense, jeez, who am I kidding?

When I opened my eyes, I jumped, alarmed at the little girl sitting in the branch two feet above my head. She was looking at me with wide eyes.

"Jesus," I hissed, "What the hell are you doing up there, kid?"

"I-I'm…I-I," she stuttered in a frightened whisper, "You-You're bleeding." I looked down and what d'ya know, I suddenly felt the pain of the pieces of glass in my hand. I cringed and picked the pieces out.

I blinked up at the girl. She wasn't screaming or crying or anything, but did she know how dangerous it was to be in Central Park at night? For all she knew, I could be some psychopathic drunk.

…well…I could be a dangerous drunk, at least.

"Shouldn't you be at home or something?" I asked, "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Are you going to hurt me?" she whispered, her hands trembling.

"No," I sighed, "Jesus Christ, are you lost or somethin'?"

"No."

"Did you run away from home?"

"Y-Yes," she stuttered.

I stared at her for moment. She looked healthy, so I'm guessing she just ran away today. Oh, and she still looked scared shitless, probably 'cause I was giving her a lookdown. Why am I such a creeper? She leaned back a little and I sat back against the tree and laughed a little.

What a day, what a day.

"Me too, kid," I laughed, tipping my chin up so I could see her. She still looked a little frightened and now a little shocked that I wasn't throwing her into the trunk of a car. Whatever.

There was a pause where I heard the little girl shift around on the tree.

"Are you…Are you going to call my parents?"

That would be the responsible thing to do. But c'mon, I didn't even know this kid.

"Depends," I laughed, "Are you going to call my girlfriend?"

"….No."

"Then I think we're both fine for now."

I looked up at the musty dark sky, above the tops of the trees and past the silhouette of buildings. No stars. I looked back down at my bleeding hand and cursed myself for not noticing.

I felt a headache stab the side of my head and noticed I was sobering up.

Maybe once I was sober enough, I'd get my ass off this floor and help the poor kid home.

"So, why'd you run away?" I asked, suddenly curious. Temper tantrum? Fight with parents? Fight with sibling?

The girl was hesitant. Rightly so. I look like a freakin' maniac. I wouldn't ever trust an asshole like me.

"I'm…not sure," she said finally, "Just to run away, I guess."

Oddly mature. I was surprised and I'm pretty sure I looked it too. How old was she? Like six?

I didn't say anything, but I heard her clear her throat as she prepared to talk.

"Why did you…um…run away?" she asked. I snorted.

"Kid, when grown men 'run away' it usually means 'drink until you're out of money'," I chuckled, "When grown men 'run away', it's usually for some real chicken-shit reasons."

Nice language. God, it's a little girl, can't you behave yourself for one damn second? No wonder Ally threw you out on your ass…after punching you in the face.

"'Scuse my language," I murmured, "I think I'm still pretty drunk."

I heard the girl tense up on the branch. Probably still thought I was going to rape her or something. Jeez, what do they teach these New York City kids?

"Hey, don't worry, kid, I ain't that drunk," I said with another snort.

She looked cautious still, but I ignored it. Maybe she'd run away before I was sober enough to take her home. Then I could just pass out here and wait for some park ranger to kick me out. Either way, things looked dim for me. Damn. Where was the beer when you needed it?

Oh I know. Sloshing around in my stomach.

Suddenly, I heard voices and I scrambled to my feet. I was definitely going to get arrested for sexually harassing this girl. You know how paranoid people get these days. Especially in New York City. No way was a drunk asshole sitting with some girl in the middle of Central Park at night was going to get away without being dragged down to the station first.

I stood behind the tree, peeking behind it to watch the path where two figures were walking down.

The girl was watching me.

"Wha-" she began, but cut off when she saw where I was looking. She squinted her eyes to see the dark figures. Her eyes widened and she gripped the tree branch above her, standing up shakily on the branch she was previously sitting on.

"Who are they?" she asked, "I can't see them."

"How should I know, kid? I'm old. I'm probably more blind than you are," I whispered, "But whoever they are, they're definitely going to arrest me."

"Did you do something wrong?" the girl asked innocently.

A lot of things, actually. But none of them were crimes, if that's what you were referring to.

"No, but-"

The figures began talking. One was a woman who seemed to be crying and the other was a man who was talking calmly and soothingly. A romantic stroll in the middle of the night in Central Park? Ha. Must be tourists.

The girl suddenly gasped and lowered herself back to her branch. She sat, looking at the two figures. I peered up at her, noticing tears in her eyes.

"You know them?" I asked.

"I-they-I-I," she sobbed.

Shit. Don't cry.

"Um, well, um.. don't cry, kid," I said awkwardly, "I mean…unless they're gonna hurt you or something. In which case, we're both fucked."

SMOOOOTTTTTTTHHHH.

I smacked my head and said, "I mean, we're both gonna be in trouble. I don't know how to defend myself even if my life depended on it."

"They-they're not going to hurt us," the girl said, shaking her blonde head of curls. I raised my eyebrows.

I paused and looked at the figures coming closer.

"Are they your parents?" I asked, lowering my voice to a whisper.

She sobbed a little. Jesus, what did I say?!

"Um…no," she said, wiping her eyes, "I think they're looking for me."

I looked at the two figures and tried to listen to what they were saying. Too bad I was going deaf. They were just blurry whispers, but I'm sure the girl could hear what they were saying. Granted that she wasn't as deaf as the middle aged, drunk, slightly-crazy man hiding behind the tree she was sitting on.

Her lips suddenly grew a watery smile and I raised my eyebrows at her. The whispers were getting clearer and put all my half-intoxicated-brain's power into trying to hear what they were saying.

"Sorry," the woman was murmuring the man apologetically.

"Don't be," the man replied in a soothing voice, "I miss her too."

There was silence suddenly where all I could hear was their slow footsteps coming closer. I watched as the came two feet away from passing our tree. In the darkness, I could see the woman's tear streaked face slightly hidden by a curtain of brown hair. She was clutching the arm of the man, who looked like he was about to cry, but tried to keep up a manly façade. They both looked pretty grief-stricken.

"We're almost home," the man whispered into the woman's hair. He pulled away and sighed, "Somehow."

They took a few steps past the tree. I held my breath the whole time, making sure they couldn't hear me.

"I know," the woman replied. I watched her hand grip onto the man's jacket tighter.

Once they were a good two feet past our tree, I let my breath out and looked up to see the girl gazing at them longingly. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she hastily wiped them away.

She shifted on the tree, standing to her feet. The rustling was too loud and I cursed loudly in my head, hiding tightly behind the tree as the man and woman stopped about five feet head of the tree. The girl took a deep breath and hopped out of the tree.

I looked on with wide eyes and glanced between the man and woman to the little girl.

"I loved Busch Gardens," she said.

What the hell? Where did that come from? Damn my grandfather for passing on deafness into my genes. It's obviously made me miss some very vital information tonight with this strange girl and these possible-tourist man and woman.

The woman spun around on her feet, her eyes bright with happiness as she looked at the little girl. The man spun around too, looking just as happy and relived as the woman. The woman brought a hand to her mouth to hide the sob that escaped anyway.

"Maria," she croaked. The man was still speechless.

"Can we…um…go back there someday?" the little girl, who I'm assuming was Maria, said as she wrung her hands together, "I want to climb bigger trees."

The woman rushed forwards, wrapping up Maria into her arms and sobbing. She spewed a lot of, "I'm so glad we found you!"s and "You don't know how happy I am we found you! We've been looking for you all day!"

I watched the man as he rushed forwards too, wrapping Maria and the woman in his arms. The woman was still crying as the man held them tightly.

"Maria, don't you _ever_ do that again," the man said, his voice trembling with emotion, "And I mean it this time."

"I know," Maria whispered, "I just um…had to."

The woman stepped back, holding Maria's face in her hands as she looked at her with what I could only assume was love.

"Maria, I really don't know what I would do without you," she said, tears still threatening to come out of her brown eyes. She wrapped her into her arms again.

"Let's go home," the man sighed, picking Maria up into his arm and putting his other arm around the woman, "We need to call off the search parties."

I watched the group walk away, smiling a little at their happiness. I stopped smiling when I decided what a creep I was for watching them and feeding off their happiness.

God, what a weird night.

Maria turned her head back to me and gave me a grateful smile.

I was puzzled by it. She didn't even know me. What could she have possibly seen in an asshole drunk like me that was worthy of a smile?

I looked down at my glinting reflection in the broken glass bottle. My face was sullen and tired, and still a bit flushed from all my drinking. I looked over at the three retreated bodies walking out of the park and back at my reflection.

She could see me as the man who spared her life when he could have easily done anything with her.

She could see me as the crazy man who sat by her when she ran away, smiling at me in an almost pitiful way.

She could see me as.. something more?

Something about that girl felt like she could. Like she could see right into my soul and look at every part of me.

The pet owner. The boyfriend. The older brother. The confused son. The hard worker.

Maybe that's what was worth smiling for?

Either that, or I was more drunk than I thought I was.

God, I don't even know. I can feel my brains melting and frying, but suddenly all I could see was Ally's face in my mind.

Maybe that's what Maria saw in me that was worth smiling. Ally's face instead of mine, because God only knows she's more beautiful than me. The fact that Ally is more a part of me than I myself am…?

Agh. Too deep for my intoxicated mind.

I'll just go home.

Beg for Ally, the better part of me, my life, my love, my reason for existence, to let me back into her life.

Huh. Funny how this Maria girl opened my eyes.

Weird night…

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Bella

I squinted at the sunlight pouring through the open windows and glared at the person pulling at the blinds.

"Alice," I groaned, "Shut the blinds."

Edward stirred beneath me, his arm moving from behind my head and thrown over his eyes.

"I'm going to kill you, Alice," he growled. Alice just snapped the blinds open with a 'whack' and put her hands on her hips.

Edward and I were lying on the couch, Maria snuggled up next to my legs. Rosalie and Emmett was both snoring, lying next to each other on the floor with Rosalie's leg thrown over Emmett's torso. Jasper had his head against the coffee table and his arms crossed as he slept peacefully. Carlisle and Esme were snuggled together in one of the arm chairs.

And Alice, never one to follow the trends of those around her, was standing by the window.

"It's eleven o' clock," she said with a pout.

"It's Saturday," Jasper said with his eyes still closed. Alice sighed.

"Don't any of you have work to do?" Alice demanded.

"Shoooosssh," Rosalie whined, "Don't say 'work' until after I've taken a shower."

"Yeah, Alice, don't you have sleeping to do?" I grumbled, snuggling into Edward. I felt Maria sit up and heard her yawn.

"Thank you! See everyone, Maria's up!" Alice beamed. Maria was silent as she climbed off the couch. She walked towards Alice with sleepy eyes.

She paused in front of her. Then she walked by and shut the blinds promptly.

We all laughed as Alice pouted. Maria crawled back onto the couch, yawning and falling back asleep on my legs.

I watched her through half-lidded eyes. She hadn't talked much since we got home, but we all decided to let her be. We all kind of had a basic idea of why she ran away, and frankly, all we cared about was that she got home unscathed. It had been a crazy night, full of enough emotions to last a person three lifetimes.

Her breathing slowed down and she looked as peaceful as an angel. After all this time, I'm pretty certain she is one. Corny. Cheesy. But true.

"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear so that no one else could hear. I tilted my head back with a contented smile and felt his warm neck against my cheek.

"Hmm?" I mumbled back. He kissed the side of my neck and his lips went back to my ear.

"I love you," he said, and I could hear the sincerity ringing like bells in my ear. He paused.

"I just thought I'd let you know. I feel like I haven't told you in a while," he continued, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"I love you more," I said as I turned my face so my lips were at his collar bone. I kissed his neck softly before shutting my eyes.

I let his gentle breathing lull me to a dream state, thinking about how lucky I really was. How lucky to have Maria home safely. How lucky to even have _met_ this girl in the first place. How lucky to be surrounded by people who love me, even Alice, who apparently runs on two hours of sleep.

There was so much drama being Maria Cullen's babysitter. I wondered if it was in the job description. "Be prepared for your life to be turned upside down." No, it probably wasn't there. These days, people generally don't want their world to be turned upside down. At least, they don't know they want it.

I wondered if we were ever going to have one long period of time that's boring. Where nothing exciting happens and no one runs away and no one gets heart broken and we just sit around all day doing nothing.

….Ha, I highly doubt that will happen.

"You too, Maria," Edward whispered at the sleeping girl by my legs, "I love you too."

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Edward

Okay.

Well.

My life is crazy.

But you know what?

I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

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**I hope you all stayed with me during the ****Onlooker POV****. I know it was kind of…different. I thought I'd just try something a little unique and new to spice things up. Also, I wanted to get an outside perspective on Edward, Bella, and Maria. There'll be more Edward/Bella fluff next chapter.**

**Anywayysssss….not much else to say. **

**CHRISTMAS PRESENT IDEA FOR ME: review. Ask Santa. It's something I want for Christmas. **


	20. It's Me And It's Still Around

**.**

**Disclaimer: Twlight. Not mine. Kaahhhpeeessshh? **

**A/N: The big 2-0. One more chapter, and my story'll be big enough to drink and vote! Hurray!**

**And yes, I realize it's been awhile. Sigh. I really don't know how to explain it. See author's note at the end.**

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_It's the least I can do  
Cause this life  
Is anything but certain  
When they close the final curtain  
You'll get a glimpse of the truth  
Cause you're still around_

_-"Still Around" by 30H!3_

One week until Maria's surgery. One week left and we're pretending like it's not even there? Well, you can't really blame us. It's easier if we don't get worked up over the surgery because it won't help anything. Freaking out won't make Maria miraculously get better, so we treated every day normally with smiles on our faces.

Maria hadn't talked much about her runaway, her surgery, or any other personal feelings. I wasn't worried about that. When she wanted to talk, she would talk. Pushing her to talk won't help anything either, especially if she doesn't want to talk.

Alice, Rosalie, and I were in our apartment alone on Saturday morning. Alice was sitting on the couch, running her finger over the rim of her coffee mug. Rosalie was on the floor, an empty breakfast plate on her lap. I was lying on the couch, my head on Alice's lap and my eyes on the ceiling.

"Is it her first boyfriend?" Alice asked.

"I guess so," I replied, shrugging.

"She's only ten, Alice," Rosalie pointed out, placing the plate on the coffee table, "How many boyfriends could she have had?" She walked over to the couch and lifted my legs, sitting down where they had been and putting my legs on her lap.

"Well, I don't know the lives of _average_ ten year olds. All I know is that _you_ had three boyfriends by the time you were nine and Bella got her first real boyfriend in college. How am I supposed to deduce information about Maria when I only have two extreme examples?!" Alice defended teasingly. I stuck my tongue out at her and Rosalie smacked her in the head with a pillow off the couch.

"Alice, Maria is far from as slutty as Rosalie was when she was Maria's age," I said as I laughed. Alice agreed and laughed too at Rosalie's appalled face. Rosalie glared at me and pinched my ankle while I squealed.

"And she's not a _nun_ like Bella," Rosalie teased. I made a face at Rosalie as Alice tried to regain our attention.

"Okay, okay," Alice said impatiently, "We've established that Maria is clearly none of the extremes."

"Can we trust him?" Rosalie asked.

"I've never really talked to him that much. But if Maria does…" I said, trailing off.

"Then I guess we do too," Alice finished. She took a sip of her coffee and sighed.

"How's Edward…taking the news of this new boyfriend?" she asked.

"He hasn't…well, he hasn't _killed_ the kid yet," I said.

"Oh no. That bad?" Rosalie asked.

"He hasn't expressed his dislike of the idea to Maria, obviously, but he couldn't stop talking about it the other night. He got so pale and tense when Maria told us the news. But he couldn't say anything because Maria just looked so happy…"

Alice gave me a sympathetic look.

"So what're you going to do with Edward tonight when Maria's hanging out with Ryan?" she asked.

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"Edward, _no_," I said, grabbing his collar as he headed towards the door, pulling him backwards.

"Bella, I'm just going to make sure that-"

"Look, Edward, they're _kids_. And Maria's going to be just fine. She'll be upset if she finds you 'making sure she's okay'."

"She won't find me, I promise, but I can't let that _kid_ do something I-"

"Edward," I interrupted again.

"I just-"

I put my hands on Edward's neck, making him look at me. I looked him dead in the eye.

"Chill. Out," I said sternly. Edward sighed, looking at his shoes. He held me close, burying his head in my neck.

"Sorry," he murmured into my neck, "I just get so worried.."

I rubbed my hand softly against the back of his neck soothingly and said, "I know. She's going to be fine, I promise."

Edward sighed again against my neck, holding me closer. We stood there for a little, me rubbing his neck and him clutched the sides of my shirt.

"It's not fair that this might be her last…" Edward began again, trailing off.

"It isn't fair," I agreed, "So you just have to let her run with this one."

"I know…I just…"

I pulled his head up to look at me again. I rubbed my thumb over his temple and he closed his eyes, leaning against my hand. He knew, we both knew: this was hard for everyone, and we had to be there for each other. He leaned his head close to me, softly brushing his lips against mine. I shut my eyes and put my hands on either side of his face, holding it there as my lips moved with his gently.

Edward pulled back, resting his forehead against mine. Our eyes locked and talked endlessly about everything. Comforted, loved, soothed, laughed, cared, hugged, kissed. Just our eyes, rambling on in that one tiny moment we had together.

"Chinese tonight?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Sounds good to me. I'm going to go take a shower, do you mind going out to get the food?"

"That's fine," I said, giving him a quick kiss before pulling myself out of his arms, "So I'll be back in a few-"

I stopped and Edward looked confused.

"What?" he asked.

"Can I trust you to not go spy on Maria?"

Edward rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, Bella, I promise to stay right here."

"Okay," I said with a grin, "See you in a few minutes!"

I opened the door and ran to the Chinese cuisine restaurant not far from Edward's apartment. After twenty minutes or so, I walked back to the apartment with two, big, brown paper bags with our favorite Chinese dishes. My mouth had been watering from the second I walked into the restaurant and now my stomach was eating itself in anticipation of eating delicious Chinese food.

I decided that tonight, like many other nights before it, was going to be normal without any worrying or regret or any other non-happy feeling. Would it have been better if Edward and I spent the whole night worrying about what will happen to Maria? I didn't know, and for a few brief moments I thought I was being selfish and stupid for wanting to just spend time with Edward instead of comforting Maria. Maybe I was. But Maria didn't seem to want our company much either that night, so maybe she was thinking the same thing: share happiness while you can. I sighed and hoped Edward was going to go along with my plan of no-worrying tonight.

I opened the door to Edward's apartment and put the bags on the counter.

"Edward?" I called out, "I'm going to eat everything in second here if you don't come and claim your food."

I didn't hear any response and frowned in confusion. I walked away, reluctantly, from the food and towards Edward's bathroom. As I got closer, I heard music playing and Edward's distinct voice singing over the song. I grinned and made my steps softer, listening to Edward sing.

My heart thudded and I even blushed when his voice hit the notes just right. God, Bella, this was supposed to be embarrassing for _him_, not enjoyable for _you_.

Unless it could be both. Cue maniacal laughter.

I found myself swooning, pressing my ear softly against the door. Was this pathetic? Well, I'd like to think not. Was this perversely fun for me? Yes…no…wait….what? I think Bella's a little overworked. What do you think? Overworked. Yeah. Okay, back to enjoying Edward's deliciously attractive singing voice.

I heard him hum along with some of the words, probably not knowing the words, and held back a laugh at his adorableness. He continued singing, his voice sounding a bit preoccupied as if he was doing something else while he was singing. I heard him tap something against the sink, I'm guessing it was razor and that he was changing.

Suddenly, the door opened mid-chorus, his hand on the doorknob and his voice cutting off as he saw me standing there. A light pink blush grew on his cheeks and froze in the middle of wiping his face with a towel with his other hand, shaving cream still present on one half of his cheek. His hair was still slightly damp and he, to my _extreme_ delight, was only wearing his jeans. I grinned up at him.

"I had no idea you were a fan of 3OH!3," I exclaimed, giggling as he shut the door in my face promptly. I laughed and spoke against the closed door.

"Edward!" I said, "Don't be embarrassed! I think it's adorable that you sing when you're shaving!"

"Go away!" Edward shouted back. This only made me laugh harder and I banged my fist against the door.

"C'mon, I have the food," I said, grinning, "I promise not to make fun of you!"

"Oh, right," Edward said sarcastically. The door flung open, Edward standing there with shaving cream still on his face, still shirtless, and glaring at me. I giggled in response.

"How much did you hear?" he demanded, pointing a finger at me accusingly.

"Enough to _swoon_ at my cute boyfriend."

"Does anyone believe in privacy anymore?!"

"I won't tell anyone," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face. I couldn't keep a straight face. Some other song by the Ying Yang Twins was now playing on the miniature speakers on his bathroom counter. I'm guessing Edward has this guilty pleasure for pop, mainstream, clubbing music. Edward glared at my smile.

"You're lying," he accused.

"No, I'm swooning," I defended, still grinning like the mad woman I was.

"Right."

His cheeks were still lightly pink and I couldn't resist him anymore. I hooked my fingers in the belt-loops of his jeans and pulled him to me, standing up on my tiptoes so I could give him a quick kiss on the lips. I carefully avoided the shaving cream on one side of his face.

"It was cute," I said, still inches away from him. He rolled his eyes before narrowing them, wrapping his arms around my lower waist.

"That doesn't mean you're off the hook."

"Oh, I see," I said with a teasing giggle, "So you're going to punish me, then?"

"Kinky," Edward replied with another eye roll.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck that was warm from the hot water of the shower. He looked down at my cautiously before his eyes went to my lips. He moved his head down to kiss me, and at that point I forgot all about the shaving cream. Could you blame me? I was a little preoccupied with the fact that I could feel his bare shoulder muscles under my hands.

Edward, however, didn't forget about the shaving cream. He turned his head to the side and rubbed the shaving cream allllll over my cheek. I gasped and pushed away from him. He was grinning mischievously. I tried to pull away so I could inflict physical pain on this bitch, but he heisted my legs around his waist, carrying me over to his bedroom as I protested and beat my fists against his shoulder.

He tossed me down on the bed, perching over me as he rubbed the shaving-cream-covered side of his face on my neck, my collarbone, and the top of my shirt. I squealed and kicked and protested, but Edward held my hips to the bed. I pushed my hands against his shoulders and laughed when his hair tickled my neck. When he was finished, he rested his elbows on either side of me, peering down with that same boyish smile.

I scowled at him. His face was now shaving-cream free. I could be soothed, however, by the fact that now one side of his face was stubbly and the other was not. Ha. Take that, Edward.

"Okay, that was uncalled for," I accused, glaring at him as he laughed.

"Was it really? I didn't think so."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I lifted the hem of my shirt up so I could wipe the shaving cream off my face, neck, and collarbone. Oh, and the fact that I was lifting my shirt up didn't escape me. I pulled it up just enough so he could see my waist, but not enough that he could see my bra. I pretended to not notice as Edward looked down at me with hooded eyes.

Edward pinned my wrists on the bed above my head, bending his head down so we were nose to nose.

"Tease," he accused with lusty eyes. I feigned innocence.

"What? You're the one who put the shaving cream there in the first place," I said, my voice coming out a little breathless when his bare torso came in contact with mine.

Edward ignored that, planting kisses down my neck and to my collarbone. I bit my lip as he rested his cheek on the side of my neck, inhaling deeply.

"Such a tease," he murmured into my hair, his lips brushing against my ear. He kissed my lips more hungrily this time, his lips molding over mine and his body pressing closer to me. When he pulled away, he went down to kiss my bare stomach. I was breathing heavily, my hands now free because Edward was holding my hips.

He placed a kiss on my rib, his eyes looking up and catching mine. He then looked away and nudged the bottom of my shirt up with his nose, revealing the bottom of my bra.

I gasped as he nudged my bra up the tiniest bit with his nose, just enough that he could kiss the bottom of my breast. My words came out shaky.

"Edward," I breathed. Edward moved from my stomach and kissed my eyelids, temples, cheeks, jaw, and lips. He lingered there for a moment, our breaths mingling as if it was the only sound we could hear.

"We should-" I began, only to be cut off by Edward kissing me.

"Eat," I breathed half-heartedly, not really wanting to stop what we were doing. Edward nibbled on my earlobe, his breath tickling my neck as he sighed.

"Really?" he asked.

"It's getting late…and the food might be.." I trailed off when I saw his face show discomfort.

"What?" I asked.

"Mood-killer," he sighed, shaking his head in mock-disappointment. I grinned and kissed the side of his neck. He returned the favor by holding my face and kissing me hungrily again as if I hadn't said anything. I murmured against his lips and he pulled away.

"Edward!" I exclaimed.

"Not hungry," Edward explained, putting his hands on my bare torso and nuzzling his face into my shoulder and neck. I sighed, running my hands down his bare back, feeling his muscles clench under my touch. He hummed in pleasure, sliding his hands on my torso again.

I turned us over so I was lying over him, Edward blinking up at me with a confused expression. His hands were still on my waist as I straddled him, and I bent my head down with my hands on either side of his head.

"You know what's an even bigger mood-killer?" I asked, kissing his jaw, "Growling stomachs."

With that, I patted his chest with my palm and rolled off him. He groaned and threw a hand over his eyes. I laughed and poked his rib.

"Dinner time, Sinatra," I teased. Edward took his hand off his face, glaring at me.

"Oh, you're too funny, Bella," he said sarcastically, narrowing his eyes at me as he prepared to launch. I squealed and scrambled off the bed, stumbling out the door as his footsteps chased me. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist from behind, swinging me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He marched us to the kitchen as I kicked and squirmed.

"Edward! This is the second time today I've been unwillingly carried to various places around your apartment!" I said, kicking my legs.

He responded by smacking me on my ass. I yelped.

"Edward!" I exclaimed. He laughed, dumping me on the kitchen counter next to the bags of Chinese food. I adjusted my shirt as Edward turned his attention to the food.

"Sweetheart, you've spied on me, teased me, and made fun of me," he said, giving me a side-look as he rummaged through the bags of food, "I think you got what you deserved."

"I did not spy on you!"

"Okay, _sure_."

"It's not my fault your music was playing so loud!"

I pointed to his bathroom, where the music was still blaring so loud I could hear it clearly from here in the kitchen. It was playing some song by T.I. now. I smirked at Edward, who gave me a skeptical look.

"Do you have issues with my music choice?" he asked, handing me chopsticks and the white Chinese take-out box.

"Swing Ya Rag?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, "A little vulgar, don't you think?"

"I can handle the explicit version, thanks. I'm a big boy, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and Edward grinned, bobbing his head to the music when he thought I wasn't looking. I crossed my legs, sitting on the counter as Edward hopped up next to me, his legs swinging over the edge of the table.

The night, as was expected, went normally.

Well…what _is_ normal, anyway?

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Swing Ya Rag was stuck in my head for the rest of the next day. I sang it to myself as I browsed absentmindedly through racks of clothes. Rosalie smacked me with her purse as she passed by me. Alice and Rosalie weren't too pleased with my song of choice. Especially when shopping.

"Ouch!" I squealed. Rosalie flipped through the hangers of clothes, giving me an annoyed look.

"Stop singing that song," Rosalie demanded. I rolled my eyes.

"Again, I'm sorry that Edward played it like a million times last night," I said with a sigh, "Once I expressed my dislike of it, he just kept playing it."

"How romantic," Alice snorted, popping up out of nowhere and tossing some sparkly objects into my arms. I, naturally, didn't catch them and had to bend down to pick them up. I hid my smile at Alice's remark, remembering Edward and mine's endless teasing last night.

"Snorting is quite an unattractive trait, Alice," I said, "Maybe you should get that looked at."

Alice stuck her tongue out at me.

"So you two didn't talk about Maria's upcoming surgery at _all_?" Rosalie asked, "Emmett and I aren't even related to her and that's all we talked about last night at dinner."

"No, I guess we didn't talk about it that much," I said with a shrug. Rosalie and Alice shared a worried look.

"What?" I asked them.

"Bella, you're prepared for if the surgery…you know…doesn't go as planned, right?" Alice asked, playing with the strap of a bright purple dress.

"Of course I am," I said, my brow furrowing, "Just because I don't talk about it with Edward doesn't mean…well, I mean, how can talking about it help the surgery?"

"We just don't want you to be devastated," Rosalie said cautiously, "We know you're a strong girl, Bella, but we know how close you are to Maria. If talking about it won't help, then okay, we trust your opinion."

"Okay, good," I said stubbornly, "Because that _is_ my opinion."

"But!" Alice interrupted, "If you're just avoiding the conversation because…"

"Look, Edward and I have talked about it. And I know we both are _constantly_ thinking about it. We just don't want it taking over our lives," I explained. Alice and Rosalie shared another look.

I rolled my eyes and moved to another rack, humming Swing Ya Rag again.

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"So you two had a good time?" I asked, coloring in the flower I drew with colored pencils. We were sitting on the floor of her room, just like the old days of summer, coloring pictures. Maria was telling me about her night with Ryan. Don't worry, everyone, it was G-rated. And it's a good thing too; otherwise Edward might have actually incinerated Ryan.

"Yeah, it was fun," Maria said, a smile growing on her face as she colored in the heart she drew on her page.

"Did you kiss him yet?" I asked with a teasing grin. Maria giggled and blushed. She didn't answer and I blinked, my jaw dropping.

"Wait, you _kissed_ him!?" I exclaimed with a wide-eyed smile, "Maria!"

"Shhhh! Edward's gonna hear you!"

"Oh wow, Maria. This is big news! How's it feel to have your first kiss?"

"Good," Maria giggled, blushing again.

"Good? That's _it_?!"

"Really good," Maria corrected, ducking her head.

"That's better."

We colored in a comfortable silence until I piped up again.

"Oh jeez, Maria, I _have_ to tell Edward."

"No! No, no, no, he's going to kill me!"

"Don't be silly, Maria, if anything he's going to kill Ryan."

Maria's face went pale.

"Kidding," I said, "Maria, I was just kidding. You know Edward's going to be happy…"

I trailed off, considering if my last statement was true or not. Maria gave me a skeptical look that looked a lot like Edward's skeptical look. It made me smile a bit, their resemblance and similar behaviors.

"Really?" she said in the same tone Edward used when he was skeptical.

"Um…well…maybe it's better if we don't tell him, then," I said with a nervous laugh. Maria nodded, clearly relieved as she drew her initials in the heart she colored. I bet you know whose initials were next.

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Maria

I'd come to terms with a few things, I guess. I figured them out a few times in the past few days. When I was in the tree in Central Park, when I woke up the next morning, and when Ryan kissed my cheek goodbye last night. I remember his lips were shaking nervously. And I remember smiling.

Maybe I was coming to terms with everything because somehow, I realized this was the end. I wasn't sad about it being the end, either. I'd finally understood something that was hard for me to see when I had to take pills or when the doctors took blood samples or when I got injected with something. Hard too see when people grew wary and pale when I told them who I was and what I had in my blood.

But I could see it clearly. A lot more these days, actually.

I was happy with who I was.

I don't understand how…and maybe I don't need to, but I can feel it there. It's there when Edward gives me a piggyback or when Bella lets me sit on her lap when we watch TV or when my dad reads me a bedtime story or when my mom tells me how truly pretty I look in my t-shirt and jeans.

It'll be there even when I'm under bright surgeon lights, blue rubber gloves, and shiny metal needles.

I like who I am. And that's going to be around until the end.

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**I liked that chapter. I think it had a pretty good balance of fluff and plot-stuff. At least, that's just my opinion. Yours is probably different considering, you know, I'm completely awful at updating. **

**You're allowed to be mad. I'm mad too. At myself and everything that caused this very prolonged update. **

**Songs mentioned in this chapter:**

**1. Still Around- 3OH!3 (beautiful song, truly, and the inspiration for this chapter)**

**2. Don't Trust Me- 3OH!3 (song Edward was singing when he was shaving)**

**3. Shake- Ying Yang Twins (yes, a guilty pleasure of mine)**

**4. Swing Ya Rag- T.I. (okay, yeah, another guilty pleasure of mine)**

**It's not over yet, but there are a few more chapters to go! Stay with me, folks!**

**REVIEW (because you know you would love for a shirtless Edward Cullen to rub shaving cream on you…mmm…yummmmyyy)**


	21. Start With A Bang? Continue With A Splat

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**Disclaimer: Okay, so, right now I'm typing on some outdated, rickety, smashed-up and pretty much dead computer. If I owned Twilight, do you think I would be on this computer? No. Exactly. So, Twilight's not mine. And yes, I do realize that this is quite unfortunate. Sigh.**

**A/N: Squeee! Thanks for all your super happy reviews! EEEP! They made me unbelievably happy. And now I feel an obligation to write this chapter for you.**

**Oh, and I thought I'd give this chapter a few songs. I liked the last chapter with songs. Check author's note at bottom for all of them. **

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_So take one word you said  
You put it in your bed  
You rest your tiny head on your pillow  
You wonder where you're going next  
You got your head pushed pushed to my chest  
and now you're hoping that someone lets you in  
_

_-"Kelsey" by Metro Station_

I laid completely still, my hands crossed over my stomach. The foggy black sky was plastered across Maria's window, peeking over the dark rooftops of the skyscrapers. There were absolutely no stars, but the apartment lights of other buildings flickered on and off, headlights flashed in shadows as they sped across the street below.

Maria was lying next to me. We were lying on the floor, facing her large window in what someone might assume to be a 'star-gazing' position, but obviously, this was New York City, therefore there were no stars. Just street lights and blazing spirits.

We didn't have too much to say. Say too much, and then it'll be like we're saying our goodbyes. We didn't want to say goodbye, obviously. The surgery was two days from now, but this would be the last time I would see Maria until then. New time I saw her, I'd be holding her hand as we walked into the operating room.

And we didn't want to say goodbye. There won't be any goodbyes necessary. Period. End of conversation.

I took a deep breath, letting out slowly. I convinced myself that I was breathing out the worried thoughts, doubt, fear, and everything else that didn't quite matter at the moment. I wanted to just shrug everything off, push it to the back of my mind, and pretend like we could see the stars tonight.

Do you know those moments where you know something dreadful is coming, and a part of you wants it to never come, but another part just wants it to come so you could get it over with? I really hate that feeling. That gut wrenching, throat splitting, tear-jerking feeling where all you want is for things to go back to normal. That disgusting, sandy, dirty feeling when you want to cry, but somehow you just can't.

You just can't.

I watched the smoke roll off the chimneys, melting into the black sky. I watched the night shift ever so slightly, like the minute-hand on a clock. I couldn't decide if I was sad or not. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be sad or not. If I should be sad.

Maybe we should have had a soulful, meaningful, hear-to-heart talk. Maybe we should have talked in whispers, crying together about what was going to come. Maybe one word would have been enough to just get us through the night.

But we didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say. Everything I could say, Maria already knew. So we just lied there. Quiet and thoughtful. Somber and silent. Motionless and breathing.

We just lied there, watching the lights flicker.

And feeling the heat of the city's spirits rolling over us like a smoky haze.

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_SsssPLAT_. _SsssPLAT!_

Another water balloon sailed through the air, colliding with the wall and splattering loudly. I picked up a blue one, tossing it in my hand once before throwing it, hard, against the wall. Angry tears streaked down my face, and I wiped my eyes with the back of my arm. I sniffled once before throwing an egg-shaped purple one against the wall.

I was alone on the roof of my apartment building, throwing water balloons at the giant brick box in the middle of the roof. On the other side of the box was a door, where you walked down the stairs to the building's elevator, or up the stairs to the roof, depending on where you were going. There were scattered lawn chairs where residents came up here during the summer to tan or lounge around.

To my left, I had a crate full of colorful water balloons. I was in a ratty blue t-shirt that hit my legs mid-thigh and jeans that were frayed at the hem. I was barefoot, upset, and (I'm fairly certain) out of my mind.

My shirt was half-drenched, my hair tied up in a messy bun, and my cell phone was off.

I was a bit calmer than before, when I came up here sobbing and crazed, throwing balloons like my arms were a wild windmill.

I decided that I had no idea what to do with my grief, and I decided I was furious at myself for not being able to do one single thing about the fate of Maria. Not one single thing. Not one damned thing. I felt pathetic and angry and wretched and awful, and I decided hearing the balloons splat against the wall of the brick box on the roof would help.

Originally, my idea was to run something over with a car. I decided balloons were safer.

I heard the door open on the side of the brick box, but I didn't turn my head. I kept up a steady pace of throwing balloons, feeling a short breath from the grief when I saw the balloon splatter against the wall. I heard the person walking, but still didn't turn to move.

I raised my hand to throw the balloon, and felt someone gently put a hand on my wrist before the balloon could fly away. I turned around, blinking new angry tears away as I looked up into Edward's face.

"Bella," he said, his voice filled with a soft understanding, the understanding itself making his tone sad and grieving. I looked down and Edward took the balloon out of my hands, gently dropping it into its crate. I sniffled as Edward held my face in his hands, wiping the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. I turned away from him, grabbing a balloon.

I stared at it, feeling unexplainable anger swell up in me as I spoke. Then I chucked it at the wall, tears threatening to spill over again. I sniffled, grabbing another balloon. And another. And another. And another.

Finally, Edward's hand grabbed the balloon from me.

"Bella," he said, more determinedly, "You know how terrified I got when your neighbor told me you went up to the roof?"

I looked away again, selfishly shying away from his pain because I just couldn't take that too.

"Granted, balloons are safer than jumping, but neither one helps anything," Edward said dryly.

"Nothing helps," I said glumly, frowning at my bare toes.

"I know."

He did.

"Things are out of our hands," Edward said with a sad sigh, "Tearing yourself apart with anger or sadness or emptiness won't make anything better."

"Happiness just doesn't seem right, joy doesn't either, and normalcy is just wrong," Edward continued, "There are no emotions for us to feel. And I know it hurts. Suffocates…"

I clutched the sides of his shirt, pulling him to me and burying my face in his chest. He put his arms around me, despite that fact I was half-drenched and cold. I squeezed my eyes shut, imagining everything was just slipping away from underneath us.

"I just feel so helpless and broken, like someone ripped something right out of my gut," I grumbled into his shirt, "And I'm _angry_. Furious, sometimes. I want everything to be fine and great and wonderful and just like things were before. Maria, she doesn't deserve to die. She doesn't deserve.. she shouldn't- I want…I want…I want…"

Edward sighed, burying his face in my neck. He held me tighter.

"I know," he breathed, "I know, I know, I know."

"Edward," I said, his name coming out like a half-strangled sob, "What are we going to do?"

He was quiet.

"I don't know."

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_Have you heard the news that you're dead?  
No one ever had much nice to say  
I think they never liked you anyway  
Oh take me from the hospital bed  
Wouldn't it be grand to take a pistol by the hand  
And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?_

_-"Dead!" by My Chemical Romance_

Maria

My dad was talking with some Best Buy attendant, and I glanced over at him from my spot by the video games aisle. I glanced at my surroundings once more before slinging the plastic guitar over my shoulder. I chose a song with the green button, smiling a little when the first drum beats thudded on the screen and the notes began streaming.

Red, green, red, red, red, red, red, yellow blue yellow blue, green, green, green, green…

I focused on the notes, listening to the music, and when there was a short break in the notes, I flipped my hair over my shoulder. I glued my eyes to the colors, so much in a daze that I'm not sure I was thinking about anything except the notes. It felt nice, not being suffocated by my own thoughts. It was also nice to not blink, not seeing the needles and surgeon masks on the inside of my eyelids.

But then I realized I hadn't noticed dad walk up to me. He cleared his throat and I jumped in surprise, pausing the song. I looked up at him, at his tired eyes and pieces of grey hair in his blonde hairdo. I tried to smile at him when he grimaced at the name of the song. Maybe an innocent smile could get me off the hook just this once…

"Why are you playing that song?" he asked, looking pained.

"I like this song," I said.

"'Dead'?" he quoted sourly, raising his eyebrows.

"It's not really…um…about dying," I tried feebly.

Please don't bring me home. Please don't bring me home. Please don't bring me home. I want to stay here and play Guitar Hero. Please please please please please.

As he looked at me, he could see the pleading in my eyes and he sighed in surrender. He tucked my hair behind my ear, looked at me once more, and walked away.

I continued playing. I didn't really see significance in the title. It didn't reflect any of my emotions, nor did the lyrics really. But there was just something about it that made me feel like I wasn't really here, in this dismal Best Buy store by the numerous Mortal Kombat video game cases. I was somewhere else with music and stage lights and crowds of people screaming the words to the songs I knew. Somewhere. Somewhere where things like titles and lyrics didn't seem to matter.

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_And with a sad hard heart I say bye to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
And like a baby boy I never was a man  
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands  
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"  
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"_

_-"Hate Me" by Blue October_

Edward

I felt the familiar smell of hospital wash over me as I breathed in. A mix of sour despair, along with the dry, shaky taste of hope. It was dusty and anxious, littering the air like tiny pieces of floating paper.

What did I ever see in hospitals, anyway?

I watched a nurse in pink scrubs push an elderly man down the hallway in a wheelchair. He seemed to be talking with her and she was nodded, her mind clearly somewhere else. I looked at the lady behind the desk, chewing blue bubblegum obnoxiously. I glanced at the teenage boy sitting two seats away from me, fiddling his thumbs and turning his head up every time he heard a door open. A lady with a fuzzy green coat sat with her daughter, stroking the daughter's hair as she rested her head on the lady's shoulder.

Maybe the worst part was the waiting rooms. Maybe if I actually spent a good chunk of time in the waiting room, I'd change my mind about being a doctor.

I hated the term 'waiting room'. Waiting for what? You could be waiting for a lot of things. A check-up? A diagnosis? An appointment for that bruised toe you got last Wednesday? You could be waiting to die, to be quite blunt. Or you could be waiting to see which one of your loved ones died. That, I decided, might be even worse. Heart wrenching.

Waiting rooms suck.

Everyone was quiet. Even people who weren't waiting with Maria were quiet. The spirit of the waiting room drowning them too, I guess. Maria was staring at the ceiling. Carlisle, his arm around her shoulder and his other hand holding Esme's, was staring straight forwards. Esme was staring at her knees. Bella was sitting next to me, staring at our clasped hands. I was staring at the hallway.

Blank stares, sweaty palms, old magazines, and the condensed smell of hospital.

The day of the surgery, and no one had anything to say. Like all of our words were sucked out of us with a vacuum. No acknowledgements of anything, no emotions, just blank stares, sweaty palms, old magazines, and the condensed smell of hospital.

A doctor in a white coat walked into the waiting room, glancing at his clipboard and pulling a pen out of the front pocket of his white coat.

The teenage boy looked up at him. The lady and daughter looked up at him. Carlisle looked up at him. Esme looked up at him. Bella looked up at him. I looked at Maria.

Maria looked at the lady behind the counter.

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**Blech. Okay, so this was a short, semi-filler-type chapter. But it was necessary, I promise. I know that all your diligent reviews probably deserved a longer, happier chapter, but this chapter…was necessary. I'm sorry, that's obviously not a very good excuse. We're reaching the climax of the story soon, though, and it's always darkest before the dawn (QUOTE FROM THE DARK KNIGHT!).**

**I'm sorry if it was really depressing, but that's what I kept it short. I wanted to inject you with a concentrated form of sadness instead of dragging it on and on and on in five chapters. I can't **_**promise**_** that next chapter will be happier, but I'm hoping it will be longer. **

**Anyway. Songs:**

"**Kelsey" by Metro Station – first Metro Station song I ever heard, and I've adored them ever since. **

"**Dead!" by My Chemical Romance – song Maria was playing on Guitar Hero. It's a great song if you feeling like setting something on fire one day. (I love MCR way too much for my own good, by the way…)**

"**Hate Me" by Blue October – such an Edward song. Angsty, beautiful, and heart wrenching (that's a description for both the song and Edward Cullen)**

**Yes, I know this author's note was probably longer than the chapter itself…whatever. I'm a weird mood today. REVIEW BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SAVE MARIA! (if you don't wanna save her…then…um…review anyway.)**


	22. The Gonna Be Okays

**.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight. Not mine. Jasper. Mine. Just kidding. I wish he was. Nothing's mine. Because I'm not a genius. Sigh. Pitifulness.**

**A/N: I made a name for all you lovely reviewers who prefaced your reviews for the last chapter with: SAVE MARIA! **

**The Save Maria Brigade! Haha, maybe that's just what I'll call all you beautiful reviewers from now on. **

**Love you. Really. This chapter's crazy. Grab onto your seats. Unless, of course, you're one of those people who like throwing their hands up in roller coasters…**

**In that case, wave those hands like crazy. **

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I ripped up the napkin slowly, tearing it into tiny little pieces on the table I was sitting at with Edward. Edward was spinning the straw in his glass of water, gazing up at the ceiling. We had just left the hospital after waiting there for a few hours. I was dirty, gross, tired, anxiety-ridden, and nervous. Edward wasn't any better.

We decided, after many persuasions from Esme who was worried sick about both Edward and I and Maria, to go eat something at the diner nearby. Maria had been in surgery for a few hours, but I didn't dwell on that thought much.

In fact, I turned my jittery, anxious thoughts back to the task of ripping my napkin into shreds. I sighed and looked up at Edward, who I now realized was looking at me instead of the ceiling.

He pushed his glass of water towards me wordlessly, probably noting that mine was empty.

I took a wordless sip and pushed it back to him. I stared at the table. We were still waiting for our food to arrive.

"We should go home and take a shower," Edward noted with a sigh, "Esme promised to keep us updated in case anything…happens."

I nodded, still staring blankly at the table.

"After we eat, of course," Edward added. I sort-of-kind-of-not-really smiled. Not really. I moved the corners of my lips up about a millimeter.

Edward grabbed my hand. I looked up at him now. He opened his mouth, and then shut it. His fingers were rubbing soothing circles on the top of my knuckles as he stared into my eyes. He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on my lips and I sighed contentedly as a thank-you.

I looked up at the windows in the front of the diner. People walking by, strollers pushed along, voices flittering over the glass in jumbled words, mouths moving and laughing, smiles growing.

Where does anyone go from here?

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I held Edward's hand as we walked to his apartment, thinking about Maria's too-calm face before the doctor led her away from us. Thinking about her hugging me and wondering how she wasn't a nervous wreck. I know both Edward and I felt guilty for not sitting in that waiting room. I know we both shouldn't have cared whether or not we rotted away. But Maria would, and I guess that's why we left for a little while.

We walked silently. There was still nothing to say. Still nothing.

After cleaning up, freshening up, and doing other things that didn't really matter, I wanted to go back to the hospital, because I just couldn't stand the anxiety of doing nothing anymore. Edward agreed, but said he'd meet me there.

He had to do something first.

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Edward

I pushed the door open, feeling self conscious already as an ash-y, thick scent washed over me. It was quiet inside, dimly lit with dusty shadows and filmy window shades. Not too big or extravagant with tall, out-of-this world stained glass. Plain, simple, and yet still so…surreal.

I felt out of place and shaken. I looked up at the silent statue that was standing behind the altar. Mother Mary? I couldn't really tell. It was marble, and she had her hands held out in front of her, as if welcoming into a hug. Her face was calm, knowing, and peaceful all at the same time. Behind her, on the wall, was a wooden, carved cross.

I shut the door behind me softly, walking slowly. There were people seated in the pews. Couples, men, women, girls, boys. Some had their heads bowed, others with their eyes upwards, and some with their eyes shut and their lips murmuring prayers. It was quiet, and I slowly walked into an empty pew. I can't remember the last time I stepped foot in a church.

Sitting down, I looked around to see if anyone was watching me. When I saw that no one was, I pushed my hair out of my face and knelt slowly onto the kneelers in front of the pew. I sighed a shaky breath, shutting my eyes and clasping my hands together.

_Okay, God. Um…I don't really know how to do this prayer sort of thing…but…er…How've you been, lately?_

I listened to the silence answer my question. I looked up at Mother Mary, her marble arms still outstretched. I tried again.

_Dear, God. _

I stopped again, feeling idiotic and desperate at the same time. I sighed.

_Maria needs…I need, your help. I can't…I don't know how or rather…I don't know _what_ I should do. I feel totally useless and at the mercy of this…this _being_ that just seems to control every aspect of my life and…um…well, I guess that being is you? Ugh. I don't know- I'm just- I can't-_

I rubbed my eyes, opening them and taking a deep breath. I looked at the little boy sitting two pews in front of me. He was shutting his eyes, a small smile on his face as his head tipped towards the ceiling. As if he was basking in something. His family sat beside him, his mother with her eyes closed, looking tired, and his father with his eyes shut too, a hard expression on his face.

One more try.

_There are-probably-a lot of prayers out there from people like me who…need your help. And, I guess they're all pretty important. How do you chose? How do you chose whose life to save or whose day to brighten? Chance? Luck? A whole master plan laid out in front of you like a map? Is Maria destined, on this map, to…to…to die?_

_Look. I just…Maria _is_ an angel. I know it sounds messed up and clichéd and all pitiful and everything, but that is just the way I see it. And you…I'm begging you to not take her away from me. I am literally on my knees. I will do anything. I will go to church every Sunday, pray every night, actually do that whole fasting thing during Lent, and I'm-_

_I know I'm selfish and greedy and way better off than most of the people in this world. I have no right to ask for a miracle after all the good fortune I've had. But I…_

_I'm hurting, all right? I'm in pain. I know Maria should belong in heaven, a guardian angel for someone, but if there is any way she could just…be with me, me and my family… I could-I…please. Please, don't take her from me._

I blinked my eyes open, realizing my eyes were squeezed too tightly shut and tears were welling up. I rubbed my forehead, breathing and sitting back onto the seat of the pew.

Up in the front of the church, an old lady was crying. Next to her, the priest wearing his stole, held her to her.

"It's going to be all right," I heard him whisper softly, the only voice in the church.

It's going to be all right.

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Maria

It _felt_ like I had woken up. My eyes sprung open, just the same, but the scene around me didn't look happy at all. Did they even know I was awake?

I started to get scared when I realized everything was muted. Nurses were shouting things, waving and wheeling in carts. The surgeon was barking orders, his mask moving around, but there were no sounds. I couldn't even hear myself breathing. Had the surgery made me go deaf?

I sat up abruptly, my shoulder brushing straight through the surgeon's face. I gasped.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Bellow me, was…well, me. An unconscious me. A 'real' me, with the surgery incision all bloody and open and my eyes shut. I cringed, looking down at myself. I had a slightly bluish tinge, my hospital gown still on, but no incision. I rolled my eyes at the unbelievable-ness of this entire event. An hour into surgery and I was already- This can't be happening. I hid my bluish face in my bluish hands.

Was I like…a ghost? I stood up from the surgery bed, watching everything go by in silence. I looked at the machine next to the surgical bed, a red line running across the screen where I supposed my heartbeat once was. I watched the sweaty surgeon bark more orders and nurses run in. I swiped my hand through the arm of the surgeon, who appeared to be unaffected.

Great. I was dead. I was dead and I was a ghost. This was going to just _kill_ my mom and dad, and Edward, and Bella, and Ryan, and-

"I must say, for such a small little girl, you sure have caused a deal of ruckus," a voice from behind me said.

I spun around, only to see that no one was there.

"Hello?" I tried weakly.

"I can't even begin to tell you all the messages I've gotten," the voice said again, this time to my left. I turned around, jumping when I saw a young man with dark black hair standing next to me. He was in a business suit, his black tie loose, and had a slight blue color to him, just like mine. Except his wasn't a tint, it was more like a glow. He had hazel eyes, and he turned to smile at me, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Oh- Oh, wow, you can't be serious," I said, shaking my head, "Clearly, I'm…dreaming, right? I'm dreaming. I'm unconscious and I'm dreaming."

The man shrugged, digging in his pocket for something. His face was determined, biting on his tongue as he searched around in his pocket.

"What- am I- is this real right now? Am I really dead?" I demanded, "And you- are you like, God or something?"

"Well, you _could_ be dreaming, but-"

"I'm dead. Oh great, oh great, oh great. I'm dead, and I'm- I'm-"

"-I'm clearly not God."

I blinked up at him.

"I'm dreaming. Am I? No, I'm definitely dreaming," I stated after a pause, "Things like this don't just _happen_ in…in-"

"I'll tell you, kid, all I've gotten all day are prayers from half the city, pleading for you to get better," the man interrupted, smiling at something on his…iPhone? Does God have an iPhone?

"Prayers? So you _are_ God?" I squeaked. The man laughed, tucking his iPhone away in his pocket.

"I'm…his messenger. Sort of. I don't know, really," the man mused, turning his head to smile at me slightly, "Why? Do I _look_ like God?"

"I don't know…what he looks like…"

"Neither do I."

I blinked at him.

"This is…ridiculous. Can you just tell me what's going on?"

The man sighed, looking at his iPhone _again _before putting it back in his pocket.

"You're dying, Maria," he said with a sad smile, "Sort of. You're not completely dead, but…you're this way, this 'unreal' sort of way, because you are dying. Your soul is…separating from your body. Not completely, but…"

I looked down at my feet, watching the doctors trying to restart my heart.

"Is this what happens to everyone when they're dying?" I asked.

"Maybe. Sometimes the process is much quicker."

"So that's it, then? I just wait here until…until my soul completely leaves my body?"

"Or completely goes back."

I shook my head, murmuring, "This isn't happening."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Even I can't tell sometimes."

"So then…if I'm not dead, then why are you here?"

"I don't…really know, actually. I just go to where my messages tell me to go," the man said, waving his iPhone at me, "It'll give me a message telling me what to do next. When the time is right, of course."

I frowned.

"What are you?" I asked, looking at the blue-glowing man, "Are you…dead? Like, were you ever a real person?"

"Maybe," the man laughed, "I _think_ I was. Everything's a bit foggy after a century or two."

I turned my gaze to my bloody, mangled body be still as the doctors fluttered around it. I shut my eyes and cringed. I couldn't watch my body die.

"Here, come with me," the man said, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I don't think you want to stay here."

I followed him, walking past nurses and doctors, and then out the door. We walked down the hallway, people moving around in silence. I looked down until we got to the waiting room.

"That's your family?" he asked, gesturing to three people in the waiting room, "You could…go back to the operating room if you don't want to…watch them."

"It's fine," I choked out, not sure watching their pain was any better than watching my own.

Bella was sitting there, holding hands with my mom. My dad had his arm around my mom, a worried look on his face as the doctor stood in front of them, probably explaining what was going on with me. I watched tears stream my mom's face, my dad gripping her shoulders as Bella looked up at the doctor with disbelief and shock coloring her pale face. She squeezed her eyes shut, slowly looking down at the floor.

Someone came walking behind her. It was Edward, and when he saw the doctor standing there, he hurried his pace, glancing worriedly at our parents and then at Bella. He crouched down and held her hand tightly. He looked up at the doctor. The doctor appeared to be explaining the same thing to Edward.

Edward shook his head, determination on his face. He enveloped Bella into a hug, her shoulders shaking with sobs. He stroked her face and I wished I could go over and hug them. Everything was written right there: the pain, the hurt, the grief. It hurt to even watch.

_It's going to be okay_, I saw Edward mouth, _It's going to be okay_.

Bella was shaking her head into Edward's shoulder, gripping his t-shirt.

Could ghosts cry? I lifted my finger to my eyes. There was a lump in my throat, but there were no tears.

The man was looking at me sadly, his face full of empathy.

"That is your family," he said. I nodded. He opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something. Probably, 'I'm sorry'. But he stopped himself.

"They love you, clearly, and you already knew that."

I nodded again. I looked at them again.

"Look," the man said after a moment as his phone beeped.

He handed his iPhone to me silently and slowly, placing it in my palm. On the screen was a blinking 'New Message!'

"I can open this?" I asked him carefully. He nodded.

"It's a prayer. For you," he explained, "Thought you might want to read one."

I opened it cautiously. I read who it was from:

Edward Anthony Cullen.

I took in a shaky breath, reading my brother's words. My brother's prayer. His prayer for me. It made me want to cry. It made me want to scream. It made me want to throw a tantrum. It made me want to throw something. But mostly, it made my stomach drop in a painful way, like the feeling you get when you wave goodbye to someone at an airport.

How long ago was it that Edward told me to make things for myself? To not rely on prayers to get me through life? I read the prayer with a sad smile, feeling my heart being wrenched out of my ribcage. I wanted badly to stay. I didn't want to die. I wasn't ready- I hadn't done anything that…I was going to miss…_everything_. And Edward...he didn't want me to-

_Please, don't take her from me_.

I handed the phone back to the man, looking at Edward, who was holding Bella to him.

"Um…what is the doctor telling them?" I asked quickly to change the subject, wiping invisible tears from my eyes, gazing blankly at them. The man looked at me, before looking back at the doctor. He sighed.

"That…he's not sure if you'll make it through the surgery. Your body had...an unpredicted response. That his team is trying all they can to…save you."

I nodded. I was silent as I watched the muted scene. I mulled things over. I considered that everything was a dream. I considered running away, seeing what would happen if I walked out into the sunlight. What color would I turn, then? But mostly, I wanted to know what would happen…what would happen if my soul completely left my body.

"What happens if…" I trailed off, not knowing completely how to phrase the sentence. The man was looking off, his face forwards and a contemplative smile on his face. Content, calm, at peace. How?

"You know, in some ways, I think I am very much human," the man said, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, "Things that happen to me…they're just as unpredictable as the things that happen to humans. My existence, actually, is controlled by the actions of humans. I don't know what will happen next, I don't know where I will take you next, I don't even know if I'm doing my _job_ right. But I do know…I do know that, dream or no dream, real things are happening. Real, human things. And neither you, nor me, nor anyone at all, has control over them."

I gazed at the floor.

"I don't think I want to die," I breathed, my voice cracking, "I can't just…I don't want to leave them like that."

"Maria…for reasons I don't know," the man sighed, "You have leukemia. You just do. So there are, essentially, two paths for you: heal and live, or try and fail. The chances of either one are…hazy. Not exact. It is a real, human thing."

"So I don't have control over it."

"No."

I fiddled with the hem of my hospital gown.

"But," he continued, "You do have a say."

"A say?"

His phone beeped, interrupting what he was going to say. He raised his eyebrows at whatever was on the screen.

"Huh. Weird," he said, furrowing his eyebrows. I felt myself being pulled away, as if my feet were gliding back on the glossy floor. I panicked, looking up at the man. His hands were in his pockets and his face was blank, maybe even a bit confused.

"What's going on?" I asked, worried.

"I don't know," he replied, a bit distant.

"Will I remember? Wherever I go right now? Will I remember?"

The man shrugged, looking up at the ceiling and looking a bit more gold than blue.

"Strange…." he mused, crinkling his eyes upwards.

He faded out into shimmery white light, the hospital dropped from beneath me, and then…and then there was nothing.

But then there was darkness. My breath came out in a soft, slow, '_woooshh_'.

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"Maria," a voice whispered, "Maria. Maria. Maria."

The voice was getting louder. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, turning my face over into something soft.

"Is she waking?"

"I think so."

I felt a hand encase mine. A warm, soft hand. I smelt perfume, starch, crisp toast, medicine, and some dusty hospital-smell. I tried to open my mouth to say something, but my mouth was dry. My eyes felt cracked and glued close. I let out a muffled noise.

"Maria?" another voice asked, excitement coloring this one, "Maria, can you hear me?"

I pried my eyes open, my vision blurry. There was a face in front of mine, but it was blurry like a smeared painting. I blinked slowly again, the face coming into focus. It was Edward, joy and relief spreading across his face as my eyes opened.

"Maria," he sighed. I blinked, letting my lips smile as much as they could.

"Edward," I replied, my voice hoarse and thick, my lips dry and crunchy. I winced.

I struggled to sit up, taking in the scene in front of me. My mom and dad were standing to the left of my bed, hand in hand and grinning at me. Bella and Edward were on my right side, Edward's arm around Bella and her face tear-streaked and happy.

"You were crying," I accused, pointing a weak finger at Bella. She nodded, half laughing and sobbing. She held Edward closer.

"You scared me," Bella explained. I frowned, looking at my dad.

"What happened?" I asked, clueless and drawing a blank when I tried to remember anything. All I remembered was walking into the operating room…

"Something…went wrong," my dad explained, holding my hand and smiling softly, though his eyes were pained, "We almost…lost you."

I frowned.

"I almost died?" I asked. Dad looked at mom, who looked down.

"You have to go back," dad said at last, "The surgery…it didn't work. They're trying again tomorrow."

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Bella

I was kneeling on the floor, my arms on Maria's bed with my head resting on top of them. Maria stirred in her sleep, turning her face over and sighing. I watched her. The sun streamed through the thin window shades, shadowing across her pale face, sparkling in her blonde hair. Her eyelids flickered, and then stopped.

I rubbed the back of her calf soothingly through the blanket. I didn't know if I could bear it if she had to go back into that operating room. My heart clenched at the memory of the last time. When the doctor walked in, his face, his clipboard, the way he-

I shook the memory away, resting my cheek against my arm so that I was facing Maria. She was sleeping peacefully, her face thin and fragile. She looked drained. I reached up, brushing some hair away from her face.

The moment when they told us that she was going to be okay…it was….I can't even explain it. My happiness and relief gushed out of me like I had been holding in a large gust of air. I don't remember crying so much in my life.

Everything was a mess. Everything. Everything, everything, everything. Why, why, why?

And she was going back? Walking back into that damn room? It didn't seem fair. But it had to be done. Right? She had to be healed? There was no other way.

I felt the bed shift and I turned to my left, seeing Edward resting his face and arms on the bed the same way I was. He looked up from Maria, staring into my eyes. He was, before, resting in the arm chair in the room. I guess he woke up. I wonder how long ago that was… did he see me crying again?

He brushed some drying tears off my cheeks. I closed my eyes and let him embrace me. I held him to me, needing to feel that _something_ was real. That under all these things that no one could control…there was Edward. And I couldn't control him, but he was still there. And I didn't know why, but he just was.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered into my hair, "It's going to be okay."

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**So, maybe now's the time I apologize for another slightly-weird chapter…**

**Sorry. I just didn't want to handle the whole hospital scene thing the old-fashioned way. I like to think of it as an innovation, but I do recognize that it can also be seen as crazy. Hopefully, you'll just run with it. I'm taking a leap here, bigger than Outlooker POV, but same sort of concept. Feel free to ask me questions in your reviews. **

**Take it easy on me, folks. The story is moving, and this chapter took me a while to get started. And when things take a while, it's because my gut is telling me to do something crazy. I followed my gut: hopefully the damn thing got me somewhere. **

**Review. You know you want to. Tell me how much you hate me for making Maria go back into surgery. Or how much you love me for keeping her alive thus far. **

**Whichever. I'll love you anyway. I have unconditional love when it comes to my faithful reviewers. **


	23. Freedom Smoothies

**.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**A/N: alskdjfh! Couldn't decide between right and wrong in this chapter. Eh…all of you pretty much wanted to save Maria (obvious..), but you know how much I hate conventional and how much I embrace controversial.**

**Oh well. I guess you'll just read and find out.**

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Edward

I stroked Bella's hair softly as we watched Maria through the door. We stood a few feet away, giving the nurse some space as she drew blood from Maria. Maria was gazing blankly out the window, her face sallow and her eyes lifeless. She hadn't talked much since the last attempt at her surgery, but then again, neither had we. I spent most of my nights sitting by Maria's hospital bed, reading poems from her poem book as her eyes fluttered close. Right before, right before she went to sleep, a small smile grew on her lips. And then…then, it was gone.

The nurse left, patting Maria's head lovingly, and Maria turned her gaze to her hands. She turned her hands around on her lap. Slowly, she looked up at us with those heartbreakingly lifeless eyes.

"How long," she whispered, her voice hoarse and dry.

"A few hours," I replied, dropping my arm so that I was holding Bella's hand. We walked into her hospital room, where someone had brought two chairs in for Bella and I, and then later for Carlisle and Esme. Esme was an emotional wreck, and she didn't want to scare Maria by crying around her. Thoughtful, but useless.

Maria's watched tons of people in her life cry over her.

I sat down and Bella sat next to me, her eyes looking calmly at Maria. Peaceful, almost.

I could tell Maria about the exact process of her surgery. How they were going to try a different approach. How this time was somehow safer. How she was going to be okay. I was a doctor in training. I could talk for hours. And Maria…Maria might smile, nod, maybe even blink. But she wouldn't care. It was 'risky' nonetheless. It was 'life threatening' nonetheless.

And as Maria sat there with her eyes glued on her hands, I could see thoughts drift across her face. Like filmy, thin shadows. What she wanted to do. What she should have done. Where she'll be tomorrow. If she'll even be _anything _tomorrow. Then I found myself looking at my hands too, because somehow I just couldn't watch those thoughts cross over Maria's sullen face. Because then they might cross mine.

We didn't say anything. Sun drifting across the windows, over our faces in an oddly-grey color. The tiny clock clicking in the corner, screaming in our ears. Muffled words outside, the sound of wheelchairs squeaking across the floor, the sound of doctors and nurses running, and then…the sound of silence.

I still wasn't ready to let go.

But someone somewhere had planned things differently. And as I looked at Maria's pale face, it's like they were whispering in my ear,

"_You better get ready_."

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Bella

It hurt the same way as it did before when they wheeled Maria into the operating room. Hurt the same when she faked a smile. When she didn't bother waving, because she still didn't want to say goodbye. It hurt worse to see her look away again.

I listened blankly to the doctor explaining things to Carlisle and Esme. Esme with her arms locked around Carlisle. Carlisle looking business-like with nods and empty eyes.

I still wasn't ready to let go.

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Ryan

I ran into the hospital room, bursting by people with papers and clipboards and jars of some grey-looking thing. They shouted at me, asking what some kid with the crazed face was doing running around the hospital unsupervised. I ignored them, hopping over things that I spilled and looking forwards when people gave me dirty glares. My jacket was falling off my arms more as I ran faster.

She didn't want me to come here because she didn't want me to see her like this.

She didn't want me to come here because she was afraid I'd be scared or sad.

I came anyway, because, well, I was already scared. I was already sad. I already didn't want to see her all connected to tubes or whatever. But I still wanted to see _her_.

I still wasn't ready to let go.

"Ryan!" I heard my babysitter call out, probably worried and confused. I broke off into a run about five blocks away from the hospital. She was _supposed_ to be taking me to the park. She was worried about her job. Money. Maybe me a little bit.

Finally, I saw familiar blonde hair on the pillow of a hospital bed that was being wheeled out of a room.

"Maria!" I called out, not thinking. Maria looked up, her eyes shocked. Her face lit up momentarily as she saw me, and then she was worried, and then she was sad, and then she looked away.

"What's this kid doing here?" some guy in a white coat asked, gesturing to me with his clipboard.

"Wait, stop," Maria said, her voice weak, but loud enough to make them stop wheeling the bed. I caught up to the bed, standing by it and catching my breath.

"Ryan, I told you not to-"

"I know. But I…wanted to come anyway."

Maria smiled a little, and then her eyes were sad again. I hesitantly and awkwardly held her hand. She smiled again, this time it was a little weaker, like she was going to miss holding my hand. I held her hand tighter.

"I have to go," Maria said apologetically, looking down at her lap.

"Hey! Get this kid out of here!" I heard a voice yell.

Maria looked up worriedly at something behind me and detached my hand. I felt frantic all of a sudden. Where are they taking her!?

"Ryan," she said worriedly and apologetically and some other emotion I couldn't quite name.

I felt a hand on my shoulder pull me away from the bed, but I was too stunned to shake it off.

"He's too young to be here!" some faraway voice shouted angrily. Yeah. I am too young. We're too young. Both of us. Too young for any of this. That's what they all tell me.

"She's coming back," a man's voice said calmly in my ear. I looked behind me at the man whose hand was on my shoulder. He looked familiar. Understanding dawned when he smiled comfortingly at me. A same, familiar smile. He was Maria's older brother. I didn't know what to say, so I looked down at the floor.

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Kate

"Thanks for coming, Kate," Carlisle, my boss, said with sad eyes. He held my hand in his, patting it gently with his other hand.

"No problem," I said distantly, watching them wheel Maria away. I looked at Edward, who had his hand on some little boy's shoulder. The boy looked like he was about to cry. I watched Bella walk over to the boy, standing on his other side. The boy looked up at her, and then back at the floor. Bella and Edward said something to each other, and Bella smiled a sad smile. Edward pulled Bella to him, putting his arm over her shoulder.

"She's going to be okay this time, right?" I asked Carlisle, who was watching the hallway where Maria disappeared.

"Yes," Esme said from Carlisle's side, "Yes she will."

I looked at her family and her friends. Standing in all together in the waiting room. Maybe not so different after all. Maybe all just…the people who love Maria.

They didn't want to see her die. I didn't want to see her die. Everyone she met…she placed some kind of bond on them. Attaching them to her forever. A bond unbreakable.

And I was attached too.

I still wasn't ready to let go.

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Alice

I ran into the waiting room, holding Jasper's hand tightly and seeing everyone standing there already. Bella, Edward, Ryan, Carlisle, and Esme. Who was the other woman? I've seen her before. Must be the Cullens' housekeeper or cook or something. Didn't matter the title, really, because she was still there. Still waiting for Maria to come back out of the operating room with real light in her eyes. For Maria to come back alive.

Bella turned to me and we shared look that said everything. I said, '_I'm here for you. For all of you_.'

And she said, _'I know._'

Jasper held me to him, feeling my uncertainty like he always did. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. I nodded at his persuasive look. He was right. Everything was going to be fine.

Because…well…

I still wasn't ready to let go.

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Rosalie

Emmett and I walked in hesitantly. Both of us aren't the best at receiving unhappy vibes. We're generally happy people. People who like to have a good time. I wasn't quite sure how I would respond to a room full of sobbing people. But when we walked in, we didn't see sobbing people. We saw worried people. Anxious people. Somehow, though, I felt like they already knew the outcome.

Whatever that was going to be.

Emmett looked solemn and I squeezed his hand. I needed to be here. For Edward, Bella, and for Maria. Bella looked up at me when I walked in. I smiled comfortingly.

"I love you," I mouthed at her silently. She nodded, and I could already see the tears in her eyes.

"Thank you for coming," she mouthed back.

Right. Like we could keep away. Maybe Bella didn't understand my attachment to Maria either. Because, hell, _I_ couldn't understand my attachment to Maria. But it was there. And…

I still wasn't ready to let go.

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Onlooker

"Look, can I just, _please_ have the medicine?" I scowled, leaning on the counter and drumming my fingers quickly. The nurse looked like she was ready to stab me as she snapped the gum in her mouth.

"Sir, your prescription is invalid. I'm sorry, but we can't help you," the lady said with a heavy Brooklyn accent. I narrowed my eyes at her. I need the damn medicine. Ally's been keeping me off alcohol for weeks and I _need_ the stupid medicine.

Without her knowing, of course. Hey, I never said I was perfect.

"Lady, I don't think you understand what I'm-"

I cut off when my gaze caught the group of people standing in the waiting room. They weren't standing all together in a huddle or something, but I dunno, something made them seem like they were together. One unit.

Geez, I must be in a real haze today. I looked away, about to annoy the piss out of the nurse behind the counter again, but then I heard the name being said from the group in the waiting room.

_Maria_.

That name…that name…

Of course. The girl from the park! That runaway kid!

I looked up again. Everyone seemed solemn. Where was Maria? Oh no…was she-

"Sir? Hello?"

I ignored the woman behind the counter and strained my neck to see or hear what was going on. I deducted this much: Maria was there, and the group of murmuring over some sort of trouble that had to do with Maria.

"Sir, can you please leave the counter if you're not going to be needing assistance."

I didn't look at the woman, but silently walked away from the counter. I walked closer to the group, but didn't say anything. I peered down the hallway they were all looking down. No one seemed to be saying anything. I looked down the hallway and back at the people who didn't notice me just standing there randomly.

They didn't seem to want to look away.

They didn't seem to want to let go.

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The Angel

I sighed, flicking ashes off my cigarette. I put it back in my mouth and it dangled between my lips. I was leaning against the wall of the waiting room, watching Maria's family look helpless and broken. I was puzzled when some stranger walked up to the group. His shirt was messy and un-tucked and he looked like he had no idea where he was going. I ignored him, waiting for my phone to ring.

Funny how Maria's family was, in a way, waiting for the same thing.

I crossed my arms and smoked. I hadn't needed a smoke in a long time. Not that smoking actually hurt me, though, because angels don't really get lung cancer. Maybe I had been a smoker when I was a human. Who cares. No one can see me anyway.

I loosened my tie and looked at my watch. Then I looked at Maria's determined family. The stubborn and steadfast vibes were coming off them like waves and I was practically drowning.

These people weren't going to give up. I checked my phone again before looking past the hallway in a way that Maria's family couldn't. I watched the surgery on Maria again, but somehow, I couldn't watch it either. It made me anxious, waiting for the call and watching the answer come closer and closer with every incision they made on Maria's body.

I looked at Maria's family and felt a surge of pity. Of sadness. Was I attached? I'd like to think that I wasn't, but come on, I needed a _smoke_. I took the cigarette out of my mouth and looked at it with puzzlement. Why did I need a smoke?

Suddenly my phone rang and I answered it, still looking at my cigarette.

"They're not letting go," I said into the phone before anyone could say anything, "This Maria kid is something else."

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Edward

I felt exhilaration. Excitement. Joy. Happiness.

And she wasn't even awake yet. But she wasn't dead. And she was _pink_. She wasn't pale and she only had an oxygen mask over her mouth. Her eyes were closed and she was peaceful. Everyone from the waiting room was in her bedroom. I'm pretty sure this went against some hospital rules…but we didn't care. And I think maybe the hospital made an exception because there were enough people in Maria's room to start an angry mob.

I gripped Bella's hand. No one was talking, and I think some people were even holding their breath. I could only see Maria. I could only feel my heart beating. I could only feel Bella's hand tighten around mine.

Things were flashing before my eyes. As if it was _me_ who was at risk of dying. The first time Maria went on the monkey bars, Maria crying when her first fish died, the day I got her a set of speakers that she still owned, walking by the closed door of her room and still hearing her voice singing over her music, her first ballet performance, and the first day she and I met Bella.

Maria was my sister. One of my best friends. A girl I couldn't live without. If she knew that…then she wouldn't leave me. She wouldn't let me fend for myself. She couldn't. I needed Maria.

The truth hit me hard: I'm the older brother, and _I_ needed _her_.

We're very dependant creatures. People are in general. We'd like to think otherwise…but, there's always _something_ within our grasp that we like to hold on to. And I, one of the most dignified and maschocistic guys I know, was dependant on Maria. I needed her laugh, her smile, her very being. Maybe she stood for something in my mind. Hope. Happiness. Joy. Innocence. Or maybe she didn't.

Maybe she was just…Maria.

Slowly, like everything was happening in slo-mo, Maria's eyes fluttered open for the second time in too-short-a-time-period. Her eyes took in the scene around her and everyone gasped in joy and excitement and every other emotion used to describe happiness. Her eyes were blank and confused as everyone suddenly flurried around her with kisses and hugs and words of excitement. She scanned the room, looking at the tears streaming down Bella's face, the happy sobs shaking Esme, and everyone's slowly falling tears.

Even mine.

And in this room of crying people, people who loved Maria and couldn't believe she was finally free, Maria finally understood. Her eyes lit up.

And she smiled.

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Bella

The picnic was alive and chattering, splashing around in the happiness and freedom of Maria's surgery long gone. Esme held on to her almost the entire time, and Maria was beaming. Not grinning all the time, but there was a glow off her face. A genuine sunshine. A tinge that I noticed from the first time I met her. Everyone talked and laughed and joked and ate and we just…were.

There was Alice with Jasper, who was throwing something at Emmett, who was catching the thing that was thrown, probably eating it, and then kissing Rosalie on the cheek. There was Maria on Carlisle's shoulders, later on Edward's shoulders, soon being swung in Jasper's arms, after on Emmett's back, and then she was holding my hand.

She talked with Ryan, whose parents talked to Carlisle and Esme. She talked with Edward, sitting on his lap at the picnic table as they ate watermelon together. She talked with me, sitting on the grass and eating our ham sandwiches as Edward 'accidentally' threw the Frisbee in our direction. And then she looked up at the sun, as if she was still so awed by everything that was happening.

It was freedom. Maybe not the condensed form, but it was there. Washing through her hair, playing across her face, dancing on her fingers, and shining in her eyes. She had the world in front of her, Edward on her left, me on her right, and everyone else standing behind us.

"Do you ever think…." she began, playing with the grass as we sat barefoot in Central park next to the picnic table.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you ever wonder why it was….me," she asked sheepishly, looking down at the grass, "Why I…got to live."

"Maybe it's because you're Maria," I said with a smile, "Maybe it's because you're a vibrant, beautiful, strong, smart, wonderful girl who's going to change the world. And we can't let someone that wonderful just…leave. Right?"

"I guess," Maria said, smiling, "I'm going to change the world?"

"Yeah," I said with a laugh, looking out at the sky, "You really will."

There was a brief silence and Maria scooted closer to me. She rested her head on my shoulder and I rested my head on top of hers. We let the sun shine over us, warming us on this winter day. We let it swallow us. Let the world just, for once, take its course while we just sat by because today was _Maria's_ day and we were going to leave tomorrow for tomorrow.

She was free. She had all the time in the world. She could go on without _anything_ keeping her back. Walk into the horizon. Dance in the rain. Maybe move a mountain or two. She was ready.

"You know," Maria said teasingly with a sigh, "You're pretty cool for a babysitter."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you're pretty cool for a spoiled, snot-nosed kid."

"Oh yeah?" Maria mocked with a giggled.

"Yeah."

Edward

I watched my two favorite girls in the whole wide world sitting on the grass and resting their heads together. I felt myself smile and I looked up at the sky. And that someone somewhere who was whispering before? They were silent. Quiet. Surprised that things hadn't gone their way.

"Sorry," I said, whispering at that someone as I looked up at the sky, "Things are just a bit different when it comes to Maria."

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**Awww! Last chapter, lovies. It's a happy-sad sort of feeling, I know. I'll probably post an epilogue, but it's basically over now. So, I just want to give a shout out to everyone who helped me along the way with this. People who pushed me when I just wanted to drop the story and run, and my constant reviewers who made me smile and laugh. I can't wait to start a new story with you all and hopefully (I know I always say this..) I'll be better at updating. **

**Practice makes perfect!**

**Thanks a million, and I hope you all enjoyed the story!**

**Peace out,**

**Ahemyywe150**


	24. Fluffy Endings: The Epilogue

**.**

**Disclaimer:**

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A knock on the glass had me and everyone else in the office, looking up from our conversations. My eyes widened and I shook my head furiously as everyone began whispering.

Edward grinned.

More whispering from behind me and I squeezed my eyes shut. I opened them, glaring daggers at Edward who never looked more amused in his life.

I sliced my finger across my neck, gesturing for him to _cut it out_. He mouthed at the window with a devilish smile, "can I come in?"

"Bella, who is that?" my mom's secretary, Bertha, asked. Everyone turned around so their backs weren't facing me anymore and I quickly stopped mouthing profanities at Edward.

"I have no idea," I said, trying to be nonchalant as I flipped through a magazine.

I was in Renee's office, waiting to visit her in the waiting room. I really should have come at a different time. I also _really_ shouldn't have told Edward. He's been bugging me about meeting her. Jerk.

The rest of the people in the waiting room, including Renee's patients and staff, kept whispering as Edward grinned at me through the glass. They looked back from me to him.

"Um…do you want me to call the cops?" Bertha asked, giving Edward a wary look. I tried to keep the smile from coming onto my face. Yes! Call the cops! That'll teach him!

"Could you?" I asked, trying to look scared. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's face grow confused and suspicious. I bit my lip to keep from smiling.

Bertha picked up the phone and the door opened.

Damnit.

"Bella," Edward said, smirking at my angry face.

"Excuse me, sir," Bertha said as I almost broke into laughter, "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, I'm Bella's boyfriend."

Everyone looked at me. I blushed bright red.

"Bertha, I don't know what this man is talking about," I tried to explain even though my blush had already given me away.

"She didn't want me to come over because she doesn't want me to meet her mother yet," Edward explained, making me blush a deeper red.

"Oh Bella," Bertha sighed, laughing, "Renee's not going to scare the poor boy away!"

"Yes she will," I said through my teeth. The waiting room tittered, used to my antics by now. Edward chuckled and I shot him a dirty glare.

"Come on, sweetheart, I'll get your mother for you," Bertha said, picking up the phone. I opened my mouth but Edward was already over at my side, sitting next to me and placing an arm on my shoulder.

"Thank you," he said with a charming smile that had some female patients shifting in their seats. Bertha just laughed and nodded, seeing as she was already married and older than Renee.

"I'm going to hurt you," I muttered, glaring at him as he grinned still. Unfortunately for me, our faces were closer than I had expected and my thoughts went a bit blurry. Still. Gr. We've been together for a year and a half now and I'm _still_ not over that fluttery, high-school-girl crush stuff.

"Please," he teased in a whisper as I blushed. He laughed.

"You must have met her before," I said.

"Yeah, but not as your boyfriend."

"She's going to eat you."

"Right," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

"Why do you want to meet her so badly?" I groaned.

"You've met my family!"

"Yeah, well, that's different."

"It's not. And it's only fair. Plus, I'm curious."

"Aren't you always?"

"Isn't that why you love me?"

"No."

"Oh right, you love me because I'm devastatingly beautiful."

I elbowed him and he laughed again.

"Bella," Bertha called, "Your mother will see you now."

I felt like a patient when she said that. A patient ready to go see Dr. Frankenstein. I wasn't going to get up, but Edward grabbed my hand and brought me to my feet. He thanked Bertha as we walked through the hall down to my mom's office.

The door was already open and Renee was already grinning and clasping her hands together.

"You two look so perfect together," she gushed. I turned beet red and almost turned around to walk back out, but Edward put a hand on my back and turned me forwards.

"A quick hello _only_," I ground out in a low voice to Edward who rolled his eyes at me.

"Hi mom," I said, smiling tightly at my mother. She rushed up and gave me a hug, kissing me on my forehead.

"Good to see you, baby," she said, patting my cheek lovingly. And then her attention, predictably, moved to the fine specimen of man next to me.

"And this must be Edward, right?" she said, grinning at him.

"Yes, I'm-" Edward began but Renee cut him off.

"Bella's told me so much about you! Gosh, she was right, you _are_ handsome! Bella, your description didn't do this man justice!"

"Mom-" I cut in, embarrassed as Edward gave me a sly look.

"I can't believe Bella's never had us properly introduced!" she said to Edward. She patted Edward's cheek with her hand and she wonders why.

I met with Renee every few weeks or so just to catch up and chat. I really did love her. But sometimes she was too much. Like, for example, right now.

Edward was smiling, which was a good sign. I'd worry once he started wigging out and running from the room screaming.

"It's nice to meet you too, Dr. Swan," Edward said. Renee immediately scoffed.

"Renee, sweetie, call me Renee," she insisted.

"All right, mom, don't suffocate him," I said, grabbing his arm, "He just wanted to meet you quickly. He has to go. Right, Edward?"

I gave him a pleading look and he raised an eyebrow. He turned to Renee.

"Unfortunately, I do have to get going," he explained, "But I do hope we get to know each other more at some other time."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to lunch with Bella and me?" Renee asked.

"He's sure," I interrupted. Edward stifled a laugh and Renee smiled kindly.

"That's too bad," she said, "But it was a pleasure talking to you, Edward."

"You too, Renee."

My face was permanently died red. Like Michael Jackson. Except with red bleach instead of white.

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Edward peppered my face with kisses as I sat with my arms crossed, stubbornly staring at the TV.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered with a smile in his voice, clearly not _that_ sorry, "I just wanted to meet her."

I was silent.

"You're not going to talk to me all night?"

Nope. Look how cold my shoulder is, Edward.

He chuckled, his breath floating across my skin as I fought back a shiver and a sigh. He peppered kisses down the side of my neck, slowing down once he got to my collarbone. He was trying to get a reaction out of me. I was trying to keep my shoulder icy.

He ran his fingers down the sides of my arms, kissing where my neck met my ear. He kissed under my jaw. I gripped the sheets and he noticed because I felt him smile into a kiss on my temple. He put his hands on either side of face, steadying me as he kissed the corner of my mouth.

"If I kiss you, you won't kiss me back?" he asked, amused. I didn't respond, pretending I didn't even notice him there.

His finger ran over my upper lip and I wanted to melt into his touch.

Icy, Bella. Think cold.

Edward's knuckles were cold as they brushed gently across my cheek…

Stop! Bella! Have some control!

Then his lips were on mine and my initial reaction was to grab his hair and kiss him back. My lips twitched to move closer to Edward when he pulled away, my lower lip trapped between his smooth lips.

"Hmm," Edward said, inspecting my face. His crooked smile was suddenly in focus and I quickly had to refocus to the people on screen. Fez is talking in that funny accent, Hyde's got his hands on his hips and-

Edward kissed slowly up my neck before taking my earlobe between his teeth. I gasped out of instinct and Edward's eyes looked up with his face buried in my neck, triumphant as his arms were wrapped around my waist. He began to grin and was _going_ to say something, but I jumped on him, pinning him to the bed with my hands on his shoulders and my legs straddling him.

He looked surprised, but my need to kiss him was stronger than my need to care. I smothered his lips with mine, kissing him hungrily as he let out a small moan. He put his hands on my hips, steadying me as I kissed him. I pulled back and put my forehead on his. I glared at him as he laughed an out-of-breath laugh.

"You're cruel," I stated, wiggling my hips as punishment. His eyes went wide and he gripped my waist tighter to keep me from moving like that.

"Bella-" he began, his voice throaty.

"You know, I thought maybe you got over that whole embarrassing me thing, but I guess _not_," I said, wiggling again on the word 'not', "Now all the staff and Renee's patients think I'm crazy!"

I wiggled again and suddenly I was on my back, Edward above me with his hands on either side of my head. He shifted so not all of his weight was on me, but his expression was hungry. Oopsie…did I do that? I feigned innocence.

His lips were on mine and his hands knotted in my hair. It was my turn to let out a small moan. He pulled back too soon.

"I think you've been too worried about you somehow scaring me away in one way or another," he said, kissing my neck as I gripped his shoulders, "Like when you wouldn't let me read your diary."

"That's a _diary_!" I insisted breathily.

"From 9th grade."

I frowned.

"I was a weird 9th grader," I mumbled. Edward kissed me again, sweeter but with passion.

"I'm not going anywhere Bella," he said into my neck, "I'm taking you and all the luggage you come with."

I sighed and Edward looked at me with sincere eyes.

"The luggage has ugly pineapples on them," I muttered half-heartedly as Edward chuckled.

"I can handle it."

"There are a lot of skeletons inside…well, you've met most of them."

"Mmmhmm," Edward said kissing my jaw softly. I sighed.

"Are you sure you want to be seen with them? They're pretty strange."

"I think you know the answer to that. I've told you a million times."

"What?" I asked, confused.

He laughed, looking free-spirited and carefree.

"I go," he said clearly and with adoration, "Where you go. Forever. Got that, Ms. Bella Swan?"

"Because you love me?" I asked in a small voice, looking up at his beautiful, joyful face.

"Of course you silly, beautiful girl," Edward laughed, kissing my nose and eyelids. I grinned. I knew that. I've known that for a while.

But a few good kisses and a whole lot of blushing can be wonderful reminders.

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**Short and fluffy and weird.**

**That's the way I take my epilogues, how about you? It's probably a good transitional, sweet kind of bridge into the sequel, but who knows. Anything can happen.**

**Anyway, if you haven't already checked out my new story, please do so! It's called Youth, Caesar, and the Neverending Needles. It's a little different than Maria because Bella and Edward are still teens, but I think you might like it if you give it a shot!**


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